Category Archives for "Growing Up"

0 How to deal with a parent after you’ve failed at something

mame asks: I am really depressed right now and don’t know what to do. One of my guy friends asked me to be his prom date and so I said yes. I told my mum about it and she didn’t seem to have a problem with it. Now the prom is very near and I need to be preparing for it in terms of clothing and stuff like that. But now I’m afraid to ask my mum about the prom, because I have failed my exams. I don’t know what to do!

Hi mame –

Your question is downright painful, because we all know that feeling!  You already feel bad about the exams, and you don’t want to make things worse for yourself, or especially between you and your mum.

Now I don’t know your mother, but I know a lot of women, and I can’t help but think that there’s a really good chance that she’ll actually be kinder than you think.

You see, all your life, she’s been an authority figure to you, the one who tells you what to do, and who takes pride in your successes and is disappointed when you fail.  But there was a time before that, before you, when she was a young Continue reading

1 How to get your parents to buy you something

nardy asks: How can I convince my parents to buy me my dream phone? Every time I’ve asked, they say next week, and the last time I told mother to buy me that phone, she told me to shut up or she won’t buy it for me. I really want it quickly. What can I do?

Hi nardy –

So I’m going to be kind of mean here, but I have no doubt that everyone who reads your letter on my website will have a little laugh at one sentence in it.  When you say “the last time I told my mother to buy me that phone…” you probably hit on the biggest problem you’ve got.  Parents do NOT like to be told what to do.  Sometimes you might want to, or have to, order them to do something (such as “Wake up, Mommy!  The house is on fire!”), but they’re never going to like the way it Continue reading

1 What to do when someone asks you for sex

Alana asks: A boy asked me for sex. What should I do?

Hi Alana –

Well, I’m going to assume, from your question, that you don’t think that having sex with him right now is a good idea.  So my first answer to you is that the best thing for you to do is to say “No.”  Clearly and unequivocally.

However, I don’t want to give the wrong view here.  The boy hasn’t done anything wrong.  He Continue reading

0 What to do when your parents say to change your attitude

Piper asks: My parents told me I need to change my attitude and that they don’t know what to do about it. They said I was going to have consequences unless I have a way to have them help me through it, but I don’t know how to have them help me. But I don’t want the consequences. I don’t know what to do!

Hi Piper –

It sounds to me like your parents want to change your attitude about something, but that you might not know what that is!  So it seems to me that the first step is to find that out.

Maybe they think you’re too demanding, expecting everything you want the moment you want it.  Maybe they think you’re too sullen, slumping around unhappily all the time and never showing any excitement or appreciation.  Maybe they think you’re too excitable and need to calm down some.  Maybe they think you’re too rebellious and never Continue reading

0 How to get your parent to give you the right chores

kittycat asks: I am depressed because my dad thinks I am being selfish because he works with delivery of clothing and stuff and even though we have the air conditioning on, I really can’t bear the heat. I am secretly a little allergic to the sun (like my mum). I don’t want to upset my dad and all, but I just can’t bear it. (I can’t tell him that I am allergic). So, this one day, my dad and I were doing delivery in his little car, I told him that I was getting very dark, I was sooo hot, I couldn’t stay anymore. Then he started telling me that he spent all his day in the sun, that he and my mum could be rich and put us in a public school and not care, he said that they work for me and my sister’s education, but I really didn’t mean to upset him. And then, I got really upset and I started crying and thinking about the things he had said to me. When it comes too this I really don’t know what I should do. I feel really bad because all things he said were right. But on the other hand he was NOT being fair with me. I can’t discuss this freely with my family because they really don’t understand what it’s really like to be me. I’ve got so many things wrong about me, I’m not the kind of daughter any parent would want. I’m afraid, that some day one of my friends will find out what my mum’s real job is, and I’ll be humiliated. I don’t know what to do!!!

Hi kittycat –

There’s so much here, I want to respond to a few things.

First of all, about the work with your father, it sounds like you don’t mind doing work to help your dad; but just don’t like the excessive heat in his car.  So could you ask him if there’s other work you could do?  Maybe you could help with the bookkeeping, or preparing the clothes for delivery, or wrapping them, or…  anything, anything but sitting in that hot car!

Which leads me to my second thought:  Why are you so adamant about not telling him about your Continue reading

0 How can one live by their own rules

apple eye asks: If we want to lead our life in a my way style but others oppose it, then what should we do? Rebel? Or shut up?!

Hi apple eye –

I want to turn your question around, to make a point:  How can a person know that they’re living in a ‘my way’ style?  The answer, of course, is that they’re doing what other people oppose!

If Handsome takes me on a walk, and I heel, sit, stay, and come every time he says to; if I pay a lot more attention to where he is than the squirrel down the street or the dog barking from behind that nearby window; if I don’t jump on the person he stops to chat with – I might be living my way.  But if I pull on the leash all the time, ignore everything Handsome says, bark at other dogs, try to get away to chase that squirrel, and jump right up our neighbor’s Continue reading

0 What is peer pressure?

Martha asks: What is peer pressure?

Hi Martha –

Peer Pressure is a very simple thing, but with very complex consequences.  Basically, people do things for one of three reasons.

First, because they want to: a baby cries, crawls, burps, because it feels like it; similarly, if you see a yummy cookie that you forgot was in your house, you might eat it, just because you feel like it.

Second, people do things because they’re directly told to.  A student does their homework because they’re supposed to.  A driver stops at a red light because that’s the law.  Maybe you refrain from eating that cookie, because your Continue reading

0 What can one do at home alone?

kittycat asks: What are some fun things you can do at home with ordinary everyday things (things that you probably have in the house and that you use daily)? And especially, what can a ten-year-old child do to entertain herself, and keep busy? Sometimes, after school, on religious holidays and on weekends, I’m left alone for a couple of hours and I feel lonely, and sad, sometimes a little scared. I want something to keep me occupied.

Hi kittycat –

I feel a little naughty answering you on this topic.  You see, puppies are downright brilliant at finding things to do with ordinary objects in homes.  We’ll chew shoes to ribbons, we’ll tear molding off a wall, and we’ll gleefully pee in all sorts of spots the humans won’t find till it’s caused permanent damage!  Now if that’s your idea of fun, kittycat, just leave a puppy in your home for eight hours unattended, and take notes!

But given that you’re ten years old, and sound amazingly open and sensitive and responsible, I’m going to guess that chewing and peeing aren’t going to top your list of interesting Continue reading

3 How to find a safe chat room

Shantal asks: Where can I find a safe chat room for teens like me?

Hi Shantal –

Chat rooms can be a really fun thing – a way to connect with and talk to new people, from the safety and comfort of your own home or computer.  They can also be a dangerous way for creepy people to find children and teens so they can do bad things to them.

There’s no way of knowing if a chat room is perfectly safe.  Anyone can get in there.  So your job is to make sure you’re safe, no matter Continue reading

0 How to build self-esteem in groups of kids and teens

Jezel asks: How can I get a group of kids between the age of 8-19 to believe in themselves through games and activities? And what would be relevant topics?

Hi Jezel –

Your question is simply gigantic.  First of all, there are books of games and activities that build self-esteem.  If you do a web-search, you’ll find tons.

I would be glad to recommend some games and activities to you, but there’s a way bigger problem here, which is that age range you’re facing.  My friend, having a group of kids from 8 to 19 is just about impossible.  It will be hard for you to find things that 8-year-olds and 11-year-olds enjoy together, but to pull in those older ages makes it nearly impossible.

So here’s my advice.  First, split the group up into four Continue reading