Category Archives for "Featured Questions"

0 How can you make a girl happy?

doonn asks: How can I make my girl friend happy?

Hi doonn –

Okay, so here’s the bad news first.  You can’t.

The awful, annoying, heartbreaking truth is that you can’t make anyone happy.  If someone’s going to be miserable or angry or sad or depressed, you probably can’t change that.

However, you can try.  And that’s a great way to spend your life.  You can tell her jokes, you can buy her a nice dinner, you can send her flowers, you can compliment her, you can give her a shoulder-rub, you can kiss her on the earlobe… all of these are good, if they’re what she Continue reading

0 How do you build trust for someone who’s done wrong things in their past?

princess23 asks: I saw that boy I like last week, and our mutual best friend told me that he said I looked really pretty, and she told me that every time he sees me he tells her the same thing. I used to see him like a crush, but now I think I’m really starting to like him. Sometimes I feel like I should tell him I’m starting to have feelings for him, but I’m scared that he’ll say he can’t be with me, cause he just got out of a relationship that was kinda complicated! I feel that I have to get over him and not show interest, but he can say all the right things at the right moment. I know that maybe he isn’t the guy for me (or maybe he is) but he has done things wrong in his past and I’m afraid he’ll do them to me. Is it normal to feel this way? I don’t know what to do, I’m super confused please help me!

Hi princess23 –

You’re right you’re super-confused.  You’re so confused you’ve got ME all confused now!

So if I have this straight, you like this boy and are getting to like him more; you know he’s at least very attracted to you, and willing to tell your friend about it; and the main reason you don’t want to approach him is that his last relationship was “kinda complicated” and he did some wrong things.

Is all that correct?

If so, what you’re really dealing with is two issues.  First, the usual shyness that comes with being attracted to someone.   For those, I have a bunch of posts on the AskShirelle website.  Just use the Search box and type in words like “shy, crush, like, love” and you’ll get a bunch.

But then we get to the “complicated” part.  Now when you say he did some wrong things, do you mean that he’s gotten in trouble at school, maybe got caught Continue reading

0 What to do when you feel abandoned by an older sibling

kittycat asks: My sister got a not so great job in London and she’s not coming for summer holidays, and I’m real sad. She knows I want her here. I am happy for her, but I’m angry at her and I’m feeling blue. Could you please tell me the right thing to do, and how to get a grip on myself. I’ve been crying my eyes out!!!

Hi kittycat –

So as I see it, what you’re really asking is:  How do I deal with the fact that my sister isn’t going to be here for me this summer?

You know, most of the letters I get about siblings are complaints – someone hates their baby brother, someone’s getting beaten up by their sister, the other kid tells on them, etc.  So while of course I see you’re in pain, I have to say, it’s kind of nice to see a letter from someone who wants and needs their sibling.

Life is change, kittycat.  We so often wish it weren’t.  Children want summer vacation to last forever, teens want a good date to last forever, young adults want their 20s to last forever, parents want their children to stay four forever, and after that, adults just want to keep their friends, family, and selves alive forever.  It’s what we want most, and it’s the thing we can never alter – change is a constant.  And your sister’s life is Continue reading

0 How to get a conversation going

sazuna45 asks: There is this guy I like. He’s kind of a friend and he is super friendly whenever he’s alone and I’m alone. So I want to talk to him but I really don’t know how to start a conversation. Please advise me! I can’t just say ‘hi’ cause then he’ll answer and walk away. Something that’ll keep a conversation longer?

Hi sazuna45 –

Your problem is a really common one.  You want to get a conversation going, but nothing you say gets that effect.  It’s like when I’m at the dog park, and I try to get the boy dogs to chase me, and they’ll notice me and run after me, but just for a second, and then walk over to something else.  How irritating!

The main trick I know for conversation is something called “Open-Ended Continue reading

0 How to deal with test anxiety

eiei asks: I am sure to fail chemistry in 1st Semester. I studied well but I can’t answer well. And the teacher will scold me and students will tease me. I know I must try in 2nd semester very much and I can pass 1st year and attend 2nd year. But I can’t face this moment. Results will be out soon, I’m sure I’m the only female with this problem, and everyone will notice who failed. I can’t sleep and eat from thinking about it. I know it’s crazy, but I’m feeling like I wish I were dead!

Hi eiei –

I really have two answers for you.  But the second is only if you actually do fail the test.  Can you promise me that, if you’re right and you fail (or even do really poorly), you’ll write me and let me know?  That way I can send you a letter about what to do in that situation.

But I’m not going to send you that letter yet.  And the reason is simple – I want you to STOP THINKING ABOUT FAILING!  Is it possible that the teacher grades “on the curve,” and your ending grade will be a bit higher than your scores so far would imply?  Is it possible that you’ll get points for effort, or that there are quizzes and things you haven’t taken into account?  Is it possible that Continue reading

0 Should you trust a former enemy who wants to be your friend?

kittycat asks: My school enemy suddenly became my friend again. Now she’s tight with me and my BFF! Should I discuss it with my BFF or think it out thoroughly before I take more desperate measures? Is it normal, or are my BFF and I the bait to her master plan?!

Hi kittycat –

Oh I wish I were a psychic, instead of just a dog!  I am absolutely no good at all at knowing what people are thinking, especially people who I’m only being told about.  Is this former enemy nefariously planning to hurt you and your BFF, or is she truly liking you now?  I am clueless!

And of course the truth is – so are you.  And that’s really the important point here.  You don’t know. So your job is to make a decision based on Who You Want to Continue reading

4 Why would a child be bored?

Marussia asks: What should be done about a 6-year old boy (my son) who says he is often bored? Yesterday we were having a walk at a place where two his peers were playing football. My son didn’t approach them till one of their mothers invited him to take part in the game. My husband says we shouldn’t force him to play with other kids or invent some games for him – he is big enough to realize that if he wants to have fun he should do it himself. What do you think?

Hi Marussia –

When kids say they’re bored, it usually means one of two things.  First, that there’s just not anything around that’s interesting to them.  While an adult might just relish the thrill of seeing all five hours of Wagner’s opera “Gotterdammerung,” it’s not something I’d recommend foisting on an eight-year-old!

But the other reason is that there’s something going on inside the kid that’s keeping them from embracing life as they should.  You see, we dogs are a lot like young kids.  And if I walk into a new environment, my nose is sniffing everything, my ears are perked up, I’m looking around…  I might be a little nervous or scared, but I’m sure not Continue reading

0 What to do when someone threatens suicide

pinkflower61 asks: There is a girl in my class who mostly stays alone and is very sensitive. Once I talked to her – she appeared to be sad and she started talking about how she hates her life and thinks of suicide. I don’t know what to do about her – or should I do nothing because it is something usual for teens?

Hi pinkflower61 –

You’re right that it’s very common for teenagers to think about hurting or even killing themselves, without ever doing it.  But it’s also way too common that teens do hurt themselves, or at least try to.

The fact that you talked with this girl just shows that you’re great.  So many kids ignore the quiet loners.  You may well be the best friend she has in the school, even though you barely know her.  So the single best thing you can do to help her through this time is… just chat with her again.  Just be a friend.  I don’t mean that you have to make her your total responsibility, but what if you had lunch with her one day?  What if you introduced her to your other friends?  What if you even invited her to go out with some other kids some night?  This could truly change her Continue reading

3 How can cancer affect the lives of teenagers?

wiggles asks: What are five ways that cancer affects a teenagers life?

Hi wiggles:

If you read much on my website, wiggles, you’ll see that I’m a pretty friendly dog.  I basically like everyone.  I don’t hate many things.  I don’t even hate cats as much as I imply (they just irritate me a lot and I want to chase them away!).  But one thing I just DESPISE is cancer!

I don’t like illness in any form, and I certainly hate the sadness and loss of death.  But cancer is such a cruel illness!  It’s so debilitating, and often so horribly painful.  And even the treatments we have for it, most obviously chemotherapy and radiation, are so painful and miserable…

Think of it this way: If you get a bad cold, your coughing and sneezing will actually clean out your Continue reading

0 How to tell your parents you’re gay

Athny asks: I recently found out I was gay. How do I explain it to my parents?

Hi Athny –

There are just about as many answers to your question as there are families.  I’ll go over some thoughts, but in the end, the answer is going to be to do what’s best for you and them.

It’s a normal rite-of-passage for just about everyone, that they have to tell their parents something they’re pretty sure those parents don’t want to hear.  Maybe it’s that you’re moving out, or you’re dating someone they don’t like, or getting married, or even voting a different way than they do.  But few of these carry as much tension as when someone tells their parents that their sexual Continue reading