Category Archives for "Growing Up"

0 How to know how to take others’ judgments on your appearance

prettyndsweet12 asks: I’ve been having insecurity issues. I feel like I’m fat, but my mom says I’m not. Is she just saying that because she’s my mom or does she mean it? Also a lot of the kids call me ugly. I don’t think I am, but I am also wondering, if I’m pretty, why don’t boys like me?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

The whole issue of when someone is “fat” or not is a really tough one.  Although health experts have ideals they push, saying that a person who’s a certain height should weigh a certain amount, those numbers are never perfect.  Some people have heavier density in their bodies – I don’t know what it is exactly; their bones weigh more than other people’s, or their organs do.  Something like that.

Then, you get the issue that different people have different ideas of what a body should look like (especially female bodies).  Probably no woman in the last century has been so idealized as Marilyn Monroe.  But her figure would be considered “fat” by a lot of people today.  And those people often idolize models who are unhealthily underweight (or who aren’t, but their photographs are altered to make them look that way!).

Now, to add to my confusion, you ask me if your mother is telling you the truth or not.  My friend, I have absolutely no idea!  Maybe your friends are being purposely mean and actually think you look fine.  Maybe they have unrealistic ideas of what your body should look like.  Maybe your mother loves you so much that she’ll always see you as perfect no matter what.  Or maybe, yes, she’s lying to make you feel better.  I have no way of knowing.

What I do know, however, is one thing:  The Continue reading

1 How to deal with parents who are addicts

kaylanicole asks: My best friend, who is my stepmom’s niece (so technically my cousin now), and I have been close for years. She’s just spent nine days with her sister, who hates me. Now one minute she’s telling me to “**** off,” and the next saying “I love you.” She has a lot going on too, because her parents are constantly doing drugs and she’s had a rough life, but I always try to be here for her. We have been arguing on and off and it really hurts. I don’t want to lose her or stop talking to her, because I’m already stressed enough (My mom is on pills and heroin real bad and I’m scared she will die soon because she won’t get any help, and my grandma who raised me is in bad health, and my papaw who also raised me passed a year ago). I recently moved out of my grandma’s house because of stress/depression, but now I have it just as bad here. I always feel bad because my grandma tries to get me to move back in and tells me how she needs help and stuff. My nana has Crohn’s disease and is really skinny and in terrible shape. I told my best friend that I have a lot going on. She is one of the people that means the most to me and I just don’t know what to do. She will bring up her sister’s BF’s sister to make me jealous, and she changed her cover photo on Facebook to them, which used to be us most the time. I feel so alone and replaced, and most nights I lay in bed and cry until I’m tired. The depression/stress is taking over.

Hi kaylanicole –

This is one of the most heartbreaking letters I’ve ever received.  I get mail all the time that tells of pain, heartbreak, or frustration, and I’m usually able to keep my tail wagging and come up with cheerful fun ways to help those people out.  But after reading your letter, I had to go outside and give a big mournful yowl.

It’s not that your situation is impossible.  It’s just that it’s so sad.  Both you and your best friend are suffering with parents who are drug addicts.  And that is one of the toughest situations any kid can live in.

Now before any readers jump in to say, “Hey, I saw my dad Continue reading

0 Can youngsters manage their anger?

AudreyKimberly146 asks: I am an eleven years old kid and I’m not an ordinary girl. I cook if I want, but I have a disease that makes my family the victim. This is strange, but seriously I can’t control my emotions! If somebody hurts me at school, I’ll be angry, but I usually still have a heart attached to my body, and just can be quiet (though if I get upset enough, it’s more like an earthquake!). I don’t wanna see any of my friends hurt because of me. But at home, I will hit a surface of a table and yell bad words to my siblings. So now I’m wondering if I can say something that will not hurt anybody. (I take this from a cartoon named “The Amazing World of Gumball”) So, I just have to say ” I have a stupid brain, in a stupid head, with a stupid mind, packed in a stupid personality if I get angry “. That way, I think I would be able to relieve myself every time I get angry. Now, what do I want to ask is, with this way, will everything be alright?

Hi AudreyKimberly146 –

I’m very very impressed with you, AudreyKimberly146.  What you’re doing is something called Anger Management.  There are psychologists all over the world who specialize in this, who run classes for teenagers and adults who are unable to control their rage.  Sometimes these are people like you who get upset for legitimate reasons, but lose control over their actions.  Sometimes, though, it can be worse – for example, a parent who loses their temper because their baby is crying, or because their puppy pooped indoors, things that no one has any Continue reading

0 How to make an absent-minded teenager take responsibility

Cookie Vidal asks: I have a hard time getting my 16-year-old brother to do all my dog’s things (pick up her feces, change her water etc.), and for the last 6 months or so I have been doing it for him. He stays home all day and can’t even clean the floor or wash the dishes etc. So how do I approach him to get him to do something other than being on Facebook?

Hi Cookie Vidal –

Okay, first things first:  Nothing here is anything but normal.  16-year-old boys tend to be very forgetful, even if they mean to be responsible; and they usually are a lot less concerned with messes than other people.

If this weren’t the case – if he were, say, 24 – my suggestion to you would be to stop doing his chores.  To leave the dog’s mess out, to leave the floor and dishes (it’s not fair to the dog to not give her water though), and wait till it starts to drive him absolutely nuts.  That method works beautifully – but not necessarily with 16-year-old boys!

So I think you need to take more drastic measures.

The first one is – where is the rest of Continue reading

0 Am I good enough for my crush?

Cookie Vidal asks: What should I do if my friends always make fun of me because I have a huge crush on this guy I met at camp over the summer? Also they always call me fat and say that I have a longa (which is Spanish for huge stomach), and it hurts but I still take it as a joke. At the same time I don’t want to leave them, because if I leave one they’ll all go following her. I want to know how to tell them to stop making fun of me just because this guy pops up in my head everyday! I want to just move on (Oh, I forgot to mention that he is extremely HOT!).

Hi Cookie Vidal –

The issue of friends making fun of a friend is a tough one to comment on, because I don’t know a lot about it.  Is the group being really mean and insensitive, ganging up on one like a wild dog pack attacking an injured member?  Or is the person just highly sensitive, and not good at joking in the way they like to joke?  I’ve dealt with both in previous questions, so I’m going to send you both my Continue reading

2 How to build confidence after almost failing an exam

teejay 96 asks: Lately I’ve been feeling really down. I barely passed this important exam I took a few months back. I’m supposed to be preparing for the next exam in line, but I’m so demoralized. I tried so hard for the last exam and thought I would pass really well. But, that didn’t happen. I’ve lost interest in reading and I really don’t know what to do. Nobody understands and they all think I’m fine. HELP!

Hi teejay 96 –

This is a really fascinating situation!  I have to confess, we dogs have the exact opposite point of view.  If I walk outdoors and a squirrel is standing by me and I grab it, I don’t feel any particular pride.  But if I see a squirrel a hundred feet away, and I run after it and it runs fast and turns tight corners that I have to try really hard to take, and it runs up a tree and I leap and just barely grab it by the tail, and it falls off the tree but is able to run away from me and I chase it and just barely grab it before it gets under the fence…  I feel great!  That’s the most exciting part of my day, and I feel more confident of my abilities as a hunter than I did before.

You, on the other hand, seem to have been discouraged by having not passed that exam more easily.

And what’s worse, instead of the exam being so hard making you study harder for the next one, you’ve lost the spark that made you a Continue reading

0 How old should one be before getting a dog?

danny asks: What is the appropriate age for keeping a dog?

Hi danny –

I assume you’re asking about the right age for a human to be, if they’re going to adopt a dog.  If I’m wrong, and you mean to ask what is the right age for a dog to be adopted, please get back to me on that.

I don’t think there’s an appropriate age for getting a dog.  What matters is the appropriate Continue reading

1 How to stop oneself playing computer games at bedtime.

Chicken asks: In the past few weeks I’ve been staying up late on my iPad and playing games when I’m supposed to sleep. I try to sleep but I can’t. I’ve been tired in the day, and if I tell my parents I will get in trouble. I can’t stop staying up late on my iPad. Please help!

Hi Chicken –

Okay, let’s start with the obvious here: the iPad is fun!  Of course you like staying up playing with it.  Also, computer games can get pretty addictive, and while you’re trying to master one, it’s awfully easy to lose track of time and suddenly find that hours have gone by.

Because of this, you are experiencing what some call a “teachable Continue reading

0 Is it a good idea to change your surname?

amber asks: I’m thinking about changing my surname to that of my mom’s side of the family, and wondering how my dad would feel about this. I want to change it because my current surname means nothing to me. My dad never spends time with me or ever rings. We have some contact, but last Christmas he made up an excuse so he wouldn’t have to visit (he only lives about an hour away from me). I just don’t understand why he doesn’t like spending time with me. Last time we actually spent time with each other was when I was six and now I’m fourteen. Last time he was down to visit it felt like I was talking to a stranger. It’s like I don’t know who he is. What should I do?

Hi amber –

There are two aspects to your question, and both are… well, huge!

First, you’re wondering about your father, and why he’s been so distant.  Oh my friend, I wish I were psychic and could tell you what’s going on in his mind, but, smart a pup as I am, I simply don’t know.  Maybe he just doesn’t know how to deal with you (perhaps because he feels guilty about not Continue reading

0 What to do if you’re self-conscious about leg hair

Zack asks: I’m too hairy-legged to wear shorts, and in our country it’s really really hot this summer. I’m a swimmer, and so I want to shave my legs or wax, but my parents won’t let me. I’m too shy to wear shorts, because when do everyone is looking at me. What should I do? Just wear jeans on hot days?

Hi Zack –

Hey, I don’t care how hairy you think your legs are, mine are hairier!  Unless you’re that Jacob guy in the movies, no human has anywhere near the thickness of growth on their body that I do!

But of course, the difference is that I think my fur is beautiful, and almost everyone else does too!

So here’s my question to you, Zack:  Who says your legs are too Continue reading