What to do when she says she wants you to fight to win her

Karagita asks: I have been dating a girl for 1 year now, during this time she has had another man trying to woo her. I have tried talking to her about it but all she tells me is that I shouldn’t worry about it and that if I really want her I should fight for her. Do you think I should continue with this relationship? I’m starting to have doubts.

Hi Karagita –

         Well I’m confused, and I imagine you are too!  This guy is trying to woo her – okay, that only tells me you’ve got quite a catch! – but then she tells you two things:

  1. You shouldn’t worry about it


2. You should fight for her.

Well if my human friend Handsome offered me a steak and told me, “Don’t worry about it,” I’d say that meant I could have it.  And if he said “You’ll have to fight for it,” I’d think he meant I needed to fight another dog, or maybe him, for it.  Which means I should worry!

But I’ll be honest with you, I think most likely she’s just having fun.  She does completely intend to stay with you, but she wants to see you get huffy and angry and macho. 

It makes me think of an old song Handsome played me once that goes, “I’ll pretend I’m jealous, of all the fellas, and if that don’t do, then I’ll try something new.”  Sometimes humans like it when their boyfriends or girlfriends act jealous; it makes them feel valued.

So my advice is that you occasionally put on a little show for her, “He’d better stay away from you or I’m gonna teach him some respect,” but deep-down know that you’re fine and she adores you.

But if I’m wrong, and she’s actually giving this guy a chance?  Well then you have to ask yourself the big question: if she’s basing her interests on who the best fighter is, is she really the sort of girl you want?

(Oh and by the way, I’m a GREAT fighter, but I hate fighting; if a dog attacks me I fight them just enough to end the fight, and then see if they’re willing to play with me.  Not that that’s what you should do with this guy; I just like to brag sometimes!)

All my best,


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