danashafik123 asks: Why do lots of people like math?
Hi danashafik123 –
You know it’s funny, since you also recently wrote me asking about how to be less sensitive. My friend Handsome is a very very sensitive guy – worries about everybody, cries at movies, all that. And that’s what he uses in his work all day. So you know what he really looks forward to every month? Balancing his Continue reading
happyelfblue asks: I have a medical problem. I know I have parasites in my body, and it’s really freaking me out. I have intestine/stomach pains. I’m also ALWAYS hungry, even If I eat. I feel tired and dizzy occasionally, and I can always feel something crawling up my leg as if something is rubbing my leg internally. My parents are both doctors, and they don’t believe me. I’m 100% sure I’m right, I’ve spent hours on the net researching causes and cures like lemon (but some things like ‘wormwood’ I don’t have). I’m really scared that in a few years I’ll have a serious problem like internal bleeding. I’ve tried everything and I’ve come to this forum as a last resort.
Hi happyelfblue –
As I often express here, I’m only a dog. And I’m certainly not a psychic. I can’t tell anything about anything other than what I’ve been written by you folks.
Given that, I have no way of knowing whether you really have parasites, or a psychological condition like Ekbom’s syndrome (here’s a good link about that: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delusional_parasitosis), or some other problem.
But here’s what I do know: you need to get to a good Continue reading
Athny asks: I recently found out I was gay. How do I explain it to my parents?
Hi Athny –
There are just about as many answers to your question as there are families. I’ll go over some thoughts, but in the end, the answer is going to be to do what’s best for you and them.
It’s a normal rite-of-passage for just about everyone, that they have to tell their parents something they’re pretty sure those parents don’t want to hear. Maybe it’s that you’re moving out, or you’re dating someone they don’t like, or getting married, or even voting a different way than they do. But few of these carry as much tension as when someone tells their parents that their sexual Continue reading
danashafik123 asks: How can I be less sensitive?
Hi danashafik123 –
You know, it’s a funny thing, I think we all wish for that some times. We play a rough sport, and everyone else is fine with falling and being jumped on, but we find it hard because we feel more pain than the others (or because we can’t retaliate! Dogs do not like dodgeball!!!). Or something sad or hurtful happens to us, and we wish we didn’t feel so awful. Maybe our friends or family are even telling us “Get over it! Move on!” and we just can’t.
And so we wish we were less sensitive.
Now some people are too physically sensitive. They might have something called Sensory Integrative Disorder, or even a form of Continue reading
katie1234 asks: I’m a 15 year old girl, with no violent past, who all my friends know as a very peaceful person, accused of beating up my step mum and sister. I had a fight with both of them the night before and in the morning was attacked by my older sister (who has done this many times before and both parents know this) who got angry about another argument. She then called my step mum (who also has been in many physical fights with this same sister where police and social services had to come round multiple times) up to say that I attacked her. My step mum came back home and immediately took my purse. I struggled and took it off her, which I admit wasn’t the best thing to do, but then she threw me on the floor and wrestled me for it, hurting me. I pushed her off me time and time again. She eventually got it, sat on it and said she was farting on it (she’s 41). I took it back off her and she said, “fine take your stupid purse” and threw it at me. I of course rushed out of the house as soon as possible, but just when I got to the door and opened it she said “no you’re not getting away with this,” and yanked my hair up then threw me to the wall, which left me dizzy on the floor for about two minutes. I was so scared I rushed out to the road opposite a school (this was just before I left for my school), where little children were walking, crying, hair all messy and trying to put the shoes my step mum threw at me on in the middle of the street. The side of my head hurt for the rest of the day. However, this was not the most hurtful thing in the situation. The worst thing was coming home to my father and stepsister, who believed I attacked both my step mum and my sister, even though both were much stronger and angrier than me. I was punished of course but the worst thing is my dad believing I was beating them – especially when I thought he knew me as a person. Forgetting all the manipulation and psychological abuse my sister and I have suffered from her in the past, my step mum has broken my close relationship with my dad and my sister. Someone who I was also very close to has hurt me, and I don’t know if I can trust her again. What can I do?
Hi katie1234 –
There is so much here that I don’t really know where to start.
First of all, I don’t know where you live, but in many places, your stepmother could be arrested for this – even if they say you were the instigator, you’re still only 15 and she’s not supposed to get into fights with you.
Second, there’s something very odd in your story about your Continue reading
Marussia asks: I’ve read recently that if I change my husband will change as well. We’ve got a 6-year old son, and for about a year my husband has been drinking beer and stronger alcohol. Is the problem in me? In my attitude towards him? Sometimes we quarrel and he can shout at me, then he calms down and says he loves me.
Hi Marussia –
This is SUCH a complex question! It’s kind of like asking how much parents determine the personality of their kids. The answer is always yes, but never 100%.
My friend Handsome works with a lot of couples. And every time he begins to think someone’s issues are all because of their spouse, he’s proven wrong. And every time he thinks they’re all for other reasons, he’s proven wrong too.
But that doesn’t help you any. You’re wondering why your husband Continue reading
lovelyme asks: My ex and I didn’t talk for a long time. Now that we have just started talking, he’s driving me crazy (in a good way). I think I’m falling for him just a tiny bit. The sad part is that I don’t like him at all! My mind says, “Don’t you fall for that again!” But then my heart says “maybe or maybe not!” I really don’t know what to do!
Hi lovelyme –
I assume you already realize this, but your situation sounds like about ten thousand romantic comedies – you hate the boy but you just can’t get over him. I don’t have an easy answer (unless he’s Clark Gable and you’re Claudette Continue reading
a soft breeze asks: A stepfather is good to his wife’s children, so much so that one of the wife’s daughters (teen,15) fell in love with him and wants to marry him. She is jealous of her mother. He is very upset. He tried to show to her that his relationship is that of a father. But she cannot control her feelings. He threatened her that he will not see her anymore, that she could stay in her father’s house and not come back to his house, or he will come to his house only when she’s not there. She sent him a letter saying that if he quits from her life she will commit suicide. He’s confused. What should he do?
Hi a soft breeze –
This is an absolutely horrible situation! It sounds miserable for him, for her, and I’m sure it’s just terrible for her mother and father. While it’s great for stepchildren to love their stepparents, this is a strange and terribly twisted version of that.
I like and respect that he is working so hard to set boundaries with her. He’s absolutely right to do that. But there is one further thing that’s necessary – and I mean necessary, not “it’d be a nice idea.” He, his wife, and her daughter, must Continue reading
kym asks: How can I approach my mom to transfer me into another school?
Hi kym –
You might have seen already that I’m a huge fan of formal conversations. In other words, I’ve seen tons of disasters when a kid or teen tries to casually, spontaneously, bring up big issues. Like when their mom is uptight in a traffic jam, trying to get them to school on time, even though they got out of the house fifteen minutes late because the youngster didn’t get up when they were supposed to, and the kid says, “I think it’s unfair that I’m supposed to be home by ten o’clock, because I want to go to a party with some new friends this weekend and it’s all the way on the other side of town and no one’s going to want to leave before eleven because the college kids don’t come by with the beer before ten!” Mom is not going to do well with that!
On the other hand, if you walk up to your mom and say Continue reading
Athny asks: I feel attracted to my next-door locker neighbor. There are two problems with this: I already have a girlfriend, and my locker neighbor is a guy, like me. He and I also have the same interests. What do I do?
Hi Athny –
You are absolutely right that you have two issues here, and they really are totally separate. So I’ll take them on separately, as well.
First, the girlfriend: It’s of course very normal to be involved with someone and find yourself attracted to someone else. This can happen in a very happy and committed marriage, as well as in a dating relationship like yours. The question comes to how you feel about this attraction. If being attracted to someone meant your relationship had to end, George Clooney and Scarlett Johansson would be responsible for hundreds of Continue reading