0 What to do when you worry people are talking about you behind your back?

prettyndsweet12 asks: Dear Shirelle, I’m always worried that, whenever I’m not at school, people are talking about me behind my back and sharing my secrets. Can you give me some tips on how to relax and trust people?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

This is a problem for just about everyone, including all us dogs.  You’ll see when we meet each other, our tails usually go between our legs, and we carefully walk around each other and sniff.  This answers two questions – first, have we met before (and do I remember something that tells me whether or not I should trust this dog), and second, will the dog let me get this close.  Trusting is hard, and although we want to trust that dog, we also fear that it might hurt us.  So we do the best we can.

Your situation is a little different, though.  You’re not so afraid of what someone’s going to do when you’re there as you are of what happens when you’re Continue reading

0 What does it mean when a child is moody?

mums asks: I am the mother of a 9-year-old boy. He is very good in studies but he doesn’t want to be regular in studies, and he is very moody and a fussy eater. He just likes to play on TV, computer, or his mobile phone. How should I deal with him? Sometimes it gets out of control.

Hi mums –

Most of what you say sounds like a very normal 9-year-old boy.  He’s good but inconsistent at school, a fussy eater, and would rather play on his electronic gadgets than just about anything else.  Right on schedule!

The only word you say that worries me is that he’s also “moody.”  If he were thirteen, I’d say that was normal too, but nine-year-olds aren’t usually very moody.  Do you mean that he’s kind of depressive?  Angry?  Withdrawn?

My first thought, of course, is to ask him what’s Continue reading

1 How to reduce stage fright

Sarah asks: In two weeks I am going to perform (rap) on stage and I am extremely nervous. What can I do to help me reduce that fear?

Hi Sarah –

The first – and most important – thing for you to know about this is that Stage Fright is the most common greatest fear in the human race.  Let me clarify what I mean: when people are asked in surveys “What is your greatest fear,” and there are answers like illness, death, and losing all your money, they answer “Public Speaking” more often than anything else!

We dogs don’t have as big a problem with this, because we don’t have self-awareness and self-consciousness in the way humans do (simply because our brains are smaller!).  But I sure see humans freaking out about it a lot, so I can offer you a few suggestions to help you with it (try them out and see which ones work for you, and don’t worry about the Continue reading

0 How to get a child moving in the morning

momgrt asks: Hi. I have a 5-year-old son. He is never in favor of getting ready for school. He has to be pushed for everything during the day. Let it be brushing his teeth, drinking milk, bathing, lunch, dinner, anything. Now with playing and watching TV, he is not at all like that. But he is responsible enough to finish his homework. We both (parents) are working and have to leave home at 8 am. My son’s school is at 8.15 am. So every morning is a jam-packed situation, where my son doesn’t want to get out of bed and get ready. What could be the problem? At times I end up screaming and hitting him. But it disturbs me a lot. I am afraid he won’t take me seriously otherwise.

Hi momgrt –

Okay, first things first:  Stop hitting him to get him moving.  Stop now.  It won’t do any good, it will only turn him against you, and (depending on where you live) it could even get you in trouble with the law.

All right.  So it’s possible that your son is actually suffering from some emotional disturbance, or some chemical whatever that a doctor could help with.  But before you go looking at things like that, it sounds to me like he’s just trying to create some control in his life.  You say that he’s doing all his homework, which is great (though why in the world schools feel they need to give five-year-olds homework is beyond the understanding of this mutt!).  But he needs to be able to be a Continue reading

0 Why would someone choose to sleep with wet hair?

Shira asks: My daughter wets her hair each time she takes a wash and keeps it wet without wiping. She even sleeps with wet hair, and she is having a blocked nose most of the days. Every night she is under antihistamine medicines due to this. We have tried our best to tell her not to wet the hair, but for some reason she cannot do this. Please help us to know how to correct her as it is very bad for her in the long run.

Hi Shira –

Okay, I have to admit, I am totally mystified about this!  Let me be clear, I hate baths!  I hate getting wet at all unless it’s because I’m playing and jump in the water.  And I love getting toweled off afterwards, largely because I (did I say this already) HATE baths!

So why someone would choose to stay wet, especially in bed, confuses me.

In fact, it confuses me so much that I think there has to be a Continue reading

0 What should a 13-year-old know about sex and sexuality?

ubyfaith asks: I want to know about sex and sexuality. I’m about to turn 13

Hi ubyfaith –

That is a HUGE subject, and I couldn’t begin to give you an “answer,” any more than if you asked me if I could tell you about chemistry or literature.

But there’s a very important point you bring up, which is that you’re at the age when everyone needs to learn about these things, and it’s so very important to learn truth (not myths) from the right people, in the right way.

Most people learn about these things from either their parents or biology classes in school, or a mixture of the Continue reading

0 How one can know what they’ll be when they grow up

Bright asks: When I grow up, what will I be? I am not really sure, and I don’t even really know what I like. Can you help me?

Hi Bright –

Ah, the truth is that I can’t help you decide at all.  I have hundreds of questions on my website about building one’s future, but what’s absolutely great is that you will be the one to decide for yourself!  For today, the best thing you can do is to find things that you do like, and pursue them.  Even if they’re not the things that school says are important.

Handsome really fell in love with old horror movies when he was about ten years old.  Did they get him a career, a marriage, or anything remotely like that?  Nope.  Does he think about them every day today?  Yep.  Did he totally flip out a couple of years ago when he got to meet Boris Karloff’s daughter?  You bet!  In other words, that love from his childhood has deepened and strengthened his adult life today.  And that is a great Continue reading

0 How should one learn the meaning of obscene words?

prettyndsweet12 asks: A lot of the kids at my school are older than me and use a lot of profanity and talk about mature things like sex terms. Most of the time I don’t know what there saying, but I’m too embarrassed to ask what they mean, and I’m too embarrassed to ask my mom. What should I do?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Well, I’m of three opinions here, and I can’t decide between them, so I’ll throw all of them at you and let you make your own mind up, okay?!

First – Relax.  You’ll learn what all those words mean soon enough.  In fact, you’ll eventually hear them so much that you’ll wish you didn’t know what they meant anymore!  People use bad words more than ever before – it’s not that the words are new; it’s just that people used to save them for specific times, and now they throw them around like adverbs and pronouns!  Frankly, most of them aren’t all that interesting.  So relax, and trust that, just as you once learned thousands of words just by listening to your family talk, you’ll pick up on these just fine soon.

Second – Trust your Continue reading

1 How to divorce with children

Lakshmi asks: I am a mother of an 8-year-old. Of late my husband and I are not like we used to be. We have been frequently fighting, and today he said that he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. I am confused about the kid. I am from India, where divorce is still not very well accepted. I need advice please.

Hi Lakshmi –

I’m so very sorry that you’re going through such a painful experience.  I can’t imagine many things much more difficult.

I have to admit, I’m confused on one point.  You say that you are “from India,” but are you still living there now, or have you moved to another country?  Regardless, I don’t know where you are, so I can’t comment on the specific divorce laws of that area (not that I’m any expert on any laws other than the local leash laws, which are pretty scary to me!).

But I can comment on two aspects of what you say.  Firstly, although I think it’s terrible, people often say very harsh things to their spouses, way more intense than they really mean.  When your husband said he didn’t want you in his life anymore, it’s possible that he was just speaking his Continue reading

0 How to fill in for a missing parent

junemarie6 asks: My grandson said last night he could not do his schoolwork at the table because it was too noisy. I said, “OK, then go to another room.” He said no! However, I made him go. He is always sassing and making smart remarks. (I guess I need to give you a little more information on the case: My son has asked mom to move out so I have taken over, which does not make them (boys) all that happy) What can I do to get my grandsons to complete their tasks and do what I ask?

Hi junemarie6 –

I feel funny offering you advice on child-rearing, because… I mean… you’ve already done it!  But you are in a specific and difficult situation, given what’s happened with your son’s marriage.  The best advice I can give you on this is to be patient!!!  Your grandsons are in a terrible situation, where they probably feel that being good and obedient to you is an act of disloyalty to their mother.  It’s as though you went from being the fun loving grandmother to the feared stepmother overnight!

Given that, it’s very understandable that they won’t know how to treat you for a Continue reading