Category Archives for "Kids"

How to reduce stress on your parents

shitzhu00 asks: My mom is going through a lot of stress right now and is struggling with money. My siblings and I aren’t the best children, but what happens if she suddenly comes home with a bottle of beer in her hand and becomes an alcoholic? What would I do then?

Hi shitzhu00 –

 

 

I think you’re really asking me two questions.  The first is how best to deal with your mom’s stress.

 

I actually have two different answers to that one, which will sound like they completely disagree with each other.  One is to do everything you can to reduce her stress and not add to it.  The second is to accept that you can’t fix it, and allow that you’ll add to her stress at times and that’s okay.

 

Adults get stressed a lot, and kids add to it in every way.  They have to make more money to pay for their kids’ needs, and they come home to whatever issues the kids are going through.  Life is tough enough with 24 hours a day of stress, but when you add kids in, it can seem more like 50 hours a day!  So it’d be great if you could do what you can to lower her stress level.  If, when she asks you to do something, you do it the first time she asks, that can do wonders.  If you can keep your room clean, do your chores, and do your homework – all without her having to remind you, you’re a dream.  These are great things that really make parents’ lives easier.  Oh and try to keep from getting into too much trouble outside of home too!

 

But at the same time – she knew what she was getting into when she Continue reading

How to be more patient

poproxy360 asks: I am too impatient. What can I do to be more patient?

Hi poproxy360 –

 

 

I am too! I can’t stand to wait for anything! Handsome will get me a treat and make me sit and stay, and I just tremble and drool and even whine because I want it so bad! And it drives me nuts because I know that the only way I can get it is to sit still, which is the last thing in the world I want to do!

 

But at the same time… I kind of like that I’m this way! I see people (and some dogs) all the time who are so easy-going about things that they look like they don’t care at all about anything. So no one pays them any mind. They don’t seem to have any passion about what they want.

 

Have you ever heard that old saying “The squeaky wheel gets the grease?” Or “The early bird catches the worm?” These are saying that impatience can be a good thing.

 

Now, for example, you’ve written me lots of questions. Some people might not like getting asked so much, and complain that you’re impatient. But I think you’re fantastic, and love all the curiosity you’ve shown me! So the first thing I’d urge you to do is to look very closely at why you’re saying you’re “too impatient,” and see if maybe what’s really going on is that you’re, sometimes, too impatient for someone else to handle!

 

And if I’m right, then what you actually need isn’t to be more patient all the time, but rather, to Continue reading

How to deal with an adoptive parent who resents your birth parent

watermelon asks: I was talking to my birth mother behind my adopted mother’s back, and my adoptive mother got mad at me because she never wants me talking to her, because she hates her. Now she will not talk to me because I did that, and because I said that I have a (not so great) life, and that my biological mother is my hero. But she did not let me explain why I said it! So what do I do? I am so lost right now!

Hi watermelon –

You are stuck in a very difficult situation. No question about it.

 

It’s easier for me. I was adopted, but by a human, who would never ever have any bad feelings about my saying how much my birth mother means to me. In fact, my human would absolutely love to meet my mother, and to have her and me reunite. He’d find it fascinating and exciting and beautiful.

 

But he’d also know that, when that meeting was done, I would want nothing more than to loyally accompany him home. Because he knows he’s my number-one human, now and forever.

 

And your Mom is doubting that you feel that way about her.

 

(Note, I’m going to refer to your adoptive mother here as your Continue reading

Can two people use the same email account for AskShirelle?

poproxy360 asks: My brother wants an account in AskShirelle, but his email is locked. Can I share my account with him?

Hi poproxy360 –

I don’t see any reason why he can’t use your email.  The letters will automatically end with “from poproxy360” when I get them, but if he writes in them “This is from _________ (some user name he makes up),” then I’ll know who I’m talking to.  He won’t be able to actually join The Pack, because that’s all based on one’s email address, but he can still send questions to me, and I’ll be glad to answer them.

Thanks again!

How to deal with a jealous friend

poproxy360 asks: My best friend likes to blame me for everything and say “shut up” whenever I speak, and always says she feels left out when I try to hang out with our other best friends. She calls me annoying and gets mad easily. I won’t blame her completely – I also like to tease her – but she always says she feels left out and tells our best friends that I tease them (which I do, but she also teases them)… but if I skip all that, she is awesome! So I am not giving her up. What should I do?

Hi poproxy360 –

Human friendships are so complicated!  When I get together with one of my best pals, like Kuma, Louie, or Stella, it’s so simple – we dive on each other and joyously beat each other senseless, growling and mouthing (but never really biting) until we’re both exhausted.  It’s such fun!

(Well, okay, I can’t do that with Louie, because he’s a dachshund, and if I even nosed him too hard, he’d flip across the yard sideways.  So with him, it’s more a lot of sniffing, and barking at people – and that’s fun too.)

We don’t get all that upset about our friends playing with other dogs, we don’t blame each other for anything (except biting us!), and we don’t tell on each other.  It’s not that we dogs are better or smarter or more moral than humans – we’re just not programmed that way.

But you are.  So I think the important thing is to Continue reading

How to stop biting nails

poproxy360 asks: I can’t stop biting my nails, so they never grow. What should I do?

Hi poproxy360 –

We mutts get away with this a lot more than you peeps.  We bite at fleas, chew our nails and whole paws, and lick ourselves everywhere, with no concern at all.  Whereas you guys have to take a lot more care to avoid this very natural act, especially in public – as well as a lot of other ones like picking your noses, scratching your behinds, digging wax out of your ears, and extracting popcorn kernels from your teeth.

But it sounds like you’re more concerned about what the nailbiting does to your nails than any public displays.

This is good.  Bitten and chewed nails keep you from looking as cool as you hope, they keep your nails from growing long and pretty, and putting your hands in your mouth a lot is pretty much the best way in the world to catch every cold, flu, and other illness that’s running around!  So you’re right to want to stop doing it.

Well, I do know a few things you can do.  The first I suggest is that you simply Continue reading

How to get your parents to support a big change in your life

prettyndsweet12 asks: I don’t really like the new school I’m going to, so I have two options for next year: go back to my old school (which I didn’t like because I was uncomfortable there but now that I think about it, it was pretty stupid to leave), or I have the option of moving to Virginia, which I think would be a good decision because there are more activities to do. I would get to spend quality time there with my cousins, and I would be able to keep my grandma company (my grandfather passed away about two years ago and it’s just her in the house), but it would be a different experience that I’m not sure I’m ready for. Also I know my dad may want me to live with him and my stepmom, but I’m not sure if I want to. Can you help me rationalize my options so that I can come up with a confident decision?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

One thing about being a dog – everyone thinks we’re running around being silly all the time, but the truth is we spend most of our time watching, waiting, and paying attention.  We know when our friends are coming home because we’ve been listening to the world all day and recognize the sounds of their cars.  We grab dropped food with lightning speed, because while you humans are thinking about each other and the table settings and good manners and all that, all we’re focused on is where morsels can potentially fall.

Similarly, one reason I love doing this job is that I pay really close attention to my Pack members, to try to get a sense of what they want, so I can make them happy.

And frankly, prettyndsweet12, I don’t have to work as hard at this as I do at catching Handsome’s clumsy dining moments.  It seems pretty clear to me that you’d like to Continue reading

How to get to go to boarding school

arjai101 asks: I really want to go to Boarding School. But my mom doesn’t want me to, even though I can gain so much from the experience. I have decided to apply to some boarding schools for scholarships, because I know my mom would never pay or support my decision. However, the applications require money and financial statements and I have to ask my mom for that. I know why my mom won’t let me go to Boarding school, but I just really really want to go. How can I make that happen?

Hi arjai101 –

I don’t know enough about the details of your situation to give a definite answer, so I’m going to give you a few:

First:  Just as I often want to go outside and chase a cat down the street, but Handsome won’t let me do it (he says it’s got something to do with me getting run over), there’s a truth to the idea that, when your parent says No, sometimes that just means No.  There are lots of good reasons to go to boarding school, but if a kid’s parents aren’t willing to give their okay, the school probably can’t accept the kid.  So if your mom says no, it just might mean this is one experience you don’t get to have.

Second: Is the issue just that she Continue reading

Sniffing New Trees! …the importance of travel

Sniffing New Trees! …the importance of travel

(originally published August, 2011)

 

I tend to be a homebody. When I was a puppy, I’d do everything I could to dig or climb or break out of my yard, as I was so curious and excited about the world. But since I’ve grown up, I’m more interested in hanging out at home and protecting the house from squirrels and cats! So much so that even if Handsome forgets to lock the gate when he leaves, I tend to be sitting here calmly when he gets home.

 

But sometimes, Handsome takes me on a trip. And oh, do I love that! You see, every time he leaves me at home, it hurts my heart. I know he cares about me, but it always feels like he’s saying “I’m doing something more important than you. And you’re not good enough to be there.” I know that’s not what he’s saying! He tells me over and over – he’s going to work, where dogs aren’t allowed; or he’s going to a restaurant, where dogs aren’t allowed; or he’s going somewhere where I’d be bored or have to be chained up or something… I know he would love to take me everywhere he goes, but he just can’t. Still, it hurts.

 

So those days, those magnificent splendid exceptional days, when he opens the back door to his car and yells out “In ya go!” I am so excited I can barely contain myself. Somewhere deep down, I know it might even be something I don’t like much – like going to the veterinarian for a shot, or even (I shudder to say it) a groomer! But most of the time, he’s taking me on Adventure!

 

There are a few dog parks where we live, and those are absolute joy. But then sometimes we go much farther. For example, there’s a beach that’s many hours away, where we go on hikes for hours. I’ve written on here about how I hate baths and showers, and don’t even like rain, but when it comes to jumping in water, like to leap into ocean waves chasing sticks, oh that’s heaven! And beaches have so many smells and birds and funny little shellfish that crawl in and out of the sand, and it’s one place I can run and run and run… till I sleep the whole way home in the car!

 

And just as good, or even better, sometimes we go to the mountains! How clear and brisk the air is there, and how beautiful it all looks. At the beach you can see all the way to the end of the world, but in the mountains it feels like you can see even further! And how many new plants and animals there are, including the ones we don’t see but I can smell, like Elk and Deer and (uh oh) Mountain Lions! (I try to avoid those folks)

 

I never get tired of these trips, or of the joy of knowing I’m welcome on them. But you know what, I also always learn stuff. Maybe it’s just new smells and sounds, but often I actually learn something I can use at home. I grasp what’s special about where I live, which one forgets when they just live there all the time. I learn better ways of doing things. And I also learn what’s really universal (for example, people everywhere are annoyed when I roll in something smelly and then climb into their car; not just my guy!).

 

But if I were a human, oh how I’d love to travel way more. To take buses, trains, boats, and even airplanes, and to visit other countries and continents! To see how other people live, to meet other people. To realize that there are different ways of doing almost everything. To hear music you never heard, to see beautiful people who look like no one you’ve ever met, to hear the glorious rhythms of other languages. Oh I’d never want to stop!

 

And how much it helps everyone! I’m a big fan of Democracy, which is the kind of government where the people get to vote for the leaders and policies. But isn’t it funny that so many people are voting for things every day when they really don’t understand the alternatives! Wouldn’t it be great if everyone in the world could live in another country or two, and then bring home some ideas of what worked there, and improve their homeland’s systems? (And don’t you know that if everyone could do that, we’d reduce wars everywhere, as people would have better understandings of why others are the way they are, and probably be nicer to each other!)

 

But I know that can’t happen. Most people can’t afford to travel nearly as much as they’d like to, especially with the tough economy going on everywhere now. But that doesn’t mean you can’t travel at all…

 

Isn’t it still travel if you find out about a place in your home town that you’ve never been to before, and go there? Maybe a museum or a really great park? What’s the closest city to yours – could you go there for a weekend and see things you’ve never seen? Even making a new friend at school – anything where you’re moving out of your usual “back yard” and experiencing something new.

 

So does TV count? Not really. It’s great to watch shows about other places, and I’m all for it, but it’s the experience that really defines travel, and you can’t have that on your living room couch.

 

Well, actually I can… you see, I’m not supposed to climb on it. Ever. So if I do, I’m kind of daring to go into a dangerous new land, full of mystery and suspense… and a great likelihood of getting yelled at by my best friend!!

 

Happy Travels!

Shirelle

 

 

What to do if you’re scared about growing up

poproxy360 asks: I am scared of growing up and losing my childhood forever. I am not in puberty yet and I don’t have breasts yet either, but I am ten and scared of growing up. What should I do?

Hi poproxy360 –

 

What you’re asking is as normal as my wanting to chase squirrels! Almost all pre-teens have this fear, though few admit it. So good for you, for your honesty and openness!

 

You say that you’re scared of growing up. Yet I’ll bet that when you were three years old, you wanted nothing more than to do just that. And probably when you were six. And maybe even when you were nine.

 

What’s happened is that you’ve suddenly realized that the next stage of growing up isn’t just being a little bigger and stronger and faster, and being able to do a few more things at school. You’re looking straight at the biggest Continue reading

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