Category Archives for "Kids"

How to stay patient when it’s impossible

Tech deck12345 asks: My toy is coming in the mail soon but I am getting really impatient, and my sister has the same toy and will not let me do anything with them. Help!!!!

Hi Tech deck12345 –

 

OH do I get this!  We pups have no patience at all!  We can be trained to sit still, but that doesn’t mean our attention isn’t completely on whatever it is we’re impatient about!

 

WHY can’t Handsome open the door the second I see a dog outside?  WHY can’t someone feed me the second I smell their food?  WHY do I have to stay perfectly still when obviously the person I love is walking away?  And, every day, why can’t Handsome come back home NOW?!

 

Apparently adult humans learn a lot of patience.  I guess that’s one reason they do so many things so well – from bringing food home to driving cars, to raising kids.  But the reason kids need to be raised is because they’re like us dogs, and want what we want NOW!

 

Now Tech deck12345, there’s also a big difference between trying to be patient about something we’re just aware of (like that Handsome hasn’t come home yet) and trying when there’s something we want that’s right in front of us.  I knew a dog named Ygor, who, when his humans would come home, would get so excited and impatient that he’d lose control of his Continue reading

How to take it when someone calls you ugly

alliekat asks: Everybody tells me that I am very pretty. And I was on Instagram and I posted something and a guy said that I was very ugly. I didn’t know how to handle it. How should I handle it?

Hi alliekat –

Isn’t it just amazing?  If a person is told a thousand times that they’re smart, and one person just once says that they’re dumb, they’ll instantly forget the thousand comments and remember the one.  Similarly, you’ve always been told you’re pretty, but one guy said you’re not, and it’s thrown you all off.  Brains are weird, aren’t they?!

Well, alliekat, I have a couple of reactions to this.  The first is that the guy might have been saying his true feelings, but if so – so what!  My friend Handsome is a great lover of beautiful women, and absolutely adores the loveliness of all sorts of them.  But he has never, for the life of him, understood what people get so excited about with the famous woman Continue reading

How to deal with mean authority figures

Tech deck12345 asks: I am in a summer camp, and my babysitter is really really mean. What should I do?

Hi Tech deck12345 –

Now I now that lots of people (and dogs) define “really mean” in different ways, but let me start with a simple statement here.  Babysitters, dogsitters, and all other kinds of caregivers have their jobs for one reason. To take care of the littler ones.  It’s great if they can teach them something, or have fun with them, or clean up after them, but that’s all secondary to what matters most – CARE.  And if a babysitter ignores the kids in the house they’re staying in and spends all her time on the phone with her boyfriend (or in person with her boyfriend!), or a dogsitter doesn’t feed the dogs, or kicks them, those people are JERKS!

Okay, got that out of my system.  Good!

Now about your camp:  Tech deck12345, I don’t know what mean things this person is doing to you, but regardless, if they’re an employee of the camp, that means they’re really working for Continue reading

Should someone try to be funny at school, they way they do at home?

cutepuppy asks: At school I’m shy, but at home I’m not; I’m funny at home. In school I don’t want to be shy, I want to be really funny, but how? And if I act funny, they might not think its funny!

Hi cutepuppy –

 

“Funny” is such a difficult thing to define!  Some people find Shakespeare’s comedies hilarious.  Others find “Austin Powers” movies uproarious.  Some people memorize every word ever spoken on “Seinfeld,” while others find it dull, but laugh till tears roll at “Modern Family.”  Was Jerry Lewis funny?  People can get violent over that one!  What do you think of Roberto Benigni, Jim Carrey, Zach Galifanakis, Melissa McCarthy?  Is a person slipping on a banana peel funny?  What about a man in a dress?  What about a pie fight?

 

There’s no single right answer.  The truth is all of those people and things have been very very funny to a great many people.  Handsome tells me the funniest thing he ever saw was a dog he had before he knew me, holding a very wide bone, trying to run through a thin doggy-door.  Would I have found that funny?  I truly have no idea.  But he still laughs about it, many years later.

 

Now because of this, you’re absolutely correct that there’s no way you could know that the kids at school would find you funny, in the same way your family does at home.  But I’m guessing that the bigger problem is that you don’t feel the Continue reading

What to do when a friend starts bullying you

fQ7jlvzgzVoc asks: I’m worried about one of my classmates, I’m not gonna say her real name so I’ll just write Amy. Amy and I were really good friends back in primary school. But one way or another, we drifted apart when we entered middle school. I started to hang out with the Artsy types and she hung out with the math whiz team (since she’s really good in math). Of course, we still hung out sometimes but not as much as we use too. So here’s the problem, when we started high school, Amy began to hang out with the bad kids. And I mean ‘bad’ bad. They bully other kids, they always say curse words and they always cut class. I was really worried that they will change sweet, innocent Amy and I was right! Amy started to act like a gangster when summer ended last year. I tried talking to her, but she just swore and told me to leave her alone. Now, I’m a victim of being bullied by her too. Please give me some advice so I can get the kind and gentle old Amy back before it’s too late.

Hi fQ7jlvzgzVoc –

 

Before I start to answer your question, I have one for you – do you know what the name Amy actually means? Funny you picked it – it means Friend!

 

I think you’re living one of the biggest fears any of us ever has, that the person we love and trust most turns against us. This starts when we’re very young, when we do something unwittingly bothersome to an adult we love and trust, who suddenly turns furious on us. “Look Mommy, I drew a picture for you on the living room wall!” “Hi Daddy, isn’t it funny that I pooped in your car?!” Or, on my side, “Hey, I know what you want right now – you want me to wake you up by biting you in the leg as hard as I can!”   And suddenly, the person we’re expecting to be happy with us is suddenly yelling and raging and scaring the daylights out of us.

 

What you’re experiencing is less sudden, but maybe even more painful. This was your great friend, and now she’s acting like an enemy.

 

I really have two thoughts on this. One is that she’s Continue reading

How to get someone who likes you to say it

Mandhie asks: I have liked my crush for six years now. Though we are in different schools now, we still stay in contact with each other. Here is my problem: First of all, I think my crush likes me too, but I am not so sure. There are certain characteristics he likes in me. When we are together, we both feel shy and don’t look into each other’s faces to talk. Secondly, we both sound so confident on the phone but become shy (as I said earlier) when we see each other. Thirdly, his friend has told me he likes me and our families know each other and keep on saying we will become married in the future. And he smiles when they say that. I have become so close to one of his friends and he teases me with him sooooooo much! Recently, my crush came home for midterms and the way he is acting towards me is different. I feel he is beginning to like me more. We chatted and I told him I was making food, and did he want some? He said it would be his pleasure to taste it because he was so hungry, but it was just for fun. Later, I think he was bored in the house and called me. I was so happy! We didn’t have much to talk about, but we talked for a while. I then called him later because I was bored and we chatted beyond an hour. He sounded so comfortable with me. We played a game in which we asked each other 20 questions we want to know about each other and it was so fun. Shirelle, now I love the way we are becoming closer, how his friends tease us both, how his mum calls me “in-law” (that’s cute), and many more things, but the MAIN problem is: in my OPINION, I think he is into me now, but how come he has not yet told me he likes me? I don’t want to tell him I like him because I read on the Internet that ‘if a girl tells a boy she likes him, the guy immediately stops liking her,’ and I don’t want him to stop liking me. How can I make him tell me he likes me? I have liked him for six years now! And you know the saddest thing on earth is when you like someone and that person has no idea!

Hi Mandhie –

 

Okay, let’s start by making one thing clear. There is NO question this boy likes you. Exactly what he’s thinking, or what he wants… that’s always up to debate. But this guy likes you.

 

And he’s shy about it.

 

So you’re stuck with two possible actions. One, you could just wait around for him to do or say something (which is what that person on the Internet is suggesting), or you could take action.

 

You can probably guess, as someone who gets in lots of trouble for jumping on people and licking them whether they want it or not, I am all for action.

 

But the question is, what action? You could tell him you like him. You could ask him out on a date. You could do like me and just jump on him. And any of those could work, or could put him off.

 

But I think there’s a softer version, that’s pretty guaranteed to work. Do you have Continue reading

What to do if you’re caught watching inappropriate stuff.

Monkey_Candy13 asks: I need some advice on friends. My friend and I apparently watched something that we shouldn’t be watching (you know). Then she told her mom and her mom said you have to tell your dad and he told her to not hang out with me anymore. My friend is very protective of her dad and always thinks he’s right, even when he is wrong (even if she and her Mom agree he is). You would probably think, “Don’t you have other friends?” and I do, but every time I want to hang with them, they always say they are busy – while this friend has always made time for me. I have tried fixing things between us, but she never lets me talk about anything. So I sent her a letter, but she has not replied. My friend even unfriended me on Facebook. I really hope you can help!

Hi Monkey_Candy13 –

 

 

I think you are dealing with two questions here, really. But the answer to both of them might be the same thing.

 

The first question is what to do about being caught watching something inappropriate. I wish this weren’t the case, but the truth is that today, with the internet, it’s almost impossible to imagine someone could be a teenager and not have any curiosity about what’s considered naughty or unacceptable. This is part of why parents are absolutely freaked about their kids going online – it’s not that they might discover something, it’s that it’s so easy to discover EVERYthing! Parents, such as your friend’s dad, feel absolutely helpless. They don’t want their kids seeing too much, and will go to crazy means to keep that from happening. And while you, your friend, and her mother, all might realize that being around you wasn’t the cause of her watching that stuff, and being around you now wouldn’t mean she’d do it again, her dad is stuck with trying to do ANYthing he can to keep that from happening.

 

Meanwhile, the second is how you can re-connect your friendship with this best-of-all-friends. Even though she’s trying to be loyal to her father, by cutting you out.

 

Well, I have one idea. It’s scary, and would take a lot of bravery. But if you’ve got the guts, it’s possible that it could work.

 

I think you should Continue reading

8 Us vs. We… a plea for a new way of thinking…

Us vs. We… a plea for a new way of thinking…

In my short time on this planet, I have rarely seen so much awfulness going on between people. In the cradle of civilization, the home of some of the world’s most beautiful and lasting religions, some people have been shooting missiles randomly into populated areas, and others blowing up places where they know children are possibly being held; in another ancient area, tensions are so high that it appears some people shot a commercial airliner out of the sky because they thought that it might be a plane holding the people they hate; all over the world, dictators and armies are ordering killings, beheadings, live burials – it’s all too shocking for a dog to take. And closer to my home, voices of hatred are screaming at hungry children for trying to better their lives, police are using military weapons against protesters…

 

We dogs want to look up to you humans, but right now, that’s pretty hard to do.

 

Now let me explain about where I’m coming from. We dogs don’t have a good understanding of history. We live very much in the present. You guys are much better at understanding how something that happened six years ago, or sixty years ago, or six hundred years ago, or six thousand years ago (!), applies to what is going on now.

And don’t get me wrong – I understand well that everyone wants, and deserves, to protect themselves. I’m a very good fighter, and if anybody – squirrel, cat, dog, or human – tries to come into my yard or mess with me or my guy, they are going to face some very sharp teeth that stem from a very muscular jaw! I would never tell anyone that they didn’t have the same right I have for self-protection.

 

But the way some humans are behaving shows me that their bigger brains, and they way they’re thinking, aren’t working very well right now, are they? Well, I have a thought. It might get you a bit angry, but I’d like you to try to think about it.

 

You all look alike to me. You’re all taller than I am, and taller than you are wide, most of you walk upright, you wear fabrics over your bodies, even your skin colors are far more similar to each other’s than those we have (have you ever seen any person with skin the bright red-orange color of an Irish Setter? Of a jet black Labrador Retriever? Of a purely white Maltese? No, you guys are all variations of dark brown to pinkish beige). And while I know certain individuals well (I can recognize Handsome a block away), I usually can’t tell you guys apart. She’s a poor Hindu; he’s a rich Shiite; that one’s British and the other is French; over there is a liberal and next to them are a bunch of staunch conservatives, he’s Goth she’s a Hippie… Do you think I can tell any of that?!

 

At the same time, although we dogs are all shapes and sizes and colors and such, we can always tell the difference between a dog and another species. Similarly, you can very easily tell a human from a fish or an ape or a reptile.

So what if people, all of you people, started to think of yourselves, not as a member of a nation, or a follower of a religion… but as what I see: PEOPLE.

I don’t mean for anyone to give up your nationality, or certainly your religion. But to acknowledge that, besides what else you are, you’re also people.

 

And if you do that, then (and here’s the hard part, I know), can you start to look at yourself as one member of a seven-billion-member club? You’re still part of your family, your school, your town, your group of friends… but you’re also part of a group called The Human Race.

 

And then, here’s my crazy idea: If you do, then suddenly, maybe you can lose all this “Us versus Them” mindset, that gets everyone so hot-headed. And instead, you realize, It’s All… Us.

It’s so easy for viewers of a sports event to say “We won” or “We lost,” even though they never so much as touched the field or the ball. Now, what if, after cheering like crazy for your team, you walked away from the game and were able to say, “We played well. Both sides. We humans came out of this looking very noble.”

And what if, when a tragedy occurs where an unarmed young person is shot by a police officer, you were able to say “We need to look into this more, and see what we were doing wrong, so that we can make sure it doesn’t happen again. We don’t want to take a chance on our kids getting into trouble, or certainly on wrongly killing any of our kids.” You see where I’m going? It’s not that one side is right and another is wrong, it’s a mindset saying that We need to change, because something awful happened.

 

And I won’t just point the finger at you guys. I’ll join into this myself. I am a dog. We dogs have done some of the most amazing acts ever. We have sniffed out disaster sites and saved buried victims, we’ve located bombs and mines, we’ve protected our families endlessly, and we’re the cutest and funniest beings ever. We also have unfairly bitten strangers, we’ve been very mean to cats, we’ve peed all over very nice carpets, and… yes, we’ve even killed innocent people.   We have done all these things, and can easily do them again.

Now if I can admit that I’m part of a group that did all those things, then can’t you admit that your group created every great work of art, has built cities and invented airplanes, has fed the world through agriculture… and also that your group has polluted the atmosphere, killed far more beings than anyone else could come close to, and is the only species to ever call someone lying names on social media.

As these battles rage, we’ll hear people argue about how one side deserves to live more, because they invented lots of medicines, or wrote the greatest novels ever. No, All Of You cured Polio, All Of You created “War and Peace,” and “Mockingjay!” No one else could have done those things, just you humans. The good and the bad. You guys wrote “Happy” and you built concentration camps. Both are part of you. All of you.

 

But now I’ll spread my view even a bit wider. What if I say that both you and I are Mammals! And therefore I’m acknowledging that I am a member of a group that not only bit a nice old lady, but also fired random missiles into civilized areas on a regular basis. And I am a member of a group that retaliated by firing back, including at places where OUR children were. Yes, we mammals have been killing our own children, far too much and for far too long.

And we shot down an airliner. And we sent our army to attack and arrest little kids who were looking for a new home. And we have been decimating our fellow citizens all over Syria and Iraq and Nigeria and…

 

We need to change. We need to stop this. And maybe, if we can start to think of ourselves as “We,” we can.

 

Please note, I’m not suggesting we stop battling. There are so many legitimate “Them”s that we need to fight against! Starvation, Drought, Global Warming, Ebola, AIDS, Mental Illness, Human Trafficking, just to name a few… and FLEAS! Rotten nasty disease-ridden biters! Let’s all get together against THEM!

 

But we can’t, as long as we keep wasting our time looking at each other as Us and Them.

 

I know that this idea of mine doesn’t, in itself, solve one single issue. It doesn’t give anyone freedom, it doesn’t block up a tunnel where murderous weapons are transferred, it doesn’t make anyone safe in their home.

But it’s a start. And I know my doggy brain isn’t the best, but as far as I can tell, it’s a start in the only direction that makes any sense.

 

You see, if someone in your family was treating you, in your opinion, unfairly, I don’t think you’d send a missile to kill them. You’d find another way to get your point across. And if someone in your family did do something violent at you, and was then keeping weapons in a room with one of your children, I don’t think you’d blow that room up. You’d find another way.

 

And that’s all I’m asking for. Thinking of other ways.

Not for anyone in the world to allow themselves to be oppressed or attacked; no good comes from giving up. But if more of us could just stop looking at our problems as Us versus Them, and instead ask what We can do… maybe we could get a start at finding those “other ways” to solve our problems. Again, our problems.

 

And again, I know this isn’t an instant fix. Good heavens, when someone’s been attacked, it’s got to be nearly impossible for them to turn around and see their attacker as a brother or sister. But if the rest of us can look at the situation that way, and try to help from that point of view, maybe we can move the situation forward.

 

Think about this: Thirty-six years ago, two nations in the Middle East, who’d been enemies since before the pyramids were built, got together (through a supportive outside mediator) and signed a peace agreement. In the last few years, one of those nations has had two revolutions, but that peace agreement has still lasted. To the degree that that nation is the mediator today for a new peace agreement to help our their former arch-enemy. Because they’re seeing both sides of this current conflict as fellow beings, and peace as their greatest self-interest.

 

If that is possible, then how is anything not?

 

While I was writing this, a song was going through my head. And it made me think about the man who wrote it. He was born into a relatively poor area of a poor town, which he will always be associated with. He was best-known as a member of a small group of four men. He was a husband, he was a father. He was associated with one country, and then left it for another, and then got associated with yet another through his second marriage. He was all these things, and yet, more than anything else, he was an individual. Arrogant, funny, loving, cruel, and brilliantly creative, he was all himself. He never would have allowed anyone to consider themselves the same as him. And yet, he wrote:

            You might say I’m a dreamer

            But I’m not the only one

            I hope someday you’ll join us

            And the world will live as one.

 

Doesn’t that sound nice? Let it roll around in your brain for a minute. Really nice.

And also note that, in that last line, Mr. Lennon implied something else. Maybe if the world can be “as one,” it will manage to keep on… living.

 

Barking Like Crazy, but Praying for Peace,

Shirelle

What to do when a friend thinks you’ve insulted them

awesome101 asks: I’m having friendship issues. My friend took something I said the wrong way. She thought I called her fat, but I meant buff. And buff is different from fat because buff means that you’re just strong and built well, it has nothing to do with being fat. But she is mad at me because she thinks I was talking behind her back and I feel awful. I apologized to her over and over again but she just ignores me. I feel absolutely terrible. 🙁 Please tell me what to do. Thank you so much.

Hi awesome101 –

I have seen this situation at all sorts of extremes.  At the mildest, someone thinks their friend said something, the friend says “Oh no, I said _________,” the person accepts that, and everyone moves on well.  At the worst, I’ve seen friendships completely destroyed because one friend is convinced the other one said something horrible about them, no matter how much the other insists they never did or would.  It sounds like you’re right in the middle between these.  And I’m sorry, because that’s still a tough place to be.

One issue here is very important to state:  This would never happen if your friend felt Continue reading

How to keep little kids from taking your stuff

poproxy360 asks: Each time my three-year-old cousin visits, she takes something and says it’s hers, and does not share. I know she does not know any better, but she is living in my house for five days starting tomorrow, while her parents have a baby boy. I am excited, but I don’t want her to take my favorite stuff! What should I do? Because I love kids and I am a kid!

Hi poproxy360 –

The easiest answer for me is that she’s three years old.  When I was a puppy, there were about a thousand things in Handsome’s house that I wanted to chew on, and his job was to keep them out of my reach.  (He managed to most of the time!)  It sounds to me like that’s your job too.

Is there a toy box you can put your things in, especially the things she’d find interesting, that you can put somewhere where she can’t get into it?  Do you have a garage or something, a special room she can’t get to, where you could put your special things?

Of course, she will then be likely to take some other things, and want to say that they are hers.  It just wouldn’t be your favorites.

I do, however, want to point one thing out to you.  When a child finds out that their parents are having another Continue reading

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