Category Archives for "Family"

How to start liking life when you feel you have no control over it

ApoorvaO asks: I sometimes hate my life, no matter I restrain myself. I never go anywhere outside, my parents never took me to any holidays till now. I’m already 20, but have never been to any holidays. I don’t have friends either. All I do is study all year and take stress, and stay home all vacation and go back to hostel after vacation. It suffocates me, I have explained my parents that I need a break too. I need a getaway. They never understand, though even if they did, they cannot because of the financial crisis. I feel sad and frustrated. But I’m helpless.

Hi ApoorvaO –

Your life does sound awfully frustrating, and I sure agree it needs to change.  But you make an interesting word choice – do you see it?  You say you sometimes hate your life, no matter how “I restrain myself.”

You see, my friend, the only thing that’s wrong with your life is that it’s so RESTRAINED!  You’re like a dog who lives in a safe home with loving humans, gets food and medicine and all that, but stays in a crate all day.  And then thinks you need to restrain yourself further!

Well yeah, I don’t want you to hate your life.  But restraint isn’t going to fix it.

What I want you to do is to

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Should you date someone of a different religion, knowing they’ll marry another

heyitgurlbaby asks: I’m from India, and I’m a Hindu. My ex-boyfriend is a Muslim. We dated for a while, but we broke up because we have no future due to social customs in India and religious difference. We love each other but there is no chance of marriage and stuff. So I just wanted to ask should we date again for temporary happiness, for JUST now, and not think about the future?

Hi heyitgurlbaby –

         Wow, this is such a difficult situation!  Frankly, I’m surprised you two even felt okay dating with your religious difference, but since you did, it makes me wonder how strict the rules are against you staying together.  Is it really impossible?

         I ask, because my answer completely depends on your answer. 

         If there’s a chance that you two can bridge the difference between your cultures, and find a way to become a couple (maybe one of you converting to the other’s religion?), and so you actually could marry, then I’d say sure, why not date again – you love each other after all!

         But if not, I worry that the “temporary happiness” you describe wouldn’t happen.  That you’d just feel pain every time you enjoyed each other’s company.  Do you know that great old song that says “A taste of honey is worse than none at all?”  I think you’d be getting a full jar of honey every time you met, knowing that soon you’d never get it again, and someone else would!

         So my suggestion is to look very closely at your relationship, and what is possible.  And make your decision – which will be difficult no matter what – based on that.

         And if you decide that you really can’t be together in the long term, then please do me the favor of thanking each other, for having loved each other, and shown each how good a relationship can be.  And please please PLEASE, when the voices of bigotry and prejudice tell each of you that the other’s people are all your awful enemies, speak up against them.  Who knows how much peace your love might engender!

With all my best wishes,

Shirelle

What to do when your father is breaking up with your mother

AayuTheLegend asks: My life is going downhill because my parents are falling apart, and my father was at the point of hitting my mother, and no one is supporting her except for us her loving children, and she is saying they will divorce. Please help me.

Hi AayuTheLegend –

I don’t know how old you are, my friend, but your earlier letters show me that you’re clearly not a young child.  I have numerous posts on the AskShirelle site for kids going through this experience, which is one of the most awful things a child, or a dog, can go through. 

Yes I said a dog.  We are so sensitive to the energies in our homes, and are so deeply attached to our humans, that we simply can’t handle it when you guys fight each other; we don’t like it when you’re even angry – it feels like you’re angry at us!  So of course, a child is going to feel the same way.

But you’re not a dog, and you’re not a child.  You’re older, and still devastated by this.  Of course you are!  You still have that child inside you – and children’s brains still have the same core as us pooches’ ones!  This is so upsetting, so frustrating, so crushing. 

And you might also have another element here.  Just as I don’t know your age, I don’t know your religion.  To some people, divorce is just a sad reality; to others it’s an unpardonable sin that might mean one or both of your parents is condemning their soul to damnation! 

Now as a dog, I can’t comment on that one, but I sure understand that it would be terrifying!

So what can you do to help?  Sadly not much more than you are.

Giving your mother your love and support is the best thing you can do.  And your father might need some too, even if you disagree with him.

But there’s one thing you can do, that’s really scary, but might be great.  Are you old enough to remember when

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What to do when your perfectionism makes you put yourself down

arjai101 asks: Rereading my letter to you made me realize I’m self-absorbed and vain. And, a lot of that whining was coming from a place of just hurt and pain. I guess there’s just been a whole lot of keeping it all inside. I honestly need to get my head screwed back on. Firstly, I’m trying to fix my relationship with food. I’m so tired of obsessing over what I eat and feeling hungry and tired and my workouts sucking. And then I indulge once, and I feel awful, and I go throw up. And, don’t come at me with the, “Do you know how unhealthy and dangerous that is? Don’t be stupid!” Believe me; I know; I know; I know. I know exactly what I’m doing to myself, read all the papers, and all the articles. And most of the time, I think I deserve it. I think I deserve every single second of it. Honestly, ever since I came out to my mom, it’s been downhill from there. Also, I finally stopped texting ex-marathon girl. I get that we’re friends. I know she’s a straight girl with a boyfriend. I’m not dumb and stupid. But, I feel like she has no real regard for me. And, I know I know I can’t blame anyone but myself. She owes me nothing. But, it just hurts so bad knowing I care so much more for her, more than she ever will for me. Then, there’s this guy who became a great friend to me, we’d talk about girls together – he knew exactly who and what I am – and still one night he made a clumsy stupid groping pass at me in his car. And when I pushed it away, he started making dumb excuses not to meet with me anymore. So I don’t know. I’ve been thinking and thinking and thinking. And maybe, I deserve it all. Maybe, I deserve every little thing. Perhaps it’s all my fault. I mean, it really all is. I brought all of this on me. I brought that weird sinister dark look the passes over my mom’s face every time there’s a subtle reminder that I’m gay. I brought getting felt up by that guy. Everything. Everything has my name on it. Lately, I’ve been trying to channel it all into anger. But then, you’re still just reminded how you mean almost nothing to that beautiful girl. How, you were nothing but some conquest to that guy. How another friend I trusted is off living his best life with all of his friends and adventures and better things to do. How, your mom doesn’t want you to tell anyone what you are. And church. And family. And all of my other irrelevant unimportant issues because I’m an entitled brat. And I, I just exist in some vast void of boredom and nothingness hoping to grasp onto some rope and get the hell out, but realizing that maybe everyone must want me to stay in there or maybe they forgot about me, or maybe just learn to shut up and disappear better. And, can I really blame them? All I do is hurt people; I can’t even help it; I don’t even know I’m doing it. But, I know I do. I mean, I must be. I know I just need to wait it out. I’ll be at college, and it’ll be better. That’s what everyone keeps saying. But, what if it doesn’t? What if I don’t shine bright enough or my personality annoys everyone? And, it’s just me, desperate as hell. You know, I was watching this interpretive dance video done by Eugene Lee Yang. And, he goes through all these colors, each one representing a stage in his life. And finally, in the end, he gets to violet. He’s standing there in this stunning ensemble, all just crashing down around him. And, it looks like everyone doesn’t even know what the hell to do with him. But, he’s just standing there despite everything, with this look of determination, like “You can’t tell me a thing anymore.” And you know, I just was thinking…God I hope I get to violet. I really hope there is just light at the end of the tunnel and I make it there alive. You know, it’s not really my nature to fade away. But, I don’t know, these past few months I just don’t know what to do with myself.

Oh arjai101!!!!

Hasn’t anyone told you that it’s animal abuse to break a dog’s heart?!  And you SO break mine!

Nothing you’re telling me about your actual, objective, situations is all that rare.  A crush on a bland beautiful woman who can’t deal with your reality?  Half the guys I know have that same problem, not to mention the interesting ladies like you.  A young man who believes the nonsensical myths out there about how every lesbian is just dying to be “turned” by the right guy with the right moves?  Ridiculous and SO common.  And a mother who can’t accept her daughter being her full self, but won’t reject her either, just asks her to keep it all secret for “the neighbors’ sake?”  TIMELESS!

(Of course, the first two of those apply to us pooches as well!  Handsome’s had girlfriends I wanted SO BADLY to love me and just couldn’t win over; and while I’m not a lesbian, I was spayed early, so share your complete disinterest in males’ sexual desire for me.  If you haven’t read my story about that, go to AskShirelle.com and type in HarrietteS in the search box, and read my story about this fellow at a dog park who makes Albacore look like SUCH a gentleman!  But the situation with your mom – yeah that’s only humans.  And I’m awfully AWFULLY sorry about your having to go through that one)

And I’ll do what you ask and not get on your case about the eating issue.  But there’s another issue I am going to COMPLETEY get on your case about.  And that’s the way you spend this whole letter BEATING THE DAYLIGHTS OUT OF YOURSELF!  And you know what I’m going to tell you about it?  You might recognize the words:

“Do you know how unhealthy and dangerous that is? Don’t be stupid!”

Arjai101, I’m going to trust that you’re able to healthily deal with your – yes, stupid – eating issues.  But this letter is SO FULL of self-loathing and blame…

MY FRIEND YOU ARE DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG!  How would you be if I blamed myself for having been placed in the dog pound?!  You’d say I was crazy, right?  It’s not your fault a beautiful girl is straight (or boring), or that a guy is too horny for his own good, or that your mother is too concerned with social customs. 

Now is it true that you don’t fit in to a lot of situations?  Yeah, and I relate to that a LOT!  You’re ME!  And yes, that’ll be an issue as long as I live.  But I don’t blame myself – I really LIKE the way I am.  And when some people can’t handle that?  Well, that’s a difficulty for everyone concerned.  But I’m not changing who I am, or asking them to change who they are.  We’re all fine, just as we are.

But when you say that you’re lonely? 

Well yes.  I relate fully, and that situation STINKS.  And yes, I’m one more voice saying that I believe that’ll get better at college.  And then it’ll get better and better, the more you’re able to openly be yourself (which maybe you can’t while you’re living with your mom, which isn’t fair at all). 

But what I’m calling STUPID is your perfectionistic view that you’re somehow at fault for this.  That there’s something wrong with you.  THERE’S NOT!

But your letter reminded me of something.   Something I haven’t thought about in a while.  A few years ago, I helped to

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What to do when a parent stops speaking to you

Naina asks: I just had a fight with my mom and now she is not talking to me what should I do now?

Hi Naina –

Now of course I don’t know you, or her, but I can’t help but guess that this is a very abnormal event in your home.  That her not talking to you is new, or at least rare.

And usually it’s the other way; usually parents are begging for their kids to talk with them, open up, stop being so secretive.  So my sense is that this argument really bothered her.  More than maybe any fight you’ve ever had before. 

I find that, when something like this happens, it’s really a chance for you to learn about the other person.  Something bothered them that badly.  What was it?  Why did this bother them more than other things (that might have seemed like bigger deals to you)?

When I was a puppy, I was a horrible chewer.  I chewed and bit everything around me.  And while Handsome, my human friend, would often get annoyed, it never went beyond that.  Until one day, when he was taking a shower, singing along with one of his favorite albums, a record that he’d had since childhood .  And came out to find the cover in a hundred pieces all over the floor, and me with the rest of it in my mouth.  He flew into a rage, picked me up, opened the back door, and threw me across the back yard!  (Before I even touched the ground, he suddenly felt horrible guilt, and has never totally forgiven himself, even though I came through it fine – landing as well as any cat!). 

So let me tell you, I’m not quite sure why an album cover has more meaning to him than, say, the leg of a table.  But I learned quickly that it does – and have never so much as sniffed another record ever since!

So, like that, something specific happened in this fight, that’s driving your mom nuts.  So your job is to find out what it is.  (Please tell me you didn’t chew up Abbey Road like I did!)

And once you do, or even if you have a good guess, then your (tough) job is to go to your mom and tell her.  “Hey Mom, I’ve been thinking a lot, and I realize it was really hurtful when I told you I’ve always hated your hair,” or “really hurtful when I said you’ve never been a good mother,” or “really hurtful when I said I want to move out.” 

And here’s the funny part.  You might be wrong.  You might think it was about her hair, when all she cared about was you saying you might move. 

But even if you are wrong, your effort will show her that you cared.  That you thought about it.  That you were anything but the thoughtless, inconsiderate, stinker she was feeling you were.  And that instead, you were the angel she’d fallen in love with the moment you were born, but maturing into a caring, trustworthy adult. 

(And it’ll be even better if you’re right!)

So give that a try.  And even if you’re no better a mind-reader than I am, you’re still very likely to win her heart – and her voice – back!

The Very Best of Luck!

Shirelle

What to do when someone lies about you and your boyfriend or girlfriend believes them

Grv1011 asks: I am in a relationship with my love S. We both love each other and we want to marry, but her family is against me and my family. Let me explain in short but full story: 3 years of relationship; I had a friend in college, she and I were very frank, we even used bad words but just in a friendly way; My girl S read our messages and thought I’d cheated her, but she still loved me and stayed with me; after 2.5 year’s another friend of mine – she likes me and she was also my best friend – said she loved me a lot one day. Then she came to my city and asked me to meet. I was alone at home and refused. She kept requesting, and I accepted and ask her to come near to my home. But when i saw she was waiting outside my home with her elder sister (17) I got scared because my love S’s home is in front of my home. I thought her parents may have seen us and felt negative for me. I called her and asked her to come inside or go away; she came inside, stayed for a couple of minutes, and looked at my home – expect my room! One day I decided not to talk to her because I felt bad that my love may think or feel wrong. Then she called my girlfriend and lied to her that we had sex many times, in my room. But when I asked her about my room (conference call) she wasn’t able to describe it, since she never saw it. But then S believed her, and felt bad about our relationship. She stayed with me, but we fought daily. Then one day S’s cousin and his family told her parents about me and warned them to control S. Now they call her daily, blame her, and say she can’t marry me, because there’s no guarantee I won’t leave her, that they’d die first. So she’s frustrated, arguing with me all the time, and even talking about breaking up, and I’m afraid of losing her. Now please tell me, we both want to marry each other but these daily fights wear me down. Please reply with the solution. I want see her happy as we were.

Hi Grv1011 –

Wow, this is a crazy situation!  And there are lots of other elements here (such as family issues), but biggest of all is definitely the lie this other girl told your girlfriend.

And I can only come up with one solution to that one – you need to get the two of them into the same room at the same time.  NOT YOUR BEDROOM!

And I say that for two reasons – first, because asking them into your bedroom might look like you had something very different in mind!

But secondly, because for some reason, the fact that this girl couldn’t say what your bedroom looks like didn’t get through to your girlfriend.  And you need to make it clear.

Now if you can do this, if you can prove to your girlfriend that it was this other girl who lied and not you, that will help a lot.

But I want you to do something else then, as well.  You see, you were so worried about how things would look that you acted suspiciously.  There’s nothing wrong with meeting up with a friend outdoors in front of your home, so why would you worry so much about it?  If you hadn’t worried, if you’d just let it happen, then this girl might not have gotten in your front door, and it would be easier to prove things!  And even more so, if your girlfriend and her family had seen you calmly talking to this girl, as though nothing was wrong (which is true), maybe they wouldn’t have gotten so suspicious.

So find a way to get that girl and your girlfriend together, to clear this issue up!  And then, try to learn to relax more. 

After all, being innocent ought to feel good, right?!

And then we can start to work on this whole family thing!

All my best,

Shirelle

How to help your boyfriend or girlfriend through terrible times

Snowball18 asks: My boyfriend just lost his sister 2 months back, and his grandfather is in a serious condition. Right now he just found out he failed his last semester exams, and today, his birthday, he gets to know his parents are probably getting divorced because his mother is still in shock over her daughter’s death and is not behaving normally. He even had suicidal thoughts a day back. I want to support him as much as I can but my parents don’t want me to see him, thinking I am still small (I am 18) and we are in a long distance. I can’t figure out how to help him but I just want him to know I am there for him.

Hi Snowball18 –

Wow that’s just awful!  The poor guy – this is TOO MUCH!

This is as tough as his life will probably ever get – all these hurts and losses and disasters at once.  And so yes, I think you’re right that he needs your help.

But I agree with your parents about something in this, something very important.  They say that you’re “small.”  And they’re right.

I don’t mean that you’re too young, or that you’re not tall enough, to help him out.  What I mean is that NO ONE can give him what he needs.  No one is “big” enough.

What he needs is for his sister to come back to life.  And his grandfather to heal to full health.  And for his grades to suddenly be much better.  And for his mother to feel better (though she probably would if her daughter suddenly came back) and for that to make their marriage better.  And all this would hopefully be enough to take away those awful thoughts of him killing himself.

But you can’t do any of those.  And neither can I.  No human or dog can.  If he has a faith or religion, this is a time he could really lean on that – not necessarily to pray for a total miracle (like his sister resurrecting), but just for things to be okay (like believing his sister’s at peace in a good place).  But even that involves believing in something bigger than us.

But you, small as you are, can do something.  And something very BIG.  Maybe the biggest thing any human can ever do.

Which is

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How to deal with a boyfriend’s family when one of them won’t accept you because of your caste

Sneha asks: I love my boyfriend, and have been struggling with his family not wanting me, because I’m of a different caste. Now I learn that his mother is scared of his father – she was talking to me on the phone and suddenly said “his father is coming, I can’t talk to you now!” But yes she is talking to me nicely, even more than her own son she talks to me lots as she makes cakes! She loves to talk (she has a cake shop), and she loves that I give her some good tips to promote the business. But she told me today she had talked to his father, and he said he is searching girls for my boyfriend, that he will never accept me because their community will boycott them, “And one other thing, I don’t find anything good in that girl!” What should I do?

Hi Sneha –

I am heartbroken over this!  EVERYONE is on your side except this one man, and I don’t want him to win – especially with his dumb line about “I don’t find anything good in that girl.”  Well Mister, I don’t find anything BUT good in her, and I’m not seeing much good in you right now, so there!

It’s actually making me think of a great old romantic story, it started as a French novel, The Lady of the Camellias, but later became a great movie Camille and one of the most popular operas ever written, La Traviata.  The difference is that the girl in it isn’t of a different caste – she’s a courtesan (or high-class prostitute!).  Still, this young man falls very in love with her and she with him, and all is fine except that his father refuses to let them marry, believing she’s only using his son.  Eventually she becomes ill, largely from heartbreak, and the father goes to her to apologize, realizing she was sincere, but it’s too late, and she dies in her beloved’s arms.

Great novel, great movie, great opera… and a LOUSY way for your story to end!!! 

But I bring it up, because even that father did come around eventually.  And I’m thinking maybe this one can too.

But the only way is for all three of you – you, your boyfriend, and his mother – to

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What to do when your boyfriend or girlfriend leaves you for an arranged marriage

Pallabi asks: I want to ask you about my relationship. Formerly we were good, but his family fixed his marriage to a girl. After one year he will be married to her, because he can’t go against his family. I love him. What should I do now?

Hi Pallabi –

         I’m awfully sorry you’re in this tough position – a position I see a lot these days.  The concept of Arranged Marriage works much better when both members don’t date other people beforehand, and a society based in dating works better when the young people get to choose who they want to stay with. 

         The mix of having people date, get attached, maybe even fall in love – and then get sent off to marry whoever their parents say… doesn’t really seem to work!

         Now one thing I’m not grasping from your letter is just how your beloved feels.  I know he wants to be obedient to his parents, but is that all he’s feeling, or would he rather be with you than his chosen bride?  If so, then maybe you can talk him into talking with his parents, and selling them on the idea of you instead of her. 

         But if not, if he’s really okay with the way things are, then I’m very sorry to say that I think you just need to let him go.  I know it’s heartbreaking – you’ll feel the way I felt in the pound when people I’d hope would take me home chose to take another dog instead.

         But there’s a good side to this too.  You see, he will be stuck with whoever his parents chose (who might be a perfectly wonderful woman, of course).  But you get to go back into the dating world, and find someone YOU choose, and who will choose YOU! 

         So right now, you feel rejected, and I sure understand that.  But a year from now, when they’re squabbling and wishing they hadn’t agreed to this, and you’re off having fun with guys you really like…

         I think it’s going to be this guy envying you instead!

         But I’m not pretending it’s not tough now.  So be strong.  And if there’s a chance of getting him to come through for you, take it.  But if not…  just know, it’s going to be better than okay.

         All my best,

         Shirelle

4 A Prayer for Jessie -The Importance of Importance

A Prayer for Jessie – The Importance of Importance

            I hate it when Handsome’s out of town, even for just a day or two.  But I do love it when he comes back – our reunions are fun even if he’s only been gone an hour, but if he’s been gone overnight, we explode!  I sniff him all over, while he tries his best to hold me tight (and can’t).  And eventually we just stop and look into each other’s eyes, and feast on the fact – all is okay, we’re together again.

            The problem, of course, is that I’m not the only being he ever cares about seeing.  If I were, he’d never leave!  For example, he tries to visit his parents every month or so.  And because he’s afraid to put me in an airplane’s cargo hold (and I’m too big and excitable to qualify as a Therapy Dog and sit in the passenger section), the only times I’ve ever been able to join him on those trips are when he drives there, which takes a couple of weeks at least.  I love it, but he can’t do it very often.

            And, just as with me, he worries about his family a lot – some say too much.  So when he hasn’t seen them in a while, he gets anxious.  So it’s good that he visits, and he always feels so much better when he comes back home.

            Well, except this last time.

            A few days ago, he showed up, and we gave each other our usual crazy greeting, but I could tell something was off.  Was something wrong with his parents, or his niece (who, I’m very proud to say, gave me a new human cousin a couple of days later… WELCOME TO LIFE, JACKSON!) or his nephew, or…?

            No, it wasn’t any of them. 

            “Knucklehead,” he explained to me, “I just spent a half hour on a plane, the longest flight of my life.” 

            Now you know, we pooches aren’t all that good at math, so I struggled with this, not coming up with any answer.  Till he explained, “I spent the flight next to the sweetest woman, who explained to me that she was flying here because her son had just been killed.  And not out of anger, or even a robbery.  He was killed, the police believe, by mistake.  He had just dropped his girlfriend off at her house, the girl who seemed like she might be The One for him, and on his way home, he was shot.  Apparently by someone who thought he was someone else.”

            My heart sank.  We always hear about these things happening, but here it was, right in front of him, and now me.  “He was her only son.  And he was a really great guy, whose life and career were just taking off.  And somehow this woman had to go through this – for no explicable reason.  And she’ll never get over it, not for a second.”

            We are all programmed to believe that we will outlive our young.  That’s why it’s so hard for a dog when one of our puppies doesn’t make it through birth.  But to raise a child, and raise him well, and then have him snuffed out just as life begins to bloom into accomplishment and romance?  This is too much for anyone to take.

            Handsome asked her how she was able to be so together at this point.  “I’m completely numb,” she smiled kindly.

            Then something happened kind of beautiful.  The flight attendant asked them for drink orders, and Handsome wished to himself “I’d love it if she’d order something alcoholic, because I’d love to buy it for her – and she could sure use some help today!”  (He’s not normally a big one for using alcohol as self-medication, but since she’d be greeted at the airport by her grieving daughter, this could prove an exception)  But she just ordered a cola, and the attendant moved on. 

            Till about five minutes later, when she leaned into him and whispered, “Could I ask you a favor?  Could you wave that nice man down and ask if he could slip a little whiskey into my Coke?”  Handsome exploded in joy, “I was WISHING you would ask that!  Yes, and I’ll buy it for you!  It’s the only thing I can do to help!”  He ran up and ordered the drink – and do you know what?  They gave it to her for free!

            As the plane landed, he took her hand and wished her all the strength humanly possible, to get through this.  And she looked him in the eye and said “Please pray for me.”  And they disembarked, probably never to see each other again.

            Well as you can guess, by now, he had me whining on the floor.  No wonder he’d felt distant.

            Especially as he was feeling so… fortunate!  Here he’d just spent a fun day with his parents, and was about to welcome a new baby into the family.  And coming home to the friendliest pup in the world.  It wasn’t fair – everyone should be having the time he was having, and not suffering this horror.

            So he asked me to write this.  To tell this story, and to think about what it means to me.  And I’ve thought a lot, and here’s what I came up with:

            I get letters from you guys, all the time, often very full of love, but complaining about your parents, or siblings, or your kids.  I know deep down you love them more than anything in the world, but just as I can take Handsome for granted at times, or he can forget how important I am to him for moments, all of us can detach a bit from how much we love, and are devoted to, our closest companions.

            So take just a second, and put aside how annoying they might be, and think about how you’d feel if your mother, or father, or brother or sister, or uncle or aunt, or your child, were suddenly taken away from you.  And how they’d feel if you were robbed from them forever.  (And if you’ve already lost one of these people, let that feeling come through – how you miss them, and what it would be like to talk with them, laugh with them, hug them, or maybe sneak that drink to them!)

            I’m not trying to guilt-trip you, not at all.  I just want you to feel the love that life and stresses can make us forget. 

            You see, there’s one other thing about that woman.  Her name is Jessie.  That’s the name of my favorite cousin, a great great dog owned by the family that just had the new baby.  And Jessie died a few years ago – a loss they, and I, can never replace. 

            Coincidence?  Maybe.  You’ll just have to decide for yourself.

            But if you can do what I asked, just take that moment and feel all that love in your heart – with its joy and its pain and its frustration – then I think you and I, and everyone reading this, will have fulfilled that woman’s request to Handsome.  Our love will come together to become a beautiful prayer.

            And maybe, just maybe, all that love will give her the strength she needs, to get through what she has to.  Till the day she can join her son again, and maybe, just maybe, find out why things like this have to happen.          

            Because this doggy has no idea.

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