PERFECTION asks: My girlfriend and I have been, to each other, quite good, and great now, but I just have that one question. Should I be afraid? About that somethings gonna happen, like her liking someone else? Is that normal? Am I being anxious? I don’t wanna lose her. I think that’s the whole point. But should I be thinking like that when everything is fine between us? And can you give me a tip on how to ignore or just forget about her past? How can I do that?
Hi PERFECTION –
The main thing we dogs suffer doubt about is whether our people will come back to us when they’ve left for the day, or on a vacation. I wish I could say we eventually stop worrying about it completely, but we simply don’t. We can’t. But that’s not quite the same as what you’re talking about. So in your case, I’m going to give you two suggestions from Handsome, my human.
First of all, he recommends that you listen to a very cute old recording, Clyde McPhatter’s “A Lover’s Question.” In fact, he recommends that you listen to it at least five times, and get it stuck in your head (not hard, it’s very catchy!). Because what is says is simply… yes. You’re in this state, and you always will be. There’s no way, no matter how wonderful she is, for you to stop wondering “what if…” Any more than we pooches can keep ourselves from wondering “What if our person forgets us, or just never makes it home again, or decides they don’t like us anymore?!”
And secondly, he wants me to relay a story to you. Some years back, a lovely woman was in our home, and it seemed they might start to date. And casually, she pulled an old book of his off a shelf and opened it. And out of it fell some awful photos. Things I can’t write about here – too disgusting. He had never seen them before, and had no idea how they got there (He later did find out; it was from a truly evil person who’d stayed in Handsome’s family’s home years before). But how could he convince this woman that he didn’t know what they were? No possible way!
They talked for hours. About their values, about their histories, all sorts of things. All through the night. (And you can bet, that meant this pup didn’t get ONE WINK OF SLEEP!). Eventually it was time for her to go home. He thanked her for being willing to talk for so long. But then he added, “You know, I’m sitting here thinking… It would make total sense for you to decide you don’t trust me, that you never want to see me again, that you don’t even want to speak to me again. I couldn’t blame you if you chose that. But it’s also possible we could go out again, hit it off, get married, have kids, have grandkids, and live long happy lives. And when I die first, as would most likely happen, you will look down at me in that coffin, and say, ‘You know, I still don’t know if those pictures were yours or not!’”
PERFECTION, the only way you’ll ever know for sure that your beloved girlfriend is a cheat is if she is. The only way you’ll ever know if she will stay with you is if she leaves. Until those things happen, you are stuck with having to wonder, having to doubt.
That’s life, my friend. That’s love.
So for now, appreciate her, shower her with affection, and enjoy her.
And if you have a dog, please, don’t stay away from home too long. They need you to come back!
All my best,