Category Archives for "Featured Questions"

0 What teenagers should eat

preeti asks: What should a teenage child eat?

Hi preeti –

Teenage bodies are going through so many changes that it’s hard to tell if what is good for a teen one week is still good the next.  What leaves you bright-eyed and gorgeous today might make you break out and smell bad a month from now!  What a tough situation!!

But…  well, I guess it’s easiest to say what a teenager shouldn’t eat, or at least shouldn’t eat so much of.  I’d start with really sugary or fatty foods, and of course things like tobacco and alcohol or anything Continue reading

5 Why is a baby’s birth considered a miracle?

Angelbrat asks: Why is the birth of a baby considered as a miracle?

Hi Angelbrat –

That’s a lovely question.  What I especially like about it is that it gets me a chance to expound on something I think is really important.  Which is Miracles.

You see, when you really think about it, all a Miracle is just something that you didn’t really think was possible before.  Miracles happen every day – but once they happen, they’re not seen as Continue reading

1 How to live knowing you’re attracted to the same sex.

uf18 asks: It’s an honor to write to you. I am a 14-year-old boy. Since childhood I always had sexual attraction toward males. I can’t decide what to do? Be straight or gay? Please help me. I am begging you. I wrote to a lot of advice columnists, but no one answered. So I hope you will be kind enough to answer my question. Thank you.

Hi uf18 –

Thank you for writing this extremely important question.  I’m sorry for the tough time you’re going through, and really respect you for reaching out to ask this.

Until pretty recently, no one really knew what determined anyone’s sexual orientation (a big word for what sort of people you’re attracted to).  But in the last decade or so, scientists have found that there’s a part of the brain that is different in size for people who are attracted to their own or the opposite sex.  It’s called the hypothalamus.  What’s so important about this discovery is that it makes it clear that attraction is not a Continue reading

0 Why would my best friend leave me?

Shefar asks: Hey Shirelle! I’m 12 and go to a private school. I’ve had a best friend before, but we broke up. I think that’s because of a new girl who she hangs out with a lot these days. She’s a lot better than I am. But I don’t think it’s appropriate for her to forget someone who’s close with her. I mean we can hang out together. Do you know why she left me?

Well, Shefar, of course I first have to answer your question by saying that I have no idea why she left you.  I’m a pretty insightful puppy, but I’m not a psychic, and so have no way of knowing what she was thinking.

It’s always very tough when friends want to stop hanging around us, and prefer the company of others.  It could be for a lot of reasons that are perfectly innocent.  One of the most common, especially around your age, is that kids grow at different Continue reading

0 How to get a teenager to open up and be a parent’s best friend

Erika asks: How do I encourage my 13-year-old son to open up to me and consider me as his best friend?

Hi Erika –

What a great question this is!  I assumed I’d already answered it on this website, and I haven’t!  So thanks!

Okay, your question has two parts, and I need to deal with them separately.  First, how can you get your son to open up to you.

What I don’t know is whether he used to open up to you or not.  It’s very normal for kids around 13 years of age to stop being as open with their parents as they used to be.  There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s just the normal development of teenagers as they start pulling away from their parental ties, building stronger ties with peers, and putting more effort into self-definition.  In fact, it’s overall a good thing that a kid of that age isn’t too open with his parents.  But of course, you do want him to feel able to talk about anything he wants to discuss with you.

The best way to achieve that is to change the way you Continue reading

0 How to get parents to fight less

nikolas asks: I am 14, and I have a perfect life. I am an excellent student and so on. But this is regarding my parents. Sometimes they start fighting, yelling at each other about our current financial problems. I love my mum and dad more than anything in the whole world!! It’s just that I hate it when they’re fighting. Then after an hour or so of that fighting, I become frightened that this either won’t stop, or it will get worse, or that it will go so far that they will divorce. I talked to my parents about the divorce thing and they said, “Don’t be silly, that will never happen, we love each other.” From time to time I can be a little pessimistic about those kinds of things. This sounds a little stupid, but from time to time, after the fights, I ask one parent, “We love (the other parent), don’t we?” And they say, “Yes, why shouldn’t we?” I know that these fights end in due time but it’s just that (ahhhhh here I go all pessimistic again) my mum is mostly frustrated because my dad spends a lot. Recently he spent 30.000 dinars on the maintenance of our car (that’s about 300 euros or 270 GBP). Since we got that car we are in huge debt. I just don’t want these fights to haunt me. Please give me some advice. Thank You

Hi Nikolas –

Okay, first thing – nothing you’re saying sounds stupid, or even pessimistic.  You’re living in a difficult situation that’s affecting you a lot, and that’s simply real.  It sounds pretty clear that neither of your parents is nearly as bothered by the intensity of their arguing as you are.  That may be just because they’re used to it – some couples even like arguing a lot, they feel it keeps their relationship fresh!  But I can tell you that I’m like you: I hate it when Handsome gets upset about anything.  It makes me feel insecure about our home, and very worried that he might get equally mad at me!

I’ve already written on here about how to deal with parents who fight (see Gingko’s question about it), but it certainly sounds like you’re in no physical danger.  You’re really dealing with two big issues, and I have thoughts on both of them.

First, yes, they’re fighting, and they don’t see anything wrong with it.  That’s actually a little unfair to you.  If I bark at the neighbor’s dog all day, and the other neighbors get bothered, they call Continue reading

2 How to break up as well as possible.

lexie jayne asks: I have a boyfriend who really cares for me, but recently I discovered that I don’t have any feelings for him anymore! I really want to break up with him, but I don’t want to break his heart because he’s such a good guy. But again, I really don’t have feelings for him now. Please help me out.

Hi Lexie Jayne –

I hate breakups.  I’ve never really had one, but I’ve suffered from them, whenever Handsome’s had any.  And he hates them – whether they’re his idea or hers.  Both feel really bad.  But that’s just one of those things almost all humans go through, and so the best thing to do is to get it over with as kindly and as easily as possible.  Here are some suggestions:

1)    Although you might want to be extra-nice to him before it, that can backfire.  Handsome once did that, so as to make a woman feel how much he truly cared about her, and instead she felt that he’d set her up and Continue reading

1 What to do if you lose both your parents

lexie jayne asks: I am a teenager who lost my parents 2 years back. I always feel that I am so left out, and I get depressed easily. Can you please help me?

Oh Lexie Jayne, I am so very very sorry!  People are programmed to believe that their parents will be around forever, at least until they grow into adulthood.  And to lose even one parent is just devastating for any teenager, but to lose both… I’m just so sorry.  If I could, I’d lay my head in your lap and look straight up into your eyes and let you know that I understand.  After all, I haven’t seen either of my parents since I was a very very young puppy, just weeks old.  But I know that your pain is far worse than mine.

Now let me say one thing here, about your question.  All teenagers often feel left out, and get depressed.  Even if it doesn’t look that way when you see them at school or around town.  I mean it, all of them do.  It’s just that you have a far better Continue reading

0 How to get my child to not be scared to go to school

missue asks: I have a 6-year-old kid. He had this weird habit of crying in school when he was in kindergarten, but I thought he would get used to school when he was in grade one. But then things got worse than ever! Now he doesn’t want to go to school at all! What should I do? I’ve tried everything to convince him to go but still I can’t.

Hi Missue –

I relate completely to your kid.  Any time Handsome drops me off anywhere, I don’t like it.  I don’t mind any of the places he takes me, but I hate being left by him.  I’m always afraid I’m going back to the pound where he first found me, and that’s really scary!

But you’re right to be concerned.  People usually get over what’s called Separation Anxiety by your son’s age.  Although, you’d be surprised at how normal it is, even at this point.

If your son is able to express what scares him, the best thing is to get him to Continue reading

0 How should teenagers deal with “inappropriate” websites?

moonfur asks: My best friend isn’t allowed to talk to me anymore because I found an inappropriate website and told her about it, and then continued to go on it, and her mum found out about it — so my bff was forced to say that I showed it to her. We are like sisters! How do I survive this?

Hi moonfur –

Wow, thanks for asking such an open question.

What hits me the most about it is one word:  “inappropriate.”  I want you to think a minute about what that word means, because everything I say will be about that.

“Inappropriate” is a word that people use very freely, and often… well… inappropriately!  It means something that’s not suitable for a particular occasion:  It’s appropriate to yell out “Goooooooooal!” at a World Cup match, but not at a church service.  It’s appropriate to laugh loudly when a movie comedian falls down, but not when your teacher does.  It’s appropriate for…  well, you get the idea.  But I hear lots of people say something’s “inappropriate” simply because they don’t like it!  “It’s inappropriate for you to point out that I was lying,” for example.

So, given that, what makes the website you saw “inappropriate?”  Was it something only Continue reading