Mandhie asks: I have liked my crush for six years now. Though we are in different schools now, we still stay in contact with each other. Here is my problem: First of all, I think my crush likes me too, but I am not so sure. There are certain characteristics he likes in me. When we are together, we both feel shy and don’t look into each other’s faces to talk. Secondly, we both sound so confident on the phone but become shy (as I said earlier) when we see each other. Thirdly, his friend has told me he likes me and our families know each other and keep on saying we will become married in the future. And he smiles when they say that. I have become so close to one of his friends and he teases me with him sooooooo much! Recently, my crush came home for midterms and the way he is acting towards me is different. I feel he is beginning to like me more. We chatted and I told him I was making food, and did he want some? He said it would be his pleasure to taste it because he was so hungry, but it was just for fun. Later, I think he was bored in the house and called me. I was so happy! We didn’t have much to talk about, but we talked for a while. I then called him later because I was bored and we chatted beyond an hour. He sounded so comfortable with me. We played a game in which we asked each other 20 questions we want to know about each other and it was so fun. Shirelle, now I love the way we are becoming closer, how his friends tease us both, how his mum calls me “in-law” (that’s cute), and many more things, but the MAIN problem is: in my OPINION, I think he is into me now, but how come he has not yet told me he likes me? I don’t want to tell him I like him because I read on the Internet that ‘if a girl tells a boy she likes him, the guy immediately stops liking her,’ and I don’t want him to stop liking me. How can I make him tell me he likes me? I have liked him for six years now! And you know the saddest thing on earth is when you like someone and that person has no idea!
Hi Mandhie –
Okay, let’s start by making one thing clear. There is NO question this boy likes you. Exactly what he’s thinking, or what he wants… that’s always up to debate. But this guy likes you.
And he’s shy about it.
So you’re stuck with two possible actions. One, you could just wait around for him to do or say something (which is what that person on the Internet is suggesting), or you could take action.
You can probably guess, as someone who gets in lots of trouble for jumping on people and licking them whether they want it or not, I am all for action.
But the question is, what action? You could tell him you like him. You could ask him out on a date. You could do like me and just jump on him. And any of those could work, or could put him off.
But I think there’s a softer version, that’s pretty guaranteed to work. Do you have school dances? Or something else that couples tend to go to? Could you tell him that you really want to go, but you feel uncomfortable going by yourself, and (and here’s the important part) “there’s no boy I’d rather go with than you…”?
You see, by doing that, you’re accomplishing three things. First, you’re saying that you like him better than any other boy. Second, you’re making it easy on both of you, by doing something that could just be friends, but also might not be. And third, you’re getting him into a situation where you two are being like a couple!
Now we dogs don’t really dance (and those funny videos of the Chihuahuas held up by their leashes so they look like they’re doing Salsa don’t count!). But I’m a big fan of dancing. Everybody gets to spend a lot of time interacting without having to talk all the time! You get to touch a little (or a lot), you get to be really close, and it’s all non-committal.
But what I like best about dancing, in a situation like yours, is that you can hold each other because you’re “supposed” to, say in a slow song, and then one of you can hold the other just a little bit tighter… and then the other one can do the same… and look, you’ve both said just what you’ve been wanting to, without having to actually say it!
Now if it’s not a dance, say if it’s a play or a concert, kind of the same thing can happen. You can sit together in the audience, and “let” your arm touch his, or even your knee. And maybe the first time it happens, you would pull away the second you “realize” they’re touching. But then the second time, you let it stay there.
Now we know, what we want is for him to speak up and say something. But since he’s shy, I’m all for you giving him all the encouragement you can.
So try something like this. See what signals you can give him.
And if he’s still too shy to act… well, wrestling him to the ground and kissing him on the mouth and running away sounds just fantastic to me!!!