Category Archives for "Blog"

0 Why All These Kids?! a few suggestions for surviving parenthood

Why All These Kids?! a few suggestions for surviving parenthood

Except for letters telling me how great the website is or how cute I am (which I of course love!), the subject I get the most emails about is how difficult it is to be a parent.  Funny, isn’t it – it’s what grownups want most badly, what they spend the most money on, what they care the most about… and then it’s what they complain about the most!  (They’re so silly – what I want most badly is Pizza, what I spend the most money on is nothing, since Handsome never gives me any, and what I care the most about is… well, Pizza.  But what I complain the most about?  That’s easy!  If you can’t guess, I’ll give you a hint:  They have pointy ears, a yowling voice, and they climb trees – especially swiftly if they’re being chased by me!).

But I guess I do understand.  I’ve written on here before about how I was a very difficult puppy.  I was super-hyperactive, and full of energy all the time.  And that energy all went into one thing:  DESTRUCTION!  I destroyed a fence, clothes, plants, newspapers, and – just once – an old record album cover (Oh I still get chills when I think of how mad Handsome was about that one!).  And I was constantly biting, pulling, and scratching Handsome.  It’s just amazing he even kept me around long enough to grow up.

Really, there were only two reasons he did:  First, he had faith that I’d mature eventually.  And Second, more importantly, he Continue reading

0 The Useless Art of Blindness – how to improve relations in our lives

The Useless Art of Blindness – how to improve relations in our lives

I am a dog, with a doggy brain.  It is nowhere near as big or brilliant as yours.  So when you read my thoughts on here, especially those about what people are thinking or feeling, you have to understand that those thoughts were very hard to come by!  It’s not like I just happened to understand these things.  I had to work super hard to figure them out!

And yet, almost every day, I see a human, blessed with the most amazing brain in creation, proudly choose to remain ignorant about other people.  To refuse to see what someone else’s feeling or experience is.  And that just makes the hair on my neck stand straight up.  What a spoiled bunch some people are!

Where I see this the most, especially lately, is in disagreements.  Now of course, people disagree on things all the time.  That’s part of what keeps life interesting and fun – arguing about who the best basketball player is or what the best movie was, or even who said what to whom when (a game many married couples play for decades!).  But I’m talking about bigger disagreements.

For example, as I’m sure you all know, Egypt had a revolution a couple of years ago, and voted in a president who carried the world’s hopes on his shoulders.  Whether it was his fault or because the job was impossible, over time his administration had a lot of problems which angered a lot of people, and eventually the military of the country took over, apparently to prevent another revolution from ruining everything.  Now the Egyptian people have some very understandable reasons to argue – Was he too lenient?  Was he too harsh?  Was he too religious?  Should the country have an even more religious leader?  Was the military right or wrong to do what they did?

The problem I’m seeing (at least from overseas) is that this isn’t being discussed in a calm, respectful way; people are fighting and dying in the streets over these debates!  It’s horrible.  And I think that the main reason for all this fighting is that neither side is willing to look at, listen to, and acknowledge the other side’s arguments.  They’re just yelling that each other is wrong, and fighting it out.

Well of course, nothing can improve in Egypt until that changes.  You can’t build a unified government when no one’s listening to each other.  So here’s a wish for improvement there.

But oh I wish it were only there!  In my country, the United States, our economy has been hurt for years by the people in our government refusing to act together in our best interests.  And just this last week, there’s been lots of fighting about the results of a complicated murder trial.  Now I’m not here to pretend my little brain understands much about the details of economics or law.  But I can tell just by looking that lots of people are yelling and not listening!  Some people are yelling that we need laws to protect people from racism, while others are yelling that individuals have the right to protect themselves.  But when I try to tell them that they’re both right, they just hear barking, so they both yell at me to shut up!  And that makes me angry – and you know why?  Because I’m not being heard!

The problem isn’t that they disagree.  The problem is that they’re saying that the other person’s viewpoint has no validity.  And unless you believe that the world has been hit by mass insanity, that is completely impossible!  Of course the people who disagree with you have a valid belief.  Just like the squirrels on my roof have valid reasons to run there, no matter how mad they make me.  Everyone has their reasons, and everyone has their arguments.  And the only hope anyone can have for any resolution is if both sides try to see the other’s point of view.

And of course this doesn’t only happen in major political conflicts.  It happens between individuals every day.  Little disagreements blow up in to big fights because neither one will try to see things through the other’s eyes.

So why don’t they try to see each other’s viewpoints?  Well, I guess sometimes it’s because they’re too dumb.  But I think most of the time, it’s because they believe that seeing it would make them weaker.  For example, if I’m arguing with Handsome that I should be allowed half of his ice cream, and he says it might give me indigestion, and I say “Well, that’s probably true, but…” that means I will lose the argument, right?

Well, actually… Wrong!

See, here’s the fuller version.  If I’m stubborn, it goes, Me – “You should give me half your ice cream.”  Him – “No, it’ll give you indigestion.”  Me – “That’s ridiculous!  You’re an idiot!  You should give me that ice cream!”  Him – “No!  Go outside, you’re being obnoxious!”  And the door’s slammed in my face.

While, if I’m not stubborn, it goes differently:  Me – “You should give me half your ice cream.”  Him – “No, it’ll give you indigestion.”  Me – “Well, that’s probably true, but the joy it gives me will be worth it to me.  And I’ll sleep outside tonight in case I get sick at all, so the house won’t get messed up.  And you know it’s not good for you to eat all of that fatty sugary treat either, since you want to look good tomorrow night for that date!”  And guess what – by listening and acknowledging his viewpoint, I win!  And get a full scoop of Black Cherry Swirl… YUMMMM!

You see, it’s not just that acknowledging the other person’s point of view helps the discussion move along logically.  It’s also that everyone – dog or human – just hates not being heard!  So now let’s imagine that the argument I described above ended with Handsome saying “I know you really want this, and you’re willing to put up with some indigestion; but there’s also chocolate in this ice cream, and chocolate is really bad for dogs, and could even shorten your life, and I love you far too much to take a chance on losing you.  So while I know it feels bad tonight, I have to say no, because you mean the world to me.”   Well, I might still be hungry, but there’s no way I could be furious or hate him, because I’d feel fully heard.  And cared for!

So imagine if some politician on television said something like “We understand those who want a government run more by the laws of the Koran, but we have to find ways of merging those traditional moral views in with the ideals of our new democracy, in order to succeed in the modern world” – that might sound pretty good.  Or “We understand the need for Egypt to modernize and work as a healthy democracy, but we also don’t want to lose our traditional values and character, and lose our nation’s soul in so doing.”

Or, closer to home, “I hear your pain at the racism that has never left the American experience, and we want your help to keep finding new ways to fight it and move on, but we want to make sure we don’t give up on the individual rights everyone needs.”  Or, “I understand the fear people feel when you think you’re not allowed to protect yourselves, but I need you to understand that we people of color feel that way all the time, and need laws to give us protection from being treated as less than others.”  Talk like these might calm some people down.  Way down.  Because everyone would feel heard.  And it wouldn’t weaken their arguments at all.  It would strengthen them.

In fact, I think I could argue that the biggest problem in the world today is those who Don’t See.  Who are so insistent on believing that they’re right that they refuse to look at how someone else sees the world.  Whether about religion, politics, race, justice, or even smaller issues.

Let’s say a couple goes to a party, and the girl talks with a few flirtatious boys, and her boyfriend gets upset.  They argue – him saying she was disrespecting him, and her saying he’s trying to keep her from having fun with friends.  Well as long as they insist they’re each right, the only place this is going is to BreakUpVille!  But if they tried to look at it through each other’s eyes, maybe they could arrive at a compromise (like where, when boys are flirting with her, she invites him over to join the conversation, perhaps?).

It’s a basic rule in life:  Try to see the other person’s point of view, and there’s a possible future.  Not doing so leads to nowhere.  It’s that simple.

Again, I’m not saying you have to agree with anything about that other person’s point of view.  You just have to be willing to see it.  That’s the place to start a real discussion about what to do with the differences.  In fact, it’s the only place a real discussion can start.

About seventy years ago, there was a group that was enormously proud of their ability not to see the points of view of others.  They thought they were so much smarter and better than anyone else, that they had no reason to look or listen to others – because others were less than them, and even evil.  They believed their power was in their sureness of their superiority.  And they took those who weren’t like them, and stuck them in detention camps, and deported them, and murdered millions of them, proud not to look to see how those people saw things.  They were so sure they were better than anyone else that they started a war to take over the world, which killed more people than any other war ever.  And in the end, do you know what they won?  Nothing.  They decimated their own country, lost their own power, died horrible deaths or lived in shame for the rest of their lives, and became a name forever of a pathetic evil and failed group.

These arrogant fools, I’m sure you’ve heard of.   The world has scorned them ever since for their blindness and cruelty.

They were the Not Sees.

0 The Syrian Question — how to act when others are hurting each other

The Syrian Question — how to act when others are hurting each other

For the last couple of years, the news has told lots of heartbreaking stories about all the violence in Syria.  Like many other countries in the Middle East, Syria has had a strong rebellion, wanting to overthrow its powerful leaders.  But while other nations have either succeeded in their rebellions (Egypt, Libya) or had them calm down at least temporarily (Iran), Syria has been the site of constant fighting, with no sign of it stopping.

The rest of the world knows that this is a dangerous and horrible situation, and many have expressed a desire to do something about it.  But what?  Some countries have offered help to the rebels, others have offered help to President Assad… and everyone wonders if any of this help will do any good.

As a dog, I don’t nearly have the brain to say what the right answer is with this huge problem.  But it does remind me of something I see every day.

You see, I like fighting.  I absolutely admit it.  I love getting together with my dog friends and tumbling all over the yard like crazy, chewing and pawing and half-biting.  Nothing makes me happier.  Except maybe when I get to fight with Handsome, playing tug of war with a rope, growling at each other lovingly.

But those aren’t real fights.  I’ve been in real fights, and I’m pretty good at them – but I don’t like them.  Most of the time, we dogs can resolve issues right away – I see you eating food out of my bowl, I growl and jump on you, you lie on your back and submit, and we’re cool.  All is fine.  A real dogfight, when both dogs keep going at each other, insisting on beating the other down, just isn’t fun at all.  I have to be mean, and the odds are we won’t be friends after it’s done.  What’s the good in that?

When Handsome takes me to the dog park, dogs often get into fights.  And when they do, lots of other dogs crowd around to watch, maybe to get involved.  I don’t.  I walk away, bored.  But that’s because I don’t care about those dogs.  I don’t know them at all.

But when I see friends of mine – human or pooch – fighting, I freak out, and bark like crazy!  Should I take a side and help someone?  Should I try to stop the fight?  Should I run for help?  Should I run away in case one of them gets too ferocious and comes after me?!  What should I do?!

This is always difficult.  And this is what, I think, most of the governments and politicians looking at Syria are dealing with right now.  Now, as I said, I can’t help them with that decision, but I have put a lot of thought into what I can do when my friends are involved, and I’ll bet you find yourself in that situation yourself.  Here are a few thoughts:

–                    Time Is My Friend.  So much fighting in the world comes from someone reacting in the moment, without thinking.  How often have you had to apologize to someone for having said or done something in anger?  So, most of the time, when friends fight, I try to keep a loving eye on them, but not get involved for a while.  Most likely they’ll work out whatever they have to, given some time.

–                    What Alternatives Are There?  If two mutts at the dog park got into it, their humans would be all over them within a second!  There’d be no need for me to do a thing – in fact, Handsome would probably yell at me if I did.  Similarly, if two kids get into a fight at a school, the best thing to do is to get a teacher or administrator there; joining the fight will just get you in trouble, when you were just trying to stop the battle!

–                    What OTHER Alternatives Are There?!  You have gigantic human brains!  Use your imaginations!  What would happen if you threw a bucket of water over the fighters (people do that with dogs all the time)?  What if you didn’t join the fight but did something to help one of them out (possibly a good idea, possibly a terrible one)?  What if you just started screaming your head off (that’s what we dogs usually do!)?  Most fights begin when people haven’t thought hard enough about other ways to resolve differences.  Maybe you can do the thinking for them!

–                    Rate My Own Priorities.  While I’m taking that time and watching, I give a good load of thought to what my stake is in this fight.  If it’s two dogs I like pretty equally, then most likely I’ll just let them settle their argument themselves, with hopes they don’t get too banged up in the meantime.  But what if a dog I didn’t like much was beating up on LouLou or Kuma or Stella, one of my best friends?  Oh I’d be very seriously considering getting involved.  Even if I got hurt, it would be better than letting my friend be badly injured.

–                    Rate My Odds!  If a neighbor’s cat attacked my friend, I’d have no qualms about jumping right in.  The cat’s not going to get anything more than a scratch on my nose before I’ve taken all his fight out – and I wouldn’t even have to hurt him much to do it.  But if a mountain lion attacked that same friend, I’d know there’d be nothing much I could accomplish, and so I’d stay out (with great sadness and frustration).  Similarly, if a child sees their parents fighting, they can try screaming at them to stop, but it’s far too dangerous for the kid to step into the middle.  Take care of yourself first.

–                    What’s My Strategy?  One mistake dogs and people (and governments) get into all the time is to jump into someone else’s fight without having a clear goal in mind.  “I like these guys and I don’t like these guys, so I’m diving in.”  Using that watching time I mentioned earlier, think about how you’d get away if the fight didn’t go your way – or if it did – and how the fight would change your life.  Before the United States invaded Iraq, one of their top leaders compared going to battle to shopping at a store with an “if you break it, you just bought it” policy.  The administration ignored him and invaded… and instantly proved him right, to the cost of countless lives and limbs, and over a trillion dollars (and counting).  They really should have listened to him.

–                    Picture Your Tomorrow.  Although your emotions might be running high at the moment, step back and picture what tomorrow will look like, when the fight’s over.  Will you feel proud for staying out of the fight?  Will you regret not having stopped it?  Will you feel good for having defended your friend, or will you feel stupid for having gotten involved in what was just an ego battle?  One great way to do this is to imagine that you wake up tomorrow with a black eye.  Would you be proud or embarrassed to go out in public with it?

As you can see, I haven’t given any clear answers of what to do.  There hardly ever are any.  But here’s what I deeply believe:  I’m of the opinion that fighting should always be the very last resort, only done when it’s known that no other option can work.

And those other options, when someone seems interested in fighting me, include lots of growling, barking, and running, to show people and dogs that fighting me would be a very bad idea!  As well as licking, whining, and wagging my tail – to show them that there are so many better ways to interact with me.  It’s a good idea to come up with some of these for yourself.  Just to have them ready for the future.

Here’s a loud howl in favor of peaceful solutions, both globally and in your own back yard,

Shirelle

4 My Friend Stella — some thoughts about what comes after this

My Friend Stella — some thoughts about what comes after this

Today I’m spending the afternoon with my dear friend Stella.  I’ve known Stella since she was a puppy – a puppy just about as cute as I was.  Stella has always been much better behaved than I was, even then — a model of pooch behavior all her life.  She’s helped her humans raise two beautiful children, she’s been a great watchdog (very loud!), and she’s spread love everywhere she’s gone (She’s even nice to cats, which you know I can’t say for myself).

So why am I writing this today?  Why aren’t I tumbling around with Stella, play-fighting, sniffing around for special smells, chasing each other, and, when we’ve had enough of that, just curling up and snoozing next to each other till we get re-energized to do more craziness?  Why aren’t we doing what we always do?

Because Stella’s ill.  Very ill.  With a nasty cancer that is eating her from the inside, so badly that I know today is our last playdate.  She won’t be alive next week.

This isn’t anyone’s fault.  Her humans have been as perfect with her as she’s been with them.  She’s always eaten healthily; she hasn’t been victimized by secondhand smoke or radiation.  It’s just one of those lousy things – she’s dying too young – and it’s simply not fair.

We sometimes hear, or even say, wishes that someone would just pass away.  No one’s ever said that about Stella.  When she gets put down, it will be because her people love her too much to let her suffer; they’d give anything to keep her alive if they could.

So this makes me think about those Big Questions.  The sort I don’t have instant answers for, because no one does.  Like what is death, and what happens to us after it, and what we’re living for if it’s just going to end someday.

When I say that no one has instant answers, I’m not disagreeing with, or denigrating, any religion.  Rather, I honor the importance and power of any real faith, for its ability to give answers to these questions that move and give strength to those who believe.  Because the questions that religions and faiths answer are the ones that observation and experience can’t.  It doesn’t take any effort to believe that the sun will rise tomorrow, but it takes a lot to truly believe in an afterlife – or to be sure there isn’t one.

But I will say, we dogs are extra-sensitive to certain… what should I call it… certain stuff.  Haven’t you dog (or cat) owners noticed, at times, your pet reacting to something you can’t see or hear?  I don’t mean hearing another dog barking who’s so far away you can’t hear it; I’m talking about that animal sensing something you can’t see or hear, that’s right next to you.

You see, while you humans have your stronger brains that invent motorcycles and computers and dog dishes, our weaker brains leave us able to notice some stuff you don’t.  But we don’t know those Big Answers any better than you do; we just know there’s… stuff around!

So what does my experience tell me, to help with those questions?  Here’s the best I can offer.  Not that it’s any more provable than anything you’ve heard anywhere else.  But it is what my doggy brain is able to believe:

–                    We animals live in a world where Life and Death are part of our normal existence, more than what most humans experience these days.  We spend lots of time hunting, and know that, whether it’s a squirrel or a flea, we’re trying to kill it.  Yes, as sweet and loving as we are, that’s what we’re knowingly doing.  And we dogs live every moment, knowing we could be similarly ended.  Whether it’s a Pekinese or Chihuahua who lives with giant humans who could, with one mistake, step on us and end us forever; or a Pit Bull who is always being picked on by other dogs who want to get rid of us in order to have the top status in the neighborhood; or a working dog who protects people from bad guys who might shoot us at any time – we are always aware of our fragility.  And meanwhile, we’re always sniffing, eating, and rolling in dead things we find!  We understand Death very well.  And what we understand is that Death is a part of Life.  Like fun and grief and love – no one lives without experiencing all of them.  It’s hard to make sense of (just like those other three), but it’s no bigger.

–                    I can’t tell you whether there’s a Heaven, or a Hell, or a Purgatory.  I can’t tell you whether we’re reincarnated, or whether we even keep any consciousness at all after this body stops working.  But I’ve seen a lot – I’ve seen the souls of humans and dogs; I’ve felt love and support, and some not-so-nice emotions, from individual energies that don’t have physical bodies; and I’ve felt the presence of friends after they’ve passed away.  So I don’t know how it’ll be, or when or where, but there’s something.   And so, if I get to have some contact with Stella after she leaves this damaged body behind, I won’t be surprised at all.  (Though I’ll be very, very thrilled!)

–                    And as far as that question about the meaning of life goes… I don’t have the faintest idea.  Are we part of a great plan, or are we here to learn things for our next lives, or are we here to test our souls’ goodness for an upcoming judgment?  If a dog could shrug its shoulders, I’d be shrugging my forelegs right off!  I just really don’t know.

But I also don’t care.

Because I’m here with Stella today.  And I’m looking at her, as she lies on the cool ground, and chooses to spend some of her final time just gazing around at her back yard, soaking up all the joyous time she’s spent here.  I know how much she’s loved her family and friends, and all the goodness she’s bestowed on them.  I know that, when her humans have had terrible losses and disappointments, Stella was proud to be the one to make those times bearable.  I know what it meant to her to be the first one to lick their two babies.  And I know what it’s been like for me to play with her, discovering the secrets our world offered.

With all that, how can anyone wonder if life has meaning?  Stella’s life’s meaning has been all of that!  It’s been every moment she’s lived, every feeling she’s felt, every interaction she’s ever had with anyone…  Her life is the meaning of her life!

If there’s more meaning that I don’t know about, that’s great.  But the life she has, and that we all have, is perfectly profound and grand enough for me to stand back open-mouthed in humble awe.

So that’s about all I know.  But I will add: I do like to believe in something else.  Call it Heaven if you like, but I like to think that Stella and I will meet again.  And it’ll be in a beautiful place, a lot like here, but without any of this world’s problems.  And when we meet, we’ll both be perfect – no scars, no pains, no #@*&%! cancer, nothing to keep us from running and jumping and playing in total freedom and love.  And our humans will be there too, equally healthy and happy, and free of all confusion and hurt and jealousies and fears.  That’s what I like to think is coming, for all of us.

So as I kiss my dear friend goodbye today, I’ll whimper, knowing I’ll miss her.  But I also say, with all my hope and love…

See you later, Stella.

Love,

Shirelle

2 The Key to Happiness – a new look at the art of wishing

The Key to Happiness – a new look at the art of wishing

A few days ago, I overheard a mother say the most amazing thing.  She had been teaching her three-year-old daughter to blow on dandelions, sending the feathery seeds soaring through the air, and to make a wish when she did it.  But every time she’d ask the little girl what she’d wished for, her daughter would gleefully say, “I wished that you were my mommy!”

Of course, this meant that the girl’s wish always came true.

Someday this tot will learn that that’s not exactly the way the wishing game is supposed to work, but when she starts to do it correctly, she’ll lose something absolutely magical that she has right now.

We dogs are a lot like this.  People wonder why we go so absolutely ballistic-nuts when our humans come home.  Jumping like crazy, racing in circles, barking to wake dinosaurs – why do we do it?  Well, you see, we’ve been waiting at home for hours, maybe all day, miserably alone, and terrified that our people wouldn’t come back.  And more than anything else, we’ve been wishing, wishing so deeply and passionately, that our humans would return… so you see, when they do, when our greatest wish has come true, we go bonkers!

Now you humans have a lot bigger brains than we do, and a better sense of time, so it makes sense that you don’t spend most of your days worrying yourselves sick about whether your dog or another family member will be there when you expect to see them.

But wouldn’t life be a bit better if you… kinda did?!

You see, the reason I first got into writing this website is that I kept seeing people being unhappy.  And I had such trouble understanding why beings who not only had big brains, but could do fun things like buy food at restaurants and walk around without leashes, could possibly be anything but overjoyed all the time.  And then I realized that those giant brilliant brains of yours actually have a bad habit of making you angry or miserable or stuck, and that I might be able to help by reminding you of simpler truths – about running and jumping on people and playing and loving and such.

But I have to admit, this little girl has put me to shame!  She named it all so perfectly, I have to bow down and lick her on the toes.  So I’ll say it straight-out:  This is The Key To Happiness.  To wish, from the bottom of your heart, for something that you have and love.

Lots of psychologists, philosophers, self-help gurus, and religious thinkers have talked over the centuries about an “attitude of gratitude” – the idea that living in a state of thanks creates good energy and a sense of peace.  Then some even suggest that a person can “manifest” the things they want, bring what they want to them, by imagining they already have them and feeling grateful, as though it’s already there.

Well this idea is similar, but just a little different.  It’ll feel kind of stupid when you first try it, but give it a shot anyway:  Pick something that you really love.  And close your eyes and concentrate on it.  Think about how much you love it, and all the things you love about it.  And imagine how different your life would be without it, and let yourself feel the feelings that come up then (loneliness, hurt, longing, hopelessness, whatever).

And then wish, wish hard, that you could have it.  Think of how much better your life would be if you had it!  And when you’ve wished as hard as you can, put it out there, as a statement (“I wish I had a home!”) or a prayer (“Please may I have a home”), or sure, blow on a dandelion.

And then, let yourself remember… you DO have it!  You have that home, or that friend, or that dog, or that piece of candy, or that mommy!  And let yourself be washed over by how great that feels!  It’s like you just got the best present ever!

And then, when you’ve done that, I want you to try one other thing.  Try feeling sorry for yourself.  Try feeling really bad.  Try believing your life is empty and miserable and hopeless…   I’m betting you can’t!

Nope, despite your best efforts, I’ll bet that you’ll then walk through the next hour, or maybe the whole day, feeling a little giddy – because you’re someone whose wish just came true!

Now the one thing that might ruin this is if you then go tell your feelings to someone who’s kind of cynical.  They might respond like you’re crazy: “So what?!  So you have a mommy?  You had her yesterday, didn’t you?  It’s not like she was in danger.  What are you being such a dope about?”

But that’s just because they don’t get it.  They don’t see how magic this is.  So maybe it’s best to keep those feelings to yourself, or only share them with someone you trust to be happy you’re feeling that way.

And if you have a friend like that, someone really great who’ll listen to you and support you and cheer for you… well, then maybe your next wish should be about wishing to have that person as a friend!  After all, friends like that are truly worth wishing for.

As are miraculous moments like my overhearing that conversation.  Hmmm… I think I’m going to do it right now…  “I wish I heard that mom talk about that little girl…  That would really make my day!”

Happy Wishing!

Shirelle

0 When the Whole World Shifts – how to deal with our fear of disasters

When the Whole World Shifts – how to deal with our fear of disasters

I love comfort. I spend most of my day curled up on Handsome’s bed, or on the floor near a window where I can see what’s going on outside, or out in the yard where I can hear and smell everything. I’m very happy doing this. And I get annoyed when someone interrupts me and takes away my comfort.

But it boggles my little mind to try to imagine what it must be like if someone’s comfortable world completely changed. What if our house suddenly collapsed, or if our yard suddenly turned into a lake, or if the complete government was taken down and suddenly we didn’t know who was running the country?

These unimaginable things have happened in our world lately. The huge earthquake and tsunami (now there’s a word for spelling tests!) that hit Japan have destroyed homes and buildings and… well, way more than we know yet. And in the Middle East, nation after nation is experiencing people taking their governments down. What’s it like to live in these places? What’s it like when the world you know totally changes?

It might be a fun thing for you to write a story about what it would be like if that happened to the place you live. (The best thing about stories like that is that you can always make yourself the star, and do lots of heroic things!).

But it can also be really scary to think about. We go through our days expecting things to stay pretty much as they are, and that’s how we get by: grown-ups need to believe their jobs will last at least for a while, or else they can’t make any plans. And kids – hey if you didn’t know if your school would be working tomorrow, I’ll bet you wouldn’t do your homework tonight. (I know, that might not sound so bad!)

So how do we get by, knowing something crazy could happen, but counting on life going on as normal? The best way I see is to prepare however you can, and then trust the preparation. We dogs, and kids, don’t like to be super-responsible, but just a bit of thought can really help later on.

So it’s a good idea to talk with your family and friends about what preparations you have. Of course you can’t prepare for anything that might happen (Martian Invasions, for example – how do you prepare for that?!), but you can prepare for the most likely problems you’ll face.

Maybe there are specific things about the area you live in (People in California should have setups to use in case of an earthquake. People in Kansas should be ready for tornadoes. People in New York should have preparations for blizzards. People in India should be ready for monsoons!). What’s special about where you live? And what should you have ready?

But there are other things that apply to everywhere. Everybody should have flashlights and candles for power outages, extinguishers for fire, a first-aid kit, and some bottled water. And do you have a setup for how you and your family would communicate if something happened when you weren’t at home? Maybe a place you could agree to meet if you couldn’t get home? And do you all know how to reach emergency services if you needed them (in the United States, for example, to call 911)?

And on that subject, if you have a dog or a cat, do they have identifying information, in case they get lost? Tags on collars are the most important, but sometimes my collar has come off! So my veterinarian one day injected a tiny chip into my shoulder. It didn’t hurt any more than a normal shot (I still didn’t like it, but it wasn’t that bad!), and from now on, if I’m ever picked up by the police or a dog catcher, they’ll be able to read the chip through a scanner, and let Handsome know where I am. I really recommend these for your pet friends.

Meanwhile, there’s an amazing fact that’s coming out from these troubled areas in our world. As chaotic (a big word that means everything’s going topsy-turvy) as things are in Japan, people are being incredibly kind and polite to each other. And even in the revolutions in the Middle East, most people in
the streets have been treating each other really well.

There’s a great lesson for all of us here, in case of a disaster: If you need help, be really nice. And if you’re the lucky person who is doing okay, help out the other person.  Everyone’s scared, everyone’s tense. And even if they aren’t as nice to you as you are to them, that’s okay – still try to be kind.

For example, if you approach a scared starving dog, it might growl or snarl or even try to bite you. So don’t get too close; be careful. But you could still leave it a treat, and know that you’ve helped the poor thing out. One thing disasters teach us is how connected we are, and how much we have to care for each other.

Whew! Okay, enough of that! Now it’s time to change my tone!

You see, it’s awfully important to remember that most of us are doing okay. If you’re old enough to know about probability, remember that the odds of getting hurt in an earthquake, tornado, hurricane, or any other natural disaster, or even a human one like a revolution or a war, are really small.  Especially for a kid.

And the humans of the world are better at knowing what to do to in a disaster than ever before, by a long long ways. As I’m writing this, the world is very focused on the question of something possibly going very wrong with the nuclear power plants in Japan. Now I can’t begin to understand the details of nuclear power (I am a dog, after all!), but what I do know is that these plants are built better than they’ve ever been before, and people know more about how to help keep them safe than they ever have before. And beyond that, even if something absolutely horrible were to happen, it would help people in the rest of the world learn more about how to keep such plants safer (or maybe just that they can’t be kept safe, and we just have to get by with less energy for a while, which would be very sad for everyone).

But I’m not saying to do nothing. The best thing you can do is to try to help. Maybe you can send some money or other donation. Maybe you can work in a project with your school or church to help. And on that count, if you believe in prayer or manifestation or even just good thoughts – then send them.  Everything helps.

But meanwhile, unless you’re there on the streets of Cairo or Tripoli, or in the rubble of Sendai, be grateful. Be glad. You’re safe from these problems. Your job is to live, to have your own adventures. Sure, be prepared for what might go wrong, but at the same time, don’t live in fear of it. Live your life, and be kind and helpful to others. And I can promise you almost everything’s going to be all right.

So now I’m going to “practice what I preach,” and go outside and have a good sniff to see if any sassy squirrels have been around, and then I’m going to climb onto Handsome’s bed, curl up against his pillows so that my nose rests on my tail, and try to send some really good doggy wishes to all those kids and pups who are having a tough time tonight.

And to look forward to waking up into a tomorrow that is safer and more peaceful than any we’ve ever known. A tomorrow I’m so happy to share with you.

0 Good Luck Bonkyhead! … some thoughts on surviving exams

Good Luck Bonkyhead! … some thoughts on surviving exams

Life has always offered very difficult tests.  Illnesses, losing friends, stormy weather, jerks pulling your tail… all these test your faith, your attitude, even your physical powers.  But humans have a special ability to create other kinds of tests, that sometimes seem designed only to create stress.  When you go to the doctor, you get poked and prodded and punctured, just so that super-educated adult can confirm that you have a sore throat, which you already told her.  If a kid wants to get on a sports team, hoping to improve their health, they get tested to see if they’re skilled enough to be included.  And of course, in schools, we always get tested, over and over and over again, to see if we’ve learned enough to be taught more, so we can be tested again!

Did you notice the word “we” up there?  Oh yeah, I’m including us dogs all right!  Did you think humans only tested humans?  Every obedience class I’ve ever had, it’s always “Does Shirelle know what ‘heel’ means yet?  Can she stay long enough?  Does she shake hands with the correct paw?”  So I know this pain, believe me!

I suppose it all makes sense, when you figure that our doctors, coaches, and teachers really don’t have any other way of finding out how to work with us than to do all this testing.  But even so, it sure does get annoying!

So I’ve been sniffing around, trying to find out some ideas on how to make taking tests a little less stressful.  Here are a few:

1)   Try to Do Your Best, Without Caring Too Much.  I had some friends in an acting class.  A really nice group, and of course all of them wanted to become stars of movies and TV.  Well, all but one.  There was one guy in there who only wanted to learn about acting so he could become a better director.  The class went on for two years, and everyone in it learned a lot, and some of them became really amazing actors.  Of course, that one guy never did, but that was okay, and everyone enjoyed having him around since he was nice and helpful (and might someday hire them).  Well, the night came for their big graduation, when they all performed scenes and monologues for an audience of judges.  Everyone was nervous and did their best, but when it was over, the unanimous declaration was that the best performance of the night was… that guy.  Why?  He wasn’t the best actor there.  But he was the only one who went into the event unafraid of being judged.  He knew he wasn’t very good, so he was able to relax and be the best!  (On a similar note, I’ve heard the great actor Al Pacino said once that he never does auditions.  “I just get chances to act.  Sometimes they’re in front of a big audience; sometimes they’re just in front of a casting director.  But either way, I’m just getting another chance to act.”)

2)   Hating the Test Doesn’t Help.  Another person I knew had to take some really horrible exams for his job.  The questions were badly written, and the answer choices often made no sense.  He resented having to take these tests, and was peeved about the fact that people stupid enough to write these questions were judging him.  He grumbled and complained and moaned all through the process.  And it was only after he’d failed one of the exams that a person who’d been studying with him told him that she had stopped working with him because of his negative attitude.  “I know the test is stupid, but I had to keep myself from thinking about that.  You were bringing me down.”  He realized she was right, but was then stuck with how he could re-take the exam without those peevish feelings.  Eventually he came up with an answer: once he’d passed it, he’d work to rewrite the test so it wouldn’t be so dumb in the future!  (There’s an even cooler solution in the movie Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, but I won’t give that away here!)

3)   Try to Make the Test Fun.  Next time you have a test coming up, look at what you’re doing when you’re not studying.  Are you playing games or sports?  Are you doing crossword puzzles, or phone games like Words With Friends or DoodleJump?  Do you realize that all of these are tests?!  They’re just fun ones, that you choose to do, instead of something a teacher or school board is demanding of you.  Can you manage to look on the test as actually fun too?  “How many dates from the Peloponnesian Wars can I memorize tonight?”  “How complex an Algebra question can I handle?”  “How much French can I understand?”  When you think about it, the only difference between a school test and a fun activity is how you look at it.  (Of course, it helps when you get rewarded and not punished.  I liked obedience class, if the teacher gave me lots of treats and never jerked my choke collar.  It was the not-so-nice times I really disliked.  And I know lots of schools are like that.)

4)   Try to Read Their Minds.  What makes some tests fair and good, and others really dumb, is whether the student can understand what the examiner is looking for.  If I’m in an obedience trial, and the tester is giving me hand signals, and I’ve never learned hand signals, then I don’t know whether she wants me to sit or stay or twirl on my front paws.  That doesn’t mean I haven’t learned what I was supposed to; it’s that she isn’t being clear with me.  Similarly, if you get asked something dopey like “What’s the notable characteristic of rabbits” and you answer “long ears,” but the examiner wants you to talk about the way they hop, your answer will be counted as wrong when you were absolutely right.  So with tests like this, your job is to try to read the minds of the people who wrote them.  “Hmmm…,” you might think, for example, “the cotton-tails are cute and unique, but since this class has mostly been about modes of transportation, they’re probably thinking about the amazing jumps.”  You might still be counted as wrong, but at least it’ll improve your chances.

5)    Know You’ll Live Through It.  In history, there have been awful times when people were actually asked questions where, if they gave the wrong answer, they were put to death.  I can almost guarantee that that won’t happen to you.  But I’m pretty sure I can guarantee that it’ll never happen with a school test anyway.  So as you walk in to that exam that will determine whether you pass the course, whether you graduate, whether you get licensed to practice your career… or even just determine whether you get a pat on the head and a kiss from your best friend…  just remember: You’ll live, no matter what.  Maybe you’ll have to retake a class.  Maybe you’ll have to retake a whole year.  Maybe you’ll just have to take the stupid rotten litter-box-stinking test again.  But you will move on, no matter what.  Do you know the old disco song “I Will Survive?”  Not a bad idea to hum that to yourself as you pick up your pencil, prepare for your entrance, or pick up your ears and try to remember what the word “Down” means to do:  “I, I will survive!  As long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive!”  And you will.

And who knows?  If you can do all these, even partly, maybe you’ll do more than survive.  Maybe you’ll pass, or even pass with honors.  And you’ll win recognition and acclaim and a great career… and, best of all… you’ll never have to take that crazy test ever ever EVER again!!!

Good Luck!

Shirelle

2 The Numbers Game …a few doggy thoughts on dating

The Numbers Game …a few doggy thoughts on dating

Have you ever played Hide-and-Seek?  You know, where one person covers their eyes for a certain amount of time, and the other one or more people hide somewhere, and the first person has to try to find them?  We dogs live our whole lives like that.

Since we aren’t as good thinkers and predictors as you humans, we spend huge amounts of time just looking and sniffing around, hoping to find something interesting or wonderful.

It’s not a terrible way to live.  In fact, it’s one of the reasons we dogs tend not to be nearly as big worriers as you guys.  While you’re wondering how you’ll do on an exam you’ll take in May, we’re just looking around, focused on right now, hoping someone has dropped a donut somewhere.

I think about this when I see humans get absolutely freaked out about romance.  Note that I’m not saying “love.”  We all depend on love; it’s the most important thing in our lives.  If you don’t believe me – if you think something like food or water or air is most important – then you’ve never seen someone risk their life to dive into freezing water to save a loved one, or go without eating so someone they love won’t go hungry.  True love is the one thing that people – and dogs – will do truly anything for.

But romance?  Lots of people and dogs live decades without it.  Most humans go through a number of their childhood years where they see romance as Yucky!  And then we see teens who are so obsessed with their studies or sports or other activities that they simply don’t have the time to think about dating.  And then we see TONS of adults who, either because they’re afraid or angry or just super-shy, go through years and years without any sort of lovey-dovey stuff.

But that doesn’t mean they don’t want it.

I’ve met hardly any teens or adults who say they really don’t want any sort of a romantic relationship in their life.  They might say they want someone unlike anyone they know, or someone who will tolerate their quirky life, or someone who’d put up with something really awful about them… and that, because that’s so hard to find, they’ve given up hope.  But really, you guys are overall a pretty romantic lot!

And that’s why it hurts you so much when certain occasions come up.  School dances, weddings, birthdays, holidays – all of them feel kind of bad when you want to be with someone and you’re not.  Humans can feel unlovable, or like failures, just because they don’t have a date on that particular night.

Now I don’t have the perfect solution on how to find that ideal mate.  But I do have one thing to say to all of you who are fretting about this:  Relax.  It truly is what many say, a Numbers Game.

What do I mean by that?  Well, it’s like I was saying above, about Hide and Seek.  Now if you go outdoors and look for a rock, that probably won’t be much trouble or take you too long.  If you go looking for a Siamese Cat, that might be more difficult, and take longer.  But what if you’re looking for a particular cat, the one you saw running by your window a week ago, who might not even live near you?  Why, that could be incredibly difficult, right?!  You might have to look a hundred places or more before you find it.

So let’s compare that to dating.  You could almost certainly go out and find someone who’d go out with you this weekend.  Perhaps someone totally wrong for you, who you don’t even like.  Maybe they’d go out with you just because you offered to buy them dinner and a movie ticket.  Okay.  So you got yourself a date.  But that’s not what you’re really after.  They’re like looking for a rock.

So you say “Okay, I want to go out with someone and have a good time with them.”  Well that’s more like looking for a Siamese Cat.  If you’re a nice person and have some interests, it shouldn’t be that hard to find someone to go have fun with.  Look around you – is it really that hard to find someone else who also wants to see “Identity Thief” or eat at your favorite restaurant?  Probably not.  And as long as you like that movie or that food, you’re going to have fun, right?

Ah, but even that’s not what you really want.  No, you want something more like that particular cat!  You want someone you really like, who really likes you back.  You want someone who shares some of your interests, who laughs at some of the same jokes you do, who has some of the same songs running through their head, who shares your deepest values…

Now THAT is really hard to find!  Not impossible, but REALLY hard!

And the only way to survive that search is to think like us doggies.  To say “I’m playing Hide-and-Seek, and that person is out there somewhere!”

That person might not be exactly what you’re thinking they’ll be.  They might look different, or be from a different place.  But over and over, I’ve seen those people meet, and know instantly that they’d found what they were after.

And you are almost certain to make some mistakes along the way.  You’ll meet someone and think they’re just what you want, but eventually realize they’re totally wrong for you.  That’s great – you learn from each of those experiences, and get closer to knowing what you want.  Or you meet someone just right for you, and don’t even realize it.  That’s okay too; just make sure you run back quickly once you find it out!

When I was in the dog pound, and Handsome first met me, we “clicked” at once.  We adored each other right away.  But he left me there, thinking I wasn’t the sort of dog he wanted.  A few hours later, he realized he wanted to get me, and the rest, as they say, is history.  But if he hadn’t been able to acknowledge his mistake, we might never have met (and I don’t even like to think about what might have become of me!).

But I’m not saying to sit in a cage waiting for someone to come around and pick you out.  Get out there, look your best, meet everyone you can, and have fun while you’re doing it.  THAT’S how you play the “numbers game.”  The more people you meet, the better chance you have of finding the right one.

But, for some of you, that journey’s going to be harder than for others.  I have a human friend, a guy, who had this funny night a couple of weeks ago.  He was at a table with three women, all very attractive.  Two of them were married to men who weren’t there, and the third was single.  As the night went on, he tried to engage the single woman in conversation a number of times, but while she didn’t exactly ignore him, every time they began to talk, she’d turn and start talking with one of the women instead.  And when that would happen, he’d get chatting with one of the married women, and having a great time with their humor, their interests, and their interest in who he was.  And at one point, one of the women asked him, “You know, I’m completely confused.  How is it that you’re still single?!”

It wasn’t till later, well after that meal, that he thought about it and burst out laughing.  “The reason I’m single,” he told Handsome and me later on, “is right at that table!”  He’s single because each lovely woman at that table was almost what he was looking for, but no one was quite it.

When I’m just sniffing around, I’m happy and excited to find a leftover bit of pizza, the tracks of a squirrel, or the smell of a dog who’d been there the day before.  But when I’m looking for something particular – like when I’m at a park with lots of people and dogs and want to make sure Handsome is still there – there’s only one thing I’m after, and anything else just won’t do.

So if you’re like our friend, if you’re meeting all sorts of people who are “almost” right, but not exactly what you’re looking for, don’t give up hope!  You’ll find lots of marvelous people and adventures along the way.  And eventually, I’m certain that you’ll find the magic you’ve been looking for.  Just keep seeking for what’s hiding out there, and trust that eventually you’ll have played the game enough for the right number to come up.

You see, my friends, Love is just around the corner.  I just can’t tell you which corner that’ll be.  But truly, it is waiting for you, right there!

xxxoxox!

Shirelle

0 Happy Valentine’s Day? …is such a thing possible?!

Happy Valentine’s Day? …is such a thing possible?!

(originally posted as Pawprint, February 2011)

February 14 is, to my mind, the strangest holiday humans have ever come up with! It’s been around for something over 600 years (the English poet Geoffrey Chaucer wrote about it in the 14th Century!), and is named for two saints who were killed for their Catholic beliefs – certainly not anything mushy-kissykissy-romantic! But today, their names define a celebration of romance that is celebrated just about everywhere in the world!

But that’s not what’s strangest about it. What’s really odd is that there is so much pressure on everyone on Valentine’s Day!

I’ll bet most of you kids have parties at school where you’re expected to give Valentine cards saying “I Love You” or “Be Mine” to every other kid in your class (whether or not you actually like them!). You teenagers have the huge question of whether or not to give a card (or a flower, or chocolate, etc.) to anyone who you kind of like, or who kind of likes you. And for you adults who are still single, it’s worst of all! Do you send a Valentine to the person you had a really awesome dinner with last week, or is that uncool? And if you are in a serious relationship, or even married, just how much do you have to do that day? Have a romantic dinner? Buy flowers?  Give presents that cost a months’ salary?!

Now I’m a dog, and don’t understand a lot about how you humans do this romantic love thing. But one thing I do know is that pressure is the most UN-romantic thing there is! If a kid has to give a Valentine to all the other kids, how does she show how much she likes her best friend? If a teenager has to worry about who to please and who not, how can he express, or even feel, romance?!  And for adults, if it’s all about having to honor a day on the calendar, it’s not really about that person you love!  After all, you could give him flowers any other day of the year – and it would come off as more special, right?!

But worse, this pressure can make Valentine’s a very painful day. I have a friend who was the “new kid in school” when she was in 3rd grade, and when the students exchanged Valentines, she didn’t get a single one! Have you ever known someone who’s been “dumped” on Valentine’s Day, because of all the pressure? It happens a lot! Oodles of heartbreak. It’s just too much!

So what can you do?! Stay in bed all day?!

Okay, I’ll admit: that sounds GREAT to me! But in the meantime, I have three suggestions.

First, in Mexico they call February 14 “Dia del Amor y la Amistad,” or “Day of Love and Friendship.” I like that! What if you decided that Valentine’s Day is a great day to work extra hard to treat everybody with love?  Maybe tell everyone something you like about them, “I love your voice,” “That shirt looks great on you,” or “You’re funny!” (Or, as I usually say, “Wow you smell really interesting!”) Not only will it get you through this crazy day, but you’ll be so well-liked tomorrow!

Second, if there’s someone you’re really interested in, and you weren’t able to tell them about it before, maybe you can use this day to send them an anonymous Valentine! That’s where you sign it “A Secret Admirer” or something like that! That can be really exciting and romantic, even if you never tell them you sent it! (Though it can also be a disaster – what if you send it to her and she thinks another guy sent it… and that guy lies and says “Yes I did…?!” Oh No!!!)

And third, if you have a relationship with someone really special in your life, it’s great to make them feel loved by doing something for them on this day. But plan something else too. And tell them, “I don’t want this to just be about a holiday. I want us to do something special because we are a very special thing!”

Wow, my brain’s hurting! That’s a lot of thinking about human love!

So let me tell you what WE DOGS think about Valentine’s Day. First, EVERY day is a day for us to jump on people and lick them and tell them “We’re CRAZY about you! We’re SO excited to see you! We love you more than ANYTHING!” So V-Day is just another day for that. But we’d love it if maybe, because it’s a special day, you could tell us the same thing… extra! With extra hugs, with extra belly rubs, with extra kisses on the nose, and with extra TREATS!

(But remember, no chocolate! It’s bad for us.

Along with all the pressure and rules and expenses, yummy chocolate is one other thing that you people get to keep among yourselves on this crazy crazy day!)

Lots of Love!

Shirelle

2 For Goodness’ Sake …a few thoughts about what ‘good’ means

For Goodness’ Sake …a few thoughts about what ‘good’ means

The other day, I was sniffing some interesting bushes in a park, and a girl walked by without looking, and almost stepped on me.  I jumped, and she screamed, and froze, trembling, afraid to move.  Clearly, she was really scared, and thought I’d bite her.

Then, with all the voice she could muster – a whisper – she said, “Please be a good dog.  Good doggy.”  I sniffed her leg, and gave her a little kiss on the knee, but, seeing how frightened she was, thought it best to walk away and leave her to breathe.

This whole thing got me thinking, though.  About what humans mean when they say someone’s “Good.”  Now in her case, she meant that a good dog is one that doesn’t rip her legs off, expressing wishful thinking that I was at least that good!  But that’s not what Handsome means when he calls me good.  And when he angrily calls me “Bad Girl!” that’s not because I’ve ripped his body apart in fury!

So, just what does it mean when someone says that someone is a good dog, or a good person?

The more I thought about it, the more complex it got.  And for my doggy brain, that was really hard.  But here’s what I came up with:

“Good” can just mean the absence of “Bad.”  Like that girl in the park – she didn’t know my best qualities, or even care about them.  She didn’t know about how I protect our house, how I try to keep the yard squirrel-free, how I make sure Handsome feels loved every day by jumping on him and getting his nicest clothes all muddy and hairy… and I have no doubt she doesn’t know that I work hours daily to help out my pack member buddies with their troubles!  No, she just hoped I wouldn’t hurt her.

But “Good” can also mean other things.  For example, Handsome says it to me with a lot of meanings: When he trains me, “Good” means I did a trick right.  When I catch a really difficult ball in the air, “Good” means impressive, that I did something really cool.  And when he’s falling asleep and I curl up alongside him and he scratches my ears and says “such a good girl,” “Good” means that he loves my heart.

But when you hear that word used about humans, it very rarely means those same things.  In the “Lord of the Rings” stories, for example, when Frodo’s always talking about his friend “Good Sam,” he’s talking about the goodness of Sam’s loyalty.  And when you hear people refer to someone they’re introducing as “oh you’ll like her; she’s good,” they’re talking about how well she fits in with their group’s expected behaviors, such as having the right sense of humor or liking certain activities (In other words, “she’s good” could mean someone who likes to go hunting, or someone who’d never harm an animal, depending on who’s talking).

Then of course there’s the term “the good guys,” meaning the people we consider on the right side in a battle.  Batman’s a good guy; The Joker’s a bad guy.  Then people will half-jokingly take that attitude in sports.  “The good guys scored six points against the bad guys.”

And then, there’s “Good” meaning “good enough.”  Such as, “He’s a good singer,” or “She’s a good football player,” etc.   It’s not the same as saying that person’s truly great at that, but that they’re adequate.  “He’s no Daniel Day-Lewis of course, but he’s a good actor.”

Speaking of actors, there’s another meaning of “Good” that I’ve seen in some of the old movies Handsome likes to watch.  It’s a mixture of ability, coolness, intelligence… all those qualities we really want to think we have (yes, even us dogs).  “Is he any good?” a character will say.  “I just want to find out if I’m good enough.”  Etc.  It’s kind of hard to describe, but think of it this way:  James Bond is good, really good.

And then there’s another definition.  And this one is my favorite.   A friend of Handsome’s was arrested by a police officer, as it looked like he’d committed a crime.  And after he was released (they found out he hadn’t done it), he talked about what it was like being held by the cop.  “He was pretty tough.  Had me in handcuffs, was really intimidating.  But then while I sat in the car, he offered me some coffee.  Even held it so I could drink it.  I realized, he was actually a good guy.”

Now what did he mean by “Good?”  Of course the officer was on the side of the law; that wasn’t what this guy discovered about him.  And it wasn’t quite kindness; the officer was absolutely scaring him, and hurting him a little by chaining his hands up.

I think the quality that made that officer “Good” was something called Empathy.  Empathy is that quality where you actually feel something that someone else is going through.

It’s not the same as Pity (where you feel sorry for someone in a kind of distant way, like pitying the victims of the volcano at Pompeii), or Sympathy (where you feel bad that someone’s going through some pain, like when your friend loses a relative).

Empathy is more like when you watch someone suck on a lemon and it makes your mouth pucker.  It’s also when you watch a movie and cry because a character’s girlfriend just left him.  Or when you hear about a kid whose dog has gone missing, and your heart just drops as you struggle to imagine how that must feel.

Now I might be wrong, but I’m guessing that that police officer saw this scared guy in his car, shivering in the cold, and thought “Hey, even if this guy is a criminal, he’s clearly not dangerous, and I would feel better if I gave him some hot coffee.”  That’s Empathy.

We hear all the time about people who do good deeds just for show.  And when we learn the truth about how uncaring that person really is, we stop thinking that they’re really good people – even if they’ve done something really nice and useful.  No, it’s goodness in the heart that really matters to us.  How much someone feels for others.  And acts accordingly (If that officer had only felt for the guy, and not given him the coffee, no one would consider him especially good).

Which brings me back to that girl at the park.  You see, it wasn’t my not biting her that made me a good dog at that moment.  It was my sensing how scared she was and walking away to give her space.

If I’d stayed and sniffed her some more, that doesn’t mean I would have been a bad dog, but it wouldn’t have been as thoughtful, as considerate… as empathetic… as what I eventually did.

And as we go through life, I think that might be something to keep in mind.  It’s fine to put a lot of effort into being great, or being the best.  I’m all for it.  But at the same time, it’s important to remember that maybe the best things we ever do are just simply being Good.

Which was especially important to remember when we got home from the park, and I was all excited, and jumped up on Handsome’s white couch with my muddy feet and he started yelling and kicked me out of the house, calling me “Bad Dog” and worse!!

“Bad Dog?”  I guess I was.  But I also was able to know that, deep down, I was a Good dog too.