Category Archives for "Growing Up"

0 How can a teenager get what they want from their parents without being disrespectful

lynde asks: How do I get what I want from my parents without being disrespectful?

Hi Lynde –

This is a great question, one which teens have been struggling with for centuries.  And that’s because the teen years are, by definition, a time when humans begin to develop in ways that go against their parents.  By that, do I mean that they have to rebel against their parents’ authority and values?  Well, lots of the time, yes!

Think of it as the opposite of weaning.  You’ll see puppies or kittens whose mothers are very happy to let them nurse on them.  But eventually the little folks get bigger (and start to get sharp teeth!), and the mother has to tell them “No, you can’t eat here anymore!”  Usually that involves pushing her young away, or even nipping at them.  They have to learn to eat in other ways.

Well, there comes a point when a human is a teenager when they sort of have to wean their Continue reading

0 How to get over fears about trust

Fruitloop asks: I am16 years old, and have MAJOR trust issues I would like to get over. I don’t know why I have these issues – I have a good family life and my parents are nothing but kind to me. I have had a lot of friend issues though, and I think that is my problem. I feel as though as soon as I get close to someone I get scared because of my past, because if they find out I’m afraid that they will avoid me :/. Help me please!

Hi Fruitloop –

Trust is one of the toughest issues anyone ever has to deal with.  Sure, it’s understandable when someone’s suffered horrible abuse, but it’s still a problem when someone has, like you, had a relatively good experience in this life!

Where do your trust issues come from?  Maybe you’re just a person with a nervous temperament, and so you’ve always been a worrier and will always be one.  Or maybe your parents are untrusting, and so, while they’ve always been good to you, you’ve learned from them to be concerned about others.  Or of course, maybe you have had some experiences that have left you less trusting of your Continue reading

2 What to do when teenagers retreat from life

Pinky asks: Hi. I am a mother of a 13-year-old son. Of late I have realized he is losing his interest in studies and is becoming very inactive in his day-to-day life. My son is good in studies but now he is not doing his work on time and wants to postpone all his work. He is lacking in concentration too. He doesn’t like to go out much. He just wants to sit at home and watch TV or play PSP, etc. What should I do now?

Hi Pinky –

Thanks for your question about your son.

I wish I could tell you for sure what’s going on.  But the truth is, it could be any number of things.

MOST likely, it’s nothing to be terribly worried about.  Most teenagers go through a period (or a few periods) like this.  Their bodies and worlds are changing very fast, and they need a time when they sort of retreat, when they lose their usual energy and excitement, and need to pull inside themselves, and avoid the Continue reading

0 How to help a child who’s been frightened by scary pictures

Georgie asks: My 10-year-old daughter recently was exposed to a truly horrific image on the ‘Quizazz’ website… she really had her wits scared out of her and, despite my reassurances of ‘it’s not real,’ I don’t think I’m getting thru; how can I help her deal with her fright which is now turning into nightmares and having to have a night light on, etc?

Hi Georgie –

I just looked at Quizazz, and I think I might have seen the pictures that scared her –  Yep, those are pretty darn creepy!   I will say, though, that if it was one of those, I’m happy that it wasn’t worse!  Children are going to see faces that scare them, whether it’s in a fairy tale book or a monster movie or…  Hey do you know what movie has scared more people more than any other over time?  If you’re thinking about “Psycho” or “The Exorcist” or some slasher flicks, forget it.  The most frightening movie ever (based on a survey of psychologists years ago) is ” Continue reading

0 How to keep your weight down when your family feeds you too much

Naima asks: How can I lose weight quickly, when my mother wants me to keep eating for my health, and eat fattening food?

Hi Naima –

Great question, and there is a trick to it.  Lots of times grownups want their kids to eat a lot, with the idea that eating big amounts makes them healthy.  While the kid might want to eat less, to lose weight, in order to look better.  Now as we all know, eating way too much or way too little can be really harmful.  So your mother might be right, to the degree that she wants you to eat enough to be strong and healthy – but you’re right, to the degree that you don’t want a lot of fattening foods.

The solution is for you to make certain demands about what foods you eat, and then you won’t have to worry so much about how much you eat.

Vegetables and fruits are really the key here.  Lots of people just have them on the side of their meals – say they eat a big slab of meat with a big potato or load of pasta, and a little salad on the side.  Or for breakfast they’ll have eggs, sausage, bacon, pancakes, toast… and a tiny glass of Continue reading

5 How do we pray for our children’s purity

animalkingdom asks: I have a 13 year old daughter who would like to stay pure until she gets married. Is there any prayer that one says with them when you give them a purity ring?

Hi animalkingdom –

I am a dog, and so thereby unaffiliated with any religion, and pretty unaware of most.  But I’ll make up a prayer, and you can use it or change it however you wish:

May you live the life you wish.  May you have the strength and wisdom to act in your own best interests, in the short term and the long.  May you find and recognize love and faithfulness in yourself and others, and both give and receive the worth they deserve.  And may you always Continue reading

2 How much alcohol is okay to drink

Freeman asks: I am worried about my health. About 3 times a month, my friend and I share a bottle of wine (half each). We think it’s the only way to go out at night and have fun, by drinking nearly once a week. We have been doing this for the last 7 months. I have a few times had some vodka as well. Is this killing me? How is it affecting me? Is it serious? Please help. Thank you.

Hi Freeman –

Okay, I’ll dare to take on this extremely difficult subject, but I’m going to make a disclaimer first.  If you’re a teenager or child, the fact is you shouldn’t be drinking large amounts of alcohol ever.  Your body’s still growing, and it can cause real damage, and contribute to addiction problems later.  I’m not talking about a small amount you might have at family dinners (and I’m certainly not telling you to refuse any religious rituals you may partake in!), but what you’re describing is a bit more than that.

But, on the assumption that you’re a bit older…

As a dog who finds great joy in everything from garbage cans to fire hydrants, I am not able to look down on anyone for enjoying alcoholic drinks.  Humans have been using and enjoying alcohol for Continue reading

0 How to help kids avoid becoming Delinquents

Shane asks: What are the factors for a child to become a delinquent?

Hi Shane –

If I’m being really specific with words, anyone can be a delinquent.  After all, when you return a library book a few days late, they charge you for “delinquent return!”  Based on that, every kid I’m sure will be a delinquent at some time!

But I’m assuming you’re referring to the term “Juvenile Delinquent,” which was very common in the 1950s, referring to tough teenagers who broke the rules of society.  I guess the best-remembered image of Juvenile Delinquents would be James Dean’s performance in the movie “Rebel Without a Continue reading

4 When is punishment child abuse, and what should one do about it

superlover123 asks: Hi, I am facing child abuse. My mother beats me sometimes and I am left with bruises and scars. I sometimes feel like running away but I know that wouldn’t solve anything. Plus I tend to yell at people a lot without thinking first, but I’m afraid to ask for anger management classes because I don’t want people to think I’m crazy. Please help!

Hi superlover123 –

Thank you so much for your question about child abuse.

Okay, first things first.  No parent has the right to beat their child to the point of bruises and scars.  I don’t know where you live, but in a lot of places that’s completely illegal, and the police can come in and stop it.  If you’re not comfortable just walking up to a police officer, or if you’re not sure about the laws where you live, and you want to write me and tell me where you live (not your address, but the country or state is enough), I can find out who you can call to stop this if possible.  I’m very glad you wrote me about it, and I’ll gladly do whatever I can to help you out.

Now as to the anger management, well of course I think it’s your mother who needs an anger management class most Continue reading

2 What should a parent do when they discover things about their teenager

abcdefg asks: How do I deal with teenage relationships, considering the fact that I know about it and my daughter doesn’t know I know about it, since I secretly check her phone when she is at school? I also speak to the so-called boyfriend’s mum, but we have kept it low-key.

Hi abcdefg –

It’s a funny thing.  I’ve written so many responses to teenagers who are in danger of getting in trouble with their parents.  But you’re the first case where I’ve seen a parent who’s really in danger of getting in trouble with the teenager!  I certainly understand your concerns, and why you’ve done what you’ve done, but abcdefg, if your daughter discovers this, she’s going to raise some serious H!

Your biggest problem is inherent in your question:  You want to know how to deal with your daughter’s relationship.  But the only way for you to let her know that you know about it is to let on that you’ve been checking her phone.  And worse, far worse to a teenage girl’s eye, you’ve been talking with her boyfriend’s mother behind her Continue reading