Lilly asks:
I have asked you many questions about my relationship. My problem that I don’t know what is going on. I can’t get over him; I love him so much and need him back in my life, but he doesn’t want me. He thinks I am not good enough for him. He thinks I am bad. He still asks why I wasn’t there when he needed me… weeks after the issue happened. Today I asked him to just stay with me and hold my hand; he refused and then blocked me! What should I do to have conversations with him? I love him and want him back in my life.
Hi Lilly –
Okay, so he’s making himself clearer and clearer to me. Here’s the awful fact – he’s simply not good enough for you!
I know it feels like it’s the other way around, and you’re the one who’s not good enough. But that’s simply not true.
When I was a puppy, I was very disobedient, and broke all sorts of rules all the time. Handsome would get annoyed, or even angry, and discipline me. If you saw us then, you’d say “maybe that puppy’s not good enough for him!”
But if he were meaner than that – if he would beat me with a belt or a stick, or starve me in the yard for days on end, all in response to exactly the same behavior from me, you’d say “That guy’s awful, and not good enough for that mischievous puppy!” And you’d be right.
Your ex (yeah I’m calling him that now) is being a JERK! You’ve tried very hard to make up for what was a pretty minor mistake, and to show that you wouldn’t do it again – and he’s not even willing to listen. I know he went through a bad time, but he’s putting you through one too!
And here’s my big point – I don’t want you getting used to being treated like that! I don’t want ANYONE getting used to that sort of abuse (and yes I’m calling it abuse!), any more than you’d want a puppy expecting beatings and starvation.
I know you’re in pain, but I want you to start to realize that this is pain HE IS CAUSING. And to ask yourself the big question: if he’s causing me this much pain now, for this, how much pain would he cause someone later, who maybe made an even bigger mistake? Like, oh, scratching his car, or forgetting a date?
You deserve better, my friend. And he deserves to face the consequences of his selfish cruelty – by which I mean the consequence of seeing you live the life you deserve.
I’m not pushing you to be selfish, but I am asking you to take care of yourself. Like the puppy who runs away from the beater, you have a chance for a better rest of your life.
Take it!
All my best,
Shirelle