Category Archives for "Family"

0 How teenagers can stop lying to their parents

Anna2 asks: My mom is pretty lenient, compared to other kids’ moms, but lately I’ve caught myself lying to her about things, in order to get away with stuff (saying I misunderstood her rules about having friends over, or saying a band I like isn’t as “inappropriate” as they really are). I’m pretty scared. What should I do?

Hi Anna2 –

You are in a very normal, common place for a teenager.  It sounds like you actually have a very good relationship with your mom, but you’re wanting to make your own choices about your own life.  For example, you know which friends are safe to have over, and you know the difference between “appropriate” and “inappropriate” song lyrics.  So why should your mom insist on making those decisions for you?

Well, there are lots of reasons why.  And the biggest of them is that she doesn’t yet know for sure that you’ll make the safest Continue reading

0 How to enjoy your teenager you’ve never known

Chebby asks: my daughter is 13 years old, and she stayed with my parents till last year when I started staying with her. I don’t have that love or closeness to her. My fear is she has noticed I’m always annoyed with her. How can I handle this and stay with her?

Hi Chebby –

I really have to commend you for your honesty.  Very few parents would be willing to admit not feeling the feelings most parents have for their kids.

Having said that, though, I’ll also say that (and I’ll bet all the teens reading this will agree), teenagers aren’t as easy for parents to fall in love with as babies, toddlers, and infants.  Where most parents are totally smitten with their kids before they start their rebellious teen years, you’re just now beginning to really know her, and that can be pretty demanding.

In fact, you’re probably right that she notices your Continue reading

0 Advice for a twelve-year-old girl thinking about dating

epic1999 asks: I’m 12 and I met this boy who is 13, nearly 14. We get on really well and he knows every thing about me and I know every thing about him. I have never felt like this before about any boy. Because he is older than me he asks me questions and I feel ok answering them. But my only worry is that he will want something from me and I will get hurt in the end. I have talked to all the family members I can trust, but they say that I’m too young to be in a relationship. So I just need a bit of advice.

Hi epic1999 –

I have many pet peeves – squirrels, cats, the sound of skateboards – but one of the big ones is the word “relationship.”  It’s SO vague!  Hey look, you and I are in a Relationship – because I’m writing you an answer to the question you asked me.  You’re in a Relationship with the computer you’re reading this on.  You’re in a Relationship with the chair you’re sitting on as you read this!  And of course you’re in a Relationship with every family member, friend, schoolmate, neighbor… in the end, you’re in a Relationship with everyone and everything there is!

So when your caring family members say that you’re too young to be in a relationship, what you’re really talking about is dating, romance, and (to some degree or another) sex!  Yes, even if that’s just holding hands or kissing on the Continue reading

0 What should a parent do if they suspect their teenager is smoking marijuana?

flaca asks: What steps should I take if I suspect my son is on drugs such as marijuana?

Hi flaca –

It’s always terrifying to think that someone you love is doing something harmful to themselves.  And it’s always so crazy, because their doing it means that they don’t value themselves the way we (who love them so) do.  After all, how would your kids like it if they saw you cutting your fingers on purpose?!  It’d freak them out, wouldn’t it?  Yet they will be completely oblivious to your worries about them not only smoking (which is so terrible for their lungs and liver) but smoking something that affects their mind and very likely is illegal as well.

Teenagers go through lots of phases where their moods change, they’ll withdraw, they might even smell bad, and having a parent hounding them (yes, I did use that Continue reading

0 What does it mean when a child is moody?

mums asks: I am the mother of a 9-year-old boy. He is very good in studies but he doesn’t want to be regular in studies, and he is very moody and a fussy eater. He just likes to play on TV, computer, or his mobile phone. How should I deal with him? Sometimes it gets out of control.

Hi mums –

Most of what you say sounds like a very normal 9-year-old boy.  He’s good but inconsistent at school, a fussy eater, and would rather play on his electronic gadgets than just about anything else.  Right on schedule!

The only word you say that worries me is that he’s also “moody.”  If he were thirteen, I’d say that was normal too, but nine-year-olds aren’t usually very moody.  Do you mean that he’s kind of depressive?  Angry?  Withdrawn?

My first thought, of course, is to ask him what’s Continue reading

0 How to get a child moving in the morning

momgrt asks: Hi. I have a 5-year-old son. He is never in favor of getting ready for school. He has to be pushed for everything during the day. Let it be brushing his teeth, drinking milk, bathing, lunch, dinner, anything. Now with playing and watching TV, he is not at all like that. But he is responsible enough to finish his homework. We both (parents) are working and have to leave home at 8 am. My son’s school is at 8.15 am. So every morning is a jam-packed situation, where my son doesn’t want to get out of bed and get ready. What could be the problem? At times I end up screaming and hitting him. But it disturbs me a lot. I am afraid he won’t take me seriously otherwise.

Hi momgrt –

Okay, first things first:  Stop hitting him to get him moving.  Stop now.  It won’t do any good, it will only turn him against you, and (depending on where you live) it could even get you in trouble with the law.

All right.  So it’s possible that your son is actually suffering from some emotional disturbance, or some chemical whatever that a doctor could help with.  But before you go looking at things like that, it sounds to me like he’s just trying to create some control in his life.  You say that he’s doing all his homework, which is great (though why in the world schools feel they need to give five-year-olds homework is beyond the understanding of this mutt!).  But he needs to be able to be a Continue reading

0 How should one learn the meaning of obscene words?

prettyndsweet12 asks: A lot of the kids at my school are older than me and use a lot of profanity and talk about mature things like sex terms. Most of the time I don’t know what there saying, but I’m too embarrassed to ask what they mean, and I’m too embarrassed to ask my mom. What should I do?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Well, I’m of three opinions here, and I can’t decide between them, so I’ll throw all of them at you and let you make your own mind up, okay?!

First – Relax.  You’ll learn what all those words mean soon enough.  In fact, you’ll eventually hear them so much that you’ll wish you didn’t know what they meant anymore!  People use bad words more than ever before – it’s not that the words are new; it’s just that people used to save them for specific times, and now they throw them around like adverbs and pronouns!  Frankly, most of them aren’t all that interesting.  So relax, and trust that, just as you once learned thousands of words just by listening to your family talk, you’ll pick up on these just fine soon.

Second – Trust your Continue reading

1 How to divorce with children

Lakshmi asks: I am a mother of an 8-year-old. Of late my husband and I are not like we used to be. We have been frequently fighting, and today he said that he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. I am confused about the kid. I am from India, where divorce is still not very well accepted. I need advice please.

Hi Lakshmi –

I’m so very sorry that you’re going through such a painful experience.  I can’t imagine many things much more difficult.

I have to admit, I’m confused on one point.  You say that you are “from India,” but are you still living there now, or have you moved to another country?  Regardless, I don’t know where you are, so I can’t comment on the specific divorce laws of that area (not that I’m any expert on any laws other than the local leash laws, which are pretty scary to me!).

But I can comment on two aspects of what you say.  Firstly, although I think it’s terrible, people often say very harsh things to their spouses, way more intense than they really mean.  When your husband said he didn’t want you in his life anymore, it’s possible that he was just speaking his Continue reading

0 How to fill in for a missing parent

junemarie6 asks: My grandson said last night he could not do his schoolwork at the table because it was too noisy. I said, “OK, then go to another room.” He said no! However, I made him go. He is always sassing and making smart remarks. (I guess I need to give you a little more information on the case: My son has asked mom to move out so I have taken over, which does not make them (boys) all that happy) What can I do to get my grandsons to complete their tasks and do what I ask?

Hi junemarie6 –

I feel funny offering you advice on child-rearing, because… I mean… you’ve already done it!  But you are in a specific and difficult situation, given what’s happened with your son’s marriage.  The best advice I can give you on this is to be patient!!!  Your grandsons are in a terrible situation, where they probably feel that being good and obedient to you is an act of disloyalty to their mother.  It’s as though you went from being the fun loving grandmother to the feared stepmother overnight!

Given that, it’s very understandable that they won’t know how to treat you for a Continue reading

0 How to celebrate a four-year-old’s birthday

Chel asks: How do I give birthday wishes to my 4 year old boy?

Hi Chel –

What you should do to celebrate your boy’s fourth birthday?  Well my easy advice is to ask him!  Does he want a party with friends?  Does he want to go see a movie?  Does he want any new toys?  Does he perhaps (if he’s really super-smart) want a puppy?!  Does he want ice cream or cake or a trip to the zoo or a ride in your friend’s Continue reading