Category Archives for "Life Skills"

0 What are good topics for debate

gumwan asks: What topics would you recommend for students to debate?

Hi gumwan –

I think the big question is whether you want timeless debate topics (Does God exist? Should church and state be separate?  Are men and women different?  Are dogs better than cats?!), or current issue topics (Obama vs. Romney, are video games a good or bad thing for kids, what to do about the obesity epidemic, what to do about the world economy?).

Now I’m assuming you’re dealing with pretty mature Continue reading

0 How to get national leaders to listen

born to help asks: How can I make the president feel what the needy people are feeling, when they can’t afford to feed their children?

Hi born to help –

I don’t know what country you live in, but I think this is a great question about leaders of all sorts of places.

Throughout history, societies have picked leaders who they thought would understand the needs of the poor and helpless, and they’ve often been very disappointed, as the leaders become more concerned with other issues.  Maybe they’re at war with other groups, or fighting to keep their position, or they’re just enjoying the company of the rich and powerful too much to do anything about the people who Continue reading

0 What is peer pressure?

Martha asks: What is peer pressure?

Hi Martha –

Peer Pressure is a very simple thing, but with very complex consequences.  Basically, people do things for one of three reasons.

First, because they want to: a baby cries, crawls, burps, because it feels like it; similarly, if you see a yummy cookie that you forgot was in your house, you might eat it, just because you feel like it.

Second, people do things because they’re directly told to.  A student does their homework because they’re supposed to.  A driver stops at a red light because that’s the law.  Maybe you refrain from eating that cookie, because your Continue reading

0 What can one do at home alone?

kittycat asks: What are some fun things you can do at home with ordinary everyday things (things that you probably have in the house and that you use daily)? And especially, what can a ten-year-old child do to entertain herself, and keep busy? Sometimes, after school, on religious holidays and on weekends, I’m left alone for a couple of hours and I feel lonely, and sad, sometimes a little scared. I want something to keep me occupied.

Hi kittycat –

I feel a little naughty answering you on this topic.  You see, puppies are downright brilliant at finding things to do with ordinary objects in homes.  We’ll chew shoes to ribbons, we’ll tear molding off a wall, and we’ll gleefully pee in all sorts of spots the humans won’t find till it’s caused permanent damage!  Now if that’s your idea of fun, kittycat, just leave a puppy in your home for eight hours unattended, and take notes!

But given that you’re ten years old, and sound amazingly open and sensitive and responsible, I’m going to guess that chewing and peeing aren’t going to top your list of interesting Continue reading

3 How to find a safe chat room

Shantal asks: Where can I find a safe chat room for teens like me?

Hi Shantal –

Chat rooms can be a really fun thing – a way to connect with and talk to new people, from the safety and comfort of your own home or computer.  They can also be a dangerous way for creepy people to find children and teens so they can do bad things to them.

There’s no way of knowing if a chat room is perfectly safe.  Anyone can get in there.  So your job is to make sure you’re safe, no matter Continue reading

0 How to build self-esteem in groups of kids and teens

Jezel asks: How can I get a group of kids between the age of 8-19 to believe in themselves through games and activities? And what would be relevant topics?

Hi Jezel –

Your question is simply gigantic.  First of all, there are books of games and activities that build self-esteem.  If you do a web-search, you’ll find tons.

I would be glad to recommend some games and activities to you, but there’s a way bigger problem here, which is that age range you’re facing.  My friend, having a group of kids from 8 to 19 is just about impossible.  It will be hard for you to find things that 8-year-olds and 11-year-olds enjoy together, but to pull in those older ages makes it nearly impossible.

So here’s my advice.  First, split the group up into four Continue reading

0 How to deal with an over-demanding parent

143chafern asks: I’m a competitive swimmer and I really love it. The thing is, my dad keeps pushing me – like, if I don’t swim well, he gets all moody. He expects me to perform well, and at the same time to do my studies also. I do manage my studies, and keep in good shape, but nothing is enough for my Dad! I feel so under pressure! I can’t be an Olympic swimmer and an A+ student at the same time! When I told that to my dad, he said there are many kids of my age who can, but… why can’t he understand I’m not them?!

Hi 143chafern –

This is not a new problem.  I don’t know who the first person was who cared about succeeding in a competitive world, but the first one of those who had a child began this problem.  And the problem has existed ever since.

There’s no easy answer.  You’d be miserable if your father didn’t notice or care, or take pride in your swimming prowess.  But this situation stinks too.  I have no doubt that your dad means well, and just wants to press you to do your best, but the fact is he’s pushing too hard.

I’ll be honest with you, 143chafern – I’m very encouraged by your insistence that you’re good enough without meeting his Continue reading

0 How can you make a girl happy?

doonn asks: How can I make my girl friend happy?

Hi doonn –

Okay, so here’s the bad news first.  You can’t.

The awful, annoying, heartbreaking truth is that you can’t make anyone happy.  If someone’s going to be miserable or angry or sad or depressed, you probably can’t change that.

However, you can try.  And that’s a great way to spend your life.  You can tell her jokes, you can buy her a nice dinner, you can send her flowers, you can compliment her, you can give her a shoulder-rub, you can kiss her on the earlobe… all of these are good, if they’re what she Continue reading

0 How do you build trust for someone who’s done wrong things in their past?

princess23 asks: I saw that boy I like last week, and our mutual best friend told me that he said I looked really pretty, and she told me that every time he sees me he tells her the same thing. I used to see him like a crush, but now I think I’m really starting to like him. Sometimes I feel like I should tell him I’m starting to have feelings for him, but I’m scared that he’ll say he can’t be with me, cause he just got out of a relationship that was kinda complicated! I feel that I have to get over him and not show interest, but he can say all the right things at the right moment. I know that maybe he isn’t the guy for me (or maybe he is) but he has done things wrong in his past and I’m afraid he’ll do them to me. Is it normal to feel this way? I don’t know what to do, I’m super confused please help me!

Hi princess23 –

You’re right you’re super-confused.  You’re so confused you’ve got ME all confused now!

So if I have this straight, you like this boy and are getting to like him more; you know he’s at least very attracted to you, and willing to tell your friend about it; and the main reason you don’t want to approach him is that his last relationship was “kinda complicated” and he did some wrong things.

Is all that correct?

If so, what you’re really dealing with is two issues.  First, the usual shyness that comes with being attracted to someone.   For those, I have a bunch of posts on the AskShirelle website.  Just use the Search box and type in words like “shy, crush, like, love” and you’ll get a bunch.

But then we get to the “complicated” part.  Now when you say he did some wrong things, do you mean that he’s gotten in trouble at school, maybe got caught Continue reading

0 What to do when you feel abandoned by an older sibling

kittycat asks: My sister got a not so great job in London and she’s not coming for summer holidays, and I’m real sad. She knows I want her here. I am happy for her, but I’m angry at her and I’m feeling blue. Could you please tell me the right thing to do, and how to get a grip on myself. I’ve been crying my eyes out!!!

Hi kittycat –

So as I see it, what you’re really asking is:  How do I deal with the fact that my sister isn’t going to be here for me this summer?

You know, most of the letters I get about siblings are complaints – someone hates their baby brother, someone’s getting beaten up by their sister, the other kid tells on them, etc.  So while of course I see you’re in pain, I have to say, it’s kind of nice to see a letter from someone who wants and needs their sibling.

Life is change, kittycat.  We so often wish it weren’t.  Children want summer vacation to last forever, teens want a good date to last forever, young adults want their 20s to last forever, parents want their children to stay four forever, and after that, adults just want to keep their friends, family, and selves alive forever.  It’s what we want most, and it’s the thing we can never alter – change is a constant.  And your sister’s life is Continue reading