Monthly Archives: August 2013

0 How to kindly reject someone online

Chicken asks: A girl found me on Instagram, and now on kik, and asked if I would date her. I don’t really know how to say no. I wouldn’t date her, but I’ve never been asked out and I don’t know how to reject… Please help!

Hi Chicken –

Rejection is a funny thing.  We all hate being rejected (oh how it hurt, especially when I was young, and I’d run up to play with people who’d push me away, or dogs who’d get angry and bark and bite at me!).  But of course we all have to do it many times (yes, even us dogs).

I think the reason people are so often afraid to reject is because they remember how much it hurt when someone rejected them.  But the truth is, the rejections that hurt the most are usually the Continue reading

1 What to do when you find your best friend is gay

lovelyme asks: I’ve been talking to a girl – as in trying to get to know each other in a passionate way. I’m not gay or a lesbian, but ironically I’m falling for a girl. We exchange few “I love you” and sweet text messages. We kissed a couple of times, and I introduced her to my family. But I’m not ready to go with a girl. Her mom doesn’t know she’s gay. What should I do? I think I kind of brought her in too deep. I like boys and I’m stuck.

Hi lovelyme –

Issues about attraction between people of the same sex were so hushed over, for so long, that today it all seems to be exploding.  Laws are changing, definitions of institutions and rights are changing, even religions are changing.  It’s huge and exciting, and I think it’s absolutely wonderful (I jump on and lick everyone, and have never cared a bit about the shape of their body!).

I bring this up because, in truth, the situation you’re in is very simple, and has nothing to do with being gay or not.  The fact is, you’re attracted to a friend, even falling for her somewhat, but you don’t want to go out with her on a committed basis.  This is about as normal as Continue reading

0 How to stop thinking about someone who’s great

Cookie Vidal asks: I just got back from camp and I can’t stop thinking about this super cute guy that I met there! How do I stop thinking about him?

Hi Cookie Vidal –

Why?

Why would you want to stop thinking about him?  If he’s that great, enjoy it!  Do you need to concentrate more?  If so, I can send you some suggestions for that.  Or do you have a boyfriend who might get jealous from you thinking about another boy this much?  Maybe I can help with that.

But in the meantime — I smelled some barbecued ribs yesterday, and am still thinking about how great they smelled, and I hope I still am tomorrow!  Handsome’s a bit annoyed that I’m drooling on everything, but other than that, having that “object of desire” in my brain is GREAT!

Cheers,

Shirelle

0 Should you date a player?

Mandhie asks: There is this guy in my school who is in the same year as me. The first day I got to the school and saw him, I had a crush on him – and I think he did too, because I noticed him staring at me. Because he is so cute, handsome, tall, and has all the features of a good-looking guy, a lot of girls like him. So far, he’s dated like four of my friends that I know; but since he saw me, he has been trying to ignore his current girlfriend (and my year group teases us both). At times, he smiles to me when they tease us, but I feel too shy to return a smile because I don’t want anything to happen between his current girlfriend and me. Now, apparently, his current girlfriend is dating another guy in the school, so my crush is happy about it and is kind of trying to get into my way, but I don’t like that idea. Though I like him, I don’t like the fact that he has dated a lot of girls and wants to date me too, because I’m not the kind of girl who doesn’t care when they are dumped in a relationship. Also, I have never dated before and have no experience. What should I do?

Hi Mandhie –

Wow, this is a great story!  Handsome likes to watch all these complex shows on TV like the one about the big old house in England, or the one about the ad agency, and this sounds like them!

And in one of those shows, you would be the heroine.

Okay, first of all, as I’ve said on here a lot, there is nothing wrong with Continue reading

0 How to treat friends who aren’t telling you everything

fourcats asks: I sent you a question about ignorance from friends, and I did what you told me, but they say there is no reason for their distance. I am scared that I will fall in trouble for a thing that I haven’t done. I saw those friends talking with our teacher about a problem, and I think that might be the reason for their behavior. How can I know whether this is my mistake or a misunderstanding about me? And how can I be friends with them again?

Hi four cats –

I am only a dog.  I have no way of knowing what your friends are thinking or feeling, or what anyone said to your teacher.

But here’s the funny thing.  At least for right now, neither do you.

Yep, that’s what I said.  You have no idea of what’s going on.  Maybe your friends are blaming you for something horrible that someone else did.  Or maybe not.  Maybe you’re in huge trouble with the teacher.  Or maybe not.  Maybe your friends have actively decided to ignore you because they are furious with you.

Or maybe not.

So here’s the weird thing about situations like this:  You can Continue reading

0 Why All These Kids?! a few suggestions for surviving parenthood

Why All These Kids?! a few suggestions for surviving parenthood

Except for letters telling me how great the website is or how cute I am (which I of course love!), the subject I get the most emails about is how difficult it is to be a parent.  Funny, isn’t it – it’s what grownups want most badly, what they spend the most money on, what they care the most about… and then it’s what they complain about the most!  (They’re so silly – what I want most badly is Pizza, what I spend the most money on is nothing, since Handsome never gives me any, and what I care the most about is… well, Pizza.  But what I complain the most about?  That’s easy!  If you can’t guess, I’ll give you a hint:  They have pointy ears, a yowling voice, and they climb trees – especially swiftly if they’re being chased by me!).

But I guess I do understand.  I’ve written on here before about how I was a very difficult puppy.  I was super-hyperactive, and full of energy all the time.  And that energy all went into one thing:  DESTRUCTION!  I destroyed a fence, clothes, plants, newspapers, and – just once – an old record album cover (Oh I still get chills when I think of how mad Handsome was about that one!).  And I was constantly biting, pulling, and scratching Handsome.  It’s just amazing he even kept me around long enough to grow up.

Really, there were only two reasons he did:  First, he had faith that I’d mature eventually.  And Second, more importantly, he Continue reading

0 How to know how to take others’ judgments on your appearance

prettyndsweet12 asks: I’ve been having insecurity issues. I feel like I’m fat, but my mom says I’m not. Is she just saying that because she’s my mom or does she mean it? Also a lot of the kids call me ugly. I don’t think I am, but I am also wondering, if I’m pretty, why don’t boys like me?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

The whole issue of when someone is “fat” or not is a really tough one.  Although health experts have ideals they push, saying that a person who’s a certain height should weigh a certain amount, those numbers are never perfect.  Some people have heavier density in their bodies – I don’t know what it is exactly; their bones weigh more than other people’s, or their organs do.  Something like that.

Then, you get the issue that different people have different ideas of what a body should look like (especially female bodies).  Probably no woman in the last century has been so idealized as Marilyn Monroe.  But her figure would be considered “fat” by a lot of people today.  And those people often idolize models who are unhealthily underweight (or who aren’t, but their photographs are altered to make them look that way!).

Now, to add to my confusion, you ask me if your mother is telling you the truth or not.  My friend, I have absolutely no idea!  Maybe your friends are being purposely mean and actually think you look fine.  Maybe they have unrealistic ideas of what your body should look like.  Maybe your mother loves you so much that she’ll always see you as perfect no matter what.  Or maybe, yes, she’s lying to make you feel better.  I have no way of knowing.

What I do know, however, is one thing:  The Continue reading