Category Archives for "Featured Questions"

0 What to do when a sibling lies about you

Cookie Vidal asks: I’m 12 and my brother is 17, and he always blames me for things that I didn’t do, like putting bones in the sink. I’m getting sick and tired of him blaming me, so how do I make him stop?

Hi Cookie Vidal –
Remember a while back, when you asked me about your brother’s airheaded irresponsibility, and I said to accept it as a phase, and not feel that he’s a bad guy in any way?  Well, I’m starting to change my opinion.

You see, we dogs don’t lie.  It’s not that we’re too moral (we’re NOT!); it’s that we simply can’t.  Our brains don’t work that way.  Because of this, there’s a lot of confusion in our dealings with humans.

The most common example is when kids play fetch with us, and tease us by pretending to throw the ball and not actually letting go of it.  We run to chase it, and can’t find it.  The kids laugh at our confusion.  Now if they do it once, it’s not a problem, but if they do it more, we begin to think that their making that throwing motion doesn’t mean a ball is coming, so we stop responding to that sight.  We don’t have any sense of the child’s joke, because we don’t think that way.  So then the kid wants to really play fetch again, and it doesn’t work, because we’re not responding the way we have to in the Continue reading

0 Is it a good idea to set up a Gay-Straight Alliance?

Athny asks: I’m thinking of making a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance), But, I’m not sure of what people would think, and how people would react (Some of my people are part of the rare species called Homophobic) – not to mention who would join.

Hi Athny –

The history of the human race can be viewed as a long journey in civil rights.  I guess when you all were cavemen, things were pretty even and equal between you.  But once you started civilizations, certain people started to be treated better than others, everywhere.  And groups that were powerful at one time became downtrodden later on, and vice versa.  Over the last 300 years or so, the idea of equality of all humans has been an ideal that’s only grown.  Different societies have gone about this in different ways, but overall, humans have aimed for higher equality between races, ethnic groups, sexes, economic classes… and, more recently, sexual Continue reading

0 How to deal with new fears after losing a parent

Salvatore asks: When you answered my last question, you asked what might have caused my depression. Its actual cause is my dad’s death. He died suddenly two and a half months ago. Since his death, I’ve been worrying about my future education. I still have my mother, elder brothers, and sister, but they can’t take away this feeling. I am studying pre-medicine. I remain worried all the time about who will support me financially till I become a doctor. I’m also worrying all the time about losing my mother too, as I lost my father. Please tell me what to do!

Hi Salvatore –

I am so horribly sorry about your devastating loss.  All animals expect to outlive their parents, but humans are supposed to last till we’re much much older.  It’s not fair that it happened to you, and I’m not going to try to make it feel better, because I just can’t.

I’m glad you told me what the reason for your feelings is.  Because there’s a difference between the usual Depression and what you’re experiencing, although they have the same symptoms.  You are going through what’s called Bereavement.  There’s no cure for it but time.  You’ve lost someone very close to you, who you loved dearly, and it came completely out of the blue.

In comparison, I know a man whose dog died of Continue reading

0 How to free yourself from negative thinking

geeky asks: How can I come up with negative thinking?

Hi geeky –

I might be confused here.  You ask “how can I come up with negative thinking?”  Well I have lots of answers, but… why in the world would you want to come up with it?!

Negative thinking means a frame of mind that’s always coming from a pessimistic, cynical, hopeless place.  The best illustration of it I know is an old joke:

Two parents are suffering with raising their two sons.  One is an eternal optimist, and one an endless pessimist.  They want to teach their optimist son to be more practical and less trusting, and their pessimist son that things aren’t always bad.  So for Christmas, they give the pessimist a room full of toys, and give the optimist a room full of Continue reading

0 How to get a relationship going between two people who are both scared of it

Mandhie asks: I am interested in a boy. He is a very good student and was the head boy when we were in middle school; so everybody expects something good from him and in order to release the stress, he has nothing to do than to retreat. (When I asked you about him before, you commented, “he retreats from one thing that brings out all these reactions and confusions and feelings.” Sorry but I don’t understand. Could you explain that part to me?) Right now, I feel the stage at which we are is not good for dating, but although I don’t know why, I am feeling kinda in a hurry to have a boyfriend. I am 15, and he will turn 16 this November. He is the kind of guy who expects he will have a girlfriend when he is maybe in his 20s. He would like to date only one girl so that no girl would have a bad impression about him, and he can be special only to her. And Shirelle, I want to be that girl he will hold her hand for the first time. This stage isn’t the best to date, so I’m waiting. I know he likes me, even though so many other girls like him. So we are just trying to ignore each other and be just friends although we wish to be together. I remember one day, his mum came to visit my mum and called me “daughter in-law.” Shirelle, my heart jumped out when she said that! His brothers also like to tease us as future husband and wife. All these beautiful things happen, but it seems we can’t be together since we both can’t express our feelings. At times, I wish he had never come into being, because I think about him all the time and it is not helping me! Please help Shirelle, I’m just thinking about something I feel will never happen.

Hi Mandhie –

Okay, let’s get this out at the start:  This is SUCH a romantic letter!!!  I’m just swooning!

Now, about what I meant about “the one thing that brings out all these reactions and confusions and feelings…” I mean YOU!  Just as you feel lots of feelings toward him that you express in this letter, he feels probably even more toward you – and all of them make him feel pressure.  Pressure to talk to you, pressure to be cool and avoid you, pressure to run away from you in case you’d be mean to him, pressure to run away from you in case you’d be super-nice to him!, pressure to figure things out, pressure to touch you… ALL those at once, and it’s just too much for one brain to handle!  Have you seen “Pacific Rim?”  It’s like there, when the people get hooked up and suddenly their brain has to take in too much and their noses start to bleed from the pressure!  That’s this guy!  (And it’s very likely a total compliment to you!).

Now when it comes to your question about yourself, I’d give the same Continue reading

0 How to make decisions

prettyndsweet12 asks: Do you have any decision making tips for making decision in general situations?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

I really have two tips about decision-making, and they directly contradict each other!

Let’s imagine that I see a squirrel leap off the roof of my house onto a bush, and climb down onto the ground and hop away.  I have to make a decision – should I chase him or not?

Well, my first tip is to not wait too long or think too much about it.  This is a very urgent situation.  The further the squirrel is from me, the less chance I have of catching the sassy little critter.  He also might see me if I give him time, and he’ll run away before I even get up onto my feet.  So my tip is – Choose Now!  Go For It!

My second tip, however, is the exact opposite.  What if that squirrel is right next to a Continue reading

0 Why are some conversations boring?

iriss asks: what is the most boring conversation for you ?

Hi iriss –

Like most dogs, I really like attention.  I love it when people come over to our house and I run up to them and they’re all excited and pet me and kiss me and throw balls for me and tell Handsome how beautiful I am.

And then, once they’ve done that for a few minutes… they stop.  They get talking about work or sports or movies, and they get glasses of tasty drinks, and they walk around, and forget all about Continue reading

0 Why do teenagers get depressed

salvatore asks: I am a teen. I have been facing anxiety problems for a couple of weeks. I have lost my confidence and self esteem – moreover I feel depressed. I am a topper and I was really good in studies, but now I have lost my concentration. I can’t tell this to my mother or anyone else. Can you please solve my problem of depression?

Hi Salvatore –

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  I do need to ask you one question, but I’m going to then give some suggestions assuming I know what you answered – even though I don’t!  So if I’m wrong, please write me back and I can give you some other suggestions.

Here’s my question: Do you have any idea what started this depression?  Was there a single event – someone rejected you, you did badly at something, you lost a friend or relative or pet?

If there was a clear “moment” that got all this going, please let me know.  But I’m going to assume you answered “I have no Continue reading

0 How a parent should deal with their teenagers’ peer relationships

tefexu asks: How should I treat my young daughter (15) as to her relationships with her peer groups?

Hi tefexu –

My general answer to you is similar to what I’d say to a vanquished army after a war, if they asked me how they should treat the winners: be nice and try to get along, but hold to some boundaries.

Starting around age 8, human children begin to move away from being completely focused on their parents, and get more interested in their peers.  By age 13 or so, the peers actually become more important in their minds than their parents or other authority figures.

Now don’t get too frightened.  I’m not saying that the peers have more Continue reading

0 What to do if a teen hits a parent

achhu asks: My 13-year-old daughter is sharp-minded but very lazy in all her routines. She always obeys me but not her mother. Sometimes she also shows violence to her mother. She has a 7-year-old brother as well. Working father and housewife mother, happy middle class family. Whenever I advise her, she admits guilt and promises not to repeat. But after a short interval the problem starts again. What shall we do?

Hi achhu –

Any dog owner will tell you that the toughest time with a pet dog is the first year.  Puppies are rebellious, destructive, stubborn, needy, and have no real empathy for anyone else.  (That’s why we’re so incredibly cute at that age; if we weren’t, no one would put up with us!)

Humans go through something like that at age two, when they’re about as cute as puppies.  But then they go through a similar phase about 10-15 years later.  And it’s not nearly as adorable for the parents.  It’s called Adolescence, and most parents find it the most trying time they ever have with their kids (and get insanely nostalgic for those first couple of years, when the kids cried all day and screamed all night, but somehow seemed sweeter!).

That’s what you’re dealing with, achhu.  Your daughter is right on schedule.  And it’s completely normal for her to be especially mean to her Continue reading