Category Archives for "Behavior"

0 How to control yourself without hurting people

Dubmom asks: How do you control yourself without hurting people?

Hi Dubmom –

I’m not sure I’m understanding your question exactly – are you asking how one can control themselves in order not to hurt people, or are you asking how to control yourself, but not hurt anyone in so doing?

If it’s the first, this was a huge issue for the first few years of my life.  I was a big, very strong, and very excitable pup.  I loved Handsome with all my heart, but something would grab my attention and I’d forget all about him, for example the time he parked his car on a steep hill, and as we were working our way down it, with me on a leash, I saw a dog and lunged to play with it, and pulled Handsome off his balance so he slipped, fell over a high curb, scraped up his face and damaged one arm so badly he couldn’t straighten it out for days.  Now I didn’t choose to do that to him; I never would.  But I lost control for a second, and did it – I hurt him.

The only solution I know for that is to mature, to pay more attention, and to prioritize.  So that, if that situation happened again, instead of pulling to get to that other dog, I’d whine to let Handsome know I wanted to be let off the leash.  If he agreed to it, great, I’d get to run to that other dog.  If not, I’d know he’d let me off once it was safe.  But I had to make our safety the priority, which means I needed to Think First.

Again, that mostly comes through maturity, through living and learning tough lessons.  You’ll note – even adult humans who pride themselves on being rebellious and uncontrolled don’t run into busy streets without looking!  They’ve learned that lesson over time!

But I’m more intrigued by this other way of reading your question.  How often we see people doing things to control themselves, which actually hurt others!

Most often I think it’s just Continue reading

0 How do I know if I’m a psychopath?

arjai101 asks: I read a book on psychopaths a few months ago. I learned about all of the characteristics and the development of the definition and diagnosis on psychopaths. However, when I read this book I couldn’t help but notice that I possessed several of these characteristics. More curious, I took several test on psychology websites and most of them suggested that I might be a sociopath. In fact, I scored 97% higher than the average person. When I started telling people about the research I had done they started to point out that my way of thinking and personality highly resembled a psychopath. They say that if you’re worried about being a psychopath that you aren’t one. But I don’t think I’m worried I feel more curiosity than anything. I’ve been asking you for advice for quite a while now. Do you think that I am psychopath? If so, how should I deal with this?

Hi arjai101 –

Psychopaths and Sociopaths are both people who have something called Antisocial Personality Disorder.  The difference between them seems to be about how they interact with others.  But fundamentally, they both have this condition, which is marked by complete disregard of the rights of others, a lack of conscience, and criminal and aggressive behavior.

Is this really you?

Let me make this clear.  Every person, and every dog, in the world, has some aspects of APD.  Each of us can also get depressed, can get kind of manic, can explode in anger, and can hear things that aren’t really there (haven’t you noticed those times we pooches will start barking furiously at what you can clearly see is nothing?!).  And each of those is the hallmark of a serious mental disorder.

The issue with these diagnoses is that Continue reading

0 What to do about cutting

lettersdontfade asks: I’m in love (I think I am) with a guy that works outside of my country. He used to work in city I live in, but he’s taking a risk (because it’s his dream job to work outside of my country) and works there. It’s been 4 months since I’ve seen him. I can’t call him my boyfriend, because he’s obviously not. He’s got a girlfriend here, in this country. But before everything we’ve been through, he said that he and his girlfriend haven’t talked since he left. A couple months before, he asked me for a nude picture, which I refused to give him, and he said that he’s proud of me because I didn’t want to gave him the pictures. Later that evening, he asked me one more time and I said no – and he got mad at me. He doesn’t show his disappointment, but I can feel through the text he sent me. Then, I sent him the pictures, and gave his picture (but not nudes) and it lasted for like 1 or two months. Just so you know, we argue a lot, but it only lasts for a couple of hours and then we’re okay with it. And one more thing that you should know, he hates it when I leave him (“leave” meaning when I don’t tell him that I fell asleep, or if I’m doing something and it takes a lot of time to reply his text. Anyway, a few weeks ago, I got into a fight with him because I “left” him. I tried to call him and explain, but he refused it. I was so angry and I said, “oh maybe you had a lot of chicks beside you so you didn’t give a damn about me,” and he’s angry about it too and then we didn’t talk for six days because the wifi didn’t work on my phone. On day six, I fixed my phone so that the wifi could work, and then I received his text saying that he missed me. I talked to my friend about this and asked for her opinions, and she said not to answer it till later. About one hour later, I answered it, and then we’re like getting back together, and I was trying to push all of my feelings down so that I’ll be okay if he leaves. And I think that was the first day I cut myself. Until now, we haven’t argued, and we haven’t sent any nudes to each other. All of my friends say that I should leave him because he’s only taken advantage of me, but I still love him so I couldn’t do that. Yesterday, I got really mad at him because he wasn’t paying any attention to me, just like before. I asked him this afternoon if he want to text or not, and he said “idk,” so I decided to leave him (saying “you might want to be alone for awhile, and we can chat later”). Then about five hours later I hadn’t gotten any text messages from him, so I decided to text him. He didn’t reply for a long time. Once he replied, I asked him why he’d taken so long, and he said “idk.” I don’t know why he’s acting like this. Do you think that he’s taking advantage of me? He said he loved me, but why is he doing this? His best friend told me that he once cheated on his girlfriend, and I instantly burst into tears. I really want to believe in him. I really want to make this work somehow. I’m too in love with him. Do you have any suggestions of how I can stop thinking of him so much? If I could just delete all of my feelings toward him I would!

Hi lettersdontfade –

Okay, I’m going to give you two answers.  The second is in response to about 99% of your letter.  And it’s important, but not nearly as important as the first one.

The first one is about cutting.

I know you’re in a lot of pain, and I know that cutting can help with that, in the short term.  But let me say with every doggy fiber in me – you need to stop doing it.  Now.

Many people – most often teenagers – find that they get a pleasurable sensation from cutting their skin.  Usually it happens because they are depressed and feel numb in their lives, so there’s a good feeling from the pain of the cuts.  It’s like how good it feels to scratch an itch – where you’re actually causing yourself more pain in a sense, but it gives you pleasure –magnified.  And we dogs know how good scratching an itch feels!  We do it all the time!

But, the difference between cutting and scratching an itch is that cutting is extremely dangerous.  Even potentially lethal.

In order to stop cutting, there are much safer techniques one can use to get similar feelings.  Some people Continue reading

0 How to reduce stress on your parents

shitzhu00 asks: My mom is going through a lot of stress right now and is struggling with money. My siblings and I aren’t the best children, but what happens if she suddenly comes home with a bottle of beer in her hand and becomes an alcoholic? What would I do then?

Hi shitzhu00 –

I think you’re really asking me two questions.  The first is how best to deal with your mom’s stress.

I actually have two different answers to that one, which will sound like they completely disagree with each other.  One is to do everything you can to reduce her stress and not add to it.  The second is to accept that you can’t fix it, and allow that you’ll add to her stress at times and that’s okay.

Adults get stressed a lot, and kids add to it in every way.  They have to make more money to pay for their kids’ needs, and they come home to whatever issues the kids are going through.  Life is tough enough with 24 hours a day of stress, but when you add kids in, it can seem more like 50 hours a day!  So it’d be great if you could do what you can to lower her stress level.  If, when she asks you to do something, you do it the first time she asks, that can do wonders.  If you can keep your room clean, do your chores, and do your homework – all without her having to remind you, you’re a dream.  These are great things that really make parents’ lives easier.  Oh and try to keep from getting into too much trouble outside of home too!

But at the same time – she knew what she was getting into when she Continue reading

0 How to be more patient

poproxy360 asks: I am too impatient. What can I do to be more patient?

Hi poproxy360 –

I am too! I can’t stand to wait for anything! Handsome will get me a treat and make me sit and stay, and I just tremble and drool and even whine because I want it so bad! And it drives me nuts because I know that the only way I can get it is to sit still, which is the last thing in the world I want to do!

But at the same time… I kind of like that I’m this way! I see people (and some dogs) all the time who are so easy-going about things that they look like they don’t care at all about anything. So no one pays them any mind. They don’t seem to have any passion about what they want.

Have you ever heard that old saying “The squeaky wheel gets the grease?” Or “The early bird catches the worm?” These are saying that impatience can be a good thing.

Now, for example, you’ve written me lots of questions. Some people might not like getting asked so much, and complain that you’re impatient. But I think you’re fantastic, and love all the curiosity you’ve shown me! So the first thing I’d urge you to do is to look very closely at why you’re saying you’re “too impatient,” and see if maybe what’s really going on is that you’re, sometimes, too impatient for someone else to handle!

And if I’m right, then what you actually need isn’t to be more patient all the time, but rather, to Continue reading

0 What to do if a guy threatens to fake nude pictures of you online

Lily the kitten asks: I started talking to this boy on the hot or not app and added him on snap chat. I snapped him my face and nothing else. He keeps asking for nudes. He has a screenshot of my face and says if I don’t send nudes of me he is going to put pictures of naked girls next to my face on Facebook and say they are me. I don’t know what to do!

Hi Lily the kitten –

This is a great question. We worry a lot about what creeps might do on the Internet, and here’s a great example of what can happen.

I have one question for you first: Do you know him on Facebook? Does he know your Facebook name, or have either of you friended the other? I have two answers for you, and one is if you don’t have any Facebook connection, while the other is if you do.

But in either case, there’s one very important issue here. This guy is a creep. He is harassing you in ways that are awful and (depending on your age and where you live) possibly illegal. Whatever happens, you want to cut him out of your life.

Okay, so first, if you have no connection on Facebook… Continue reading

0 How to stop biting nails

poproxy360 asks: I can’t stop biting my nails, so they never grow. What should I do?

Hi poproxy360 –

We mutts get away with this a lot more than you peeps.  We bite at fleas, chew our nails and whole paws, and lick ourselves everywhere, with no concern at all.  Whereas you guys have to take a lot more care to avoid this very natural act, especially in public – as well as a lot of other ones like picking your noses, scratching your behinds, digging wax out of your ears, and extracting popcorn kernels from your teeth.

But it sounds like you’re more concerned about what the nailbiting does to your nails than any public displays.

This is good.  Bitten and chewed nails keep you from looking as cool as you hope, they keep your nails from growing long and pretty, and putting your hands in your mouth a lot is pretty much the best way in the world to catch every cold, flu, and other illness that’s running around!  So you’re right to want to stop doing it.

Well, I do know a few things you can do.  The first I suggest is that you simply Continue reading

0 What’s the best way to deal with having told a lie?

annakellyjelly asks: I created an iMessage account without my parents knowing. My friends know, so I was sick and in the hospital and I texted my friend this morning. I told my friend I was sick and I was in the hospital, she called and my mom answered. My friend asked for me and my mom said I wasn’t feeling well, my friend said that she knew because I was in the hospital. So my mom asked her how she knew… My mom does not think I told anyone anything, she thought it was just her and her parents and my dad and sis who knew because I had just come out of the hospital. My mom asked my friend how she knew. When my friend realized she had just screwed up, so she said that this girl in our class had told her. My mom wants me to ask the girl how she knows when I go to school tomorrow, and tomorrow is a half-day, so what do I do? Should I tell my mom about iMessage or just make something up? If I make something up what should I say? If I tell the truth how do I say it? I mean I am only 10. Help!!!

Hi annakellyjelly –

I have to be honest with you about this.

When I say that, I don’t mean that I think I should be honest with you, I’m saying that I literally have to be honest with you. And that’s because dogs don’t lie. We simply don’t know how to.

Some people think dogs lie to them. They’ll feed their dog, and an hour later that pooch is whining and looking longingly at them, asking for food, and they’ll say “Stop lying! I already fed you!” But the dog isn’t lying. The dog is saying he would really like something to eat. And that’s the truth!

The reason I bring this up is that I’m no good at helping people come up with good lies. I just don’t have the brains for it.

But you know what I find? I find most people aren’t all that great at it either. For example, we always hear that politicians are great liars. But the reason we hear about politicians lying is that they get caught at it so often! They’ll lie about who they’re making secret deals with, they’ll lie about what they’re going to do if elected, they’ll lie about who they’re romantically involved with, they’ll lie about why they want to go to war, they’ll lie about specifics of a program they’re putting through… and they get caught on every one of them! (If you haven’t figured this out, the list of lies I just gave includes every US president of the last 34 years!)

And this is what’s bad about lying. Lies aren’t always morally wrong; sometimes lying is the Continue reading

0 When and where to give advice?

poproxy360 asks: I love giving advice but I don’t know where to do it. Where can I give advice to people?

Hi poproxy360 –

I find that one can give advice anywhere, and I mean anywhere, but only as long as the other person WANTS the advice.  I see people give advice all the time, and get resented for it, because the person giving it isn’t paying any attention to what the other person wants to hear.

For example, if you wore something to school tomorrow, and I thought it looked lousy, and told you so, you’d probably be very hurt.  But if, instead, Continue reading

0 Why are girls so mean to each other?

welpe asks: Why are girls so mean to each other?

Hi welpe –

This is an issue we hear about all the time these days. Movies like “Mean Girls” have brought this issue (which has existed forever) into the limelight, and recent news about social media has shown the danger of it.

What’s mystifying is just what you’re asking: WHY?!

We normally think of humans as sort-of split: Males are tougher, more likely to fight, while Females are softer, more nurturing, more likely to try to resolve issues kindly. Yet, while there’s some truth to that, humans go through a period, usually in early adolescence (say 12-15) when girls can be incredibly cruel, especially to other girls – right at a time when boys are often withdrawn and even passive.

What in the world?!

(I should add that we dogs are actually quite different in this regard. As adults, we females are more protective, fierce, even more likely to fight, than males. This has resulted in a certain word, referring to female dogs, that humans use very harshly – but I won’t go into that here!)

I can’t give you an absolute answer, welpe, but I will offer you three thoughts on it. Maybe they’ll help.

First, in human brain development, adolescence is a time when humans start to care immensely more about their Continue reading