How to win back a boy you’ve spurned

Gabrielle asks: I like this guy who has been my classmate since first grade. He just left to move into a new school near mine, and I just started liking him a few months before the last school year ended. I didn’t really give him a good impression, because I hated the fact that everyone kept on teasing me about him liking me for 6 years, and saying that we were secretly a couple, so I hated him and I always got mad at him (this only made me mad because I didn’t want people to think that I had a boyfriend). But know that I like him, and he likes my best friend. He lives on the same street as me. I’m sort of close with his sister, who is my schoolmate. Please help me find out how to get him to like me again. I tried to forget liking him but I can’t. 🙂 HELP!!!

Hi Gabrielle –

I was named after a singing group called The Shirelles, who had a song (with a not very complimentary title) that sort of described your situation.  Some of the words go “You didn’t want him when he wanted you.  He’s found another love, it’s her he’s thinking of, and there’s not a single thing that you can do.”

But I’m going to be more optimistic than that!  You see, it is TOTALLY normal for a girl to be bothered by a boy who is interested in her between the ages of 6 and 12.  Most boys absolutely hate girls when they’re that age, and vice versa!

But now you’re at a point where he’s starting to look interesting.  And I’m going to just make a guess, that he probably looks better to you because he likes your friend.

So what do you do?  You Wait.

Gabby this boy is twelve years old, he’s not getting married to your friend (in that song, that IS happening, which is part of the girl’s problem!).  And he’s been into you for six years!  Clearly, he’s really drawn to you.

The thing to do now is to be a good friend to your friend, and nice to him.  Show him that you don’t hate him anymore, that you’ve grown out of that phase.  Maybe even mention to him how you’re liking boys now (it might even get him jealous, which could be fun!).  It could be best of all if you did something with the two of them and another boy, like going to a movie.  You don’t have to hang out with that other boy all the time, it would just be for that experience.

What you want is for this guy to see you in a new light – as a teenager who is available.  Once he does, if you give it time, I’ll bet he comes around.

And then the two of you can deal with the embarrassment of the fact that all your friends knew you’d be a couple all along!


Good Luck!



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