Category Archives for "Questions"

What are some good techniques for a young person to handle stress?

juicy asks: Growing up isn’t easy. Most of the time I got headaches easily by stress… When I was young I didn’t really understand any family problems, or myself, or love. Sometimes I wanted to just run away. I want to know what to do when I get stressed out.

Hi Juicy –

 

You are so right, growing up is never easy!  If it were, I’d be spending my days chewing bones and sunbathing, because no one would be writing me questions at all!

 

Now… If I’m understanding your question correctly, you’re saying that you’ve always had stress issues, and now you’re wondering what to do about them.  Here are some suggestions:

1)    Breathe.  I know, it sounds silly, but most humans hold their breath when they get stressed out!  Whenever you feel the stress building, just sit down and take at least five slow deep breaths.  Ten if you can.  It won’t change what’s happening outside, but it will

literally help your body handle the stress much better.

2)    Regularly exercise.  Every day is best, but at least a few times a week.  Our bodies hold onto the stress that we can’t resolve, and it helps a lot to let them burn it out!  Plus, exercise encourages you to Breathe!

3)    Meditate, Pray, whatever you like.  But take some time every day to sit with your eyes closed and just center.  Feel any stress in your body and concentrate on relaxing it.  And of course, while you’re doing this, as deeply as possible…  yes, Breathe!

4)    As much as possible, get rid of jerks!  One reason lots of people feel so much stress is that their lives are full of really difficult, self-centered, unhelpful people.  If your boss or teacher is really tough on you all day, and then you tell a friend about it and that friend doesn’t listen, or insults you for it… that’s not a great friend!  Try to bring more positive and supportive people into your life.  Your stress level will reduce soon.

5)    Although they might seem to help at first, things like tobacco, alcohol, illegal drugs, and even caffeine actually increase stress.  Never count on them to help.  Far better to drink lots of water and make sure you get a good night’s sleep every night.

6)    On that count, eat a healthy diet.  Just like exercise and sleep, it will help your body relax more, and you’ll like what you see in the mirror more too!

7)    Find someone good to talk to about your stress.  Friends are great, but if you need more, a therapist or counselor is going to be very helpful.

8)    And oh you knew this was coming…  if you can, Juicy… get, or at least play with, a dog!  We are so good at stress-reduction!  We’ll remind you all the time of what really matters (love, protection, play), and what doesn’t (who said what about whom and who likes or doesn’t like who and all that!).  All the above are great things, but there’s nothing like a loyal trustworthy love, lightly snoring by your feet, to reduce stress always!  (you see, we pooches never forgot how to breathe!)

 

Good Luck, and feel better!

Shirelle

 

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Why we should pass on weather information to others

Hyra asks: why is it important to give information about Pagasa giving the people news when it reports storms?

Hi Hyra –

If I understand what you’re asking, it’s why one should pass on information that there’s bad weather coming.  Pagasa is the national weather service of the Philippines.  So when they put out an announcement of a big storm coming, I agree that it’s a really good idea for everyone there to let everyone else know about it.

So I’m a bit confused, Hyra.  Are you asking why it’s important to Continue reading

How to get a parent to accept their daughter getting back with a boyfriend who’s messed up

Hounddogblues asks: Long story: My dad died of cancer when I was 12, after a 3 year struggle, leaving just me and Mum. Mum has also had cancer since, and is in remission, and I had a long stint in hospital and a year out of Uni due to a kidney problem. That being said, this drama has brought me and Mum very close together. Whilst in my last year of Uni, I met my boyfriend, who is 7 years my senior. Mum didn’t really approve from day one (but no boy is ever good enough). I finally told her we were together, but within a week he had a breakdown and we argued. He left me with a mark on my neck after throwing my belongings (clothes) at me to pack and leave. I ran and made a fuss to my mum. A month later, he apologized and said he was seeking help through his Job in the army. I accepted that it was a breakdown and that he has totally changed. I’ve been back with him for 4 months, and he is perfect, better than ever. We want to get serious, but due to financial reasons I have had to move home. Mum does not know about our relationship, and I am scared to lose her or him. But if I don’t do something soon, I feel I’ll go mad myself. How do I break this to my mum without losing either of them? Getting help isn’t really an option as my mum refuses to see psychologists (I tried when she was grieving for dad). My boyfriend intends to speak to her alone and apologize, but she is stubborn and I know she won’t accept his apology.

Wow, this is a lot!  Living through all that would even give this hound dog the blues, Hounddogblues!

I guess the first thing to say is that I really respect your boyfriend for seeking and getting help.  So many people are torn between guilt, pride, and shame, and refuse to do that.  But I do hope you’ve been able to give him a sort of ultimatum too, along the lines of “I love you and am so glad you’re back, but if you do that again I’ll leave you that second.”  Your safety is my first concern.

But assuming that things are as good as you’re saying, then yes, you and your mother have some work to do.

You know, I love that you mention that, in her eyes, no man is ever good enough for Continue reading

When family members aren’t speaking

Erika asks: My sister had a big misunderstanding with her daughter (who is suffering from anxiety disorder). It has been two whole weeks that they haven’t talked to each other. My sister thinks that my niece has to make the first move, as she is younger, but it seems that my niece has no plans of doing so, as she is still hurting. What should my sister do, especially since her daughter’s birthday is fast approaching? Should she make the first move or not?

Hi Erika –

 

What a good sister and aunt you are, to take this on.  They’re lucky to have you.

I have a bit of a problem in not knowing how old your niece is.  I’d see different issues if she was eight, eighteen, or twenty-eight.

But not knowing, I can still speak on a few issues.  Firstly, your sister might be working to train her anxious daughter to face her fears and difficulties.  And if so, it’ll help if you support her in this.  But that support might include telling her if you think she’s doing part of it the wrong Continue reading

How to handle trauma in a dog.

amber95 asks: Hi Shirelle. About 6 months ago I adopted a purebred Pomeranian from my local SPCA. She is my first proper pet, and she is my best friend. We were told that she was used for breeding purposes, but we think that she has psychological issues. Can these be related? And is there anything I can do to help her?

Hi amber95 –

First of all, may I offer my heartiest congratulations!  A first pet is a glorious thing, and I’m so glad that you’ve managed to become best friends within six months.  You should have years of joy ahead of you with this great little lover!  And may I add, thank you so much for getting her from the SPCA – they do such great jobs of saving and rescuing animals, I just love ‘em!

You ask if her psychological issues might be related to her original “job” as a dog for breeding.  I imagine there are specific issues about breeding that could result in emotional damage to a dog, but of course I have no way of knowing about this specific case.  What’s important is that you’re seeing that the dog does have psychological Continue reading

What teenagers should eat

preeti asks: What should a teenage child eat?

Hi preeti –

 

Teenage bodies are going through so many changes that it’s hard to tell if what is good for a teen one week is still good the next.  What leaves you bright-eyed and gorgeous today might make you break out and smell bad a month from now!  What a tough situation!!

 

But…  well, I guess it’s easiest to say what a teenager shouldn’t eat, or at least shouldn’t eat so much of.  I’d start with really sugary or fatty foods, and of course things like tobacco and alcohol or anything Continue reading

1 How to keep children focused in Sunday School

Jena asks: I am a Sunday school teacher and handle younger age ranges 7 to 8 yrs. I am just so curious what can I do to calm their very active moods during discussion! Hope you can help me.

Hi Jena –

 

There are a lot of books and videos for schoolteachers about how to keep kids focused, and if you look at my recent answer to ethan23’s question about concentration, I explain a lot about that.

 

But you’re facing yet a different issue.  You are a Sunday school teacher!  And when most kids think of weekends, they think of running around and having fun and not having to Continue reading

5 Why is a baby’s birth considered a miracle?

Angelbrat asks: Why is the birth of a baby considered as a miracle?

Hi Angelbrat –

 

That’s a lovely question.  What I especially like about it is that it gets me a chance to expound on something I think is really important.  Which is Miracles.

 

You see, when you really think about it, all a Miracle is just something that you didn’t really think was possible before.  Miracles happen every day – but once they happen, they’re not seen as Continue reading

1 How to live knowing you’re attracted to the same sex.

uf18 asks: It’s an honor to write to you. I am a 14-year-old boy. Since childhood I always had sexual attraction toward males. I can’t decide what to do? Be straight or gay? Please help me. I am begging you. I wrote to a lot of advice columnists, but no one answered. So I hope you will be kind enough to answer my question. Thank you.

Hi uf18 –

Thank you for writing this extremely important question.  I’m sorry for the tough time you’re going through, and really respect you for reaching out to ask this.

Until pretty recently, no one really knew what determined anyone’s sexual orientation (a big word for what sort of people you’re attracted to).  But in the last decade or so, scientists have found that there’s a part of the brain that is different in size for people who are attracted to their own or the opposite sex.  It’s called the hypothalamus.  What’s so important about this discovery is that it makes it clear that attraction is not a Continue reading

Why would my best friend leave me?

Shefar asks: Hey Shirelle! I’m 12 and go to a private school. I’ve had a best friend before, but we broke up. I think that’s because of a new girl who she hangs out with a lot these days. She’s a lot better than I am. But I don’t think it’s appropriate for her to forget someone who’s close with her. I mean we can hang out together. Do you know why she left me?

Well, Shefar, of course I first have to answer your question by saying that I have no idea why she left you.  I’m a pretty insightful puppy, but I’m not a psychic, and so have no way of knowing what she was thinking.

It’s always very tough when friends want to stop hanging around us, and prefer the company of others.  It could be for a lot of reasons that are perfectly innocent.  One of the most common, especially around your age, is that kids grow at different Continue reading