How to heal emotional trauma in the body

Scarlett4 asks:

I am still single, and my ex-boyfriend got married to a girl of his mother’s choice and now doing all the things that I shared him that we will do after our wedding. He even stole our honeymoon spot — I felt bad, I tried to cry but I couldn’t. And now I am getting many proposals but I am not interested in any of them, so I have rejected everyone. Instead I am only investing time on myself, so lately I was working with my chakras. My throat chakra was blocked due to some reason but yesterday some incident happened which forced me to speak for myself if someone is going against my will. Yesterday one of my friends took me for a ride but while returning, instead of going towards my home, he was taking me out of the city. I shouted and asked him to turn the bike back. That scared me and I felt like crying but couldn’t cry this time also. I need to cry this all out of me.  Please help me get rid of all the heaviness on my heart.

Hi Scarlett4 –

What you’re describing can happen to anyone.  Even a dog (though it’s rare).  Trauma can set in to a particular part of the body, and render it painful, numb, or (as in your case) inactive.  Now the good news is that your situation isn’t so strong that you can’t speak at all (which has happened to victims of assault or war trauma), just that you can’t cry out what you need to.

There’s no perfect cure for this, though time will almost certainly change things.  For example, I know a man who had a similar inability to cry, and struggled through everything from psychotherapy to acting classes working on it, until his dog died.  He then cried for nearly six months straight (From what I hear, that was one great dog)!

So my first suggestion to you is to not worry too much about it.  Focusing on it and trying to force it will only make the problem worse.  Something inside you feels it doesn’t have the right to let crying out, and it just needs to relax and learn that that’s not true.

But my second suggestion is to calmly work at it from two sides.  First, you can work on strengthening your throat itself.  Maybe just doing a deep-breathing meditation every day, maybe taking singing lessons (or just singing more often for fun), or even trying public speaking.  All these will help your throat get more nimble and freed, so that it doesn’t get too squeezed up by this.

And second, work to free your voice in other regards.  Paint, dance, or especially write.  Keeping a journal is fantastic – write all your feelings down in a way that would make anyone else burst into sobs!  Or write stories or thoughts, whatever feels right to you.

And hopefully, eventually, you’ll find that this starts allowing your throat to let other things out.  Like when you yelled at the guy on the bike – that’s terrific!  Maybe now you can speak with strength when you see someone doing something you find unjust.  Or to tell someone they hurt you badly.

And then, you might be surprised at some of the things that come out.  You’ll intend to tell someone to stop doing something (like stop driving you away from your destination), but other words will come out of you – stronger words.  Like instead of “Hey don’t take me the wrong direction!” it’ll be “What kind of moron are you!  Did you think I was some sort of twit who’d allow this!  Turn around or I’ll have you arrested, you manipulative creep!” 

Ooh, that’d be good, wouldn’t it!

Handsome loves to tell the story of when he first got me as a puppy, and how for the first few weeks I didn’t bark.  He thought I might never be able to.  But then one day, I peed on a rug, and he scolded me for it.  So I started to lick it up, and he scolded me for that.  So I nipped his foot, and he scolded me for that.  Over and over, whatever I’d do, he’d “No!” me.  Till finally I got so frustrated I gave a “rrrRrwOOW!” bark at him.  Sort of a growl-yelp.  And he picked me up and covered me in kisses – he has always said that was the moment he fell in love with me.  Since then I’ve barked a lot, many say too much, but I learned that day that my voice was welcome (even though my first words were pretty obscene!  I was mad!)

We each have our journey with our voices.  I’m sure you cried just fine as a baby, but now you can’t.  That man I mentioned basically didn’t cry between ages 25 and 45.  And I didn’t bark until I was about four months old. 

Your body will let you cry when it’s ready.  Till then, just keep granting yourself the right to your voice, in whatever way it comes out.

That’s what matters most!

All my best,


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