If a person is pushing for my attention, are they actually interested in me too?

Ars asks:

I liked a girl from a very long time ago whom I know about and she also knows about me and over the years I fallen for her. Then one day I confessed my feelings to her, that I like her and I am in love and all, and she rejected me. Now she is showing interest in me – she texts me and even she feels jealous of me being with another girls or hanging out and posting pictures which she doesn’t like. Yes, I had a thought that she is wanting my attention but she even asked for a date with me on a phone call since we are not living too close to each other, and she always asks if I have another girlfriend or not. She also friend-zoned me, telling that we can be friends, but she always complains that I am not talking to her for too long and shows jealous behavior also when I am with another girl, and talks about my interests and… all confusing behavior. Shirelle. is there any chance of a mind change or is she an attention seeker? Please help me out.

Hi Ars –

            So I think I want to restate your question.  Because there is no doubt that she wants attention.  But is that all she wants?  That’s what matters.

            When Handsome was a child, he and his parents went to a shelter to see about getting a dog.  They passed a good-looking one in a cage who was pawing at the gate, trying to get out.  But when the worker opened the gate, the dog backed up, scared.  The worker said that this showed that the dog was smart – he knew he wanted out, but didn’t know whether he could trust them.  Over time, the dog proved to be great, and very friendly.

            Is that this girl?  When you told her your feelings, did she just back up out of initial nervousness, but then, over time, learn to trust you, and then start wanting your loving attention more and more?  Really hoping, like that pooch, to have as much of you as she can?

            Or is she someone who isn’t really interested in you, but likes attention?  So when you expressed desire for a relationship, she (with honesty) said no.  But then, as you (nobly) stepped away, she went “Wait, but I like you being interested in me, and I don’t want you to stop – even if I’m not going to actually accept you!”

            And here’s my bad news:  I have no idea which of those is true.

            But I have a suggestion.  You see, Ars, I’m a big believer that life is only worth living if you take chances for good things.  Especially when the risk is low. 

            Now if, say, you had a crush on a famous movie star, and you thought, “I know what to do – I’m going to break into her home, sneak up to her bedroom, and before she awakens, tie her up, so she’ll stay and listen to me and learn how I love her and she’ll fall in love with me and we’ll live happily ever after,” I might suggest that that’s not such a good idea. 

            But should you ask out a woman you have loved, who’s expressing interest in you now?  What might you lose?  A little pride if she says no?  (Certainly you’d lose a lot less than you would for breaking, entering, and assault of a movie star!)

            In fact, I’d even argue that you’d gain more than you’d lose either way.  If she agrees to date you and is everything you’ve ever dreamt, then GREAT!  And if she flakes out on you?  Then you have the answer to your question, and can move on from this (while being very grateful that you learned this in such an easy way).

            So my suggestion is to go right back to her, ask her on a date, and see what happens. 

            And then my request is to PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

            Best of Luck!  I’m very hopeful!


About the Author

Leave a Reply 0 comments

Leave a Reply: