PERFECTION asks:
Shirelle can you please elaborate this for me? Why do girls say they can’t be with you, because to them you’re only just a friend? I’ve been struggling to understand that sentence, does it mean I wasn’t enough? Perhaps I was too much of a loser to be with her? Ugly?
Hi PERFECTION –
This one is always tough. I do know cases where women (or men – both use this line a lot) say it and mean exactly what it says: they value their friendship with you and are scared that dating might ruin it.
But then it also can mean that they just aren’t interested in you romantically, or that they’re not interested in you at all (Handsome’s had a number of “I want to be just friends” cases who then wouldn’t return his phone calls! Some friends!).
What’s unquestionably true is that they’re trying to say “no” in the nicest way possible. And so I’m a big fan of playing along, whatever they mean. Because if you get angry or hurt with them, it’ll just make them wary of getting together with you in the future, and maybe lead to them warning other girls to avoid you because you get so emotional!
Best to agree to be their friend, and then find out over time what they really meant. Because in the short term, there’s no way to know.
But for now, may I direct you to a great old song about just this? There are lots of different versions, some bright and cheerful and some deeply sad. But it’s pretty brilliant either way…
I took each word she said as gospel truth
The way a silly little child would.
I can’t excuse it on the grounds of youth,
I was no babe in the wild, wild wood.
She didn’t mean it,
I should have seen it,
But now it’s too late.
I thought I’d found the girl of my dreams,
Now it seems,
This is how the story ends:
She’s gonna turn me down and say,
“Can’t we be friends?”
I thought for once it couldn’t go wrong,
Not for long,
I can see the way this ends:
She’s gonna turn me down and say,
“Can’t we be friends?”
Why should I care though she gave me the air,
Why should I cry,
Heave a sigh,
And wonder why,
And wonder why?
I thought I found the gal I could trust,
Whatta bust, this is how the story ends:
She’s gonna turn me down and say,
“Can’t we be just friends?”
Never again, through with love
Through with them
They play their game without shame
And who’s to blame?
Yes, I thought I knew the wheat from the chaff
What a laugh, this is how our story ends
I’ll let her turn me down and say
“Can’t we be friends?”
I acted like a kid out of school
What a fool, now I see this is the end
I’ll let her turn me down and say
“Can’t we be friends?”
Yes, I should have seen the signal to stop
What a flop, this is how the story ends
She’s gonna turn me down and say
“Can’t we be, can’t we be, can’t we be
Can’t we be, can’t we be, can’t we be friends?
Your friend (and I MEAN IT!)
Shirelle