Category Archives for "Family"

0 How to get your parent to give you the right chores

kittycat asks: I am depressed because my dad thinks I am being selfish because he works with delivery of clothing and stuff and even though we have the air conditioning on, I really can’t bear the heat. I am secretly a little allergic to the sun (like my mum). I don’t want to upset my dad and all, but I just can’t bear it. (I can’t tell him that I am allergic). So, this one day, my dad and I were doing delivery in his little car, I told him that I was getting very dark, I was sooo hot, I couldn’t stay anymore. Then he started telling me that he spent all his day in the sun, that he and my mum could be rich and put us in a public school and not care, he said that they work for me and my sister’s education, but I really didn’t mean to upset him. And then, I got really upset and I started crying and thinking about the things he had said to me. When it comes too this I really don’t know what I should do. I feel really bad because all things he said were right. But on the other hand he was NOT being fair with me. I can’t discuss this freely with my family because they really don’t understand what it’s really like to be me. I’ve got so many things wrong about me, I’m not the kind of daughter any parent would want. I’m afraid, that some day one of my friends will find out what my mum’s real job is, and I’ll be humiliated. I don’t know what to do!!!

Hi kittycat –

There’s so much here, I want to respond to a few things.

First of all, about the work with your father, it sounds like you don’t mind doing work to help your dad; but just don’t like the excessive heat in his car.  So could you ask him if there’s other work you could do?  Maybe you could help with the bookkeeping, or preparing the clothes for delivery, or wrapping them, or…  anything, anything but sitting in that hot car!

Which leads me to my second thought:  Why are you so adamant about not telling him about your Continue reading

0 What is peer pressure?

Martha asks: What is peer pressure?

Hi Martha –

Peer Pressure is a very simple thing, but with very complex consequences.  Basically, people do things for one of three reasons.

First, because they want to: a baby cries, crawls, burps, because it feels like it; similarly, if you see a yummy cookie that you forgot was in your house, you might eat it, just because you feel like it.

Second, people do things because they’re directly told to.  A student does their homework because they’re supposed to.  A driver stops at a red light because that’s the law.  Maybe you refrain from eating that cookie, because your Continue reading

0 What can one do at home alone?

kittycat asks: What are some fun things you can do at home with ordinary everyday things (things that you probably have in the house and that you use daily)? And especially, what can a ten-year-old child do to entertain herself, and keep busy? Sometimes, after school, on religious holidays and on weekends, I’m left alone for a couple of hours and I feel lonely, and sad, sometimes a little scared. I want something to keep me occupied.

Hi kittycat –

I feel a little naughty answering you on this topic.  You see, puppies are downright brilliant at finding things to do with ordinary objects in homes.  We’ll chew shoes to ribbons, we’ll tear molding off a wall, and we’ll gleefully pee in all sorts of spots the humans won’t find till it’s caused permanent damage!  Now if that’s your idea of fun, kittycat, just leave a puppy in your home for eight hours unattended, and take notes!

But given that you’re ten years old, and sound amazingly open and sensitive and responsible, I’m going to guess that chewing and peeing aren’t going to top your list of interesting Continue reading

0 How to deal with an over-demanding parent

143chafern asks: I’m a competitive swimmer and I really love it. The thing is, my dad keeps pushing me – like, if I don’t swim well, he gets all moody. He expects me to perform well, and at the same time to do my studies also. I do manage my studies, and keep in good shape, but nothing is enough for my Dad! I feel so under pressure! I can’t be an Olympic swimmer and an A+ student at the same time! When I told that to my dad, he said there are many kids of my age who can, but… why can’t he understand I’m not them?!

Hi 143chafern –

This is not a new problem.  I don’t know who the first person was who cared about succeeding in a competitive world, but the first one of those who had a child began this problem.  And the problem has existed ever since.

There’s no easy answer.  You’d be miserable if your father didn’t notice or care, or take pride in your swimming prowess.  But this situation stinks too.  I have no doubt that your dad means well, and just wants to press you to do your best, but the fact is he’s pushing too hard.

I’ll be honest with you, 143chafern – I’m very encouraged by your insistence that you’re good enough without meeting his Continue reading

0 What to do when you feel abandoned by an older sibling

kittycat asks: My sister got a not so great job in London and she’s not coming for summer holidays, and I’m real sad. She knows I want her here. I am happy for her, but I’m angry at her and I’m feeling blue. Could you please tell me the right thing to do, and how to get a grip on myself. I’ve been crying my eyes out!!!

Hi kittycat –

So as I see it, what you’re really asking is:  How do I deal with the fact that my sister isn’t going to be here for me this summer?

You know, most of the letters I get about siblings are complaints – someone hates their baby brother, someone’s getting beaten up by their sister, the other kid tells on them, etc.  So while of course I see you’re in pain, I have to say, it’s kind of nice to see a letter from someone who wants and needs their sibling.

Life is change, kittycat.  We so often wish it weren’t.  Children want summer vacation to last forever, teens want a good date to last forever, young adults want their 20s to last forever, parents want their children to stay four forever, and after that, adults just want to keep their friends, family, and selves alive forever.  It’s what we want most, and it’s the thing we can never alter – change is a constant.  And your sister’s life is Continue reading

0 How to find a website for 12-year-olds

zainacute asks: These days I feel so bored. Can you help me to find a website for 12-year-olds?

Hi zainacute –

Well, my friend, you are ON a website for 12-year-olds!  You’re just the right age for AskShirelle.com.  (Of course, so is just about everyone else who’s old enough to read it!).

There are just countless websites out there for young people.  The answer would be for you to look for what interests you.  If you like basketball, find sites about that.  If you like old Frankenstein movies, find sites about that.  If you like music, find sites about your favorite singers.

The only warning I want to put is that there are lots of sites out there that are not for Continue reading

0 How to teach a young child to read

Natasha asks: How can I get a 4-year-old to read?

Hi Natasha –

Most children don’t learn to read quite that young.  But my friend Handsome did.  So the one suggestion I can give you is what happened to him.  It was very simple.

First, when he was very very young, less than two years old, he had a babysitter who started teaching him the alphabet.  She taught him to sing it, and would show him the letters.  So by the time he was less than three, he knew the alphabet perfectly.

Then something happened that no one expected.  You see, Handsome always loved Continue reading

4 Why would a child be bored?

Marussia asks: What should be done about a 6-year old boy (my son) who says he is often bored? Yesterday we were having a walk at a place where two his peers were playing football. My son didn’t approach them till one of their mothers invited him to take part in the game. My husband says we shouldn’t force him to play with other kids or invent some games for him – he is big enough to realize that if he wants to have fun he should do it himself. What do you think?

Hi Marussia –

When kids say they’re bored, it usually means one of two things.  First, that there’s just not anything around that’s interesting to them.  While an adult might just relish the thrill of seeing all five hours of Wagner’s opera “Gotterdammerung,” it’s not something I’d recommend foisting on an eight-year-old!

But the other reason is that there’s something going on inside the kid that’s keeping them from embracing life as they should.  You see, we dogs are a lot like young kids.  And if I walk into a new environment, my nose is sniffing everything, my ears are perked up, I’m looking around…  I might be a little nervous or scared, but I’m sure not Continue reading

0 How to tell your parents you’re gay

Athny asks: I recently found out I was gay. How do I explain it to my parents?

Hi Athny –

There are just about as many answers to your question as there are families.  I’ll go over some thoughts, but in the end, the answer is going to be to do what’s best for you and them.

It’s a normal rite-of-passage for just about everyone, that they have to tell their parents something they’re pretty sure those parents don’t want to hear.  Maybe it’s that you’re moving out, or you’re dating someone they don’t like, or getting married, or even voting a different way than they do.  But few of these carry as much tension as when someone tells their parents that their sexual Continue reading

1 How to deal with violent family members

katie1234 asks: I’m a 15 year old girl, with no violent past, who all my friends know as a very peaceful person, accused of beating up my step mum and sister. I had a fight with both of them the night before and in the morning was attacked by my older sister (who has done this many times before and both parents know this) who got angry about another argument. She then called my step mum (who also has been in many physical fights with this same sister where police and social services had to come round multiple times) up to say that I attacked her. My step mum came back home and immediately took my purse. I struggled and took it off her, which I admit wasn’t the best thing to do, but then she threw me on the floor and wrestled me for it, hurting me. I pushed her off me time and time again. She eventually got it, sat on it and said she was farting on it (she’s 41). I took it back off her and she said, “fine take your stupid purse” and threw it at me. I of course rushed out of the house as soon as possible, but just when I got to the door and opened it she said “no you’re not getting away with this,” and yanked my hair up then threw me to the wall, which left me dizzy on the floor for about two minutes. I was so scared I rushed out to the road opposite a school (this was just before I left for my school), where little children were walking, crying, hair all messy and trying to put the shoes my step mum threw at me on in the middle of the street. The side of my head hurt for the rest of the day. However, this was not the most hurtful thing in the situation. The worst thing was coming home to my father and stepsister, who believed I attacked both my step mum and my sister, even though both were much stronger and angrier than me. I was punished of course but the worst thing is my dad believing I was beating them – especially when I thought he knew me as a person. Forgetting all the manipulation and psychological abuse my sister and I have suffered from her in the past, my step mum has broken my close relationship with my dad and my sister. Someone who I was also very close to has hurt me, and I don’t know if I can trust her again. What can I do?

Hi katie1234 –

There is so much here that I don’t really know where to start.

First of all, I don’t know where you live, but in many places, your stepmother could be arrested for this – even if they say you were the instigator, you’re still only 15 and she’s not supposed to get into fights with you.

Second, there’s something very odd in your story about your Continue reading