What to do when someone disappears after fun dating

Gigi67 asks: There’s this guy…we used to be best friends. One day he suddenly asked me out and it went quite well for 3 days and we got intimate and everything, but after that he suddenly stopped talking to me. He told he’s busy but I’m not sure if that’s the truth. What do I do? How do I make him talk to me again?

Hi Gigi67 –



Well, as often happens here, I have to say that I’m a very smart dog, but I’m not psychic.  I have no idea what’s going on in his head, or why he’s acted the way he has.  But there are a few most likely possibilities.


First, that he likes you a lot, and doesn’t quite know what to do with the feelings.  Nothing’s wrong, he just needs to pull away and figure himself out.  Imagine if you were suddenly given a billion dollars (or the equivalent in your country’s money).  Sure you’d be thrilled at first, and take all your friends out and splurge on things… but then, after a few days, you’d start to realize that everything in your life has changed.  People will treat you differently.  Should you still keep pursuing the career you have been, now that you won’t need the money?  Should you start a charity?  If so, who do you want to support?  It’s still incredibly fantastic and amazing that you got all that money, but you need to figure out who you are again.  That might be him today (meaning you’re like a billion dollars!).


Second, that something feels wrong.  He had a nice time with you, but realizes that you’re not exactly his type, or he’s not ready for a relationship, or that he doesn’t know how to manage his life and include you in it.


And third, that something changed.  This is the least likely, but of course it’s possible – he met someone else he wants to pursue, or someone close to him has a bad illness that he’s not allowed to talk about, or… anything is possible.


So in each of these cases, what should you do?


Give him room.


I don’t mean to hit him with “If you’re not gonna talk, I want nothing to do with you!”  But just to say “I hope you’re doing okay.  Let me know when you feel like talking.  Really loved that dinner, thanks!”  And then give him a few days.


Then, if you haven’t heard back, maybe a “Hey, checking in.  You doing okay?”


See what I’m doing?  Just being friendly!  Nothing more.


But if he’s trying to figure out whether or how to keep you in his life, being that way will make him sure it’s a good idea.  And if he’s debating whether what feels good about being with you or what feels off should matter the most, then this should win the debate.


And if it’s something else?  Well, at least you’ll have been the best person you could be while he deals with it.


So again, I have no idea what he’s going through.  But my suggestion for you is the same, regardless.


Friendly space is very often a wonderful strategy.  For anything!


Here’s hoping the answer is good!


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