Category Archives for "Growing Up"

0 How to play sports while self-conscious

Palooka asks: I am a 10-year-old boy. I love sports but my dad is the coach of my football team and I get really nervous when he’s not at the game but I get kinda nervous when he IS at the game. I’m okay during practice but when there is a game I feel kinda weird. What should I do? Thanks Shirelle. You are so wise.

Hi Palooka –

Oh what you’re describing is SOOOOO normal for humans!  You’re talking about something called Self-Consciousness.

Now we dogs do get self-conscious at times.  Like when you see pooches whose owners have dressed them in fancy sweaters and even booties, and those dogs see us other dogs (who are dressed more normally – wearing nothing more than collars) seeing them, and they’re mortified.  Sure, they had no choice in the matter, but they look so goofy, and they know it!

But most of the time, we pups really don’t feel that way at all.  We just live our lives, pursuing what we want and trying to stay out of trouble while we do it.  And it’s all fine.  But not humans.

Humans tend to be Self-Conscious, to some degree or another, all the time!  They go to school, feeling like everyone’s looking at them and judging the way they’re dressed or how their hair is that day (not realizing that everyone else is worrying about the same thing about themselves!); they create art and literature and poetry and songs that express their feelings and thoughts, hoping others will Continue reading

0 How to meet the opposite sex when you’re at a single-sex school

Arjai101 asks: I’m moving schools this year. I’m not super excited but hey its got to be what its got to be. There’s just one problem – since I live in a Muslim country, the girls and the boys are separated. I’m not boy-crazy, but the school I last went to was one of the few schools where boys and girls weren’t separated. I was sort of hoping to have my first boyfriend this year but my school situation makes really hard. Do you know any ways I can still have a boyfriend this year? If so please state how – and also give steps too.

Hi Arjai –

You make a really interesting point here.  On one hand, you’re asking me how students in single-sex schools can meet members of the opposite sex, which is a perfectly good and normal question.  But then you add something else to it, that’s really fascinating – which is that this issue wouldn’t mean the same thing to you if you hadn’t spent last year at a coeducational school.

It’s like me with food.  If I smell something that Handsome’s cooking, and it smells really good, I’m definitely interested in it.  But if I get a taste of it, and it tastes as good as it smelled (or better!), I am in love with it!  My tongue is drooling like crazy, and I just can’t control myself!  I would have wanted it anyway, but now that desire means something much more to me, and I feel like I just can’t live without it!

So back to you.  It sounds like you’re at an age where it’s totally normal to want to start dating, and your school isn’t going to do much to help that along.  So how do you meet Continue reading

0 How to best react to failure

dumboo asks: What should be our reaction if we fail in achieving something?

Hi dumboo –

There are lots and lots of ways to react when one fails at something.  A few I see often are “Oh No!  I give up!  This is impossible!” and “I don’t believe this!” and “God hates me!” and “I suck!” and “Well I know not to try that again!”

Some others aren’t so verbal.  They might involve bursting into tears, banging one’s head against a wall, or kicking someone.

Another is to immediately try doing what Continue reading

1 Should people stay friends after breaking up

sazuna45 asks: When people date and they break up, they stop talking and they get awkward and they ignore and sometimes even hate, each other. I find that very sad. When best friends start dating and they break up, they stop being friends, they cant even look each other the same way after all that. Don’t you find that sad? Do you think its normal for people to act that way? But most importantly, is it okay if past lovers stay friends? Do you think they can remain friends?

Hi sazuna45 –

Your timing is perfect.

You see, Handsome’s had a lot of girlfriends over the years.  I always like them at first, but some weren’t so crazy about me, so I learned to stay away from them (and eventually, so did Handsome!).  But of course, at least at the beginning, he was nuts about all of them.

Now most of the time, when they broke up, it was the way you describe.  Not necessarily that he hated her or she hated him, but they learned that they were happier keeping some distance from each other.

I guess I both understand and don’t Continue reading

0 How to control jealousy

prettyndsweet12 asks: Do you have any tips on controlling jealousy?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Jealousy is one of the most powerful emotions we have.  Note the word “we.”  We dogs can be very jealous – as any pooch who Handsome’s ever found adorable and cuddly has learned!  “RRROOOWFF!  I’ll teach you to let him scratch your belly!!”

All cultures have stories of jealousy.  In The Bible, the first kids ever born have enough jealousy between them that one kills the other!  That’s some nasty stuff!

I really like your question, because you didn’t ask how to get rid of jealousy (which is impossible), but how to control it.  And that’s something anyone can do.

The trick is to realize that jealousy actually comes from a Continue reading

1 How to handle a spoiled child

mouse asks: My cousin’s 9-year-old sister is too stubborn. She doesn’t even regret that she has failed so many papers, she doesn’t listen to her mom or dad, and she talks rudely. She believes that no one loves her, although her parents get her everything – she just seems to follow something in her mind. Please help!

Hi mouse –

I have to admit, I’m a bit confused about this girl!  First of all, what sort of papers is a nine-year-old assigned to write?  Second, why are her parents giving her ‘everything,’ when she doesn’t listen to them?  And third, does she believe that no one loves her because… no one does?  I’ll try to answer your question, but this is tough material.

It sounds to me like this girl has some real issues with her parents.  They’re giving her lots of stuff, but not giving her the boundaries she needs.  She sounds confused and unsure of what to do, and VERY unhappy about it.

You see, it’s a kid’s job to see what they can Continue reading

0 What happens when we start following others?

dumboo asks: What will happen if we start following others?

Hi dumboo –

When we are young, following others is pretty much all we do.

Who do I mean by “we?”  Well, we dogs definitely follow our mothers and siblings when we’re very young, and when we get interested in a human, we’ll follow you everywhere, all day long!  Have you ever watched ducklings?  They swim in a nearly perfect line behind their mothers when in water, and walk right behind her as well on land.

And you humans?  When you are babies, your primary focus is on your caregivers – whether your parents or someone else – and trying to learn how to be like them.  That’s how humans learn to walk and talk, probably the two most Continue reading

1 Is it wrong to be jealous of people who still have their parents?

Salvatore asks: As you know, my father died a few months ago. Now, whenever my friends talk about their dads, I feel that something is burning inside me. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I think it may be jealousy. Please tell me how to overcome this feeling.

Hi Salvatore –

I have written about jealousy a few times.  Usually it’s about romantic jealousy, which can be anything from heartbreaking to fun to, as we know, murderous!

But the jealousy you talk about is something very different.  What happened to your father – and to you and the rest of your family – is absolutely unfair.  There’s nothing you have done – or could have done – to deserve this pain.  And when you hear other kids talk about their fathers, there’s no way it won’t hurt.

Though, of course, unless they’re purposely trying to make you feel bad, this isn’t their Continue reading

0 What to do when a sibling lies about you

Cookie Vidal asks: I’m 12 and my brother is 17, and he always blames me for things that I didn’t do, like putting bones in the sink. I’m getting sick and tired of him blaming me, so how do I make him stop?

Hi Cookie Vidal –
Remember a while back, when you asked me about your brother’s airheaded irresponsibility, and I said to accept it as a phase, and not feel that he’s a bad guy in any way?  Well, I’m starting to change my opinion.

You see, we dogs don’t lie.  It’s not that we’re too moral (we’re NOT!); it’s that we simply can’t.  Our brains don’t work that way.  Because of this, there’s a lot of confusion in our dealings with humans.

The most common example is when kids play fetch with us, and tease us by pretending to throw the ball and not actually letting go of it.  We run to chase it, and can’t find it.  The kids laugh at our confusion.  Now if they do it once, it’s not a problem, but if they do it more, we begin to think that their making that throwing motion doesn’t mean a ball is coming, so we stop responding to that sight.  We don’t have any sense of the child’s joke, because we don’t think that way.  So then the kid wants to really play fetch again, and it doesn’t work, because we’re not responding the way we have to in the Continue reading

0 How to deal with new fears after losing a parent

Salvatore asks: When you answered my last question, you asked what might have caused my depression. Its actual cause is my dad’s death. He died suddenly two and a half months ago. Since his death, I’ve been worrying about my future education. I still have my mother, elder brothers, and sister, but they can’t take away this feeling. I am studying pre-medicine. I remain worried all the time about who will support me financially till I become a doctor. I’m also worrying all the time about losing my mother too, as I lost my father. Please tell me what to do!

Hi Salvatore –

I am so horribly sorry about your devastating loss.  All animals expect to outlive their parents, but humans are supposed to last till we’re much much older.  It’s not fair that it happened to you, and I’m not going to try to make it feel better, because I just can’t.

I’m glad you told me what the reason for your feelings is.  Because there’s a difference between the usual Depression and what you’re experiencing, although they have the same symptoms.  You are going through what’s called Bereavement.  There’s no cure for it but time.  You’ve lost someone very close to you, who you loved dearly, and it came completely out of the blue.

In comparison, I know a man whose dog died of Continue reading