Category Archives for "Family"

0 Should parents worry about specific developmental delays?

shilpi asks: My daughter is four and half years old, and she is in nursery school. She always writes some of the alphabet letters as their mirror image like S and N, and she also wears her shoes on the wrong feet. Otherwise she is very intelligent and has very good grasping power. Please advise: Is this normal and what does it reflect?

Hi shilpi –

This is a great question.  Thanks so much for it!

There are humans who know a great deal more about the development of the brain than this puppy ever will.  But one thing I can tell you is that brain development is a very winding and bumpy road.  Children will seem to have mastered a complete sort of awareness, and then show an equally complete confusion about something that we see as extremely simple.  What makes this especially difficult is that different children develop different skills at different speeds.  For example, my friend Handsome taught himself to read at age three, but had a terribly difficult time mastering the seemingly-easier tasks of reading a clock and tying his Continue reading

2 Will raising grades make parents proud?

star asks: How do I, as a 17-year-old student, improve my grades enough for my parents to be proud of me?

Hi Star –

Sorry I wasn’t able to answer your question earlier.  I must say, I’m impressed with your persistence in “hounding” me to answer you, though!  If you show that same persistence in your studies, I’m sure you’ll do great!!

My main answer to you, in terms of how to improve your grades, would be the same as my answer to CaNdAcE’s question about school skills for teenagers (You can find it by typing keywords into the search box on the right side of the page here).

But Star, I think there’s another issue here I want to address with you.  You want to make your parents proud.  Now I don’t know you or your parents, but I know enough humans to know that Pride is a very, very tricky thing.  Some parents are proud of their kid no matter what bad things that kid does.  Other parents can’t be made to feel proud of their kid, no matter what good or great things that kid does.  The kid could get straight-A’s in school, rescue a drowning child in a river, or make millions of dollars and buy those parents a mansion and three cars… and they still won’t feel proud!  It’s not about the kid; it’s about them.   They’re just incapable of feeling pride.  Or maybe they’re able to feel it, but they’re not able to express it to their child.

Again, I don’t know you or your parents, so perhaps it is possible for you to win their pride through better grades.  But I just want to warn you, if you raise your marks and still don’t feel they’re taking pride in you, your job is to feel that pride about yourself!  Let them have their own strengths and weaknesses, and move on in your own life.  The more real pride you feel in yourself, the less you’ll need others to feel it about you.

And this is a terribly important lesson to learn in life, Star.  One which learning at 17 is a wonderful fantastic accomplishment.

So hit those books, raise those grades, and see where that takes you.  You’re at the beginning of adulthood, Star.  Your whole future lies ahead.  Do your best, and step forward.  The world is yours!

Cheers,

Shirelle

0 Why a young child won’t eat

Shahriar asks: My child is not taking food, even when I insist. She is now three years old. I’m very hopeless. What can I do?

Hi Shahriar –

There are lots of possible reasons for a three-year-old not wanting to eat.  Some of them are emotional (she’s feeling sad, or excited), some are just defiant (she doesn’t want to do anything you want her to, including eating), and some are physiological (she may have stomach pain, or really bad allergies to some foods).

Of course, the first thing you need to do is to rule out the physiological ones.  And there’s no good way to do this except to take her to a doctor who can check her out.  Any qualified pediatrician will know exactly what to test to find out if there’s anything wrong with her.  And of course they would be the best people to suggest what to do if they do find something wrong.

If they determine that she’s not suffering from a physical problem, then your job is to find out why she’s refusing the food.  Again, it could well be that she’s just being defiant (what we normally hear called “the terrible Continue reading

0 What is childhood Depression like?

Mama asks: My son is 11 yrs old. Since he was young, he easily gets angry from any thing. He can beat his friends for teasing him, he answers his teachers badly, and it’s never easy to calm him down. I’ve tried to talk to him, punish him, and do anything to stop it. When he calms down from his anger attacks, he either starts to wonder why he did it or tries to lie about what happened and say he was not the cause of the problem. Help me please.

Hi Mama –

I have a lot of thoughts about what might be going on, but they all lead to the same place.  Your son has a definite anger problem, which is beyond what’s normal for his age.  I really would urge you to find a good therapist who specializes in kids, as it sounds like there’s something really bothering your son, and the sooner it gets resolved, the happier he will be.

Having said that, my sense is that your son is probably a bit depressed.  We all know what depression looks like in adults – melancholy moods, hopelessness, lack of energy – but it’s almost the exact opposite in kids and early Continue reading

1 How to talk to your parents about something that happened

Astrid asks: How do you talk to you parents about stuff that happens. Like stuff that happens online and at school. Maybe stuff that kind of scares you?

Hi Astrid –

Your question is a little bit tough to answer, because I don’t know exactly what “scary stuff” you’re referring to.  And of course I don’t know you or your parents at all.  But it really comes down to a gigantic question: Who Do You Trust?

I’m very glad (and honored) that you trusted me enough to ask me about this.  But you definitely need to find someone in your own world who you can absolutely trust, to share these things with.  Most often, parents are the best choice.  But if your parents aren’t people you can trust with this information, you might want to talk to a teacher or administrator at school, a member of the clergy, or even a therapist or counselor who can help you.

Remember, stuff happens to everybody.  Every person (and dog) in the world has experienced being in a horrible position due to something they’ve Continue reading

1 How to deal with sibling rivalry

Toota asks: I have a 3-year-old daughter and she is very intelligent. Now I have a new baby and my older daughter is very angry with me, she tells me “I do not love you,” she hits her little sister. Is this depression? What shall I do?

Hi Toota –

Congratulations on your new baby!  I wish I could walk right up and sniff your whole family!!

Okay, I have good news and bad news for you.  Good news first – your daughter’s behavior doesn’t show Depression, or any other abnormality.  In fact, if she weren’t acting this way, I’d worry a bit.  She is showing a healthy, normal attitude, which I’m sure will, one day, turn into a beautiful relationship with her sister.

Then the bad news:  That day won’t come soon!  For three years, your daughter was the center of the universe.  You put all your attention onto her, she delighted you with her brightness, and everything was fantastic.  Then you hit her with the greatest insult she will ever receive in her life:  You had another Continue reading

0 How to get a parent to be more parental

Werewolves asks: Hi Shirelle. My mother is a very sweet person, almost like my sister, and I can tell her anything (including my crushes). But now I have lost my respect towards her as my mother, because I treat her like my sister, and so we fight for small, silly reasons, and I feel really bad when she cries because of it. I also have tried to tell her that if she acts like my mom, I will treat her like one. I really don’t know what to do. HELP ME!!!!

Hi Werewolves –

What a fascinating problem you have!  This takes a lot of thought!

It would be easier for me to give advice to your mother on this issue, but since it’s you who’s writing, I’ll try to throw a few suggestions out.

First, it would be great for you to sit down with her and talk about this.  You should tell her how great it’s been to have a mother who’s such a “best friend,” but that you also need a strong mom these days, one who you can Continue reading

0 What to do when your parents prefer a sibling to you

Bella asks: What I’m going to say might sound stupid, but I have a strong feeling that my parents prefer my sister over me. Not that they hate me, but the way they act with her is completely different from the way they act with me. One day we are on good terms, but then a week later they are ignoring me! Any advice on what I should do???

Hi Bella –

It’s hard to talk about this issue, I know.  Parents always want to believe that they treat (and love) all their children the same, but of course at different times, they’re going to “miss the target” on that.  Some parents can’t help but prefer the kid who’s best-behaved, while others just feel more fondness for the one who’s the more troublesome!  And the affection might switch over time.

Meanwhile, it’s absolutely normal for their kids to want, and even demand, equality.  When kids are very young, they simply want everything Mom and Dad can offer at all times; then they are taught to share and act with fairness, so they expect to be treated Continue reading

0 How to get your parents to speak to you again.

Bella asks: Hi, my parents aren’t on speaking terms with me, and tomorrow is my birthday. What should I do? I tried talking to my mum but she refused to listen. I feel so bad!!!

Oh Bella!  I’m so sorry I didn’t get to your letter in time for your birthday!  I can’t imagine how you must have felt the whole day, and I wish I could have sent you some kisses and tug-of-war playing to cheer you up!  I know it’s late but… Happy Birthday!

And I’m not kidding when I say those two words.  You see, any day can be your birthday.  We can all be “born again” any time we choose to be.  Some people get that in a religion, others get it in a beauty salon with a “makeover,” some through moving their homes.  And you can have a new “birth” in whatever way you want.  The trick – and the hard part – is deciding what exactly it is that you Continue reading

0 How to handle children going through bad phases

vanshica asks: Hi! My son is 8 yrs old in III std. For the last month he has been very naughty. He does not obey his teachers, in class he doesn’t complete his work, and disturbs class every now and then. He was not like this before. I am very tense and worried. Please help me out.

Hi vanshica –

Okay, I’ve got two things for you here.  First, every child goes through phases.  And it’s possible that he’s just simply doing that – going through a strange period where he’s misbehaving and pushing boundaries all the time, and he’ll move past it soon and be the great kid he was (just like… remember when he was two?!).

But then there’s another thought.  It sounds like it could be that he’s acting out because of something truly Continue reading