Category Archives for "School"

0 How to get fit and lose weight, when you hate sports

Doglover 101 asks: My mom’s always been the athletic type since she was my age (12,maybe even younger) and she has always tried to make me do at least one. But in P.E everyone literally hates me, I’m always last, and if someone does pick me to be on their team it’s because they’re trying to be polite/friendly and there’s always someone groaning and saying “Ugh, why her?” They always tell me “Oh my god, at least try!” and when I do, “Pft, what was that?” and cue the laughter. Popularity in my school is based on your ability in sports (it’s so unfair if you ask me.) And well all of the popular kids, except like two, hate me. I’ve been bullied by most of them, but I got around that when I finally made some good and real friends. I keep trying to tell my mom that everyone’s just too competitive and mean when it comes to sports but she just won’t have it. She says I need to lose some of my fat and I agree. I’ve even looked up the average weight for a girl my age: 41 kg. A friend of mine says it depends on your height (I’m about 5’3) so I asked another of my friends who’s just a few cm shorter than me and she says she weighs 56-8 kg. I’m bloody 61.8kg! I’ve never been insecure about anything until this year, my stomach’s HUGE and mom says that it’s a little longer than normal. I hate my body and just want to be skinny, like all the other prettier girls. It’s not just that: *I have blackheads all over my huge nose and chin *I have tan lines from my glasses *One eye’s a little bit more closed than the other *I have the deepest voice out of all of the girls *Since I’m blonde, I practically have NO eyebrows *I have the darkest bags under my eyes even though I get 9-10 hours of sleep *My deodorant always comes off and I stink through out the day. *I always slouch *I have these brown spots, like beauty marks ALL over my face (I’m pretty sure it’s because of my ethnicity, I’m from Lithuania) *This one rep spot has been on my nose all year and it’s the sort of spot that you can’t pop, it’s like a part of my face. * My stomach fat is just the main problem with me. *I always have dandruff! So, I’ve been trying to find a sport and key word being ‘trying’. So I can at least have a better stomach but all of the sports just seem too boring and competitive. I want to actually enjoy a sport and not have to worry about people laughing and hating me. Sometimes I just feel too fat to belong in this world. How can I find a sport I like Shirelle? I’ve been trying and trying but I have the worst aim and strength. I’ll try anything except soccer (way too many people play that in Ireland), swimming (I don’t know how), and ice skating (no, just no). Help? Sincerely, Doglover 101.

Hi Doglover 101 –

Oh I am so sorry!  I have always been enormously athletic (enough that lots of humans were frightened of me when I was younger – I wasn’t fierce or mean, but they were terrified of all my friendly strength and energy!).  But my friend Handsome was just like you.  Except that he was tall and thin, so he looked like he should do well in sports, while being awful in all of them!  He was usually the last one picked for anything (even over the shortest or, yes, chubbiest, kids).  And so, just like you, he hated P.E. – even though it ought to have been fun to get out of class and do something active instead of listening to a teacher drone on about whatever.

So there is nothing I can do to make you enjoy being treated badly by your classmates.  The more of them you befriend, the better chance they’ll treat you better, but I know that’s hard to achieve.

But I do have an idea.  And, of all sources, it came from that dorky guy I live with!  You see, once a person reaches age – oh, I’ll say 25 – they start thinking about all the things they wish they’d done differently when they were young.  And they start talking about it to themselves.  Most often in the shower.

So I’ve always liked to sit outside the shower when Handsome is washing, just because I like being near him, but also because he sometimes sings and I like that, and because I never know if the day might come when he walks out of there with a plate full of fresh-baked cookies and it slips out of his wet hands and they go all over the floor and…!

And do you know what I hear him talking about most of the time when he’s in there?  (When he’s not singing some love song from seventy years ago with all the lyrics changed to be about me?  Oh this guy is sooooo good!)

He talks about what he’d do if he could go back in time.

And most of the time, he talks about what he’d do about his pathetic athletic ability.

So I’m just going to steal from his silly rants, and give you his suggestions.

First of all, at least for now, Continue reading

0 What to do after you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of your crush

Sarah asks: Hi Shirelle, so I came out of class and I wanted to get something to eat because the cafeteria was closed and the only way I could’ve gotten something to eat was by going to my school’s mini store which is where my crush works. At first, I went straight to my room because I was too scared and nervous to go in that store. But, something told me that I had to face my fears and I had to stop letting this guy stop me from getting something to eat. So I gathered up the courage and went to the store. When I went, he was the cashier for the night!!! I just walked in took what I wanted and gave him the cash hoping he would not say anything to me. Guess what he did say something to me — and I didn’t know what to say. I was so embarrassed because he stared at me waiting for a response and I was just standing there nervous and awkward. Pleased help me to cope with this.

Hi Sarah –

The answer to your question is… that there is no answer.  Your complaint about how you’re acting in front of your crush is exactly the way every person in the world has acted in front of their crushes, since time began!  You’re so excited by their presence, and so scared of doing something wrong, that your body goes into an emergency mode.  It’s kind of like if you press the accelerator and the brake of a car all the way down to the floor at the same time!  It’s completely exciting – and there’s no way for it not to be embarrassing and fun at once.

You might have heard, in a biology class or something, about something called “Fight or Flight.”  Most mammals have this.  Think of what a cat does when I show up in the yard — it’s suddenly very nervous, and its brain goes into hyperdrive, as it screams out inside, “I’ve got to run away!  I’ve got to run at that mutt and scratch her nose!  I’ve got to stand perfectly still and hope she doesn’t see me!”  All of these happen at once.  Eventually, the cat will make a decision (usually it’s to run like blazes and shoot up the nearest tree, driving me nuts!).  But until it does, it’s in that same place you were.  Just electrified.

So now, to your question…

Of course, there’s nothing you can do to change what happened, although it may not be as bad as you think; you may find it hard to believe, but while your whole system was going wacko, on the outside you might have appeared completely normal, just quiet and disinterested.  So it’s possible there’s nothing at all to worry about.

But what if that wasn’t the case?  What if this guy, who you are so crazy about, saw you being nervous and confused and eager… in other words, what if he saw that you really like him?

Well… isn’t that actually a good thing?!

See this is where we pups have easier lives than you guys.  If I like someone, I do everything in my power to show them I do!  I jump on them, lick them, chase my tail when they walk into the room… I can’t think of a single reason why I wouldn’t want them to know I adore them.  But I know you humans are different.

So here’s my thought.  Just try to Continue reading

0 How to tell if you have ADHD

Dan Man asks: I think I have ADHD. All the symptoms point to ADHD as I’ve had problems focusing, impulsivity, inability to sit still, and hypersensitivity, but I’m only 13 and my mother laughs at the prospect of me having ADHD. School is becoming really difficult for me and I always say things at the wrong times. Do I have ADHD? Psychologists are out of the question. How do I fix this, or get my mom to believe me if I do?

Hi Dan Man –

Well, I relate.  Lots of people say I have ADHD too.  But we dogs can’t get medication for it, or even psychotherapy.  So instead I just live my life, excited lots of the time, not very focused, and enjoying my life immensely.

Which is a LOT easier for me to do than you, since I’m not in school, and never have to do homework!!!

So here’s the deal with ADHD.  Some people really have it, and lots who get labeled with it don’t have it.  If you truly have it, it’s an actual biological/medical condition, where part of your brain that’s good at focusing and control isn’t working well enough, and needs to be jolted a bit.  So there’s one test you can do, without going to a doctor, to see if this is truly true of you.  And that’s to, before you go to school, have a Continue reading

0 How to tell when someone likes you but can’t say it

Wolfy asks: I have a friend. He is being really weird lately. Our schedules got changed, and he ended up in two of my classes. We first met last-minute studying for a test, and he got all of them right. We are friends now and we were cool for a while. But then he started kinda ignoring us (me and my group of friends), but still came when I called him over. This was weird because we were working together, but he wasn’t with us as usually. We asked him why, and he said he worked better with the other people because he didn’t really like them. Oddly enough he kept going to them after the work was finished. Well, that stopped. He sticks with us now. Just a few days ago though, he and I were the last two in class (besides the teacher) and he told me he wanted to ask me something. But he noticed that someone forgot their notebook. I looked down the hall and they were gone. Just then a friend I was going home with called me, so I caught up with her. He caught up with me and told me a really weird pointless story. As he walked away I asked him if that was what he wanted to tell me. He said no, and left. The next day I saw him was two days later. So, I asked him about it. He said he had no idea what I was talking about…. sigh. I asked my friends and they said maybe he likes me. He has told me who he likes. Showed me a picture of her even. He knew her before he knew me. I don’t know what to make of him anymore. Any ideas?

Hi Wolfy –

Sadly, as I’ve had to tell so many people, I’m a very smart dog but I’m not psychic.  I have absolutely no idea what is going on with him!  I’m inclined, though, to think your friends might be right.  He might be interested in you for more than studying!

But here’s the tough part – he might not even know it yet!  The teen years are just about the craziest time any human ever goes through, and it sounds like his mind is going in circles at 800 miles an hour.  One moment he just has to tell you something because it’s so important, and later he’s avoiding you or saying (truthfully or not) that he doesn’t even know what it was.

My advice to you is to Continue reading

0 How to do what you love when you feel judged.

DogLover101 asks: When I was really young, in junior infants (1st grade), I wanted to become an artist. But then halfway through 2nd class, I realized that I couldn’t actually draw, paint, or sculpt like real artists do. One of the reasons that I realized that was because this classmate of mine, who HATES my guts, J, is the class’ best artist – and let me tell you he knows, like he really truly knows… He brags about it, but since I hate him I try to have as little eye contact with him as possible. So after that I decided that I wanted to be a Vet because I really loved animals – and of course my mom was happy with this decision because it meant that I would go to College. My excuse throughout the 4 years was that I wanted to be a Vet, but I really didn’t want to go to College to be something I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t enjoy coming to Every. Single. Day. But then after the beautiful Christmas of 2015 my mom bought me…An Art set! It is so professional and the supplies don’t suck… It’s perfect! Of course I tried it out and I love it! Now every time I paint I feel like time stops and it’s just me, my creativity, and my brush. I put all of my paintings up even if they’re not my best work. There’s also this girl K in my class, who follows me and my friends around and tries to fit in. She’s SO annoying; in fact our teacher brought all of the girls in my class up to her desk and said to try to be friends with her. WOAH no! What teacher does that? Anyway she’s also good at Art and surely brags about it as well. And then there’s me…. No one knows that painting is my getaway, nor that it’s my hobby again. They all still think I want to be a Vet. So how do I do this? How do I let people know that I actually am the Art type and kind of be known for it (not in a braggy way)? I’m pretty sure if J and K find out then J will judge me and say I suck while K will either ignore the topic or say it’s good (Too good…). They can draw, but I’m more of a painter and my class does these challenges (for fun) where two people draw against each other, and if I’m challenged to an Art-off, I’m pretty sure I’ll lose and he’ll rub it in my face for the whole year!

Hi Doglover101 –

As you can probably guess, I have a lot to say on this.

First of all, about this girl.  I’m actually on your teacher’s side on this one.  You know, when I was a puppy, I was the most annoying being in the whole world.  Big dogs snapped at me, humans kicked me away, and even Handsome would throw me outdoors for being too much of a pain.  It’s not that I was mean; it’s just that I was so friendly and playful, and so eager for acceptance from everyone, that I did a lousy job of every interaction (or, as Handsome likes to say, “It’s sure a good thing you were so cute then!  That’s the only reason you’re even alive today!”).

I understand she’s annoying, but I’d say to see if there’s a part of her you like.  And if so, befriend that part of her and help her feel more accepted in the class, and see if her annoying parts go away.  (And if they don’t, then you can of course give up on her!).

Then about your thoughts about college.  Even if you become an artist, I really encourage you to consider it.  Even if you take some time off before you go.  It just makes life so much easier for humans these days; and art is a very difficult profession to depend on.  So I’d say to strongly consider pleasing your mom and going to college – even if you end up specializing in Art!  At least you’ll have that achieved.

Okay, now about your art and these other kids.  This will be your future, in any creative endeavor.  There are always self-professed experts in every field.  There are always hangers-on.  There are always others who will tell you you can’t do what you’re trying.

After all, can you imagine what other dogs told me when I said I wanted to do this website?!

So here’s my advice on this.  First of all, Continue reading

0 How to contact a friend long after you should have

Sarah asks: Since I started college I’ve drifted away from my number one supporter – my high school counselor. She supported me throughout high school when I had issues at home with my mom, and she was one of my main supporters when I ran for two pageants. I feel so ungrateful for not keeping her up-to-date with what is going on in college or even calling her to talk about my problems. I remember her telling me don’t take forever to call and talk to her because she’ll get mad – and I did the complete opposite by not calling her at all. I feel so bad. I really want to talk to her but I feel as though she wouldn’t want to talk to me. I need her support right now and I need her to guide me with what I am dealing with in college. How can I gain back that bond with her?

Hi Sarah –

What a great question this is.  I have an answer for you, but first I want to tell you a joke that was very popular a few years ago.  The question was how to tell if your marriage is better than your relationship with your dog.  The answer was to lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for a few hours, and when you open it, see which one’s happy to see you.

Of course, the dog will be overjoyed.  Why?  Because he’s not thinking about how awful you were to lock him in there, he’s just so happy to get out and see his best friend.  While your wife, who has a bigger brain, is only thinking about what a jerk you were to lock her in there.

Now I’m not suggesting that your counselor has the same size brain I do, but there is a certain similarity here.

It’s all about Continue reading

0 What to do after stopping cutting

Kali asks: I took your advice and stopped cutting. I did submit a question last year about my cutting and depression, and once you gave me your advice, I immediately went to my mother and told her everything. She took notice on how bad my depression was and how much I was damaging my own skin, so she took me to a therapist. And I’ve been clean for a year and a few months. But, my depression only worsened. When I moved on to middle school for 7th grade, which was a few weeks ago, I already started to get bullied. I was actually used to getting bullied, because I was bullied since pre-school and up, but this was worse. The people who were bullying me actually wanted to fight me, to cause me physical damage. So, with me being the stubborn, naïve girl I am, I took up one of my bullies offers to fight. I waited for her and her boyfriend outside of school but they never came, so I left. And the next day I found out they were hiding because they were planning on jumping me. I told my mom and she immediately took me out of school, having me now being home-schooled. But now I’m thinking, ‘Should my mom really be doing this for me?’ I’ve asked her countless times about this and every time she’s answered with, ‘I’m tired of you always waking up in the morning, being afraid of what’s going to happen at school, I’m tired of you being in constant fear of going though the day at school, and I’m tired of you always worrying about what’s going to happen the next day.’ This has made me more depressed, and even more suicidal, but I’ve still never touched a razor, knife, or piece of glass to slash at my skin, nor have I done anything to get that sensation back. I just really need help, since I’m not seeing a therapist anymore and I would feel very uncomfortable talking to them about this situation. Do you think you could possibly help me?

Hi Kali –

I’m so glad you’ve been able to keep yourself from cutting! You’ve made my day, Kali!

But the big question is what you should do now.  And you can probably guess what I’m going to say – two things.

First, yes yes yes, I’d love you to see a therapist.  It’s great that your earlier work with one helped you gain the strength to stop cutting; there’s nothing I’d wish for more.  But the thing about cutting (or drinking, drugs, or lots of other addictive behaviors) is that they slightly cover up the pain a person is suffering.  So now that you’re not cutting anymore, those feelings are guaranteed to come up.  And when you add the rotten awful terrible experience of bullying starting right when you begin a new school, that’ll just make it worse.

And although it’s clear your mother is doing everything she can to protect you, and is acting completely out of love, and although I could never argue that what she’s doing isn’t the best idea… still, her taking you out of school can’t feel good, and is very likely to add to the depression you were already suffering!

So I’m going to throw something at you that might sound just awful.  Believe me, I’m always against bullying, and don’t agree with the people who do it. But there’s got to be something about you that made those jerks pick you out, out of all the students at the school.  Maybe it’s that you’ve been bullied so many times in the past, so you carry some fear (That’s often what makes us dogs bark at strange people – we pick up that they’re afraid of us – and our barking just seems to prove their fears right!).  Or maybe it’s something else.  But whatever it is, I want you to get Continue reading

0 How to handle friends who listen to mean liars

sarah asks: This is going to be my second year in college. My college is very small. There’s this one girl who is very outspoken but evil. She works her way through people, and makes them believe whatever she says. She has caused a lot of people that were once my friends to turn against me. How do I let people see the real me, and be attracted to me and not her?

Hi sarah –

I usually hear about girls doing this at younger ages – this behavior’s very common around 14 years old – so it disturbs me to hear about it happening in a college. Not that I don’t know of adults who do such things, but just that I’d have hoped the other students wouldn’t be as susceptible to her manipulations.

But I then have to think – oh, that just means she’s reeeeeeally good at it.

And frankly, if she’s that talented, I don’t know that I can give you a great answer on how to beat her at this game. Eventually, we can be sure, she’ll alienate enough people that they start to see her the way you do. And when that happens, she’ll move from being liked and trusted to being despised and shunned.

But that’s later, and up to the hands of fate; not now, in any way you can control.

So my invitation to you is to try to look at this in a very different way – as a Continue reading

0 How to deal with failure

Meggz asks: I only managed to complete two of my exams at 16, which were English and Maths, and I ended up doing really badly. This was because I was battling depression and I was unable to put myself through more stress of doing it. I hadn’t gone to school since year 9 and so I was teaching myself. Have I ruined the rest of my life?

Hi Meggz –

I’m really sorry you didn’t do well on the tests. I know those subjects can be extremely hard. But my quick answer to you is No. Nope. Absolutely not. No way, no how, nopity nope nope nope.

Somewhere in this world is someone who never did badly at anything. I have never met them.

The stories of great ‘failures’ are endless. Albert Einstein failing his college entrance math exams, Michael Jordan being kicked off a basketball team for not being good enough, movie studios rejecting Fred Astaire and E.T. and all sorts of things.

But that’s not to say the tests don’t matter. They do. It all comes down to one question: Continue reading

2 Do colleges and universities care more about grades or the prestige of a high school?

Navyaashali asks: I am going to class eleventh now, and I study in a big boarding school whose cost is a lot. If I stay in school then I will have the school name and my principal’s CV, which will help me get into a college, but I will have very little time to study. But if I leave school then maybe I would have a high percentile, and it would help my parents financially, but I would not have the extra stuff which is helpful to get into a good college (provided you are a brilliant student). Please give me some advice.

Hi Navyaashali –

You seem to have the pros and cons of each decision very clear:  If you stay at the boarding school, you’ll have lower marks from a higher-rated institution; and if you go to another school, you’ll likely have higher marks from a lower-rated place.

I don’t know that I can choose between these two, any more easily than you can – based on what you tell me here.  So I would suggest that you bring another issue into the mix.

When a human applies to colleges and universities, the admission staff does look at the prestige of the schools the person attended, and at their grades.  But they also look at the Continue reading