Category Archives for "Kids"

0 Should you move in with someone if you don’t like their family

Catlover29 asks: My boyfriend wants to move to Greece with his parents. They have land and want to build a house. I really do not want to go. I don’t like his mum – she is controlling, very stubborn, and does not listen to anyone. The problem is the house is due to be sold and therefore we should be due to leave in two months tops. I have told my boyfriend I don’t want to go, though I do love him very much, and he tells me he loves me all the time. He is telling me to just go and try to live there with him. I have thought about it and told him I would risk my own happiness for him. I just don’t know if I can do this! I feel miserable, and even thought at one point I wished I was not even here. We cannot afford to live on our own. What should I do?

Hi Catlover29 –

I certainly understand your concerns. I wouldn’t want to live with a controlling, stubborn, non-listening human either!

But my thought is that you should give it a try. Here are my reasons:

1)   Life is an adventure.   How many people get to move to Greece? If it doesn’t work out, you still got to go to live in one of the most amazing places on Earth. And if you move back home and start over – you could have done that by just moving across town; this is a lot cooler!

2)   You’d have to deal with his mother whether you Continue reading

0 How should one deal with the death of a parent?

mags asks: My mom died of cancer 3 months ago. I’m 16. Is it normal for me to only get sad when I am alone? What can I do when I get sad? This happens almost every weekend since she died.

Hi mags –

mags, I absolutely worship humans.  I think you’re the most amazing creatures ever.  I envy your brilliance, your imaginations, your inventiveness, and your opposable thumbs!

But one area where we dogs are lots better than you people is in accepting our emotions.  When we’re happy, we’re happy, and no one can take that away by shaming us into thinking there’s something wrong with that.  When we’re angry, we’re fierce, and while leashes and orders can hold our actions back, nothing and no one can take away our anger.

And when we’re sad, we’re just plain sad.  We mope, we whine, we howl.  We feel it fully, and it fills every molecule of our bodies, and every bit of our souls.  And I can think of nothing, NOTHING, that should make a person sadder than to lose their mother at such a young age.  I am so very sorry, mags.  It’s not fair at all.  It’s as sad as anything in the world.

You ask if it’s normal to only get sad when you’re alone.  That could mean two different things: are you saying that the sadness only comes when you’re alone, and not at other times, or that sadness is the only emotion you ever feel these days when you’re alone?

My answer, though, would be Continue reading

0 Why are girls so mean to each other?

welpe asks: Why are girls so mean to each other?

Hi welpe –

This is an issue we hear about all the time these days. Movies like “Mean Girls” have brought this issue (which has existed forever) into the limelight, and recent news about social media has shown the danger of it.

What’s mystifying is just what you’re asking: WHY?!

We normally think of humans as sort-of split: Males are tougher, more likely to fight, while Females are softer, more nurturing, more likely to try to resolve issues kindly. Yet, while there’s some truth to that, humans go through a period, usually in early adolescence (say 12-15) when girls can be incredibly cruel, especially to other girls – right at a time when boys are often withdrawn and even passive.

What in the world?!

(I should add that we dogs are actually quite different in this regard. As adults, we females are more protective, fierce, even more likely to fight, than males. This has resulted in a certain word, referring to female dogs, that humans use very harshly – but I won’t go into that here!)

I can’t give you an absolute answer, welpe, but I will offer you three thoughts on it. Maybe they’ll help.

First, in human brain development, adolescence is a time when humans start to care immensely more about their Continue reading

8 How to Catch a Squirrel …the importance of optimism…

How to Catch a Squirrel …the importance of optimism…

As you know, I spend most of my time sleeping, sniffing around, cuddling up with Handsome, and hunting.  It’s a good life.

But sometimes I like to pay attention to new research.  For example, an interesting study just came out from University College London.  They had some people guess the likelihood that something good would happen to them.  Maybe they’d say “a one-out-of-five chance.”  Then they told them that the odds of that thing happening to someone was twice that.  And when they did, most of those people would change their minds, and figure that now their chances were better, say “a two-out-of-five chance.”  But when they told those people that the odds were worse, say “a one-out-of-ten chance,” they found that the people did not adjust their beliefs about that good thing happening to them.  They kept it at, say, one-out-of five.

This says a lot about you folks!

To put it in less confusing terms, what they found is that people are naturally optimistic.  You humans will take good news as proof that things are getting better, but take bad news as not so bad.  Some people will say this means people are stupid, or can’t learn.  But I disagree.  In fact, I think it’s necessary for you to be this way.  You see, it all comes down to Squirrel-Chasing…

We pups are programmed deep in our brain to chase animals.  And those of us who live with suburban humans usually don’t see a lot of antelope or monkeys to chase… but we see a lot of squirrels.  And where I reside, these sassy, chattery, rude little beasties like to run over my roof and make all sorts of noise.  And so, just like any other dog, I just live to chase them every chance I get.

Now that means I might chase five or ten squirrels a day.  So how often do you think I catch one?  Once a day?  Not on your life.  Once a week?  Nope.  Once a month?!  Uh uh.  Try maybe once a year.  Mathematically (and no, I couldn’t figure this out, but Handsome is good with numbers), that means my odds of catching a little seed-nabber are somewhere between eighteen hundred and three thousand six hundred… to one!!!

Now those are some pretty awful odds.  But does that keep me from chasing them?  No Way!

Because I know that every time I chase one of those little guys, there’s a chance I’ll get him.  And even though the chances aren’t very good, I know that the more I try, the faster I get, the more tricks I’ll learn (like guessing which tree the varmint will run to), and the better those chances get.

Meanwhile, this also gives me some added benefits:  my life stays fun, I don’t get so bored when Handsome’s not around, and I stay beautifully fit from the exercise!  While, if my brain concentrated on the probability of my failing to catch one of these little monsters, I’d sit around home lazy all day, depressed, lonely, and fat.

In fact, do you know what the definition of “depression” is?  It’s having the exact opposite of that natural optimism you guys and I tend to have.  It’s lacking hope, lacking the belief that things will go your way, and seeing no reason to do anything because things are just going to stay lousy, or even get worse.  It’s just as unrealistic as the optimism, but without the fun (and without the occasional triumph of a squirrel in your clutches!!!).

So here’s my theory about all this: Some people, and some dogs, have always been more or less optimistic.  But over time, the people (and the dogs) who weren’t optimistic enough to believe in possibilities better than the reality they faced didn’t survive!   They had to believe things were a lot better than they were, in order to make things a little better than they were, throughout history.  Really, it was the only way to make their lives any good at all.  So that optimism, to my mind, isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength!

However, meanwhile, there’s another side to all this.  Some people, using this same optimism, will say that nothing bad will ever happen to them.  They’ll drive drunk, or take dangerous drugs, or get into relationships with bad types, thinking they’re safe, when they’re really not.  So that that same optimism that makes some lives better can make their lives worse – or even end them!

So here’s my request for you, my dear friends.  Let your optimism make you try way harder.  Let that optimism get you to take daring risks.  Let it make you brave and romantic and impetuous.

But don’t let it make you stupid.  Don’t let it make you forget how valuable you are, to everyone who loves you today, and everyone who might meet you in the future.

You see, if I chase a squirrel in my yard, Handsome has no trouble with it (though I often sense he’s cheering the squirrel on to get away from me!).  But if I chase a squirrel across a street, it makes his heart stop.  He’s terrified.  He knows I could get hit by a car anytime, and it scares the daylights out of him.  And I know he’s right – but I also forget, because that squirrel (or cat, or whatever) is right there, running, in my sight.

So my request to you is the same as his to me:  Run like crazy and live your life to the fullest.  But don’t take risks that are too foolhardy.  Use your brains.

And live to be optimistic another day!

0 How to keep from getting over-stressed

Max asks: Everything I do, like any task in hand, I tend to get hectic when I perform that task. For example, just now I forgot my password for this site, and then after out of nowhere I started getting hectic – couldn’t calm myself even doing the simple thing of opening my email and clicking the link! How can I keep myself collected when I feel kind of hectic?!

Hi Max –

Oh wow, do I relate!  I’m not quite as hyper as when I was a puppy (then I was a complete turbo-engine!), but I’m still a dog with tons of energy, and I get absolutely wild at lots of times.  Some are obvious (when I see a cat or a squirrel in our yard, or when someone comes to the door), but others are, well, frankly, a little weird.  Like I’ll be in the car with Handsome, and we’ll be driving along, and I’m checking out everyone we pass, perfectly happy and content, and then suddenly I’ll see one person and start barking like crazy at them.  Even I don’t know why!  It just happens!

The most important thing for you (or me) to do in a situation like this, Max, is to be Continue reading

0 How to talk to someone whose party you skipped

problempup asks: My friend had this birthday party and invited all my friends, including me, and everyone said yes except me. So everyone went and I didn’t, and now I feel that none will talk to me anymore. This was the biggest party ever –she even got a limo for it. How should I react to this?

Hi problempup –

Thanks for your question about your friend’s party (and I really apologize for taking so long to answer it; Handsome was out of town for the holidays and I couldn’t turn the computer on with my paws!).

I guess I’m a little confused here.  Your friend had a really great party, and invited you, and you didn’t go?  Why was that?  I’ll throw a few thoughts at you, but until I know why you didn’t want to be there, I’m not sure if my ideas will be right.
First of all, there’s a really important issue here, that I talk about a lot, because it’s so important.  When children’s bodies grow, so do their brains.  And when a human reaches about sixteen years old, their brains are fully developed, with one exception.  And that’s the part of their brain that has a conception of Time.  Teenagers are brilliant and passionate and creative and glorious – but don’t have the sense that adults do of the effects and meanings of time.  (This is why Shakespeare made Romeo and Juliet teenagers.  If they’d been in their 20s, they would have just made plans to sneak away, get married, wait for their parents to cool off about it, and all would have been fine; instead, they had that “It’s now or never, there’s no tomorrow, we have to get married tonight” attitude, which was good for the play, but pretty rotten for them!)

So my initial advice to you is to stop worrying so much; while this is a big deal today, there’ll be another big deal tomorrow, and no one will even remember that you weren’t at the party.  In fact, over time, I’ll bet a number of the guests will remember you were at the party, even though you weren’t!

Secondly, though, if you offended anyone, it is only the Continue reading

0 Leashes! …the odd nature of love…

Leashes! …the odd nature of love…

How often do I hear humans – humans who aren’t dog-lovers I should add – talk trash about how stupid we dogs are when we get wildly excited at the sight of a leash.  “You see?  Dogs are so dumb, they’re happy to see that thing that’s going to tie them up and hold them back.  They don’t have real self-respect at all.”

What a bunch of hooey!

Now sure, when we’re young, and first getting trained on leashes, we fight them like crazy.  We’ll pull on them till we nearly collapse from choking, we’ll bite and paw at them.  And, embarrassing as it is to admit, we’ll have tantrums as bad as any two-year-old human, where we roll around on our backs, screaming as though that leash were torturing and killing us.

Sure we do that.  It’s part of growing up.  We have to rebel, just like human kids, to test our limits – to see if there’s anything we can get away with.  (And just as with human kids, we usually find that there’s a lot we can!)

But once we’ve gotten through that, and especially once we’ve gotten trained well enough that being walked doesn’t mean we’re constantly being yelled at or jerked…  leashes become something we absolutely love!  Leashes mean walks around the neighborhood, so we can smell all the things we’ve been curious about since we were last there.  Or they mean trips to other places, for nature hikes or fun restaurants where we can sit under the table and catch food when you guys clumsily (or kindly on purpose) drop it onto the ground.  Or they could mean any other number of things – going to friends’ houses for play dates, going on a real vacation where we drive for days (or fly, though I’ve never done that).  Really, they mean two things – Getting Outside of Where We’re Locked In – and Being There With Someone!

Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out with Handsome in our home.  And I love sniffing around by myself.  But how much more fun it is if he takes me on a trip – whether to the mountains or the beach, or just a hamburger stand.  We pups spend so much time alone at home (and that’s if we’re the lucky kind who live with nice owners, instead of at a shelter or in a lab), so it’s always a treat to get to be out with others.  Even a trip to the veterinarian (which makes me shudder) is more interesting than just hanging out next to the couch.

Now this much is absolutely true.  But I’m really writing this because of something else those stupid comments from people make me think about.  Which is: you aren’t all that different from us!  Humans have lots of leashes, and absolutely love them.  How many of you wake up in the morning and instantly check your email, or your mobile phone?  Sure, you could have a more relaxed, pleasant morning.  But you are tied to other people, and want to connect to them – and be at least mentally out from your comfortable home – at once.  What happens if you leave the house without that phone?  Do you feel “oh good, I’m free,” or do you feel disconnected, nervous, almost naked?  “What if someone called and I wasn’t there to answer?  What if someone needed me?  What if that person I’m really into texted to ask me out for tonight?!  AUUGGH!!”

And then there’s that other really obvious kind of leash.  The kind that humans put on each other’s finger.  The kind that says “I am pledged to this one other person, for the rest of my life.”  That’s a huge leash!  And one that we dogs, with our innate loyalty, relate to fully!

And this is precisely my point.  Why do we get excited about leashes?  Because we associate leashes with love.  Just the way you get excited when your phone buzzes to tell you a text has come in, or your heart skips when someone you really like walks up and asks you for a favor.  And just the way you all get all soppy and teary-eyed when you watch two people exchange rings and promise to be each others’ forever.

We’re not stupid, you see.  Leashes are just the visible version of the much stronger ties that bind our hearts to yours, every minute of our lives, and beyond.

0 How to be good at dance parties

xxyte asks: I always go to these discos/parties every month (the discos/parties are for my age in case your wondering), but this month loads of people in my year in school are going – and I’m such an awkward dancer (I’m okay when I don’t know the people there) and the ‘popular’ girls are going to this and so I’m really nervous. I would just not go but the guy I like is going, so could someone PLEASE give me advice on how to dance and act at a disco/party for teens? And how to chat to the lad you like at it? It’s a no-alcohol event by the way.

Hi xxyte –

I really have two sorts of advice for you, and they’re completely the opposites of each other.

The first is to find a school or teacher near you who can teach you basic dancing really quickly.  To be the best dancer in the room, and no longer awkward.  And similarly, to get someone to help you with social skills like talking to cute guys (maybe a therapist).  But the problem with both of these is that they take time.  And you’re in a rush.

Now you point out that this is a non-alcohol event.  Lots of adults use alcohol to ease their anxiety about occasions just like this.  Drinking helps them feel less worried about what they say, so they talk more freely (and then sometimes say waaaaaay Continue reading

1 How to make an apology

Mandhie asks: I have had crushes on other guys that last for a few days, but I have liked this one guy for five good years. At times, I can feel he likes me, and at others, I feel he doesn’t. Recently, I asked him to come over and he did. We took pictures, and I walked him about halfway home, till I got tired. The next day, I sent him one of the pictures we took, and asked him if I could use it as my Facebook profile picture. He said I should never do it, so I said okay. Then, I sent the picture to his “school father” (it is something playfully done in schools in my country; they act like your caretakers in school. Now the whole point is that people tease us both that we like each other. I like him, and I know he likes me, but he hasn’t confessed anything to me – and as I said before, he gives me mixed signals. So now, he is angry with me because I sent that picture to the other boy. Now, I don’t know why I sent the picture, and seriously speaking, I like it when people tease us; and that was what I wanted, for the boy to tease me to make me feel like he likes me, but it didn’t go the way I planned. He saw it on Facebook (because another friend of his school father took a screenshot of the picture and put it online). And now as I am writing, we are not talking, and it hurts. I have said I’m sorry a thousand times, but he is neither replying to my messages nor calling me. I have offended him before, and I feel so bad because I feel the way he feels for me might change. I know he likes me because he acts shy and doesn’t look at my face when we are talking, but I do look at his face. I don’t even understand why he is so offended! You have no idea how I feel right now; I am afraid he will be taken away by another girl. I love him so much. Please help. I don’t want him to leave my life.

Hi Mandhie –

Mandhie, I won’t pretend to understand nuclear physics – no dog does.  But I know that the basis of the atom bomb came when humans learned how to split an atom, which then set off energy that split the atoms around it, and those the atoms around them, and so on, creating enough energy to destroy a city.  All from the energy inside a tiny weensy atom.

Well, my dear friend, that little picture was just an atom, but it seems that, in this boy’s world, you set off an atom bomb!

You say in your letter that I have no idea how you feel.  Actually, I probably have a pretty good sense of it (kind of like the day I, as a puppy, felt like chewing on something and found a piece of cardboard very handy, only to discover later that it was the cover of a decades-old record album that Handsome really treasured, as he screamed as he grabbed me and heaved me through the air).  What I don’t have a good sense of is what this boy is feeling.

Why is he so upset?  Is he just super-private?  Is he worried because he likes another girl and doesn’t want it to look like you and he are a couple?

Is he embarrassed, because he likes you and doesn’t like having his feelings shared around publicly?

From what you say, I think there’s a Continue reading

2 It’s In The Kiss! …the individuality of love …

It’s In The Kiss! …the individuality of love …

You know that thing you do when something gets stuck in your mouth?  Like if you’re eating popcorn, and a bit goes in between your back teeth?  What do you usually do?  Well, before you go for a toothpick or dental floss, I’ll bet you do what most humans do, without even thinking.  You try to work it out of there, using the tip of your tongue.  Your tongue is full of muscles that make it work like a dentist’s tool, which is delightfully useful.

We dogs can’t do this at all!

Seriously, if something gets stuck in our teeth, we have absolutely no way to deal with it.  Our paws don’t have fingers that can work around the gums (or even hold floss!), and our tongues simply don’t work that way.  It’s so frustrating!

On the other hand, imagine if you were really thirsty, and had to drink out of a bowl of water, and didn’t have hands to pull it up to your mouth.  How would you do it?  You’d have to stick your face into the water, and kind of inhale it.  It’d be uncomfortable and difficult.  While for us, that’s super-easy.  We just lap it up with our long tongues, which work almost like spoons, bringing just as much water into our mouths as we want.  It’s perfect.

Funny, isn’t it, how our mouths work so differently?  But there’s another area where these differences come into play, that often means even more to us than our ability to drink.

Of course, I’m talking about KISSING!

Oh we love to kiss!  Humans and Pooches, it’s one of our favorite things in life!  We kiss our parents, we kiss our babies, we kiss to say hello, we kiss to say goodbye, we kiss to nurture, we kiss to tease and tickle… and of course, most importantly, we kiss to say “I love you” – the best statement any being ever gets to make.

(And yes, before someone out there tries to disagree with me, a kiss can also be an insult, as when one gives a “kiss off” to someone, and it can be a statement of threat in some cultures too.  But we dogs never kiss that way, so I’ll just stick to the nicer meanings here.)

You see, humans and dogs kiss completely differently!  For you folks, it’s all about the lips (at least at first).  You either pucker up and create suction, making a smacking sound, or you just gently rub your lips, on the object of your kissing.  While for us dogs, it’s all about the tongue.  We can offer tiny little licks, just barely sticking our tongue out to show a shy, submissive, affection, or we can give a wild, passionate slurp to show that we’re absolutely crazy about whoever it is we’re kissing.

Isn’t this funny?  That both of us kiss for the same reason, but we do it in completely different ways?  I know that there are human cultures that kiss in slightly different manners than others (such as some Eskimo tribes that use noses), but I’ve never heard of any humans who show affection to their friends or family with a big lick!  It’s just not done!  (“Hi Grandma, nice to see you, sluuurrrp!”  Right?!)

But when you think about it, it’s not just humans and dogs who show love in different ways.  Everybody does, really.  For example, you might be someone who wants to hug those you love as hard as you can.  But someone else might be more sensitive, and show love with a very light, soft touch.  You might like to cover the one you love with lots of big kisses, while someone else finds that overwhelming, and wants little pecks.  This can create a bit of a problem, where one person might not feel loved if someone isn’t showing them love in the way they like to receive it.  And then if they say so, that might make the person who’s showing them love feel rejected or hurt, as if their love isn’t good enough.

There’s a beautiful passage in The Call of the Wild, probably the greatest book ever written about a dog, where Buck the main character, and his human owner, are showing each other affection: the owner pets Buck, but Buck’s fur coat is so thick that Buck can’t feel the petting enough to have a pleasurable sensation from it.  And Buck shows his love to the man by chewing on his hand, to a degree that hurts a little.  So neither is actually making the other feel good at all, but both can tell that the other is showing them affection, so they’re made deeply happy by the acts anyway.

In some countries, a holiday called Valentine’s Day is being celebrated around now.  And I know, all sorts of miscommunication and mistakes are happening, in showings of affection.  One man is giving his beloved a huge bouquet of flowers, which she sees as beautiful but overwhelming, and she can’t tolerate how it makes her feel pressured.  He’d have done better with a little box of candy.  Somewhere else a boy is showing his affection by offering to take his girlfriend to the new movie of Robocop, and she’ll break up with him for having been so insensitive to her need for flowers.  A girl will slip a card to a guy she has a crush on, signing it “A Secret Admirer,” and he’ll think it’s from another girl and ask her out.  Other people will receive statements of love and desire from people they’re not interested in, even from people whose gender they’re not attracted to, and all sorts of sadness and hurt feelings will transpire.  And of course, then there are all those people who simply don’t receive any Valentine greetings or gifts at all, who feel completely unloved on this day (even though they may be very loved indeed).

How silly, and how sad, that love – the most wonderful thing in life – should create such confusion, such fear, and such sadness.  What can anyone do about it?

Well, there are lots of answers.  But here’s mine:  TAKE THE KISSES!

If a dog licks you, absorb it fully, and enjoy that that pup thinks you’re great.  If a person kisses you in a way you find nerdy or sloppy or uncoordinated, take it – the meaning behind it is as true as if it were artfully bequeathed by Casanova.  If someone gives you flowers, or candy, or a ticket to a movie you have no interest in seeing, accept the love.

And if you get a “Secret Admirer” note, be happy, and see if you can encourage that admirer to reveal themselves!

And if you’re one of the hundreds of millions who gets nothing, not a single statement of romance, from anyone this year, know that there are all sorts of other kinds of love out there, and appreciate the ones you do get.  Did your dad give you a hug before you went off to school?  Did a friend smile when they first saw you this morning because you always brighten up their day?  Did a dog or a cat walk up to you asking to be petted?

Love comes in all sorts of ways.  Oh sure, don’t get me wrong – it’s just glorious when it comes in exactly the way you want, from exactly who you want it from.  That’s the best!

But if you’re only accepting that kind of love, if you’re only appreciating that kind of love, you’re missing out on so much of the joy of life.

Every day, when Handsome comes home, I run to him and jump up on him.  He can’t do that to me – he weighs over three times what I do, and would just flatten me!  Then he puts his arms around me and massages my neck with his fingers.  I can’t do that to him – if I tried, I’d rip his skin with my claws!  Then I lick his face.  He doesn’t do that to me – if he did he’d get a mouthful of my shedding hair, and I wouldn’t feel it anyway.  Then he puckers up and kisses my forehead and my nose.  I can’t do that – because… well my lips just simply can’t!

This crazy unequal ritual is one of the favorite moments of the day for each of us.  We’re both getting to feel how much this other being – so different, in so many ways – loves and appreciates us.

If we can all do that a bit more, with everyone who we share feelings for, maybe life can get a whole lot sweeter.

And maybe the day will come when we’re so close, we’ll be able to help the other drink water, or pick a popcorn kernel out of their teeth.

All my love,

Shirelle