What to do when your girlfriend’s ex reaches out to her

Outcast asks: My girlfriend told me yesterday that her boyfriend called her and said he missed her. So I told her to stop talking to him. Then she told me she doesn’t talk to him, its only him who keeps texting her and if she doesn’t reply he calls her.  I told her to block him, but the weird part is she refused to do so, claiming that she feels it’s weird. I asked her why but she told me that she doesn’t have a reason to block his number. I was so upset so I asked her, “Aren’t I a reason enough?” But she just kept telling me she can’t do it. So I don’t know what to do.  I feel like I should just break up with her, since I don’t understand why she would bring someone she says she wanted to forget back into her life, just because she thinks it’s “weird” not to!

Hi Outcast –

Okay, so before I get to anything else in your question, my nose is wiggling wildly at something you said in that first sentence.  You said she told you “her boyfriend called her.”  Her boyfriend?!  Isn’t that you?!  And my big question is, did she refer to this guy as that, or is that just the way you described him to me?

I don’t have any issue with people talking with their exes, as long as everyone’s open and honest about it.  So the fact that she told you he called makes me think she’s not doing anything wrong.  But I would like to know what she told him when he said he misses her.  Did she say “I’m sorry, but I have a boyfriend and you know that we’re not a couple anymore,” or “I miss you too, and maybe we could have lunch sometime, and you can meet Outcast – you’d love him, he’s a great guy!”  Or was she more confused, giving him less clarity about their relationship?

Lots of times people break up, and then one of them doesn’t quite “get it.”  One will think there’s potential for them to get back together when there isn’t.  And sometimes one will even think they are more back together than they are!  So it’s really important that she’s clear with him.  I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, or doing anything wrong.  I’m just saying she needs to make her boundaries clear.  That way, if he’s purposely trying to weasel in and get her back, she’s letting him know that’s not going to happen; and if he’s just missing her and being sweet, she’s gently letting him know he needs to move on.

But that’s all about her, and you’re asking what you should do.  I would suggest you support her in this.  Help her out, give her advice.  Again, she’s being open with you, so help her out.  If she decides she wants to get back together with him, you’ll know it.  But in the meantime, you being the best guy she’s ever known will make that far less likely!

Anyway, it’s worth a try, I think!

All my best,


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