ubyfaith asks: I want to know about sex and sexuality. I’m about to turn 13
Hi ubyfaith –
That is a HUGE subject, and I couldn’t begin to give you an “answer,” any more than if you asked me if I could tell you about chemistry or literature.
But there’s a very important point you bring up, which is that you’re at the age when everyone needs to learn about these things, and it’s so very important to learn truth (not myths) from the right people, in the right way.
Most people learn about these things from either their parents or biology classes in school, or a mixture of the two. But it’s sounding like neither of those sources has come through for you.
Of course there’s tons of information online, but I don’t trust that a) everything you’d find would be true, or that b) your searching for legitimate information wouldn’t just end up sending you to a lot of adult pornography sites that would then start emailing you rude things every day! So, especially now, I don’t recommend that.
What I think really needs to happen is for your parents or guardians to take charge on this. You’re 13, your body is changing, and you need support and information. If you go to them and ask them for it, and they’re too uncomfortable to tell you the things you need to know, then they really should take the responsibility to find a way for you to learn. Perhaps they could find a course that they’re comfortable with you taking, or a book that teaches you these things in a way they approve of and like.
What I really want most, ubyfaith, is for you to be introduced to this amazing, powerful, magical, beautiful, and slightly scary world we call sexuality in a way that leaves you knowledgeable, responsible, and sober-minded, without ruining the joy and excitement and romance of it all.
Again, I’ll suggest that you check with your parents or guardians, and if they’re not willing or able to teach you, ask your school. But please keep up your intelligent search for knowledge; don’t just believe something because a kid you know tells it to you – especially if it’s someone who might have a reason to tell you an untruth.
And if NONE of those work, write me back, and I’ll see what I can find for you.
But in the meantime, regardless of all the biology and physics involved (which are absolutely amazing), the most urgent thing for you to have is a good sense of how to deal with sexuality in your daily life. And for that, I refer you to my website, where I answer HarrietteS’s question, “How should I deal with it if my date wants to do more than I do?” It’s one of my favorites, and a great set of rules to follow!
Good Luck!
Shirelle