Awerpia asks:
I really love this girl yet I sometimes question myself if I’m making the right decision. She’s 3 years older than me and I sometimes get scared that she might outgrow me. If really she will be able to respect me as a husband rather than like a younger brother. And I ask myself, what if she grows faster and no longer attracts me. That’s one fear I really have and she keeps telling me if I find someone younger she will not hold it against me but I can’t really imagine dumping her. My conscience will judge me. And secondly I don’t even know how life without her would be like. She’s really made me fall deeply in love with her. And of late I feel really insecure about my manhood. My girlfriend always makes me feel like I’m the sexiest man in the world, though I know I’m “not as much” as other men in my “manhood.” What if she meets other men who are more endowed? She will never appreciate me again. I’m really worried.
Hi Awerpia –
Thanks for your letter about your two worries.
Let me take on each one separately.
Your first concern, about age, is definitely legitimate. You two are already facing spending time apart, and girls are normally a bit more mature than boys of the same age, so that puts even more age difference between you, on an emotional level. She very well may meet someone she likes and feels is more right for her than you, or you might meet someone you feel more right about than her. Either of these would be normal and, while heartbreaking in the short term, okay for both of you in the long run.
Don’t get me wrong – I love the love story of you two, and would love it to work out. But there are lots of factors working to make one or both of you look elsewhere, and age is yet another.
On the other hand, though, I’m not all that worried about you losing interest in her because she ages. As humans get older, the difference of a few years means less and less. It’s easy to tell the difference between, say, a ten-year-old girl and a thirteen-year-old. But harder to tell the difference between a twenty-year-old and a twenty-three-year old. And when we talk about a forty-year-old and a forty-three-year-old, no one can tell. Other factors will play a far bigger part in how a person looks at that age (diet, exercise, genetic tendencies, etc.). If you two are still attracted to each other enough to marry in a few years, I am not worried that her age will be an issue after that. Not at all.
Okay, now onto the other issue. Your “manhood.” Men tend to worry enormously about this issue, and I find that only a very few women focus nearly as much on it. In fact, most women find men’s concerns about it irritating! It’s not that they don’t care about a man’s size at all – it’s just that there are so many other things that mean more to them.
Clearly your girlfriend feels that way. She’s no more thinking about men with larger projectiles than you are wondering “Gosh, is there a girl just like her but with larger breasts?” She loves you, and has enjoyed her intimate encounters with you enough that she’s considering spending the rest of her life with you. That must mean you’re pretty much what she wants!
Men also have a mistaken idea that women always want “bigger.” Not true. Some well-endowed men have trouble finding women they don’t hurt in sex, or who can satisfy them! Again, this concept of being rated based on the size of this one body part tends to be something men and boys focus on, not girls so much.
So, as so often, my advice to you is to worry about these things less. I can’t promise you two will always be together, but if neither your age nor your anatomy has kept you apart yet, I don’t think either of those is worth your concern now.
With love, from a dog whose ears and nose are definitely way bigger than yours!
Shirelle