Category Archives for "Growing Up"

0 Advice for a twelve-year-old girl thinking about dating

epic1999 asks: I’m 12 and I met this boy who is 13, nearly 14. We get on really well and he knows every thing about me and I know every thing about him. I have never felt like this before about any boy. Because he is older than me he asks me questions and I feel ok answering them. But my only worry is that he will want something from me and I will get hurt in the end. I have talked to all the family members I can trust, but they say that I’m too young to be in a relationship. So I just need a bit of advice.

Hi epic1999 –

I have many pet peeves – squirrels, cats, the sound of skateboards – but one of the big ones is the word “relationship.”  It’s SO vague!  Hey look, you and I are in a Relationship – because I’m writing you an answer to the question you asked me.  You’re in a Relationship with the computer you’re reading this on.  You’re in a Relationship with the chair you’re sitting on as you read this!  And of course you’re in a Relationship with every family member, friend, schoolmate, neighbor… in the end, you’re in a Relationship with everyone and everything there is!

So when your caring family members say that you’re too young to be in a relationship, what you’re really talking about is dating, romance, and (to some degree or another) sex!  Yes, even if that’s just holding hands or kissing on the Continue reading

0 What is high school like?

Wolves asks: What’s high school like?

Hi Wolves:

My answer won’t tell you much!  On one hand, high school is usually different from the earlier years in that students don’t have “a” teacher or class, they just move from classroom to classroom; students have a lot more freedom and responsibility (you’re expected to do your homework without any help or reminders from teachers); and there are more varieties of classes to take.

But I’ll bet that if you ask high schoolers what’s different between high school and younger grades, they won’t mention those things at all!

Here’s what high school’s really like:

–       Everyone is Continue reading

0 What should a parent do if they suspect their teenager is smoking marijuana?

flaca asks: What steps should I take if I suspect my son is on drugs such as marijuana?

Hi flaca –

It’s always terrifying to think that someone you love is doing something harmful to themselves.  And it’s always so crazy, because their doing it means that they don’t value themselves the way we (who love them so) do.  After all, how would your kids like it if they saw you cutting your fingers on purpose?!  It’d freak them out, wouldn’t it?  Yet they will be completely oblivious to your worries about them not only smoking (which is so terrible for their lungs and liver) but smoking something that affects their mind and very likely is illegal as well.

Teenagers go through lots of phases where their moods change, they’ll withdraw, they might even smell bad, and having a parent hounding them (yes, I did use that Continue reading

0 How can a teacher establish relationships to students?

MESS asks: I am a new teacher in The American school. How can I establish a relationship with all children?

Hi MESS –

Well I guess I have two answers for you.  The first is that it’s impossible.  Some kids are going to like you, while some really don’t.  Hey don’t take it personally – some kids don’t like me, and I’m soft and cuddly and pretty and playful and funny and lick their nose and… and they still don’t like me!  Maybe they were bitten by a dog once, so they are afraid of all dogs.  Or maybe they just like cats better (I know, I know, but some kids are just crazy that way!).  Or maybe they just have other things on their mind.  Similarly, some kids just aren’t going to like their teacher, or they’ll like teachers that are very different from you.  And for those kids, your job is just to do the best you can: teach them as much as possible, keep them safe and out of trouble, and work to give more of yourself to the others who really develop a relationship with you.

That’s my first answer.  My second is… Continue reading

0 What to do when you worry people are talking about you behind your back?

prettyndsweet12 asks: Dear Shirelle, I’m always worried that, whenever I’m not at school, people are talking about me behind my back and sharing my secrets. Can you give me some tips on how to relax and trust people?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

This is a problem for just about everyone, including all us dogs.  You’ll see when we meet each other, our tails usually go between our legs, and we carefully walk around each other and sniff.  This answers two questions – first, have we met before (and do I remember something that tells me whether or not I should trust this dog), and second, will the dog let me get this close.  Trusting is hard, and although we want to trust that dog, we also fear that it might hurt us.  So we do the best we can.

Your situation is a little different, though.  You’re not so afraid of what someone’s going to do when you’re there as you are of what happens when you’re Continue reading

0 What does it mean when a child is moody?

mums asks: I am the mother of a 9-year-old boy. He is very good in studies but he doesn’t want to be regular in studies, and he is very moody and a fussy eater. He just likes to play on TV, computer, or his mobile phone. How should I deal with him? Sometimes it gets out of control.

Hi mums –

Most of what you say sounds like a very normal 9-year-old boy.  He’s good but inconsistent at school, a fussy eater, and would rather play on his electronic gadgets than just about anything else.  Right on schedule!

The only word you say that worries me is that he’s also “moody.”  If he were thirteen, I’d say that was normal too, but nine-year-olds aren’t usually very moody.  Do you mean that he’s kind of depressive?  Angry?  Withdrawn?

My first thought, of course, is to ask him what’s Continue reading

1 How to reduce stage fright

Sarah asks: In two weeks I am going to perform (rap) on stage and I am extremely nervous. What can I do to help me reduce that fear?

Hi Sarah –

The first – and most important – thing for you to know about this is that Stage Fright is the most common greatest fear in the human race.  Let me clarify what I mean: when people are asked in surveys “What is your greatest fear,” and there are answers like illness, death, and losing all your money, they answer “Public Speaking” more often than anything else!

We dogs don’t have as big a problem with this, because we don’t have self-awareness and self-consciousness in the way humans do (simply because our brains are smaller!).  But I sure see humans freaking out about it a lot, so I can offer you a few suggestions to help you with it (try them out and see which ones work for you, and don’t worry about the Continue reading

0 How to get a child moving in the morning

momgrt asks: Hi. I have a 5-year-old son. He is never in favor of getting ready for school. He has to be pushed for everything during the day. Let it be brushing his teeth, drinking milk, bathing, lunch, dinner, anything. Now with playing and watching TV, he is not at all like that. But he is responsible enough to finish his homework. We both (parents) are working and have to leave home at 8 am. My son’s school is at 8.15 am. So every morning is a jam-packed situation, where my son doesn’t want to get out of bed and get ready. What could be the problem? At times I end up screaming and hitting him. But it disturbs me a lot. I am afraid he won’t take me seriously otherwise.

Hi momgrt –

Okay, first things first:  Stop hitting him to get him moving.  Stop now.  It won’t do any good, it will only turn him against you, and (depending on where you live) it could even get you in trouble with the law.

All right.  So it’s possible that your son is actually suffering from some emotional disturbance, or some chemical whatever that a doctor could help with.  But before you go looking at things like that, it sounds to me like he’s just trying to create some control in his life.  You say that he’s doing all his homework, which is great (though why in the world schools feel they need to give five-year-olds homework is beyond the understanding of this mutt!).  But he needs to be able to be a Continue reading

0 What should a 13-year-old know about sex and sexuality?

ubyfaith asks: I want to know about sex and sexuality. I’m about to turn 13

Hi ubyfaith –

That is a HUGE subject, and I couldn’t begin to give you an “answer,” any more than if you asked me if I could tell you about chemistry or literature.

But there’s a very important point you bring up, which is that you’re at the age when everyone needs to learn about these things, and it’s so very important to learn truth (not myths) from the right people, in the right way.

Most people learn about these things from either their parents or biology classes in school, or a mixture of the Continue reading

0 How one can know what they’ll be when they grow up

Bright asks: When I grow up, what will I be? I am not really sure, and I don’t even really know what I like. Can you help me?

Hi Bright –

Ah, the truth is that I can’t help you decide at all.  I have hundreds of questions on my website about building one’s future, but what’s absolutely great is that you will be the one to decide for yourself!  For today, the best thing you can do is to find things that you do like, and pursue them.  Even if they’re not the things that school says are important.

Handsome really fell in love with old horror movies when he was about ten years old.  Did they get him a career, a marriage, or anything remotely like that?  Nope.  Does he think about them every day today?  Yep.  Did he totally flip out a couple of years ago when he got to meet Boris Karloff’s daughter?  You bet!  In other words, that love from his childhood has deepened and strengthened his adult life today.  And that is a great Continue reading