Delhiboy asks: I have a girlfriend. We have not broken up but you can say that we have taken a rest because she was frustrated from some people who were forcing her to break up with me from 8 months, and now we are just friends. She wanted me to focus on my study because I have boards and she is saying she will wait for me 3 months. Her love is true for me, but she has said clearly there is a 50 percent chance that she will get a new boyfriend as time passes, but she will not love him because that feeling comes only for one person and that feeling is for me. When my exams are going to be over she will tell him that she is going to propose to me and she will breakup with that guy and accept my proposal because she wants to marry me only an she only loves me only. So what should I do?
Hi Delhiboy –
This is one of the most unique questions I’ve ever gotten. If I understand correctly, this girl is in love with you, but wants to give you space to focus on your board exams for the next three months. But she also wants to try to have a boyfriend during that time, who she’d break up with once your exams are over, so she can marry you! Do I have this right?
If so, my mind goes two ways at once. First, that she’s just having a fantasy, that she’s in love with you and she’s going to spend those months doing other things, but she likes to imagine that she’ll have this whirlwind affair and break a guy’s heart just for the fun of it.
Or, second, that she really would do it. Which would make me wonder just what sort of human she is – being willing to treat you so casually, and treat him so cruelly.
And meanwhile, just as you ask – what should you do?!
Well, I’m inclined to suggest something, but you might not like it. My idea is that you let her know that her idea is just awful, and would mess you up so much that it would be almost sure to hurt your performance on the boards. That you can’t control her, but if she goes off and has this romance, it will show you that she’s not the woman you thought she was, and you might take back your proposal.
What would this do? Well, in the worst-case scenario, it would ruin your romance, as she truly meant to just have some fun before she committed to you fully. But more likely, it will show her that you really care, and bring her down to earth a bit, where she realizes that lifetime commitment is lifetime commitment, and she spends those months having fun and enjoying herself, but without getting an actual boyfriend.
When I was in the pound, and met Handsome, he didn’t take me home the first day. He was worried that I wasn’t the right kind of dog for him, so he went to another pound, before he decided I was the one. I never want to go through the terror I did over the next couple of days again. I was due to be put down, and could have been any time! But once he came back, he was committed to me for good.
Your girlfriend (or should I call her your ex-girlfriend for now?) is likely in a similar place to where Handsome was. She loves you, but is afraid to give the rest of her life to you just yet. That’s very understandable. So I kind of like her taking these months off (and I love the idea that it gives you more study time). But her idea of getting another boyfriend is cruel to both him and you. So I think you just need to let her know that her actions and decisions really matter.
And maybe, your telling her so will just make her fall that much more in love with you. Which could be all it takes for her to tell those other people to stop bothering her, and let her marry the man she loves, once she’s given him the space to be as successful as he deserves to be.
Hoping it’s just that!