What to do when your boyfriend or girlfriend treats you as unimportant

Free pack asks:

I am in a very serious problem in relationship with my girlfriend. She thinks I am unimportant and says that I have always been very weak in front of her, am very emotional, and that I am very possessive. She keeps on giving more importance to other male friends of hers, but ignores me, and doesn’t share anything with me. I feel very hurt and insecure about it. I need help. She still does love me, but I want to fix it.

Hi Free pack –

            Now let me get this straight:  She says you’re unimportant, weak, emotional, and possessive, and she ignores you while paying more attention to other guys?

            Now love is love, and I understand that, so I’m not going to tell you you shouldn’t love her.  But I do have to ask: why would you want a girlfriend like this?! 

            Free pack, there are so many more kind and generous and loving women out there!  This one’s treating you horribly. 

            And you ask me for advice on how to “fix” the relationship.  I guess I’d be willing to offer her one try.  To sit down with her and explain everything you said to me, and then say “I need to know if you’re willing to change all this.   Because if not, I have to leave.”  And once you say it, prove it: If she doesn’t improve, then leave.

            Frankly, I doubt she’ll be able to.  It takes a very particular personality to treat one’s boyfriend this badly, and I imagine she gets a very good feeling by exerting her power.  So your threat to leave would just make her gleefully double-down on her actions, and insist that you go.

            And if she does, I’d say to take her up on the offer.  Leave.

            Then one of two things will happen.  Either she’ll miss you and work to change her ways to win you back, which would be great, or she won’t.  And if she doesn’t, if she continues to act this way, and not admit her faults, then you will be free. 

            Free to meet other women.  Free to build your self-esteem back after all this beating-down you’ve taken.  And free to be yourself again, in a way you probably haven’t been for  a long time.

            So prove her wrong.  Believe in your own importance, be strong, and be the opposite of possessive.  She might well freak out, but you’ll be in much better shape.  And never again will you have to take this abuse from her, or anyone else.

            I know this all sounds negative, but really it’s the opposite: your life is about to begin in a wonderful way it never has!  Believe me, it will get better!

            All my best,


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