Category Archives for "Parenting"

0 How teenagers can stop lying to their parents

Anna2 asks: My mom is pretty lenient, compared to other kids’ moms, but lately I’ve caught myself lying to her about things, in order to get away with stuff (saying I misunderstood her rules about having friends over, or saying a band I like isn’t as “inappropriate” as they really are). I’m pretty scared. What should I do?

Hi Anna2 –

You are in a very normal, common place for a teenager.  It sounds like you actually have a very good relationship with your mom, but you’re wanting to make your own choices about your own life.  For example, you know which friends are safe to have over, and you know the difference between “appropriate” and “inappropriate” song lyrics.  So why should your mom insist on making those decisions for you?

Well, there are lots of reasons why.  And the biggest of them is that she doesn’t yet know for sure that you’ll make the safest Continue reading

0 How to enjoy your teenager you’ve never known

Chebby asks: my daughter is 13 years old, and she stayed with my parents till last year when I started staying with her. I don’t have that love or closeness to her. My fear is she has noticed I’m always annoyed with her. How can I handle this and stay with her?

Hi Chebby –

I really have to commend you for your honesty.  Very few parents would be willing to admit not feeling the feelings most parents have for their kids.

Having said that, though, I’ll also say that (and I’ll bet all the teens reading this will agree), teenagers aren’t as easy for parents to fall in love with as babies, toddlers, and infants.  Where most parents are totally smitten with their kids before they start their rebellious teen years, you’re just now beginning to really know her, and that can be pretty demanding.

In fact, you’re probably right that she notices your Continue reading

0 Advice for a twelve-year-old girl thinking about dating

epic1999 asks: I’m 12 and I met this boy who is 13, nearly 14. We get on really well and he knows every thing about me and I know every thing about him. I have never felt like this before about any boy. Because he is older than me he asks me questions and I feel ok answering them. But my only worry is that he will want something from me and I will get hurt in the end. I have talked to all the family members I can trust, but they say that I’m too young to be in a relationship. So I just need a bit of advice.

Hi epic1999 –

I have many pet peeves – squirrels, cats, the sound of skateboards – but one of the big ones is the word “relationship.”  It’s SO vague!  Hey look, you and I are in a Relationship – because I’m writing you an answer to the question you asked me.  You’re in a Relationship with the computer you’re reading this on.  You’re in a Relationship with the chair you’re sitting on as you read this!  And of course you’re in a Relationship with every family member, friend, schoolmate, neighbor… in the end, you’re in a Relationship with everyone and everything there is!

So when your caring family members say that you’re too young to be in a relationship, what you’re really talking about is dating, romance, and (to some degree or another) sex!  Yes, even if that’s just holding hands or kissing on the Continue reading

0 What should a parent do if they suspect their teenager is smoking marijuana?

flaca asks: What steps should I take if I suspect my son is on drugs such as marijuana?

Hi flaca –

It’s always terrifying to think that someone you love is doing something harmful to themselves.  And it’s always so crazy, because their doing it means that they don’t value themselves the way we (who love them so) do.  After all, how would your kids like it if they saw you cutting your fingers on purpose?!  It’d freak them out, wouldn’t it?  Yet they will be completely oblivious to your worries about them not only smoking (which is so terrible for their lungs and liver) but smoking something that affects their mind and very likely is illegal as well.

Teenagers go through lots of phases where their moods change, they’ll withdraw, they might even smell bad, and having a parent hounding them (yes, I did use that Continue reading

0 What does it mean when a child is moody?

mums asks: I am the mother of a 9-year-old boy. He is very good in studies but he doesn’t want to be regular in studies, and he is very moody and a fussy eater. He just likes to play on TV, computer, or his mobile phone. How should I deal with him? Sometimes it gets out of control.

Hi mums –

Most of what you say sounds like a very normal 9-year-old boy.  He’s good but inconsistent at school, a fussy eater, and would rather play on his electronic gadgets than just about anything else.  Right on schedule!

The only word you say that worries me is that he’s also “moody.”  If he were thirteen, I’d say that was normal too, but nine-year-olds aren’t usually very moody.  Do you mean that he’s kind of depressive?  Angry?  Withdrawn?

My first thought, of course, is to ask him what’s Continue reading

0 How to get a child moving in the morning

momgrt asks: Hi. I have a 5-year-old son. He is never in favor of getting ready for school. He has to be pushed for everything during the day. Let it be brushing his teeth, drinking milk, bathing, lunch, dinner, anything. Now with playing and watching TV, he is not at all like that. But he is responsible enough to finish his homework. We both (parents) are working and have to leave home at 8 am. My son’s school is at 8.15 am. So every morning is a jam-packed situation, where my son doesn’t want to get out of bed and get ready. What could be the problem? At times I end up screaming and hitting him. But it disturbs me a lot. I am afraid he won’t take me seriously otherwise.

Hi momgrt –

Okay, first things first:  Stop hitting him to get him moving.  Stop now.  It won’t do any good, it will only turn him against you, and (depending on where you live) it could even get you in trouble with the law.

All right.  So it’s possible that your son is actually suffering from some emotional disturbance, or some chemical whatever that a doctor could help with.  But before you go looking at things like that, it sounds to me like he’s just trying to create some control in his life.  You say that he’s doing all his homework, which is great (though why in the world schools feel they need to give five-year-olds homework is beyond the understanding of this mutt!).  But he needs to be able to be a Continue reading

0 Why would someone choose to sleep with wet hair?

Shira asks: My daughter wets her hair each time she takes a wash and keeps it wet without wiping. She even sleeps with wet hair, and she is having a blocked nose most of the days. Every night she is under antihistamine medicines due to this. We have tried our best to tell her not to wet the hair, but for some reason she cannot do this. Please help us to know how to correct her as it is very bad for her in the long run.

Hi Shira –

Okay, I have to admit, I am totally mystified about this!  Let me be clear, I hate baths!  I hate getting wet at all unless it’s because I’m playing and jump in the water.  And I love getting toweled off afterwards, largely because I (did I say this already) HATE baths!

So why someone would choose to stay wet, especially in bed, confuses me.

In fact, it confuses me so much that I think there has to be a Continue reading

0 What should a 13-year-old know about sex and sexuality?

ubyfaith asks: I want to know about sex and sexuality. I’m about to turn 13

Hi ubyfaith –

That is a HUGE subject, and I couldn’t begin to give you an “answer,” any more than if you asked me if I could tell you about chemistry or literature.

But there’s a very important point you bring up, which is that you’re at the age when everyone needs to learn about these things, and it’s so very important to learn truth (not myths) from the right people, in the right way.

Most people learn about these things from either their parents or biology classes in school, or a mixture of the Continue reading

0 How one can know what they’ll be when they grow up

Bright asks: When I grow up, what will I be? I am not really sure, and I don’t even really know what I like. Can you help me?

Hi Bright –

Ah, the truth is that I can’t help you decide at all.  I have hundreds of questions on my website about building one’s future, but what’s absolutely great is that you will be the one to decide for yourself!  For today, the best thing you can do is to find things that you do like, and pursue them.  Even if they’re not the things that school says are important.

Handsome really fell in love with old horror movies when he was about ten years old.  Did they get him a career, a marriage, or anything remotely like that?  Nope.  Does he think about them every day today?  Yep.  Did he totally flip out a couple of years ago when he got to meet Boris Karloff’s daughter?  You bet!  In other words, that love from his childhood has deepened and strengthened his adult life today.  And that is a great Continue reading

0 How should one learn the meaning of obscene words?

prettyndsweet12 asks: A lot of the kids at my school are older than me and use a lot of profanity and talk about mature things like sex terms. Most of the time I don’t know what there saying, but I’m too embarrassed to ask what they mean, and I’m too embarrassed to ask my mom. What should I do?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Well, I’m of three opinions here, and I can’t decide between them, so I’ll throw all of them at you and let you make your own mind up, okay?!

First – Relax.  You’ll learn what all those words mean soon enough.  In fact, you’ll eventually hear them so much that you’ll wish you didn’t know what they meant anymore!  People use bad words more than ever before – it’s not that the words are new; it’s just that people used to save them for specific times, and now they throw them around like adverbs and pronouns!  Frankly, most of them aren’t all that interesting.  So relax, and trust that, just as you once learned thousands of words just by listening to your family talk, you’ll pick up on these just fine soon.

Second – Trust your Continue reading