What to do when someone breaks up with you because they lost feelings for you

Aadarsh asks: I’m in love with this girl. We were in a relationship for the past year. Everything was going fine until last month she said that she wanted to break up with me, saying that she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. What should I do? How can I win her back? I really love her and want to be with her. We have our mentality differences and we used to argue sometimes, but it was never a big issue. She used to always be busy, so I used to nag her to give me time. Could the nagging be the reason behind the loss of her affection towards me?

Hi Aadarsh –


My friend, I am so very very sorry.  I know just how painful this is, because I saw my human friend Handsome go through just his a few years ago.  In his case, in fact, the woman was a bit more clear – she told him “I’m leaving because I can’t stand the fact that you’re perfect for me and I feel nothing for you!”

Before that, any time anyone broke up with him, he’d know something that was wrong.  Maybe it was something he could fix, or maybe it was just something about him that he couldn’t.  But with this one, his head spun for months – how could he be right for her and she feel nothing?  What was his problem?!?!


And there never was a good answer.  Except one – that the problem was really in her:  Maybe she wasn’t ready for commitment.  Maybe she was lying and there were things about him she didn’t like.  Maybe she had that frequent attitude among humans of “I can find someone better – richer, better-looking, or in some other way more impressive.”


Now in your case, there were arguments. You say you nagged some.  But was it really enough to make her leave?

I’m especially noticing that the reason  you nagged is because you wanted more of her time.  So she wasn’t giving you enough time, even when you were a couple?


I started this letter saying I’m very sorry, and I am.  I have no great answer to winning her back.  But I will say that there’s no reason you can’t stay in touch with her, and try to do just that.  And if you’re kind and friendly, and that’s not enough – then just know it’s about her.  And you get to love her from now on, but she just might not be right for you long-term.

While someone else out there, who likes to spend time with you, and feels something for you, might be as perfect for you as… well… as I am for Handsome!


With all my best wishes,


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