Can you open up too much about your insecurities?

Jhalli asks:

Today I shared some talks with my boyfriend about how I feel about myself, my inferiority complex nature. Literally I shared everything which was on my mind. But now I feel restless.. how it’s going to affect my relationship with him? I know he will understand me. But why do I feel anxious? What should I do?

Hi Jhalli –

            You’re asking a terribly important question.  It’s great for humans to communicate, and most relationship problems stem from a lack of communication.  But sometimes it’s possible for someone to share too much, too often.  It’s like when we dogs, who, yes, crave food all the time, only interact with our humans by telling them we want food.  That gets a bit boring.  Or if our humans only want to train us in tricks.

            The trick (heh heh) for you to do is to talk about your feelings of inferiority only as much as you absolutely need to.  And to let your boyfriend feel heroic by making you feel better.  And then, to find other things to talk about. 

            Maybe, before you meet up with him next, you could try making a list of ten things to talk about that have nothing to do with your feelings of inferiority.  Just off the top of my head – the upcoming climate change talks, the situation in Afghanistan, the new James Bond movie, the new Covid medications that might be coming out soon, something he doesn’t know about your family background, some music that’s always meant a lot to you but you’ve never shared with him, a project you’d like to start to improve your home… that’s seven…

            And then, when you’re together, talk about a few of those.  Just, again, to make sure that you don’t spend too much time on what’s frankly a negative subject.

            After all, the parts of you that feel inferior love to talk about themselves.  And when he hears them, he’s hearing that you’re inferior!  So his interest in you might just decrease a bit each time.

            But if they’re counteracted by you talking about what you find interesting, then you become… interesting! 

            But please don’t take my warnings as suggesting you don’t open up to him about your self-doubts at all.  Doing so gives you a chance to express your pain and get reassured, and gives him a chance to feel good for making you feel better.

            And all that is just as great as when I walk up to Handsome and he scratches my ears.  Heaven!

            All my best,


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