Category Archives for "Life Skills"

2 What does it mean when a teenager feels alienated?

teejay96 asks: Hi, Shirelle. I feel like my life is taking a spiral turn towards its end. I feel so bitter inside, like I am angry inside. I don’t act as cheerful as I used to. I am more concerned about my looks and what people think of me than what I think of me. Despite my admitting this to my self, it still does not seem to go away. I used to have this self-destructive habit that no one knows about (I’d rather not share, and no it is not smoking – I am only 14). The point is that I know I am in my teenage years but I just want to feel as happy as I was in my childhood years – even if it is not constant, as long as it is there. My parents are not the understanding type, so you are the only one that can help me.

Hi teejay96 –

Wow, what a compliment!  I have no doubt that there are many others who could help you through this very tough time, but I am so honored that you think I’m the best one!  Thanks!

So, at risk of you losing all respect for me, I’m going to say what’s probably the last thing you expect to hear:  Congratulations.

You are in a situation that is officially called Existential Despair, and it usually shows up in people a couple of years older than you.  You are doing great, ahead of schedule, and this probably means you’ll be out of this difficult period sooner than some of your friends.  So, again, congratulations.

What’s going on is that your brain is developing, and you’re beginning to see the world very differently from the way you did as an innocent Continue reading

0 What do teenagers want?

Too asks: I want to know about teenagers’ great expectations, e.g. in their future careers, their future lives, and their families.

Hi Too –

There are some groups in the world that have very specific hopes, and you can find them easily and clearly.  If you look up, for example, the Jewish people, to find what they hope for, you’ll get clear answers:  a safe world for them to live and prosper and raise their children, freedom to practice their religion, and to be around when their Messiah comes.  Straightforward, simple, easy.

What do dogs hope for?  Love, security, fun, food, freedom… that’s really about it.

But what do teenagers hope for?  Oh baby!  The teenage years are a time when humans feel ten thousand things at Continue reading

0 Why do men cheat?

Kim asks: Why do guys cheat?

Hi Kim –

What a great question.  I know you’re asking about males in particular, but I have to ask my version: why do people cheat!

We dogs are very loyal, and often jealous.  I would never “cheat” on Handsome; I really wouldn’t know how.  And when I see him petting another dog too much, I get furious…  at that other dog!  I don’t see Handsome as a cheater at all; I just make sure that other dog understands that that man is mine!

But at the same time, I don’t want you to get the idea that I’m just a pathetic boring mutt who can’t enjoy anyone else but my Continue reading

0 How to tell someone you aren’t interested in them romantically

Makina asks: If a boy likes me but I don’t like him the same way… I can’t tell him that, so what should I do?!

Hi Makina –

You know what?  You’re a terrific person.  You are kind and thoughtful, and you have a heart as big as all outdoors.  In other words, you’re a lot like me!  But people and dogs like us sometimes need to learn some funny lessons about how to treat others lovingly.

You see, when you say that you can’t tell the boy how you feel, you aren’t just a little bit wrong, you are absolutely completely totally FULLY wrong!  Actually, the kindest, most sensitive, best thing you can do is to tell him exactly what you’re Continue reading

0 How to meet a celebrity

Aqua asks: I want to meet Taylor Swift, but I live far from her. What should I do?

Hi Aqua –

Wow, I’d love to meet her too!  She’s one of the few humans I’ve ever seen who’s even thinner than me!   And I’ve always loved music, all sorts, so she’s my kind of human.

Now with lots of celebrities, like movie stars, it’s virtually impossible to have any access to them.  But pop singers like Taylor Swift have a different situation.  They tour, all the time.  No matter how many recordings they sell, or how often they’re on TV, they still depend a lot on making personal appearances, and having contact with their public.

So the odds are very good that, no matter where you live, Taylor will be fairly near you at some time.  The tough part is that you don’t just want to see her singing “Love Story” and “Speak Continue reading

0 What is childhood Depression like?

Mama asks: My son is 11 yrs old. Since he was young, he easily gets angry from any thing. He can beat his friends for teasing him, he answers his teachers badly, and it’s never easy to calm him down. I’ve tried to talk to him, punish him, and do anything to stop it. When he calms down from his anger attacks, he either starts to wonder why he did it or tries to lie about what happened and say he was not the cause of the problem. Help me please.

Hi Mama –

I have a lot of thoughts about what might be going on, but they all lead to the same place.  Your son has a definite anger problem, which is beyond what’s normal for his age.  I really would urge you to find a good therapist who specializes in kids, as it sounds like there’s something really bothering your son, and the sooner it gets resolved, the happier he will be.

Having said that, my sense is that your son is probably a bit depressed.  We all know what depression looks like in adults – melancholy moods, hopelessness, lack of energy – but it’s almost the exact opposite in kids and early Continue reading

1 How to talk to your parents about something that happened

Astrid asks: How do you talk to you parents about stuff that happens. Like stuff that happens online and at school. Maybe stuff that kind of scares you?

Hi Astrid –

Your question is a little bit tough to answer, because I don’t know exactly what “scary stuff” you’re referring to.  And of course I don’t know you or your parents at all.  But it really comes down to a gigantic question: Who Do You Trust?

I’m very glad (and honored) that you trusted me enough to ask me about this.  But you definitely need to find someone in your own world who you can absolutely trust, to share these things with.  Most often, parents are the best choice.  But if your parents aren’t people you can trust with this information, you might want to talk to a teacher or administrator at school, a member of the clergy, or even a therapist or counselor who can help you.

Remember, stuff happens to everybody.  Every person (and dog) in the world has experienced being in a horrible position due to something they’ve Continue reading

1 How to deal with sibling rivalry

Toota asks: I have a 3-year-old daughter and she is very intelligent. Now I have a new baby and my older daughter is very angry with me, she tells me “I do not love you,” she hits her little sister. Is this depression? What shall I do?

Hi Toota –

Congratulations on your new baby!  I wish I could walk right up and sniff your whole family!!

Okay, I have good news and bad news for you.  Good news first – your daughter’s behavior doesn’t show Depression, or any other abnormality.  In fact, if she weren’t acting this way, I’d worry a bit.  She is showing a healthy, normal attitude, which I’m sure will, one day, turn into a beautiful relationship with her sister.

Then the bad news:  That day won’t come soon!  For three years, your daughter was the center of the universe.  You put all your attention onto her, she delighted you with her brightness, and everything was fantastic.  Then you hit her with the greatest insult she will ever receive in her life:  You had another Continue reading

0 How to get a parent to be more parental

Werewolves asks: Hi Shirelle. My mother is a very sweet person, almost like my sister, and I can tell her anything (including my crushes). But now I have lost my respect towards her as my mother, because I treat her like my sister, and so we fight for small, silly reasons, and I feel really bad when she cries because of it. I also have tried to tell her that if she acts like my mom, I will treat her like one. I really don’t know what to do. HELP ME!!!!

Hi Werewolves –

What a fascinating problem you have!  This takes a lot of thought!

It would be easier for me to give advice to your mother on this issue, but since it’s you who’s writing, I’ll try to throw a few suggestions out.

First, it would be great for you to sit down with her and talk about this.  You should tell her how great it’s been to have a mother who’s such a “best friend,” but that you also need a strong mom these days, one who you can Continue reading

0 How to win back a boy you’ve spurned

Gabrielle asks: I like this guy who has been my classmate since first grade. He just left to move into a new school near mine, and I just started liking him a few months before the last school year ended. I didn’t really give him a good impression, because I hated the fact that everyone kept on teasing me about him liking me for 6 years, and saying that we were secretly a couple, so I hated him and I always got mad at him (this only made me mad because I didn’t want people to think that I had a boyfriend). But know that I like him, and he likes my best friend. He lives on the same street as me. I’m sort of close with his sister, who is my schoolmate. Please help me find out how to get him to like me again. I tried to forget liking him but I can’t. 🙂 HELP!!!

Hi Gabrielle –

I was named after a singing group called The Shirelles, who had a song (with a not very complimentary title) that sort of described your situation.  Some of the words go “You didn’t want him when he wanted you.  He’s found another love, it’s her he’s thinking of, and there’s not a single thing that you can do.”

But I’m going to be more optimistic than that!  You see, it is TOTALLY normal for a girl to be bothered by a boy who is interested in her between the ages of 6 and 12.  Most boys absolutely hate girls when they’re that age, and vice versa!

But now you’re at a point where he’s starting to look Continue reading