Category Archives for "Featured Questions"

0 How to get a child’s father to pay child support

annezach asks: I am the single mom of a 7-month-old. Unfortunately the father doesn’t take responsibility, at least for financial support, and his parents don’t either. What should I do so that they will support the baby? Should I ask them or should I ask the government to handle this case?

Hi annezach –

I really hate hearing things like this.  As you might know, I was abandoned by my parents, and was adopted by a human from a pound when I was three months old; and if he hadn’t shown up when he did, I’d have been a goner.

Plus, as a dog, I’m extremely loyal.  So I have trouble understanding people who become parents, but then don’t want to support or take care of their own children.

But the father in this case doesn’t sound like he wants nothing to do with the kid.  Instead, he just doesn’t want to pay for it.  Which is a tiny bit better… but only a tiny bit.

Sometimes fathers don’t want to pay child support because they feel like they’re giving money to the mother, instead of to the child.  But even then, they really should do it.  It’s the kid who’s getting punished by their not paying what they should.

So you’re asking how to go about getting him to pay up?  I’m no expert on law, and don’t even know where you live, but I would suggest that Continue reading

0 How to forgive yourself for getting your heart broken

Eazyman asks: I am a 20-year-old guy, in love with my cousin. When she was 17, she asked my number from her father and started chatting with me, telling me she loved me. I thought it was right to tell her the truth, that I had a crush on her, since she seemed to be on the same page with me. We were living in different towns by then, so we used to send each other photos (she has always said I was handsome). She used to beg me to pay her a visit, telling me she wanted me closer to her, but now that we are finally living in the same city she seems to be rejecting me. She treats me like a ordinary guy and not like a lover. I tried to talk to her about it, but she took it as some kind of joke. I am now feeling terrible. I can’t forgive myself for telling her I was in love with her, I feel like a fool. Please help me forgive myself.

Hi Eazyman –

Humans are so funny.  Here you tell us this painful story, where you opened your heart to this girl who you trusted and believed in.  And she gave you every reason to trust and believe in her.  But that then, when you were able to live in the same area, she got distant and broke your heart.  And you’re asking me to help you forgive… yourself!

You see, to my doggy mind, you did nothing wrong.  You lived your life, you acted based on your heart, and you gave nothing but love.  So what’s to forgive?  That’s the best way to live!

So I think there are, instead, three things you need to do, to get past all this rotten embarrassment, and move on in your life.

The first is to Continue reading

0 What to do when you’re feeling suicidal

annabell asks: I’m not feeling very happy with life. I have a great family but I can’t talk to them – I can’t talk to anyone. I’m just not good at talking. I feel so sad. Everyone thinks I’m a happy person but that couldn’t be more wrong. I really don’t see the point in my life. I’m trying to stay positive, but I can’t, and each day I feel worse and don’t know what to do. When I’m home alone all I do is cry like I have a pain inside me. I feel so alone, and I don’t know why I feel this way. I always wish I was dead. In fact, if it wasn’t for upsetting my family, I’d do it. I just don’t know how to pull myself out of this.

Hi annabell –

Okay, so I want to start with two things.  First of all, what you’re feeling is something everybody goes through at times.  There’s nothing strange or wrong in it, and it will pass if you let it – I promise.

Second, I want you to promise me that you won’t hurt yourself.  If you’re feeling a real push to do something harmful, you can call a therapist or a counselor, or even your local police department, and they’ll hook you up with someone who can help you get through this.  Again, everybody goes through a time like this.  You just have to get to the other side of it without doing anything damaging.

Okay, now that those are out of the way…!

It sounds to me like you’re going through a big transition in your life.  I don’t know your age, but maybe you’re a teenager turning from a child into a grownup. Or maybe you’re an adult learning that you have strengths you didn’t know you had (or that you don’t have some strengths you thought you did).  If I’m right, you’re going through a very normal state of Continue reading

0 How do I know if I’m a psychopath?

arjai101 asks: I read a book on psychopaths a few months ago. I learned about all of the characteristics and the development of the definition and diagnosis on psychopaths. However, when I read this book I couldn’t help but notice that I possessed several of these characteristics. More curious, I took several test on psychology websites and most of them suggested that I might be a sociopath. In fact, I scored 97% higher than the average person. When I started telling people about the research I had done they started to point out that my way of thinking and personality highly resembled a psychopath. They say that if you’re worried about being a psychopath that you aren’t one. But I don’t think I’m worried I feel more curiosity than anything. I’ve been asking you for advice for quite a while now. Do you think that I am psychopath? If so, how should I deal with this?

Hi arjai101 –

Psychopaths and Sociopaths are both people who have something called Antisocial Personality Disorder.  The difference between them seems to be about how they interact with others.  But fundamentally, they both have this condition, which is marked by complete disregard of the rights of others, a lack of conscience, and criminal and aggressive behavior.

Is this really you?

Let me make this clear.  Every person, and every dog, in the world, has some aspects of APD.  Each of us can also get depressed, can get kind of manic, can explode in anger, and can hear things that aren’t really there (haven’t you noticed those times we pooches will start barking furiously at what you can clearly see is nothing?!).  And each of those is the hallmark of a serious mental disorder.

The issue with these diagnoses is that Continue reading

0 What to do if you’re caught watching inappropriate stuff.

Monkey_Candy13 asks: I need some advice on friends. My friend and I apparently watched something that we shouldn’t be watching (you know). Then she told her mom and her mom said you have to tell your dad and he told her to not hang out with me anymore. My friend is very protective of her dad and always thinks he’s right, even when he is wrong (even if she and her Mom agree he is). You would probably think, “Don’t you have other friends?” and I do, but every time I want to hang with them, they always say they are busy – while this friend has always made time for me. I have tried fixing things between us, but she never lets me talk about anything. So I sent her a letter, but she has not replied. My friend even unfriended me on Facebook. I really hope you can help!

Hi Monkey_Candy13 –

I think you are dealing with two questions here, really. But the answer to both of them might be the same thing.

The first question is what to do about being caught watching something inappropriate. I wish this weren’t the case, but the truth is that today, with the internet, it’s almost impossible to imagine someone could be a teenager and not have any curiosity about what’s considered naughty or unacceptable. This is part of why parents are absolutely freaked about their kids going online – it’s not that they might discover something, it’s that it’s so easy to discover EVERYthing! Parents, such as your friend’s dad, feel absolutely helpless. They don’t want their kids seeing too much, and will go to crazy means to keep that from happening. And while you, your friend, and her mother, all might realize that being around you wasn’t the cause of her watching that stuff, and being around you now wouldn’t mean she’d do it again, her dad is stuck with trying to do ANYthing he can to keep that from happening.

Meanwhile, the second is how you can re-connect your friendship with this best-of-all-friends. Even though she’s trying to be loyal to her father, by cutting you out.

Well, I have one idea. It’s scary, and would take a lot of bravery. But if you’ve got the guts, it’s possible that it could work.

I think you should Continue reading

0 What to do when you’re in love with two people

ehaose asks: I’m in love with two guys and they both promised to marry me. A is very understanding – he is in the same class as me and an A student. He wants to be a doctor when he finishes school. When we have free time we like to take a walk in the park. The only problem with him is he comes from a poor family. B drives a Jeep, and is a manager at his company. He has three houses, buys me expensive gifts, and takes me to very expensive restaurants. He wants to marry me next month, but wants us to have sex on his birthday to prove I love him – and that’s next week.

Hi ehaose –

Wow, this sounds like one of those novels with a cover showing a beautiful woman on a horse, being held by a handsome shirtless man with gigantic pecs. The rich man and the poor man both love her, both are amazing, and she’s torn as to what to do.

In the novels, I believe she usually goes for the guy from the poor family. But I’m not saying to do that – just pointing out what the novelists say!

I’m going to say something a bit less romantic instead.

You say you’re in love with both these men. Yet when you told me about them, you never said a word about their Continue reading

0 What to do about cutting

lettersdontfade asks: I’m in love (I think I am) with a guy that works outside of my country. He used to work in city I live in, but he’s taking a risk (because it’s his dream job to work outside of my country) and works there. It’s been 4 months since I’ve seen him. I can’t call him my boyfriend, because he’s obviously not. He’s got a girlfriend here, in this country. But before everything we’ve been through, he said that he and his girlfriend haven’t talked since he left. A couple months before, he asked me for a nude picture, which I refused to give him, and he said that he’s proud of me because I didn’t want to gave him the pictures. Later that evening, he asked me one more time and I said no – and he got mad at me. He doesn’t show his disappointment, but I can feel through the text he sent me. Then, I sent him the pictures, and gave his picture (but not nudes) and it lasted for like 1 or two months. Just so you know, we argue a lot, but it only lasts for a couple of hours and then we’re okay with it. And one more thing that you should know, he hates it when I leave him (“leave” meaning when I don’t tell him that I fell asleep, or if I’m doing something and it takes a lot of time to reply his text. Anyway, a few weeks ago, I got into a fight with him because I “left” him. I tried to call him and explain, but he refused it. I was so angry and I said, “oh maybe you had a lot of chicks beside you so you didn’t give a damn about me,” and he’s angry about it too and then we didn’t talk for six days because the wifi didn’t work on my phone. On day six, I fixed my phone so that the wifi could work, and then I received his text saying that he missed me. I talked to my friend about this and asked for her opinions, and she said not to answer it till later. About one hour later, I answered it, and then we’re like getting back together, and I was trying to push all of my feelings down so that I’ll be okay if he leaves. And I think that was the first day I cut myself. Until now, we haven’t argued, and we haven’t sent any nudes to each other. All of my friends say that I should leave him because he’s only taken advantage of me, but I still love him so I couldn’t do that. Yesterday, I got really mad at him because he wasn’t paying any attention to me, just like before. I asked him this afternoon if he want to text or not, and he said “idk,” so I decided to leave him (saying “you might want to be alone for awhile, and we can chat later”). Then about five hours later I hadn’t gotten any text messages from him, so I decided to text him. He didn’t reply for a long time. Once he replied, I asked him why he’d taken so long, and he said “idk.” I don’t know why he’s acting like this. Do you think that he’s taking advantage of me? He said he loved me, but why is he doing this? His best friend told me that he once cheated on his girlfriend, and I instantly burst into tears. I really want to believe in him. I really want to make this work somehow. I’m too in love with him. Do you have any suggestions of how I can stop thinking of him so much? If I could just delete all of my feelings toward him I would!

Hi lettersdontfade –

Okay, I’m going to give you two answers.  The second is in response to about 99% of your letter.  And it’s important, but not nearly as important as the first one.

The first one is about cutting.

I know you’re in a lot of pain, and I know that cutting can help with that, in the short term.  But let me say with every doggy fiber in me – you need to stop doing it.  Now.

Many people – most often teenagers – find that they get a pleasurable sensation from cutting their skin.  Usually it happens because they are depressed and feel numb in their lives, so there’s a good feeling from the pain of the cuts.  It’s like how good it feels to scratch an itch – where you’re actually causing yourself more pain in a sense, but it gives you pleasure –magnified.  And we dogs know how good scratching an itch feels!  We do it all the time!

But, the difference between cutting and scratching an itch is that cutting is extremely dangerous.  Even potentially lethal.

In order to stop cutting, there are much safer techniques one can use to get similar feelings.  Some people Continue reading

2 How to battle emptiness

arjai101 asks: Everything in my life is going splendid. I have the highest math and science grades in my whole grade. My music classes are going well and I’m getting really advanced. I have a lot of good friends and I’m pretty popular. I had a really good cross-country season and I am really good at it. But I am overwhelmed with this emptiness and I can’t shake it no matter what I try. What could I possibly be missing? What more could I possibly need in my life? Do you have any ideas?

Hi arjai101 –

My friend, you have achieved the goal humans have been aiming for, almost since the dawn of time!

When you’re starving, hunting for your food, trying to keep from being eaten by the animal you’re hunting, you don’t think a lot about how you’re feeling. When you’re oppressed, or at war, constantly in terror of being killed by other people, things like emptiness don’t figure into your concerns much. And even if you’re doing okay, but working long hours, taking care of a family, “putting out fires” all the time, there’s no chance to sit back and assess your life and question whether you’re feeling fulfilled.

The great philosophers over time, and the great writers and thinkers, have tended to be people who were doing well. And because they weren’t struggling to get by, stressing out about failure, they had the chance to sit back and look at their lives, and ask the Great Question you’re asking: Is This The Life I Want?

You’re doing so well at all the things you’re supposed to do that you have had that chance. And you came up with the answer No. Now of course I’d like you to be feeling happier, but I think it’s really important that you take a moment to soak up how great an accomplishment your life right now is – including that realization about the emptiness!

Now I can’t tell you exactly what would fill that gaping hole inside you. But I can throw a few suggestions at you. And you could see if any of these help. But if they Continue reading

0 What to do when a friend thinks you’ve insulted them

awesome101 asks: I’m having friendship issues. My friend took something I said the wrong way. She thought I called her fat, but I meant buff. And buff is different from fat because buff means that you’re just strong and built well, it has nothing to do with being fat. But she is mad at me because she thinks I was talking behind her back and I feel awful. I apologized to her over and over again but she just ignores me. I feel absolutely terrible. 🙁 Please tell me what to do. Thank you so much.

Hi awesome101 –

I have seen this situation at all sorts of extremes.  At the mildest, someone thinks their friend said something, the friend says “Oh no, I said _________,” the person accepts that, and everyone moves on well.  At the worst, I’ve seen friendships completely destroyed because one friend is convinced the other one said something horrible about them, no matter how much the other insists they never did or would.  It sounds like you’re right in the middle between these.  And I’m sorry, because that’s still a tough place to be.

One issue here is very important to state:  This would never happen if your friend felt Continue reading

0 How to keep little kids from taking your stuff

poproxy360 asks: Each time my three-year-old cousin visits, she takes something and says it’s hers, and does not share. I know she does not know any better, but she is living in my house for five days starting tomorrow, while her parents have a baby boy. I am excited, but I don’t want her to take my favorite stuff! What should I do? Because I love kids and I am a kid!

Hi poproxy360 –

The easiest answer for me is that she’s three years old.  When I was a puppy, there were about a thousand things in Handsome’s house that I wanted to chew on, and his job was to keep them out of my reach.  (He managed to most of the time!)  It sounds to me like that’s your job too.

Is there a toy box you can put your things in, especially the things she’d find interesting, that you can put somewhere where she can’t get into it?  Do you have a garage or something, a special room she can’t get to, where you could put your special things?

Of course, she will then be likely to take some other things, and want to say that they are hers.  It just wouldn’t be your favorites.

I do, however, want to point one thing out to you.  When a child finds out that their parents are having another Continue reading