What to do when someone pulls away after online intimacy

Jaggu asks: I met a guy through online chatting. We grew close in a few days and I proposed to him. He admitted that he likes me. After that we chatted and video called continuously, and after about a month we proposed love for each other. Then his exams started and he firstly started ignoring me, then eventually he stopped all the messages and calls. He didn’t even contact me after the exams, and forgot my birthday. After this I directly confronted him and asked him if he wanted to breakup with me. He refused and told me that he is busy with his work nowadays and he will not talk to me every day but some days only. I miss him very much and I love him genuinely. I don’t know what to do now. I don’t want to break up with him. Can you tell me what to do?

Hi Jaggu –


I have a pretty strong opinion about this one.  Being a dog, my relationships with others aren’t exactly the same as you humans have.  For example, my best friends are dogs I like to play roughly with – we tumble and pretend-fight and have a great time.  We don’t talk and text and go to movies.  And my closest relationship, with my human friend Handsome, also is mostly non-verbal, and very unlike any human relationship I know.  But in both cases, these are wonderful relationships, because we all know exactly what we are and what we’re doing.


Now when I hear about someone meeting in online chatting, I think that’s great (as long as it’s all safe).  After all, it’s kind of like the relationship you and I have right here.  But would I call it “committed?”  No, most definitely not.  I talk with other people on this website, and you have your own life.  We might talk again tomorrow, or we might never talk again, and either way is okay.


So when this guy says you and he have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, but then he doesn’t communicate with you much, or even remember your birthday – I have to ask, what kind of relationship is this?!


See to me, you two are just chatting.  It’s nice, and it’s great that you’ve liked each other so much.  But is it really romance?


I’d rather you looked at it as having gotten to know someone for a while, and developed feelings for him, but his getting too involved in other aspects of his life for a real relationship.  (After all, you’re not exactly asking for cruises to Paris, all you wanted was for him to return your chats!)


And again, that’s not a bad thing exactly; it’s just not becoming all you hoped it would.  He can still be a friend, and maybe sometime he’ll be emotionally available enough for a more serious relationship.


But for now, as much as you care about him, it really sounds like this is all there is.  Good stuff, but not all you need, or deserve.


I say to look to other guys for the committed, meaningful, relationship you want.  At least for now, till he’s ready.


Best of luck,


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