Why hasn’t the guy who flirted with me gotten back to me since?

Soumyaguna asks:

I’m working as an HR. And 2 days back I was asked to call a guy, Y, to offer him a designation. We clicked in the first go like magic. I don’t know how this happened, but we became comfortable around each other on the call, and talked for hours, all into the night. I was wondering how could  be so free around someone whom I met today! But the next day he didn’t text. And now he’s all on my mind all the time, even now – I can’t get rid of this. And I texted him yesterday, as I’d enjoyed laughing with him so much.  I sense he isn’t that interested. But when we spoke the first day he was so excited… He constantly praised me for every little thing.. He even told me he wanted to meet. But now he isn’t even interested to chat.  I’m very confused wondering what happened to me. Why can’t I just ignore him? Sometimes I feel love isn’t made for me. Maybe I’m too emotional and loyal when it comes to this. I stick to one person, but nowadays the trend goes for more. So, I definitely feel lonely, but I’m trying to make myself understand that maybe there is no one for me.

Hi Soumyaguna

I’m going to assume that you haven’t heard anything more from this guy since you wrote me, and that you haven’t reached out to him either.  If I’m wrong, that’s okay, just let me know.

But if I’m right… Good for you!

You and he had a magical moment.  That’s great.  And he’s a flirt, no question (That’s not judgmental – I’m a huge flirt myself!).  And he talked as though he was going to get right back to you, and then didn’t.

So one of two things is true.  Either he just is a guy who loves to flirt and win women over, and doesn’t mean anything by it, and has done the same thing with ten other women since your conversation.  Or he really meant what he said, and then has gotten too nervous to call you back.

And in either case, my advice is to write or call him.  But it’s just great that it’s been this long.  It makes you look cooler, harder to get.  If you’d called him the next day, that wouldn’t have necessarily been a bad thing, but it would have given him all the power in the relationship. This way you’re actually taking charge by being the assertive one, “Hey, you popped into my mind this morning, and I remembered what a fun talk we had.  Let’s talk again.  Call me.”   Or if that’s too forward for you, “Hey I was just thinking how fun it was talking with you.  Want to talk again sometime?” 

You see, now that it’s been so long, you won’t come off as anything but cool and desirable!  And if he really was interested in you, he’s going to FLIP when he gets that call/text!

But now about the rest of what you wrote me.  If he is just a random flirt, that doesn’t say anything bad about you – he probably doesn’t flirt with people who don’t seem attractive to him.  And if he’s interested but nervous, that means you were totally exciting for him.  Neither one of those tells me that you’re not wantable or that love isn’t for you.

Believe me, if you want to feel that love isn’t for you, just try being a dog in a pound, where people walk past you every day not even noticing you because they want another breed, and you know that if you’re not chosen within five days you’ll be put to death!  That was my life, and while I’ve never believed I wasn’t wantable I was sure scared that I wasn’t wantable enough

But I was.  And ever since Handsome took me out of there, I’ve known that he wanted me more than anything in the world.

You’re not in the danger I was, but you’re in a bit of a pound.  And just like everyone else in this crazy year, you’re having way more trouble meeting people than you would have if things were normal. 

So I don’t know if this guy is ‘the real deal’ or not.  But love is for everyone.  Everyone is capable of it, and everyone deserves it.  So I know you are and do.

So give this guy another chance.  And if he doesn’t work out, just know that at the very least you’re fun to flirt with!  And that there will be more who will want to.

And if he does work out… well then you have only one important job to do:  LET ME KNOW!!  I’ll be so excited I’ll chase my tail for an hour!!

Best of luck,


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