Category Archives for "School"

0 When your parents won’t let you join a team

problempup asks: I have asked to join the school’s athletic team, but my parents said no. Help, Shirelle – this could be my big break!

Hi problempup –

There’s not a lot I can say, without knowing why your parents said no.  But I’m going to guess their refusal comes down to one of two reasons, and I’ll offer you my best thoughts on those two (but if I’m wrong, and it’s another reason, let me know!).

Usually, when I hear parents refusing to allow their kid to do an activity, it’s because they’re concerned that the youngster isn’t devoting enough time to their studies.  And that’s especially true when an activity is as time-consuming as an athletic team.

But if that’s the case, you can give a decent argument.  Firstly, you can tell them that Continue reading

0 How to create an advice website

Doglover 101 asks: You’ve given me great advice and inspired me to help others with their problems. Surprisingly, they think I’m good at it! My teacher also thinks I’m a pretty good author (So good she said I was the best author in the class). So um… I was thinking that maybe… Maybe I could have a website to give advice like you? But I’d be a human. So if I was ready enough maybe you could give me some tips to help me give advice to people all around the world. But only if you think it would be a good idea – and if running the type of website that you have (e.g. categories, banner art, links etc.) is free. What do you think?

Hi Doglover101 –

One great thing about what I do with this site is that there’s no sense of competition. People come to this site because they like what I say. If they don’t like my point of view, they go to other sites. And I’m not here to say my ideas are better or worse than the ones on those other sites – they’re just mine. So I have no problem with you starting a site too. But your concerns are correct – it’s quite a bit of work.

To begin with, creating any website takes some work and some money. I have been very lucky to have two incredible designers to help me create mine – one who did it for the first year or so (while it was being built), and then another who’s done it ever since. And that last one, Sherice, brought in the amazing Martin, the artist who has made all those gorgeous pictures you see on the different pages. And yes, while their prices were extremely reasonable, I did have to pay them for the work (well, actually, Handsome paid them – we pups don’t have a lot of ways to make money for ourselves).

Then I spent a lot of time getting questions from my friends and Handsome’s, so that we’d have some material on the site when it opened. And those took a lot of time to answer, of course.

Then, the biggest issue became Continue reading

0 How to lead peers

Andrei asks: I am a first year high school student, and the chief of my class. But I’m having trouble controlling my friends. On one hand, I don’t want to act bossy, but on the other, I don’t want to disappoint my teachers. What should I do??

Hi Andrei –

I see this same problem at the dog park all the time.  A dog will be running around, trying to get the other dogs there to calm down or behave, and they don’t pay any attention to it.  But when a human walks in and tells dogs to do something, they’ll listen right away.

Now if there weren’t any humans there, the dogs would do what we do in nature, which is to form a pack.  And then there would definitely be a leader.  Probably it would take some time to determine who the leader is, as the dogs who wanted to be leader would have to fight each other for it.  But eventually, one dog would be the one all the other dogs would follow, at least for a while.

But that doesn’t happen at the Continue reading

0 How loss affects one’s work

Salvatore asks: The first time I wrote you was when I was depressed because of my father’s death. I had the fear that my mom would die too, like my father, but you said that she might live long… your letters were a great satisfaction to me. The problem is this that my mom has died too. After her death it seems to me that the world has stopped, as if life has lost its meanings. Following are the thoughts and problems that have overpowered me: I can’t perform well in studies; I am unable to form concepts; At times I feel too giddy; My mathematics isn’t good; I have nothing that can distinguish me from other people; I overthink the things; I can’t understand how people laugh and talk about silly and useless things. All of this leads me to only one conclusion: ”I CAN’T BECOME A DOCTOR!” I have always wanted to be one. For that I have to get at least 90 percent marks in FSc part 1 and 2. I burnt the midnight oil in part 1, but I got only 84 percent marks because of the totally unfair marking by examiner – and I’m not allowed to challenge him in a court of law. I am really depressed. I am having trouble sleeping, and nightmares. I need a solution!

Hi Salvatore –

Salvatore, you absolutely break my heart.

There are no words I can offer, no licks, no paw, no howling at the moon, that remotely tell how sad I am that you have gone through this second devastating loss so soon.  It’s not fair.  Not in any way.  And if there was something I could do to bring your mother back, I’d do it in a second.  But of course I can’t.  All I can do is look at you with the biggest dog-eyes I can and let you know, I am SO sorry.

I certainly understand your wish to do better in school, and I hope you can.  But I need to tell you, it’s very possible that these two losses have just been too much, and you might not get the best grades right now.  And if so, I have a number of things to say to you.

First, you’re young.  You can take these exams again.  Especially given the reason you can tell the testers about why you were “off” when you took these.  You just might need more time, before you can relax and concentrate enough for them.

Second, the things you tell me about your feelings make me think that you’re still in a state of shock.  This will pass.  You will be affected by these losses forever, of course, but you will survive them.  People do every day.  And you will get stronger.

Third, there’s a thing the great people in Continue reading

0 How to make friends after you’ve given up

arjai101 asks: I just moved back to America two months ago. And, I’m having a really hard time. I miss my friends, and I’m okay with that. However, everyday I grow more and more lonely and it is just the most awful feeling. I hate my school, and the teachers don’t want to be bothered with me. No matter how hard I try to make friends and reach out to people, people just push me away. I’ve tried everything. I have joined clubs and I even have tried with some of the people at my church (Which is desperate because I hate going to church). I spend most of my time by myself and this is beginning to change me. I hardly talk anymore, and I’m usually a very outgoing person. I hate doing any of my hobbies, which is very bad since that’s usually what people do when they’re alone. I’m extremely frustrated with the situation and every time I think about it I want to cry. Believe me when I say I’ve tried everything. I have even seen a therapist TWICE. Nobody understands and they all blame it on me. They have no idea what I’ve tried and how it makes me feel. The therapist doesn’t give advice, all she does is analyze the situation. I need instructions. I can’t do this any longer. It’s affecting my attention span, I can’t read or write for more than a few sentences. It’s to the point where I have to go on a chat room anonymously and find people to talk to. (Except, they all want pictures and its rather disturbing.) In conclusion, I feel like there is no escape and the worst part about it is that IT’S MY LIFE NOW! I CANT ESCAPE IT! What’s wrong with me or them? What should I do?

Hi arjai101 –

What you’re going through sounds, regrettably, very normal. Most teens go through a time like this, where they feel alienated from everyone, and it’s devastatingly lonely. I have a few suggestions for you, but the most important one is to know that this WILL PASS. If you’ve ever had a dog, you’ll know that whenever our humans leave us at home alone, we’re miserable about it. We might freak out and tear stuff up, or we might just sit around glumly… but when the people come home, we’re overjoyed and go absolutely nuts over them. Well, just like us, when you’re in a mindset like this, it feels like it’ll last forever and there’s nothing you can do. So that’s why I say, again, trust that it WILL PASS. I just can’t say when, just as you can’t tell a dog exactly when their humans will come home. I just know it’ll happen.

But meanwhile… YUCCH!!! This just STINKS!! It’s very hard to move countries and start a new school. Handsome has a friend who did that when she was in third grade, and she was so outcast in her classroom that, on Valentine’s Day, when all the boys and girls gave all their classmates cards, she didn’t get a single one! (I do love kids, but sometimes they can be very short-sighted, or even mean, as I’m sure you know. The important part, though, is that before long, she made lots of friends and became very popular. It just took time.)

So what can you do? Well, reaching out to others is a great idea, even if it hasn’t worked yet. Some of those kids already have the friendships they want, and aren’t looking for other pals just now, so you need to keep trying till you find the other kids. They’re always there, just harder to find.

I find the best thing to do at a Continue reading

0 How to deal with perfectionism

arjai101 asks: I’m a perfectionist, but only about one thing: my grades. I feel like my grades are all I have and all I’m good at. People don’t know me for being pretty or nice. They know me for picking things up fast and always knowing something about a subject. As a result, I constantly have this pressure of feeling like I have to be perfect. If I get so much as less than 100%, I tear myself to pieces. It’s an awful feeling. At the same time, I like getting perfect scores. I especially like getting them without trying – it makes me feel good about myself and it makes me feel special. I hate getting grades that are just a 96% or a 99%. It really hurts me, like my whole world is falling apart. And when I express this sensation to my parents or my friends, they tell me I’m being selfish and arrogant, and that I’m overreacting. I can’t help that it bothers me so much. I can’t help that I hate my being in those moments. What’s wrong with me? How can I deal with this?

Hi arjai101 –

Perfectionism is a funny thing.  On one hand, of course it feels best to do something perfectly.  If I chase a squirrel, I want to catch it, not ‘come close.’  If Handsome offers me a treat, I want to eat the whole thing, not part of it.

But perfectionism can be a problem too.  We can get so focused on needing a perfect result that we lose the ability to enjoy what we are accomplishing.

Like with your schoolwork – although it often doesn’t look it, the reason to go to school is to learn things.  And if you get a 96% on a test, then it looks like you’ve learned a lot.  (And we all know, it’s possible to get a 100% on a test while you still have a lot to learn!)

So why the perfectionism?

Well, I’d argue two things.  One is great, and the other… not so great.

The great one is that you’re surrounded by people who are satisfied with mediocrity, and you don’t want to be that way.  You are a superb student, and enjoy the game of succeeding at it.  It’s fun to be the best at something, and it’s fun to challenge yourself to be your best, or even better.  That sort of perfectionism is what leads people to be great artists, thinkers, athletes… all that.

The not so great one is just what you said, “I feel like my grades are all I have and all I’m good at.”  Because of this, if you make less than a great grade, you’re seeing yourself as less than a great person!  If others only see you as smart, then they’ll see you as nothing if you don’t get the great grades (or at least that’s the way you’re imagining them).

The problem with this is that.  arjai101, here’s my bad news:  Continue reading

0 Should someone try to be funny at school, they way they do at home?

cutepuppy asks: At school I’m shy, but at home I’m not; I’m funny at home. In school I don’t want to be shy, I want to be really funny, but how? And if I act funny, they might not think its funny!

Hi cutepuppy –

“Funny” is such a difficult thing to define!  Some people find Shakespeare’s comedies hilarious.  Others find “Austin Powers” movies uproarious.  Some people memorize every word ever spoken on “Seinfeld,” while others find it dull, but laugh till tears roll at “Modern Family.”  Was Jerry Lewis funny?  People can get violent over that one!  What do you think of Roberto Benigni, Jim Carrey, Zach Galifanakis, Melissa McCarthy?  Is a person slipping on a banana peel funny?  What about a man in a dress?  What about a pie fight?

There’s no single right answer.  The truth is all of those people and things have been very very funny to a great many people.  Handsome tells me the funniest thing he ever saw was a dog he had before he knew me, holding a very wide bone, trying to run through a thin doggy-door.  Would I have found that funny?  I truly have no idea.  But he still laughs about it, many years later.

Now because of this, you’re absolutely correct that there’s no way you could know that the kids at school would find you funny, in the same way your family does at home.  But I’m guessing that the bigger problem is that you don’t feel the Continue reading

0 Is it a good idea for a teenager to move in with a relative in order to stay in the same school?

irina1997 asks: I’m 17, in high school. My parents want to move away from the city. Partly because they want peace and quiet but also because it’s cheaper there. The house they found is really far away from my school and I would take very long bus rides every day. I have another choice. I could move in with a cousin. She’s about 30 and lives alone in a big apartment, which is very close to my school. I don’t want to move away from the city but I’m kind of sad/scared to live without my parent and with a person I don’t really know. What should I do?

Hi irina1997 –

This is a really tough question.  If you were much younger, I’d say that it’s probably worth more to stay with your parents, as you’ll just get used to your new school and it’ll be fine.  If you were an adult, I’d say you should definitely move out, just for the adventure.  But you’re right on the tightrope between the two.

So I think either one could be fine.  The difference between the two is in the risk you take.  Moving with your parents sets up a risk that you might not like your new school, or make many friends, before you’re done there.  Moving in with your cousin sets up a risk that you might not get along that well with her.

But the difference between these two risks is that one of them offers you a chance to Continue reading

0 How to get to go to boarding school

arjai101 asks: I really want to go to Boarding School. But my mom doesn’t want me to, even though I can gain so much from the experience. I have decided to apply to some boarding schools for scholarships, because I know my mom would never pay or support my decision. However, the applications require money and financial statements and I have to ask my mom for that. I know why my mom won’t let me go to Boarding school, but I just really really want to go. How can I make that happen?

Hi arjai101 –

I don’t know enough about the details of your situation to give a definite answer, so I’m going to give you a few:

First:  Just as I often want to go outside and chase a cat down the street, but Handsome won’t let me do it (he says it’s got something to do with me getting run over), there’s a truth to the idea that, when your parent says No, sometimes that just means No.  There are lots of good reasons to go to boarding school, but if a kid’s parents aren’t willing to give their okay, the school probably can’t accept the kid.  So if your mom says no, it just might mean this is one experience you don’t get to have.

Second: Is the issue just that she Continue reading

1 Does dating hurt or help school performance?

pizzasquare asks: Does dating affect test scores differently for boys and girls? What I mean is that, if a girl went into a relationship with a boy, would her academics be likely to drop or raise? And what would be the case if a boy entered a relationship with a girl?

Hi pizzasquare –

This is a great question, and I’m going to give you a really weird answer to it: Does buying a puppy raise or lower academic scores?

It’s not hard to come up with an answer. Let’s say a good student who spends three hours a night on homework buys a puppy and falls head over heels in love with it. From the moment she gets home, she wants nothing more than to play with the little ankle-biter, to cuddle him, to dress him up, to take him on walks, to show him to her friends, to post pictures of him online, all that. Then when she studies, she wants to have him there with her, but she’s constantly distracted by how amazingly cute he is when he sleeps (because he’s very bored by her history book unless he can chew on it). Then she wants to have him by her on her bed when she sleeps as well, and he wakes up every couple of hours needing to play or pee. What happens to her marks in school? They plummet! She goes from an A-student to a C-student in a matter of weeks!

Okay, but let’s look at another Continue reading