Category Archives for "Life Skills"

0 How to handle excess worry, even if it’s about real things

everyday96 asks: I feel like nothing I do makes sense. I can’t remember the last time I actually smiled or laughed from my heart. You see, my parents are both a little overaged (56 and 57 years old), but more importantly they both have diseases from which they can drop dead at any moment. I try to help out best I can, but I’m just a kid, and even if I do help, I always feel like I’m doing something wrong. I’m not only worried about them, but now I’m also worried about myself. I haven’t been able to sleep lately because I’m afraid that if I do I might wake up an orphan. Sometimes I think they would have been better off if I wasn’t born at all. They do everything for me, but I don’t know if I can give it back. Please help me – I don’t know what I have to do to make them feel better. If I can see them smile again I’d be the happiest boy in the world.

Hi everyday96 –

There’s a word for what you’re suffering, and it’s called Anxiety.  Anxiety is what you have when you worry all the time, and worry too much.  Now note, no one is saying that you’re worrying about ridiculous things (like, say, worrying that bears will turn into bunnyrabbits).  But it is when you worry so much about even sensible things that the worry becomes a bigger problem than the problems you’re worrying about!

Now I don’t know what diseases your parents have, but I can say that 56 and 57 aren’t all that Continue reading

0 How to deal with someone you used to have a crush on

prettyndsweet12 asks: Last school year I had a crush on this boy and I was soooo scared to talk to him that every time he tried to talk to me I would get freaked out and walk away! Now I think he hates me for that. He is now going out with my friend, and I still like him, and I want a chance to make things right between him and me, but I don’t know how to do it, and I don’t want my friend to think I’m trying to steal her boyfriend!

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Ah young love!  How people love to romanticize it – all forgetting how stressful and upsetting it is for those still in it!!!

Now it seems to me that everything going on here is about assumptions and interpretations.  What did this guy think when you freaked out and walked away, how does he feel about you now, and how does your friend see your actions?  SOOOO confusing!

It’s one area where it’s so much easier to be a Continue reading

0 Should parents search their children’s phone?

Mika asks: Should parents search their children’s phone?

Hi Mika –

This is a really tough question.  Of course parents should do anything and everything they can to keep their children safe.  And if they’re truly worried about something happening on their kid’s cell phone (for example, creepy adults contacting their kids, or something about drugs), they absolutely have every right and responsibility to check.

But then I hear other cases, like a letter from abcdefg I got a while back, a parent who had been looking on her teenage daughter’s cell phone and wanted to know what to do about the relationship she’d discovered.  You can find it here on this site if you like.

The real point here is that cell phones are like many other things in our world – public items that involve privacy.  Humans can keep people from reading their Facebook page, they can put blocks on their kids’ emails, etc.  It’s all very Continue reading

0 How to set goals

Darlene asks: what advice can I give friends about setting goals?

Hi Darlene –

Well, I’m going to sound a bit hypocritical here, since I give advice on this website every day, but really, friends often don’t want to get advice from their friends.  I’m a huge fan of setting goals, and clearly I’ve set a lot (making this website, catching squirrels, and other less-important issues), but I did those because I wanted to — not because Buddy or Scruffy from across the street told me I should.

In fact, I find that the best way to get your friends to “up their game” in the way you want is to show them, instead of telling them.  So if you have a goal that you want to achieve, talk more about it.  And let them in on your process.

For example, let’s say that you make a New Year’s Resolution that you’re going to plant two hundred Continue reading

0 Why do young people idolize entertainers

Donna asks: Why do young people idolize entertainers?

Hi Donna –

That’s a great question!  We’re so used to young people, especially teenagers, idolizing entertainers that we usually don’t ever think to ask Why!  Of course, in order to give a decent answer, we should also point out that there are young people who don’t idolize entertainers per se, but most will idolize someone – athletes, teachers, or of course religious figures.

I believe it comes from a simple developmental need.  When humans are children, they naturally idolize their parents or caregivers.  They spend most of their waking hours trying to be like them – that’s how people learn to walk, to speak, even how to think the way they do.  But then there has to come a time when they start looking outward for role models (this usually starts around age 7 or 8), and eventually they become teenagers, who care about what their peers think of them, at least as much as about what their Continue reading

0 How to talk freely with your parents

Priya asks: I’m not able to talk to my parents freely. What should I do?

Hi Priya –

Thanks for your question about not being able to talk to your parents freely.

The tough question here is whether it’s because they are impossible to communicate with, or because you’re unwilling or scared to try.  Either – or both – is possible.

I’m going to guess that it’s a bit of both, which is what I usually see in families.  If that’s the case, you need to do two things.  First, you need to do whatever you can to help them improve communication with you.  That probably means that they need to develop a trust that you can have a mature conversation with them, about a difficult subject.  And the only way you can prove that is to do it:  Go to them with a subject that is slightly difficult, and sit down and talk openly about it.  Let’s say, for example, that you have no interest in Continue reading

0 Why are young people into negative things?

lynch asks: Why are young people so hooked on the negative things?

Hi Lynch –

I don’t fully agree with you – I see young people hooked on positive things all the time – but I know what you’re talking about.  In particular, I imagine that, when you say “young people,” you’re referring to teenagers and people in their early 20’s.

There is a definite thing about that age that draws humans to a certain negativity.  They’ll often speak with a cynicism, listen to harsh music that says unpleasant things, and show great scorn for their parents and other authority figures.  And that’s the “good” kids – while others are smoking cigarettes, drinking, or doing illegal drugs, joining Continue reading

0 How to write a persuasive speech

Jhen asks: can you give me one or two minute persuasive speeches

Hi Jhen –

Thanks for your question about persuasive speeches.  Persuasive speeches are speeches that are intended to get the listener to do something.  When your schoolteacher gives you a big lecture on geography or math, that’s not a persuasive speech (even if they end it by saying “Do your homework!”).  A persuasive speech is one that truly wants to change your mind about what you’re going to do.  Advertisements are all persuasive (even the ones that seem to just be informative or funny).  Nearly all political speeches are persuasive – with all the action going on in the world today, our televisions and radios are loaded with it, from the yelling in the squares in Egypt and Syria to Mr. Cameron and the strikers in England arguing against each other, to Mr. Obama and all the people running against him for the presidency – everyone’s wanting the listener to agree with them and act accordingly.

So you want an example of a one-or-two-minute one?  Well here’s one I gave this morning:  “Hey, Cat!  This is my yard!  I’m shut inside this house, but if I can get out I’m going to jump on you so hard your tail will stick through your ears!  Get out!  I said Get Out!  Stop looking at me like you’re so smug and smart – I’ll wipe that grin off your face you rotten…”  You get the Continue reading

0 How to resolve a fight between your children

Erika asks: My two sons, aged 11 and 13, had a fight over a remote control a month ago and surprisingly they have not spoken to each other after that. I am quite worried. I have asked them to shake hands several times, and threatened to remove some privileges if they continue to not talk to each other. They would ask nonsense questions just to please me, but when left alone, they are back to their non-speaking situation. What else should I do, as I am so worried sick that this situation will remain for the rest of their lives!

Hi Erika –

It’s so interesting how these things happen.  Today, I also got a letter from Ricca (even a similar name to yours), about a fight she was in with her sister.  I want you to read that one, because I think it applies, but of course you’ll need more than just that.  (Just put her name in the Search box, and you’ll get it).

Of course the difference between you and Ricca is that she was in the fight and you’re not.  You’re on the outside, just like me!

But from my outside vantage, I need to point something out, that’s very clear from this distance (but maybe not up-close).  This fight is not about a remote control.  It never was.  No one cares this much about a remote control!  This is about your sons’ issues with each other, which existed long before that fight, and are continuing.  Now I don’t know exactly what the issues are or were, but that’s our job to figure Continue reading

0 How to resolve a fight between sisters

ricca asks: Today my sister and I were having a big war, and we’re still not settled down. What should I do?

Hi Ricca –

Thanks for your question about your fight with your sister.

Of course, I have no idea what your fight was over, or who was right or wrong.  But in the end, that really doesn’t matter anyway, does it?  What’s bothering you is that your fight is continuing, and that you need a way to resolve it.

Now if that’s only your feeling, and not your sister’s, that’s your first problem.  Somehow, you need to convince her to work with you to move past the fight.  I usually find that the best way to get that going is to find some part, any part, of the fight that you can acknowledge was your fault.  Or where you were wrong.  Let’s say the fight was because she set your bed on fire by accident.  Now you’re not about to say that was okay, but maybe you could acknowledge that if you had made your bed, the sheets wouldn’t have been touching the floor, where the gasoline she spilled could reach them!  (Don’t ask me how she got gasoline into your room or how it got lit – this dog’s imagination only goes so Continue reading