Category Archives for "Parenting"

1 How to talk to others about a neurological condition

prettyndsweet12 asks: I have this condition called Myoclonus and it causes me to make these embarrassing jerking movements. Lots of people have been asking me questions about it, and I don’t know what to say. If I tell them what I have, then they will think I’m weird. Lots of people laugh and joke about me, and it makes me sad. I know it may help if I tell them, but at the same time it may make things worse for me. Please help me.

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Thank you so much for your letter.  I had never heard of Myoclonus before, and I’m glad to learn about it – though very sorry you’re suffering from it.  (For those readers who also don’t know about it, there’s a lot of good information at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myoclonus).

Of course I’m not a neurologist, so I can’t offer you any wisdom about the actual condition.  But as a loving dog, I can certainly offer you some ideas about the difficult situation it’s putting you through.

Most people are nice, sensitive, and kind.  Of course there are exceptions (there are lots of names for them: “Jerks” is one I use a lot, though “Ignoramuses” is perhaps more accurate), but I’m guessing that most of the people who are laughing probably don’t realize that they’re hurting you so much.  In fact, they might even think you’re just clowning around, when you’re actually just making movements you have no control over!

Because of this, the people who are suggesting that you tell people about the Myoclonus are probably right in most cases, but the tough part is figuring out when and how.  Do you introduce yourself, “Hi, my name is prettyndsweet12, and I have Myoclonus,” and then have to explain what it is?  Or do you wait till you make an involuntary movement and then say “Oh I didn’t mean to do that, it’s a neurological disorder I have?”  Or do you wait till they laugh or look concerned or ask?

The awful fact is that there is no perfect answer to this.  It reminds me of a friend of mine who lost half her leg in childhood.  She has a prosthetic limb, and can wear pants or tights and look like anyone else.  But then, when she meets new people, she’s stuck with that same question – when to tell them?  Especially when it comes to dating – do you talk about it too early or too late – it never feels just right.

I can, however, tell you one thing that is almost always true.  You don’t need to worry that, if someone asks you about your condition, you telling them will make them think you’re “weird.”  Again, there are jerks out there who might say such things, but everyone else will be the exact opposite.  They’ll appreciate your honesty about it, they’ll want to put you at ease, and they’ll actually let you into their heart in a special way, realizing the tough time you’re having.  A simple line like “It’s a neurological condition called Myoclonus” will probably be enough to ease the situation.  If someone wants to know more, then you can either tell them about it or suggest they look it up, depending on what you’d like at that time.

But what needs to change is that those people you mention are out there joking about your pain.  It’s really important that they learn the truth – that you’re not stupid or attention-grabbing or weird, or anything else.  Your condition is no more “weird” than the hiccups every one of them has had, or coughing or sneezing.  If you’re uncomfortable telling them about the Myoclonus, maybe you could get a friend or an adult to talk to them about it.

Or here’s my favorite thought – if this is happening at school – you could do a report about it.  Imagine what it would do to those laughers if you got up in class and gave a presentation about it in detail.  Any joke about it would be shown up for the idiocy it is – the joker would be seen by everyone as ignorant.

Which they are.  But ignorance isn’t a crime.  After all, until I got your letter, I was ignorant about Myoclonus too.

The crime is in being a jerk about Myoclonus once one knows about it.  And your telling people about it is the one way to stop most of that from happening, and reveal those who still do it for what they are.

Thank you for your honesty and bravery.  You’ve made me and all our readers into better mammals for the experience!

Be Strong!

Shirelle

0 How to deal with a parent who gives her younger child less freedom than the older one

Greta asks: My elder sister has been dating her boyfriend for two years now. They are very happy together and I am happy for them as well. But my mom has a problem when I even talk about guys – she doesn’t want me to date at all. Why is this so?

Hi Greta –

From what I see of humans, there are two sorts of parents.  One sort is very protective of their first kid; then over time they realize they don’t need to worry so much, and they give their next child a lot more freedom.  The other sort see their first child as adult and responsible, and forever see their later kid or kids as children they need to protect and control.  It sounds like you have the second sort.

Now of course, I don’t know how old you are.  For all I know, your sister might be twenty years old and you might be Continue reading

0 How to deal with people giving mean criticism

Cinderrella asks: My dad has been treating me pretty different for the last few weeks because I didn’t do well in my last exams, and he is always telling me not to eat too much because apparently I’m fat even when I’m not eating, and at school I’m just sick and tired of people teasing me about my scars (I was burned when i was 2 years old) and about my weight. Really it’s not as if I don’t try to exercise – I do, but it isn’t working! I try not to mind people and just be strong, but it seems I’m getting weaker by the day and I just wanna give up! I feel so lonely, because I feel like there is no one who can understand me. Please help me!

Hi Cinderrella –

I get so angry that the hair on my back stands up and my lips curl to show my fangs, when I hear about people getting on teenage girls’ cases about their weight.  We have such a problem today with teenage girls worrying too much, and thinking they’re fat when they’re not, and then doing awful things like starving or purging themselves.  I’m all for you eating well and in moderation (something I have tremendous trouble with, whenever I get near a pizza!), and exercising well.  But if you have trouble keeping your weight where you want it even then, the solution is to see a doctor or a nutritionist, not to Continue reading

0 How can a teenager get what they want from their parents without being disrespectful

lynde asks: How do I get what I want from my parents without being disrespectful?

Hi Lynde –

This is a great question, one which teens have been struggling with for centuries.  And that’s because the teen years are, by definition, a time when humans begin to develop in ways that go against their parents.  By that, do I mean that they have to rebel against their parents’ authority and values?  Well, lots of the time, yes!

Think of it as the opposite of weaning.  You’ll see puppies or kittens whose mothers are very happy to let them nurse on them.  But eventually the little folks get bigger (and start to get sharp teeth!), and the mother has to tell them “No, you can’t eat here anymore!”  Usually that involves pushing her young away, or even nipping at them.  They have to learn to eat in other ways.

Well, there comes a point when a human is a teenager when they sort of have to wean their Continue reading

0 How does one start conversations with people or dogs?

Vaibhav asks: I can’t talk much with people, especially girls. I can talk with my friends and their parents easily, but with other people it’s hard for me. I’m scared of street dogs also. So can you talk me out of it?

Hi Vaibhav –

Regarding speaking to girls, of course it’s always harder to be “at ease” when you’re with someone where there’s more at stake.  You’re fine with your friends and their parents because you’re comfortable in the knowledge that they’ll accept you as you are, to the complete degree that you want.  But if that’s not the case, and you want and need especially to be accepted by them, and in particular ways, absolutely you’ll be stymied.  I’m great at greeting strangers in a park, but if one of them is holding a hot Italian Sub sandwich, I’m going to be a lot more nervous around them, and worry about how I’m appearing to them, so they’ll like me and want to give me… well… all of it.  And yes, Vaibhav, to a large portion of the population, girls are a hot Italian Sub sandwich!!!

My main trick for talking with people you don’t know and you want to accept you is to ask them about Continue reading

0 How to get over fears about trust

Fruitloop asks: I am16 years old, and have MAJOR trust issues I would like to get over. I don’t know why I have these issues – I have a good family life and my parents are nothing but kind to me. I have had a lot of friend issues though, and I think that is my problem. I feel as though as soon as I get close to someone I get scared because of my past, because if they find out I’m afraid that they will avoid me :/. Help me please!

Hi Fruitloop –

Trust is one of the toughest issues anyone ever has to deal with.  Sure, it’s understandable when someone’s suffered horrible abuse, but it’s still a problem when someone has, like you, had a relatively good experience in this life!

Where do your trust issues come from?  Maybe you’re just a person with a nervous temperament, and so you’ve always been a worrier and will always be one.  Or maybe your parents are untrusting, and so, while they’ve always been good to you, you’ve learned from them to be concerned about others.  Or of course, maybe you have had some experiences that have left you less trusting of your Continue reading

2 What to do when teenagers retreat from life

Pinky asks: Hi. I am a mother of a 13-year-old son. Of late I have realized he is losing his interest in studies and is becoming very inactive in his day-to-day life. My son is good in studies but now he is not doing his work on time and wants to postpone all his work. He is lacking in concentration too. He doesn’t like to go out much. He just wants to sit at home and watch TV or play PSP, etc. What should I do now?

Hi Pinky –

Thanks for your question about your son.

I wish I could tell you for sure what’s going on.  But the truth is, it could be any number of things.

MOST likely, it’s nothing to be terribly worried about.  Most teenagers go through a period (or a few periods) like this.  Their bodies and worlds are changing very fast, and they need a time when they sort of retreat, when they lose their usual energy and excitement, and need to pull inside themselves, and avoid the Continue reading

0 How to help a child who’s been frightened by scary pictures

Georgie asks: My 10-year-old daughter recently was exposed to a truly horrific image on the ‘Quizazz’ website… she really had her wits scared out of her and, despite my reassurances of ‘it’s not real,’ I don’t think I’m getting thru; how can I help her deal with her fright which is now turning into nightmares and having to have a night light on, etc?

Hi Georgie –

I just looked at Quizazz, and I think I might have seen the pictures that scared her –  Yep, those are pretty darn creepy!   I will say, though, that if it was one of those, I’m happy that it wasn’t worse!  Children are going to see faces that scare them, whether it’s in a fairy tale book or a monster movie or…  Hey do you know what movie has scared more people more than any other over time?  If you’re thinking about “Psycho” or “The Exorcist” or some slasher flicks, forget it.  The most frightening movie ever (based on a survey of psychologists years ago) is ” Continue reading

0 How to keep your weight down when your family feeds you too much

Naima asks: How can I lose weight quickly, when my mother wants me to keep eating for my health, and eat fattening food?

Hi Naima –

Great question, and there is a trick to it.  Lots of times grownups want their kids to eat a lot, with the idea that eating big amounts makes them healthy.  While the kid might want to eat less, to lose weight, in order to look better.  Now as we all know, eating way too much or way too little can be really harmful.  So your mother might be right, to the degree that she wants you to eat enough to be strong and healthy – but you’re right, to the degree that you don’t want a lot of fattening foods.

The solution is for you to make certain demands about what foods you eat, and then you won’t have to worry so much about how much you eat.

Vegetables and fruits are really the key here.  Lots of people just have them on the side of their meals – say they eat a big slab of meat with a big potato or load of pasta, and a little salad on the side.  Or for breakfast they’ll have eggs, sausage, bacon, pancakes, toast… and a tiny glass of Continue reading

5 How do we pray for our children’s purity

animalkingdom asks: I have a 13 year old daughter who would like to stay pure until she gets married. Is there any prayer that one says with them when you give them a purity ring?

Hi animalkingdom –

I am a dog, and so thereby unaffiliated with any religion, and pretty unaware of most.  But I’ll make up a prayer, and you can use it or change it however you wish:

May you live the life you wish.  May you have the strength and wisdom to act in your own best interests, in the short term and the long.  May you find and recognize love and faithfulness in yourself and others, and both give and receive the worth they deserve.  And may you always Continue reading