AayuTheLegend asks: I have a boy in school who is trying to win my girl over. And I think he is good at it. He can attract her pretty easily, and I want you to help me. I am not the kind of guy who would go up and fight someone; I am the kind of guy who is sweet and caring. I have told him to back off many times, but he just doesn’t listen.
Hi AayuTheLegend –
Well this is an awfully interesting development! You just won this girl over, and now suddenly this other guy is trying to muscle in?
I’ll confess, I am the sort who’d react with violence. But just a little.
See, when my human friend Handsome pets another dog, especially if he really gives it a good cuddle, I go nuts. I’ll run up to that pooch and completely dominate it, growling and jumping on it, just to let it know, “Hey, that man is MINE!” It’s not really fair, I know; it wasn’t the dog’s fault Handsome thought it was so cute. But still I make my point clear!
But I think you’re smarter to not go that direction. For two reasons.
First, you can get in trouble, with a school or even the law, for beating up on this guy.
But second, it makes you look insecure. And specifically, insecure about your girlfriend’s feelings.
YOU WON HER, my friend! She’s with you! What would be the message to her if you went after that guy? That you don’t trust her? That you know he’s better and more appealing than you? That she has to worry about any guy being friendly to her because you’ll go after them?
How much better for you to act confident. Yeah, maybe more confident than you really are!
What about pointing out to her, “You know I think ________ really likes you. And I sure wish I could flirt as well as he does.” And see what she says.
If she says “Yeah, I’d rather be with him. If he tries, I’ll go out with him,” then she’s not only unfaithful to you but pretty mean. You might be better off without her.
But if she says, “Oh I don’t think he’s all that great. I’ve got the better guy,” then suddenly you’re on top of the world!
Or, what if you just said to her “He is really attracted to you. And I don’t blame him a bit. Frankly, I don’t see why every guy you meet doesn’t fall in love with you at first sight. I’m the luckiest boy in the world!” Would she just melt? I think she might!
Or, if you want to act really confident, you could say to her, “Well, it’s pretty clear, if anything ever goes wrong with us, you’ll have someone else waiting to snap you up!” But that might make her think you’re wanting to end things, so maybe best to not do that one.
But do you see where I’m going? You’ve been happy to have this wonderful girl, but now you can take it to another level, and lord your success over this other guy!
Now if she does leave you for him, then yeah, I won’t blame you a bit for getting really upset. But as of now, she hasn’t. So your worries are about something that doesn’t exist. And they, again, imply that she’s not all that great a girlfriend.
So honor her by acting out some great confidence. And, with that… maybe you can scare him off!
All my best,
Shirelle