Cocohh asks: I am 7 months pregnant from an ex of mine who wants nothing to do with me or the baby. Can or should I tell his parents about the pregnancy instead? I could use a little support. Also I have grown up without my father or his family in my life. I would like my child to have both sides of her family in her life. Also, I have a cousin who is claiming to other people that she has a baby from my ex. I am confused as to whether she’s telling the truth or lying, because she was married all along to another guy, and now she is broken up from him and back at her mother’s home. I am so in shock and confused as to what I can do about this. Maybe I should just let sleeping dogs lie?
Hi Cocohh –
So okay, I have to start with your final question. I soooo appreciate people who let sleeping dogs lie. I’m always snoozing away on the bed next to Handsome, and he’ll roll over and just about tumble me off onto the floor, or he’ll reach over on purpose and give me a scratch or a snuggle, and I really love those things but not if I was right in the middle of a dream where I was catching up to an antelope and about to jump on it and…
Oh wait, you’re not asking about that literally, are you? You meant to ask if you should just let everything be…?
NO WAY!
My friend, I’m sorry your relationship broke up, but at one point it was there, and this guy chose to do what he did, and yes, there are consequences to our actions. If I steal a piece of pie off of my human’s plate, I’m going to get yelled at and sent outside. And he did what he did that resulted in your pregnancy, and, while he doesn’t have to stay with you, he DOES owe you help – at least financial – in raising that baby.
So if he’s playing some game of “I broke up with you so I don’t have to have any relationship with you or her,” I don’t see any reason in the world why you have to respect it.
Or him.
I don’t know where you live, but there are lots of places where what he’s doing is illegal, and he could be put in jail for it. You’re actually being nice by only telling his parents. (If all goes as I hope, they’ll be thrilled to find out they’re about to gain a granddaughter, and will give him absolute Hell for not taking care of her!)
And there’s another good side of this. If you tell them about your baby, you can also tell them about what your cousin is saying.
And if she’s telling the truth, he can step up and take care of both these kids. But if he says she’s lying, it’s totally possible to get a paternity test done on her kid, and find out the truth. And then if she is proven to be lying, that ought to shut her up about this REALLY fast!
So you know far better than I do about what it’s like for a human to grow up without a father. And your wish for your baby to have one is noble and beautiful. But if this guy refuses to be that, I can tell you what I wish for instead: I want you to meet someone SO MUCH BETTER! Someone who will appreciate you and that baby for all the wonderfulness you two will bring.
But in the meantime, ooooohhhh yeah, I say to get that fellow paying up for his kid. At the very least.
All my best,
Shirelle