Category Archives for "Teens"

0 When your boyfriend isn’t paying enough attention to you

Bubblegum asks: Presently I have a boyfriend and yes I love him a lot and he also loves me a lot. But the problem is that love is not enough. He never gives me time as he is a student of chemistry honors. Ok he is really busy I understand. But now I don’t know why even when he gets time he doesn’t text me. He never texts me on whatsapp. He told that he has some family problem, but he is always like that. Another boy is there he is really caring romantic and perfect and he even loves me a lot. But as I am in a relationship I can’t start a relationship with him. Yes maybe I also have a soft corner for him. But what can I do?

Hi Bubblegum –

I have a problem here.  I see this all the time with couples.  One member says “We never talk, he calls me maybe once a day,” and the other says “We talk all the time, at least once a day!”  So when you say “he never gives me time,” I wonder what that means.  It sounds like he doesn’t like texting, but is it truly that he’s not giving you time, or that the time he gives isn’t the amount you need?

The big difference between them is about his feelings.  If he adores you, and is giving you all the time he feels he can, then that’s one thing.  But if he’s using his studies as an excuse to avoid you, that’s something very different!

However, the solution is really the same.  You just need to Continue reading

0 How to mentally prepare for a marathon.

Cupcake11 asks: How to prepare yourself mentally for a marathon?

Hi Cupcake 11 –

As a general rule, we pups are sprinters, not long-distance runners.  Yes you might have read, or seen the movie, of Lassie Come Home, where an amazing dog travels countless miles to get to her home, but that’s not our usual story.  And she was walking!

So I need to consider what it would be like to run a marathon, and base it on the more difficult journeys of my life – like hospitalizations or training classes.

Of course, with a marathon, or Lassie’s journey, the most important issue is your physical strength.  Training has to focus on getting your knees and ankles and hamstrings and calves and toes and hips and everything else in you to be so strong they can handle an insanely long journey.

When it comes to the mental side of that training, I would say your big job is to focus your training on the fun side of it (how great it’ll feel to accomplish, and the joyous high one gets from continued exercise) instead of just avoiding failure and pain.  Either mindset will encourage you to train, but one sounds a lot more enjoyable, and makes the training a fun activity instead of a grueling assignment.

But besides the simple physical training, you’re absolutely right, there’s a mental training that’s also necessary, just to get through the long time that a marathon takes.  How do you keep from getting bored?  How do you keep from deciding you have other things to do?  I have no doubt that the easiest way to manage that is to train with others – whether one or two good friends or a big group.  First, being with them will keep you from thinking “No one can do this, I’m gonna quit,” but also they’ll give you someone to share the experience with, “I couldn’t believe it when we’d been sweltering in that heat and suddenly we got flooded with rain!”  And hopefully to have fun talking about, even bragging about, all you’ve done.

And third, I would say to Continue reading

0 Is it best to be strong or not?

PERFECTION asks: Shirelle what do you think about strong people? Not masculine but strong as a person, who handles problems by themselves. I consider myself one of them. I tend to solve everything by myself, endure pain, adapt and fight. But I heard this quote, strong people will have a lot of damage when they fall or somewhat give up. Or does that depend on the person himself?

Hi PERFECTION –

Of course I want you as strong as you can be.  You’re a terrific person, I know from your letters, so the more you’re able to act on your values, the better the world will be (and the happier you will be).

And I suppose it’s true that the stronger a person is, the more others depend on them, so the more loss there is when they fail or lose heart.   But that’s no reason for them not to be out there doing their best.  Think of that super-hero rule, “With great power comes great responsibility.”  Okay, so take the responsibility and do some wonders!

After all, the “damage” that’s done, by their failing to do something good, is just that things go back to the way they’d be if that person had never done anything at all.

Just to pick three examples, Socrates, Jesus, and Gandhi all were enormously strong personalities, who were killed because of their strength.  And that meant that they weren’t able to do what they’d been doing before anymore.  But what they had done has affected the world enormously ever since.  (And of course, for those who believe, at least the second of those has been even more powerful since that death!).

And if you’re thinking, “Hey, I don’t mean THAT strong!  I mean, I’m nowhere near as great as they were!” then my response is simply… how do you know yet?!!

All my best,

Shirelle

0 How to win over someone from another country you’ve just met

Bizarre Mind asks: Recently a German delegation from Bavaria visited our school, and they came to attend some classes, so they also came to my class. We were then told to interact with them in groups. So, I was sorted with a girl. I do not look good, so I am very self-conscious. However, I talked to the Germans in my group very easily, since I happen to support a Bavarian football team. Many of them supported the same team. So I started the conversation with talking to the girl about that team. She knew about it since in Bavaria, there is a large football following. But she just knew basic information and wasn’t a very big fan. So I then talked to her about other things. It turned out that she also liked to watch films on Netflix, like I did. So we talked. And the next day, they came again to attend a period and again we were told to interact. But that day I didn’t talk too much, though still I took her Instagram account info. Then after some days, they left. Now the school got off for Diwali breaks, and I had thoughts about her. So I finally decided to text her. I told her that I missed the Germans, and she said she missed the Indians. Then she asked me if we knew each other, and I reminded her. Then she remembered and we texted. I told her that I might come to Munich next year after my finals, since I am in 10th grade right now. She is also in 10th grade. We both are 15. After I told her about my plan, she asked me to visit their school. I said sure! Shirelle, I really, really like her and I want to be closer to this girl. But, I am not confident because I am not good looking. I really need your help in approaching her. I will really appreciate it and would thank you for the rest of my life. Please help me.

Hi Bizarre Mind –

How exciting is this!  I love the idea of a romance between two completely different cultures – though I’m told both of your countries do make excellent beers!

I see two issues here.  First, it’s clear that you are more “into” her than she is about you, as you’ve been thinking about her all the time, and she didn’t remember you right away.  That’s not a terrible thing, but it is something to focus on.  And second, that you are worried you’re not good looking enough for her.

Well, my first suggestion is that you need to do something extremely difficult and careful – you need to stay in touch with her just enough for her to develop feelings for you (even just friendly feelings), but not so much that she pulls away.  I wish I could tell you just how to do this, but we dogs are really bad at such things, and often scare people we like away by running up and jumping on them.

But you do have a wonderful advantage: she’s interested in your culture.  So write her about your life, and ask her about hers.  What are the differences, what’s alike?  Can you listen to each other’s favorite music?  Can you talk about new movies?  I don’t even know – does Netflix show the same things in different countries?  All this is great.

But at the same time, I have a HUGE warning for you – keep yourself on a leash!  You want her to get interested in you, but she might well get a boyfriend over the next year, and I don’t want you devastated over something like this you could never control.  So, for now, go for friendship, and try to do other things for your social fun back in your home town for now.

Which leads to your second issue.  Now I don’t know what you Continue reading

0 What to do when your girlfriend wants a new boyfriend before committing to you

Delhiboy asks: I have a girlfriend. We have not broken up but you can say that we have taken a rest because she was frustrated from some people who were forcing her to break up with me from 8 months, and now we are just friends. She wanted me to focus on my study because I have boards and she is saying she will wait for me 3 months. Her love is true for me, but she has said clearly there is a 50 percent chance that she will get a new boyfriend as time passes, but she will not love him because that feeling comes only for one person and that feeling is for me. When my exams are going to be over she will tell him that she is going to propose to me and she will breakup with that guy and accept my proposal because she wants to marry me only an she only loves me only. So what should I do?

Hi Delhiboy –

This is one of the most unique questions I’ve ever gotten.  If I understand correctly, this girl is in love with you, but wants to give you space to focus on your board exams for the next three months.  But she also wants to try to have a boyfriend during that time, who she’d break up with once your exams are over, so she can marry you!  Do I have this right?

If so, my mind goes two ways at once.  First, that she’s just having a fantasy, that she’s in love with you and she’s going to spend those months doing other things, but she likes to imagine that she’ll have this whirlwind affair and break a guy’s heart just for the fun of it.

Or, second, that she really would do it.  Which would make me wonder just what sort of human she is – being willing to treat you so casually, and treat him so cruelly.

And meanwhile, just as you ask – what should you do?!

Well, I’m inclined to suggest something, but you might not like it.  My idea is that you Continue reading

0 When and how to tell someone you love them

PERFECTION asks: Right now I have this never ending urge, to let this girl I love feel I truly love her, to let her know I am here for her. Sometimes I think am I pushing things too fast. But I can’t stop my feelings from growing and showing my love to her. Is it normal to feel that way? And would it be a good idea if I were to tell her today or someday that “I love her,” or should I just let my actions speak for themselves?

Hi PERFECTION –

This is one of those issues where we dogs just have to roll our eyes a bit, and remember that we love you humans.  Because we just don’t get it!  We jump on people and dogs we’ve just met and shower them with love, and let them know that we’re crazy about them – at least for that second – and don’t know how to be any other way.

And we always like being told that we’re loved too!  Even dogs who’ve been abused, and can’t have people run up and hug them, love getting that love in milder ways (like kind words or treats!).

But you guys are different.  Humans can get scared from someone saying they love you, and feel pressured or misunderstood.  So your question is legitimate and smart.  And very hard to answer.

Because the answer is all about HER.  Just as I love getting hugs at first sight, and my friend Aria screams in terror if someone tries that, I don’t know what this wonderful lady tolerates or hopes for.

So I think your job is to find out more about Continue reading

0 Should one date someone older?

Cielo asks: Is it okay to date a man older than me by 11 years?

Hi Cielo –

I have two different answers to your question.  The first is, in many places, a legal one.  At least where I live, it’s actually against the law for someone under eighteen years of age to have any sort of sexual contact with someone that much older than them.  And while you’re only asking about dating, I know you humans, and one thing often leads to another…!  So when you ask if it’s “okay,” in this regard it’s definitely not.  (Though of course I have no idea how old you are; if you’re even eighteen years and five minutes, then it’s just fine legally).

But my second answer comes more from the idea of “okay” meaning “a good idea.”  And here, I’m going to get way more mathematical than dogs usually do!

Let’s say that a person usually isn’t really interested in “dating,” in the sense of romance that can lead to something physical or committed, until they’re at least twelve years old (I realize that might not always be true, but just for the sake of argument, I’ll pick that number).  So a thirteen-year-old boy is just one-year-old as a “Dater.”  Does that make sense?

What I’m getting at is that we don’t want to have too gigantic an age difference in a romance, in terms of “dating years.”  I’m going to suggest we try to keep it to Continue reading

0 Is love easy with the right person?

PERFECTION asks: I read something today, saying “Love is easy when it is with the right person.” Is it always like that? What about crossing oceans just to be with someone you love? Do some things just have to be won over in order to be yours?

Hi PERFECTION –

Well you KNOW what I’m going to say about that!  For us dogs, love is always easy, unless it’s really the very wrong person (say, someone who beats us or starves us).  So when we meet that little girl, or that older man with no legs, or that active argumentative family… love is SOOOO easy for us.  And I’ve never stopped loving Handsome, and he never has me.  It’s so easy, we don’t know how not to!

But that doesn’t mean that our relationship has always been easy.   The first year or two we had together, he put a lot of effort into training me.  I was a miserable pain to live with (always biting at him and chewing his things up), and he kept making me feel unloved by telling me to do things different from what I was doing.  And there have been times when he’s gotten depressed or focused on other things, and that’s been very tough for me.  And then of course there have been the times when I required more work and attention, like if I got injured or deeply ill, and he found himself devoting everything in his life to taking care of me.  I might be easy to love, but loving me then made his life enormously difficult.

The way I like to look at it, love isn’t a part of life – love is the reason we live.  Whatever our passions are.  If you’re starving, it’s your love of food and living that keeps you going.  If you’re more comfortable, it might be your love of your work, or a cause, or your faith, or… yes… somebody… that you live for.

So if you love someone and they don’t love you back, is it easy to “cross oceans” to get to them?  Nope.  But you’re finding it very easy to love them so much that you would cross those oceans.

And if you find the right person, is it easy for them to love you back?  Well maybe sometimes.  But I’ll bet you’ve seen a thousand movies with a romance where at least one of them isn’t interested in the other.  They’re saying that sometimes it can be a lot of work to find what’s eventually easy!

My friend, love is the easiest thing in the world, and it’s the hardest.  But most importantly, it is all about the souls involved.  No other love is exactly like what I share with Handsome, or like what you feel for that woman you’ve written me about.  But love is great.

So my real answer to your question is that love isn’t easy, but with the right person (or pooch), it’s so worth it you won’t even mind the work!

All my best,

Shirelle

0 What are good topics to make conversation with someone you’re interested in

Danish asks: I am very confused about what to talk with this girl I’m interested in, as sometimes I used to be topic-less and blank when talking with her, and sometimes I don’t text her for 2 to 3 days, and I think this is not good because it is very important to spend time with her (at least talk with her) because already we are long distance. So can you please tell me what to talk about with her because we already know basic stuff about each other. What topics should I bring up next?

Hi Danish –

This is so much more common a concern than people realize.  Yes, there are those folks out there who are just great at conversation, and always come up with interesting topics, but most people are a mixture of shy, nervous, or simply unable to think of anything beyond “How about that weather?” or, if they’re aware enough of it, whatever recently happened in sports!

Now there are books out there that give advice on what the best conversational methods are to seduce someone, make them love you, etc.  I’m no good at that (my seduction method is to drop a slobbery tennis ball into a person’s lap and beg them to throw it).  But in terms of friendly talk, I do have a few Continue reading

0 How to get your friend to open up about their feelings

inditan asks: I want to ask you about friendships. I have a lot of friends at school (I don’t mean to brag, sorry!), and my social life is pretty much awesome. I have a few best friends that are really close to me. One of them is a girl named S. The problem between us is that she doesn’t talk about her problems often. She’s my only best friend whom I share all my secrets with, she shares hers as well but she doesn’t share her problems with me. And I’m worried that maybe she doesn’t trust me, or maybe it was because something I said to her. I don’t want her to feel alone when dealing with her problems. She’s had anorexia a few years back and that was a serious issue she hasn’t let go of yet. I’m really worried about her Shirelle. what should I do?

Hi inditan –

Okay, there are two issues here.  And I want to get the first one out of the way first.

I am no expert on eating disorders.  As a dog, I’m always looking for food; but because I’m so active, I’ve never had a weight problem.  I frankly don’t even understand them – why would someone starve themselves, or throw up what they’ve eaten? It doesn’t make sense for a pooch.  But I know these disorders exist.  And I urge you, if you are really concerned for your friend, to get her to see a doctor RIGHT away.  Anorexia is unhealthy for anyone, but it can be permanently disabling, or even fatal, if it develops too far.  So please please please, be a great friend and get her okay… if she’s actually suffering from this right now.

All right, second issue.  I see this problem every day!  My human Handsome is a psychotherapist, so he meets with people for his work, and they talk about problems – always their problems.  Never his!  And sometimes, they actually get frustrated about it.  Even though they’re paying him to deal with their problems and not his!

So your frustration at your friend not opening up to you, especially when you’re concerned that she’s keeping a secret that could hurt her, sure makes sense.

And the only suggestion I can make is to Continue reading